A Darker Shade of Twilight
by Stoney Angel
Summary: Ever wondered what would have happened if James really did have Renee at the ballet studio? What if things got a little more dramatic? Want to hear Edward's tortured POV? Check out this alternative ending to Twilight. WARNING -Sexual Assault. BxE
1. Chapter 1

I opened the door and stared into the empty ballet studio. It was dark and eerily empty, and it scared me. I walked a few steps inside and then I heard the unmistakable voice of my mother. "Bella, Bella!" It was coming from the adjoining room at the far end of the studio. I started running towards the sound.

"Mom, I'm coming." Running usually doesn't turn out too well for me, and today was no exception. I stumbled and fell to the ground, my hands sliding across the polished floorboards leaving me skidding along on my stomach. If the circumstances weren't so dire, I might have laughed at my colossal clumsiness. But my heart was nearly pounding out of my chest, and getting up was unexpectedly difficult. My legs seemed to turn to jelly, and as much as I wanted to reach my mom, I was suddenly paralysed with fear for what was about to come.

"Bella!" My moms voice pierced through my flailing reserves of courage, bolstering them. I picked myself up and started running again. This time I made it to the double doors that led into the adjoining room. The sound of my thumping heart was almost deafening in my ears now. I paused for the briefest moment, gathering my strength and taking a futile last calming breath. I opened the doors and was instantly confused. There was my mom and me, on the TV screen. It took a few moments for my brain to catch up with my sight. I was watching a video of my mom and me. I was about 6 years old, and I was here at this ballet studio. Renee was trying to convince me that I was a talented dancer. But even at 6, I knew the truth about my congenital lack of co-ordination. I was never going to be a dancer. I could barely make it across a room without tripping over my own feet.

For the briefest of moments, I felt relief wash through me to the point of euphoria. If I was watching a tape, hearing my moms voice on that tape, then maybe she wasn't really here. James had tricked me, but I couldn't be happier. My mom was safe. But then reality hit me and I shuddered. Behind the TV and to the right, tucked away in an alcove, stood my mom. Standing next to her, with his hand possessively clenched to her shoulder was James. My heart sank. And suddenly I wondered at the wisdom of me coming here to try to save my mom. How could I, a mere mortal, save her? I realised then that both our fates were in James hands. I already knew what my future would bring - death. I'd known that from the moment he caught my scent at the baseball field. But foolishly I had believed that giving myself to James willingly would secure my mothers safety. What was I thinking? For staring into James's cold black eyes now, I couldn't see any trace of compassion or honour. He had used my mother as bait, and I had willingly complied. What else could I do? I had to try. But it was clear now. James wasn't going to let either of us walk away from this.

I couldn't regret my decision to come here though. She is my mother. I would never have forgiven myself if I'd refused James request to meet him. I'd have always wondered, and I'd have blamed myself for anything that happened to Renee. But as it turned out, my selfless act to try and trade my life for hers was in vain, and it occurred to me that it was all my fault that Renee would also meet a violent and tragic end. Hadn't I led James directly to her? What was I thinking coming back to Phoenix? The very place where he could use emotional blackmail to ensnare me in his trap. I almost giggled hysterically at the stupidity of it. I should have boarded a plane and flew as far away from Forks and Phoenix as was humanly possible. James still would have found me eventually, I was sure, but he'd never have had the opportunity to use my family against me in this way. And Charlie and Renee would have been safe.

This sudden vision of clarity swirled around my mind noisily. It was all too late now. Looking into Renee's eyes, I could see that she knew she wouldn't be leaving this place, and the guilt overwhelmed me as my legs shook under me. I reached out to grab the wall for support. Staring at my mother I almost sobbed the words, "I'm sorry". But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. But Renee's expression shifted from fear to the most beautiful expression of motherly love and compassion I had ever witnessed. It shocked me to see her in that protective motherly role. In truth, I was the mature and sensible one in our relationship. Renee had always been more like a big sister than a mother, and sometimes even more like my own daughter. But I never begrudged her this. I loved her. She was always my very best friend. So seeing her looking at me know, a smile forming on her face as she tried to comfort me, was simply overwhelming. She started to speak then, and though she tried to keep her voice calm and even, there was a sense of urgency to her tone, as if she knew she didn't have enough time to say everything she needed to convey.

"Bella, honey, I love you. This isn't your fault. You are such a brave girl and I know you can overcome anything, even this honey. So I need you to be strong Bella. I need you to survive Bella. No matter what happens now, you need to hang on, for Edward."

I was shocked. What was she saying? Did she somehow imagine that she would die but that I wouldn't! Looking at the sneer forming on James face, I couldn't fathom how she could think I could survive this. Wasn't it obvious that James was going to kill us both?

She continued. "Bella, listen to me now. You HAVE to survive honey. Edward will come for you. I know he's different, sp, special." She stammered at this last part, as she stole a sideways glance at James, her mouth turning downward in distaste. "But whatever else he is Bella, he is in love with you, and I KNOW he's going to look after you."

"Mum, I'm so sorry." I couldn't understand why she was saying all this. I was filled with remorse at having put her in this situation.

"Shhh. Honey, it's ok. Really it will all be ok. You'll be ok. I know I haven't always acted like it, but I'm your mom Bella. I'm meant to do the sacrificing for you, not the other way around. And now finally, I'm doing it right. So please, please, you have to hang on Bella. You have to survive. He WILL come for you. I just know it, and that's why this is ok, because I know you're going to be ok Bella. And in a different way, I will be too. I'll always love you honey. Stay strong for me. Stay alive Bella. He'll come for you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Did she know Edward's secret? How could she know? What had gone on between her and James before I got here that could make her seem to understand that James wasn't human, and then make that connection that Edward wasn't either? But she seemed ok with that. She seemed to understand the difference between James and Edward. She seemed to know that I was safe with Edward. But how?

I stared at her in disbelief. My lips starting to tremble as the reality of her words started to sink in. She knew she was going to die, and soon. She was rushing, her words coming out faster than I'd ever heard her speak before. Like she needed me to hear these final thoughts and wishes before it was too late. And she thought that sheer will on my part was going to keep me alive. She wanted me to hang on for Edward. But Edward wasn't coming to rescue me this time. I'd made sure of that. I'd snuck away from my protectors. It was the only way I could come here and face James on my own. I'd come here to save my mother, or so I foolishly thought. And I'd done it to save my other family too. James was after me and he wouldn't stop. I didn't want Alice or Jasper or any of the Cullens to be caught in the crossfire. And I couldn't bear the thought of Edward being in any danger. He was so protective of me, he would do anything to try and keep me safe, even if it meant endangering his own life. And I couldn't have that. So I'd come here alone to face whatever James had in store for me. And I couldn't see any way to avoid what was coming now.

Edward's plane probably wouldn't have even landed by now. But I couldn't be sure about that. Time seemed to stop for me the moment I got James phone call, telling me where to meet him. I had no idea where any of the Cullens were now, but I knew they weren't here, and I was grateful for that because I loved them all. I'd failed at keeping my mother safe. But I found some comfort in the fact that I could keep the Cullens safe. So we were on our own. Just me and my mother against the vicious blood thirsty Vampire. There wasn't even a chance that either of us would be walking away from this confrontation. But my mother looked at me urgently. Abject terror replacing the calm, serene facade of only a moment ago as she realised what I was thinking. My utter resignation at the hopelessness of the situation registered in her face, and for the first time she looked truly horrified.

Anxiety permeated her voice now. "Bella, you MUST listen to me. You HAVE to survive honey. PLEASE. Promise me Bella. Promise me you're going to do everything in your power to hang on and wait for Edward."

The veins in her forehead started pulsating with her fearfulness and angst, something that James didn't miss. Her face was pleading. Urgent.

I did what I had to do to make this easier for her. "Ok mom. Of course. I'm going to be ok Mom. I'm going to hang on. I love you."

Renee's face flushed with relief at my reassurances. Her comforted sigh was audible. And she looked serene again. Not frightened. She smiled at me and nodded, her fear assuaged by my words. I was thankful that for once my lies weren't obvious. I think that she needed to believe me, and so she did.

The last thing she said to me was, "It's going to be ok Bella. Don't be sad. This isn't your fault. I love you." And she smiled at me, her eyes unblinking, boring into mine, as if willing her serenity onto me.

I was actually startled when James spoke. In reality this exchange with my mother took mere moments, but I felt like we were alone in this room, talking for hours. It could have been any other day. A normal day. Not the day that my mother and I would die at the hands of a blood thirsty Vampire, talking calmly about hanging on and my "special" boyfriend that would miraculously arrive to save me. So it was with annoyance that I wrenched my eyes away from Renee and forced myself to look at James.

He was full on smirking now. Shaking his head in disbelief. "You humans really are melodramatic. I thought I might cry witnessing such a touching lovefest," he said mockingly. "It's real TV movie of the week stuff." He chuckled, but the laughter didn't reach his eyes.

"Well I hate to put an end to all this mother daughter bonding, but I'm getting a little anxious to get started on my meal. And quite honestly, all this ridiculous chatter is boring me. As if you will survive long enough for Edward to rescue you! No, that wont happen........."

With that, he turned to my mother now, a menacing expression on his face that took my breath away. My mother didn't meet his eyes. She continued staring into mine. Her face serene and composed. The picture of happiness, staring into her daughters eyes. She silently mouthed the words, "I love y........". And then she was gone. James gripped her head in his hands, and twisted without any apparent force at all. But I heard the grinding snap of her bones as her neck broke, and all that she was vanished from her lifeless body. Without remorse or thought, he released his hands dropping my mother to the floor where she crumpled into an unnatural heap. Her body motionless, her eyes vacant.

My legs collapsed beneath me, and I heard a shrill, blood curdling scream. It took a moment to realise that the scream was mine, as convulsive sobs wracked my body, tears streamed down my face. My beautiful, vivacious mother was no more. And it was my fault. I couldn't bear to look at her, yet I couldn't drag my gaze away from her. I was willing her back. Willing her to get up, for her eyes to see me again. But her essence was gone. It only took an instant, but then I became strangely comforted by that realisation. I'd never been a particularly religious person, but looking at this shell of my mother now, I could see that what made her Renee, was simply gone. It had left the moment James's hands tightened and twisted around her neck. Her soul, for want of a better term, had left her body - moved on.

I grasped onto that hope with all my might as James pulled me to my feet, gently I marvelled. He continued on with his thought as if he hadn't just killed my mother right in front of me. As if breaking her neck was an inconsequential act, and the pause in his speech was only to gather his thoughts into a more satisfactory order.

".......But I do intend to capture all our special moments together on film so that your precious Edward can see how I devoured you. After all, it was so easy to lure you here Bella. It wasn't very challenging at all. So I'm looking forward to some sport afterwards. Killing Edward will be like the icing on the cake. You of course being the cake Bella!"

He smiled at his own cleverness. I could see him imagining the scenario he had played out in his mind. I bristled at his words. "You leave Edward alone, he has nothing to do with this." I was surprised at the force behind my words. As if I had anything with which to threaten him with. But he'd just killed my mother and I was still reeling from that horrible scene that had played out before me. The thought of him killing Edward too made me giddy. He couldn't take all the people I loved away.

James laughed now, deep and heartily, and I saw him look over his shoulder and grin. I followed his gaze, and saw a video camera mounted on a tripod, a red light shining indicating that it was recording. I shuddered at the realisation that he intended to capture this entire horror movie on film, and it pained me to think that Edward would see it, and what it would do to him to see what James had done to me. I felt the agony register on my face. "Oh Bella, you're so adorable when you're angry. I think I'm starting to see why Edward is so captivated by you. But still, I can't quite understand it. You are only human after all. A particularly delightfully smelling human of course, but still just a human. No, I don't quite understand why Edward would go to such extremes to protect you." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Your mother smelled lovely Bella. At first I was tempted to have my way with her and just forget the whole thing, let you go. But it's not my way. It's not in my nature to let prey escape once I've decided to hunt. And as lovely as she smelled, it's nothing compared to you. From the first moment I caught your scent, I knew I had to have you. You smell somehow floral, and something else I can't quite place." He thought wistfully to himself, as if imagining some precious scent from another time. "No matter." He wasn't going to waste anymore time trying to determine exactly what my scent reminded him of. "Delectable regardless. I can hardly wait. But of course I want to have some fun first. Laurent always chastises me for playing with my food. But to me it heightens my enjoyment of my meal, if I can play with my prey first, get to know it a little better before savouring the flavour. But you Bella, will be my most flavoursome prey of all. I can just tell."

After witnessing my mothers death, I didn't think I had the will to go on even if I'd thought I had a chance to survive. The resignation I felt before he killed her was nothing compared to the utter hopelessness I felt afterwards. I didn't think I cared anymore. I just wanted him to get on with it. Put me out of my misery. But without warning my mothers face and her desperate words came to me. "You have to survive." And I'd told her I would. I'd promised her. Suddenly I felt my resolve building. I knew it was useless, but I had to try to get away from him. I owed it to Renee. She was so certain that Edward would come. She told me to hang on, and if that meant drawing this thing out, then that's what I'd do. That's all I could do for her now.

I reached into my jeans pocket where I'd stuffed Charlie's pepper spray. It seemed ludicrous at the time to bring this with me, and now that I was about to try it out on Vampire eyes, I didn't feel any more hopeful about it's effects. But I was trying to buy myself some time. Trying to buy Edward some time. I rebuked myself for allowing any hope to creep into my mind. But Renee seemed so sure, like she somehow knew something that both James and I didn't. Without allowing myself to labour the thought any further, I pulled out the pepper spray and sprayed it directly into James's eyes. I didn't wait to see if there was any effect. I knew there wouldn't be. The best I could hope for would be that it would surprise him, and that would give me a couple of seconds to start running for the door. So that's what I did. I ran as fast as my uncoordinated legs would carry me. And much to my surprise, I didn't fall down. But in what seemed like only a second, James was in front of me, a low gutteral growl escaping from his throat. He reached one hand out to secure my throat, and he thrust me backwards with such force that I skidded the length of the ballet studio, my head crushing into the corner of the wall, smashing the mirrors above me and knocking the breath out of me.

I was dazed. I'd fallen down a lot in my life, but I'd never hit my head this hard. It took a moment for the shock to wear off and the pain to register. My hand reached up reflexively to touch the back of my head where I'd hit the corner of the wall. I felt a warm oozing and sickeningly realised that I was bleeding. I was bleeding a lot. I felt the warmth trickle down my neck, soaking through the top of my shirt, dripping onto the floor. The smell of it made me nauseated. I was suddenly very tired. My eyes drooped involuntarily, but I fought to keep them open. I was stalling. I was keeping my promise. I tried to lift myself up into a seated position. I don't know why it should have mattered, but I felt more vulnerable lying bleeding on the floor. I wouldn't give James the satisfaction of seeing that I'd given in so soon. With great effort I pulled myself up, leaning against the shattered mirrored wall. My legs splayed out in front of me, my arms pushed down hard onto the floor, keeping my torso upright.

James was on me in a second. He crouched over me, grabbing my bloodied hand and inhaling deeply. His eyes seemed to roll back into his head as he savoured the fragrance. I was disconcerted by this. I needed him to take his time torturing me. I needed to buy more time. If he became overwhelmed by the scent of my blood too soon, this would be over in a heartbeat. My heartbeat! I pulled my hand back with as much force as I could muster. My sudden movement jerked him from his stupor. He looked at me shocked. Then a sinister smile formed on his face as he decided on his next move.

"That reminds me," he said contemplating. "A story you and your beloved might be interested in.................."

With relief I realised I'd distracted him, at least for the moment.

"I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me."

"You see, the Vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked - I never will understand the obsession some Vampires seem to form with you humans - and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and the shock treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen the sun before. The old Vampire made her a strong new Vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then." He sighed. "I destroyed the old one in vengeance."

"Alice," I breathed, astonished.

"Yes, your little friend. I was surprised to see her in the clearing. So I guess her coven ought to be able to derive some comfort from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honour, actually. "And she did smell so delicious. I still regret that I never got to taste........ She smelled even better than you do. Sorry - I don't mean to be offensive."

My mind was swirling with the news of Alice's human life. How she was changed. Suddenly I was grateful for the perverse movie James was making of our time together. Alice had to get this news. I wouldn't be able to give it to her, but as long as she got it......

"You failed with Alice," I chided him. "Keep him distracted. Keep him talking," I told myself. Somewhere in the back of my mind I realised the absurdity of trying to provoke a merciless Vampire intent on torturing and killing me. But I'd made a promise, and I intended to keep it. While still smiling down at me, he lifted his body up high enough to get some leverage, and then he stomped on my outstretched leg. I heard the crunch of the bones before the pain fully registered, but then I was screaming and writhing in agony. He never took his eyes off my face, enjoying the suffering he found there. "That'll teach you to talk back to me," he chastised. "Now be a good girl and tell Edward how much pain you're in. Tell him to avenge you."

"No!" I screamed, still writhing in pain, turning my face away to avoid his sinister gaze.

"Tell him to avenge you. TELL HIM!" He screamed at me, his cool exterior now shattered, his psychotic rage overwhelming him.

"NO Edward! Don't. It doesn't matter. PLEASE Edward, don't go after him." In spite of the pain I was in, I knew I couldn't let James hurt Edward. I had to know that no matter what, Edward would continue to exist. He'd given me so much in such a short time. I loved him more than I thought I would ever be capable of. Loving Edward was like waking up for the first time. Like my life only truly began when I met him. And the only way I could thank him for that was to face James without him. Spare him and his family. That's what was important now. And with Renee now gone......... it was still hard to comprehend that my mother was dead. But I had to focus now. Without Renee, Charlie would be alone. I knew instinctively that Edward and Carlisle would keep an eye on Charlie for me. I knew he'd be safe with them watching over him. That's what mattered now, that everyone else I loved would be safe. That, and trying to survive for as long as possible.

I didn't know what happened after death, but as I was being brutalised by this sadistic Vampire, I could only hope that I would move on to a place with my crazy and ultimately selfless mother, and she would know that I tried to keep my promise to her. That I tried to survive for as long as I could. I knew I'd never see Edward again, and the pain of that realisation was even worse than the pain eminating from my very obviously broken leg. But I couldn't change that now. It was better that he wasn't here. And somehow I had to convince him via James's sick movie, that he shouldn't try to avenge me. Him being safe and existing for eternity was the very last thing I would ask of him.

"Edward, PLEASE Edward! DON'T go after James. Be safe. For me......." I was begging him.

James spat with rage at my words. "You're a stubborn little thing aren't you! Well you're fragile too. Let's see what Edward thinks about avenging you when he sees what else I have in store for you." And then, he kicked me where I laid, spinning me upwards and propelling me forward as if I were a soccer ball. I somehow smashed into the mirrored wall in a vertical position, buckling over the practice bar that traced the walls of the studio. I collapsed to the floor like a broken doll, shattered pieces of mirror falling all around me, and many I noticed, piercing my skin. I was aware of more of the warm ooze trailing down my face, down my arms and pooling all around me on the floor. I tried to move, but it's like the thought didn't make it all the way to my useless limbs. Breathing was difficult too I noticed. And I tasted blood in my mouth. I had the sensation that my ragged breaths were causing blood bubbles to form at my lips. I couldn't determine which part of me hurt the most.

I was barely holding on to the last remnants of my consciousness now. I couldn't focus. The warm liquid was blurring my vision, and I could only see hazey images dancing before my eyes. But I could sense his presence, close to me. I could hear his maniacal laughter as he crouched over me. "Oh yes, Edward's not going to be able to resist coming after me now, " he chuckled.

I wanted to protest, to shout out another plea to Edward to let James go. But my mouth wouldn't move, and there wasn't enough spare breath in my lungs to make any sound. Suddenly I felt his ice cold hand caressing my cheek, lifting my matted blood soaked hair away from my face. My body shivered in spite of its shattered state, and I winced with pain. He crouched over me even closer, bringing his lips to within an inch from mine. His icy breath repulsed me. It was nothing like Edward's perfect sweet aroma.

"I wanted to have my way with you Bella," he whispered, "but I think I may have gotten a little carried away. You're all broken and bleeding, and I'm finding it very hard to resist your delicious perfume my love. But maybe I could just give it a try........." His voice was seductive now. He was pleased with his work. He gently pressed his lips to mine, forcing my mouth open, letting his tongue probe. Then he proceeded to gently, with what I imagined to be great restraint for one of his kind, lick at the blood in my mouth and on my face. He sighed in contentment.

I was sickened by his proximity, and I somehow recoiled at his touch even though I was unable to find the strength to move my face more than a couple of inches away from his. But he gently cradled my head, and he pulled me into him even closer. And although I didn't believe it possible, I was more afraid of him then than I had been at any other point during this ordeal. The thought of him touching me not only frightened me, it disgusted me. And my promise to Renee suddenly seemed to be too much for me to bear. I wanted to die. I didn't want to survive this anymore. I didn't want my last moments of life to be scarred by his touch. And mostly, I didn't want Edward to see this and take these images into eternity with him. The thought of him remembering me this way was agonising. More painful than anything else James had done to me, or could ever do to me.

But I was powerless. My body wouldn't respond to my commands. I only had my mind, which was sadly now in sharper focus. If I couldn't die right away, then I wished at least that I was unconscious for what was about to come. For in James's wretched, pitiless eyes I could see what his intentions now were. And I knew this was all for Edward's benefit. James didn't have any powerful attraction to me, other than my scent. I was just another pathetic little human that he intended to drain of blood. A fun game. And he had Victoria. A strong, beautiful Vampire with the most glorious red hair I had ever seen. No, this was all for Edward. Nothing else could force such amazing restraint in the presence of so much free flowing blood, and a victim too helpless to even lurch and writhe in a feebled attempt at escape.

I heard my shirt ripping, and felt the coolness of having my chest exposed to the air. My jeans were next, though he was more careful with these. I couldn't imagine why. He ripped the top button off, but carefully pulled down the zipper. He made the necessary adjustments to my position and my clothing, and he pressed himself to me. I felt his icy hardness come down on me. It was difficult to breathe. I had no will left to survive, but my body wouldn't shut down, and so I endured. I closed my eyes tightly, thinking of my beautiful Edward, imagining myself anywhere but here pinned beneath this vilest of creatures. Mercifully he was quickly overcome with the urgency of his own needs, but I felt myself breaking further under the strain of his thrust. "Nooooooooooo," I screamed. The pain intense. But I could only scream, and he didn't care. He was off me then, adjusting my clothing, although again I wasn't sure why he bothered. And he smiled at me sweetly. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" I don't know how, but I summoned the strength to spit in his face. A gooey mixture of saliva and blood. He looked surprised, and then very angry, as he lifted my whole body up by my throat, shaking me violently, then thrusting me onto the floor once more.

I crumpled to the ground, incapable of feeling anymore pain, and the blackness threatened to overtake me. But from the faint pinpricks of light still visible through my blood soaked eyes, I could see him snarl and bare his teeth as he again bent to crouch over me. And I knew this was it. He had accomplished his goal. He had abused and tortured me, all of it captured on film for Edward to see and agonise over. James would make sure Edward got the tape. Of that I was certain. And now the time for restraint was over. My blood called to him, and I knew he'd now start to drink, to satisfy his thirst while I was still alive, just barely, so my blood would still be flavoursome and warm.

He grabbed my hand, and bent down to bite at my wrist. My skin ripped apart under the force of his ice cold, razor sharp teeth, and a searing pain immediately began to seep up my arm. I knew I had many other injuries, but none of it compared to the pain of James's teeth on my skin, siphoning my blood with an intensity I didn't think possible. For a moment all my senses were heightened, and I could see so clearly. I saw my mother's beautiful face, pleading with me to survive. I saw the light go out in her eyes the moment James's powerful hands snapped her neck like a twig. I saw every expression on James's face as he played his games, torturing me and tormenting me, and even now, his ecstasy as he drank my blood. And then I saw Edward. My beautiful, perfect Edward, and in spite of myself, I sighed contentedly. What I wouldn't do to really see his face one more time. Hear his angelic voice. Kiss his flawless, icy, rock hard lips. But it was better this way. It would be over soon.

And then I was free. The blackness settled over me and I relaxed into a peaceful nothingness, and I knew that James couldn't hurt me anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Somewhere in the distance I dreamt I heard voices. Beautiful, sweet, melodic voices. Voices I knew. Carlisle and Alice. Definitely Emmett and Jasper too I think. And Edward. The sweetest voice of all. My Angel. And I knew I must be in Heaven, for where else could I be now, hearing my beloved's dulcet tones? I noticed absently that the sucking sensation on my hand had stopped, but the searing pain had moved all the way up my arm now, and started seeping into my chest. I didn't understand how I could be feeling so much pain in Heaven. The voices grew louder now.

"Oh no, Bella, no!" the Angel's voice cried in horror.

Behind that longed-for sound was another noise - an awful tumult that my mind shied away from. A vicious bass growling, a shocking snapping sound, and a high keening, suddenly breaking off......

I tried to concentrate on the Angel's voice instead.

"Bella, please! Bella, listen to me, please, please, Bella, please!" he begged.

"Yes", I wanted to say. Anything. But I couldn't find my lips.

"Carlisle!" the Angel called, agony in his perfect voice. "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!" And the Angel was sobbing tearless, broken sobs.

The Angel shouldn't weep, it was wrong. I tried to find him, to tell him everything was fine, but I felt like I was floating, deep under dark water. It was pressing on me, and I couldn't breathe. This couldn't be Heaven. Were they really here?

There was a point of pressure against my head. It hurt. Then, as that pain broke through the darkness to me, other pains came, stronger pains. The searing pain was worse now. It was scalding hot, burning me from the inside. I cried out, gasping, breaking through the dark pool. My eyes opened, but I couldn't focus. It was still only dark nothingness, and I felt frantic. I needed to see my Angel.

"Bella!" the Angel cried.

"She's lost a lot of blood Edward. Her injuries are very serious. She has many broken bones, and some internal bleeding I think. I, I don't know........." It was Carlisle, and his voice was pained.

"No! NO!" Edward screamed.

"I need to try and stabilise her, get some of the bleeding under control before we move her. Alice, find me some towels and something to brace her leg, it's broken." Carlisle demanded, his composure returned.

A deep growl bubbled up in someone's throat. Was that Edward?

Alice must have returned. She was only gone an instant before I felt a firm pressure on my head and my arm and various other places.

"Emmett, Jasper, I think you should leave." Carlisle again. Professional. In control.

The burning pain was getting worse. My hand felt as if it were alight. I strained for breath under the scalding heat of my lungs.

"Edward." I tried to tell him, but my voice was so heavy and slow. I couldn't understand myself.

"Bella, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Bella? I love you."

"Edward," I tried again. My voice was a little clearer.

"Yes, I'm here."

"It hurts," I whimpered.

"I know, Bella, I know" - and then, far away from me, anguished - "can't you do anything?"

"My bag, please......... Hold your breath, Alice, it will help," Carlisle promised.

"Alice?" I groaned.

"She's here, she knew where to find you."

"My hand hurts," I tried to tell him.

"I know, Bella. Carlisle will give you something, it will stop."

"My hand is burning!" I screamed, finally breaking through the last of the darkness.

His voice was frightened. "Bella?"

"The fire! Someone stop the fire!" I screamed as it burned me.

"Carlisle! Her hand!"

"He bit her." Carlisle's voice was no longer calm, it was appalled.

I heard Edward catch his breath in horror.

"Edward, you have to do it." It was Alice's voice, close by my head. Cool fingers brushed at the wetness in my eyes.

"No!" he bellowed.

"Alice," I moaned.

"There may be a chance," Carlisle said.

"What?" Edward begged.

"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean." As Carlisle spoke, I could feel more pressure on my head, something poking and pulling at my scalp. The pain of it was lost in the pain of the fire.

"Will that work?" Alice's voice was strained.

"I don't know," Carlisle said. "But we have to hurry."

"Carlisle, I....." Edward hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that." There was agony in his beautiful voice again.

"It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."

"Would she survive the transformation?" Alice again, serious.

I heard that low throaty growl again.

"I don't know," Carlise sighed. "I'm not sure she can survive either way. Her heart may stop before the venom can work it's way through her whole system. But taking more blood to remove the venom is equally risky. I honestly don't know, if we can save her........" His voice was quiet then, the pain evident.

"No, Bella!" Edward sobbed, his voice barely a whisper now.

"You have to make a choice now son. There isn't much time. Either you let the venom continue to flow in the hopes that she is healed and transformed, or try to suck it out and we get her to a Hospital." Carlise was back in control again. I felt practised hands moving about me, gently poking, prodding and pressing.

"Edward PLEASE!" I screamed. "It's burning me!" My eyes focused then, and I saw my beautiful Angel. "His face was drawn. I watched his eyes as the doubt was suddenly replaced with a blazing determination. His jaw tightened. I felt his cool, strong fingers on my burning hand, locking it in place. Then his head bent over it, and his cold lips pressed against my skin.

At first the pain was worse. I screamed and thrashed against the cool hands that held me back. I heard Alice's voice, trying to calm me. Something heavy held my leg to the floor, and Carlisle had my head locked in the vice of his stone arms.

"Edward! You must stop son. Her blood is clean now, I can smell it. You're killing her." Carlisle's voice was calm but firm.

The sucking continued, but then, slowly, my writhing calmed as my hand grew more and more numb. The fire was dulling, focusing into an ever smaller point.

I felt my consciousness slipping as the burning pain subsided.

"Edward," I tried to say, but I couldn't hear my voice. They could hear me.

"He's right here, Bella."

"Stay, Edward, stay with me......"

"I will." His voice was strained, but somehow triumphant.

I wanted to close my eyes now, but I was afraid to fall into the black nothingness again, afraid I would lose him in the darkness of the heavy water.

"We need to keep her conscious. She's lost so much blood and she's got some serious head wounds. We need to keep her somewhat lucid until we can get her to the Hospital where they can properly assess the extent of her injuries. You did well son. I knew you could do it." Carlisle was all business again, but I detected a hint of pride in his voice.

"Bella," Edward gently prodded. "Where's Renee?"

A sharp pain tore at my chest. "Renee!" I gasped. Cool hands kept me pinned to the floor, minimising any further damaging movements. A new wetness gathered in my eyes and suddenly it became even harder to breathe. I clamped my eyes shut then, wishing that the memory would leave me. That it was false. But I knew I couldn't escape the truth now. "She's in the other room," I panted. "He killed her Edward, right in front of me. My mom is dead, and it's all my fault." The pain of this realisation hit me anew as Renee's lifeless eyes stared blankly up at me. I tried to shake my head to dislodge the image, but it wouldn't move. I opened my eyes and saw my pain mirrored in Edward's. A sudden breeze whirled past my head as I saw Alice come back into focus. She nodded her head sombrely as they all grimaced.

"I, I'm so sorry Bella." Edward's voice was pitiful. I could see that he would take this responsibility on himself.

"It's not your fault, Edward," I pleaded. I hoped I could convey the depth of my feelings to him. This was James's fault, and mine for leading him to her. Not Edward's. Edward saved me. And then I remembered my mothers words. "Stay alive Bella. He'll come for you."

"She knew," I whispered.

Edward looked at me, puzzled. "What Bella?"

"Renee. She knew Edward. She told me to stay alive because you'd come for me."

I saw the quick exchange of glances between Edward, Carlisle and Alice. Obvious they thought I was delirious and that I didn't know what I was saying. When I could, I'd set them straight. Renee knew. My mom knew that I'd be ok. And in spite of the pain that throbbed through every cell in my body, I knew then that I would survive.

"Don't worry Edward. I'm going to be ok," I said, my voice a little stronger and surer now. "She knew......" I trailed off, lost in the thoughts of my mothers final moments. And then the rest of it came crashing down. The whole horrible nightmare. The way James so casually broke her neck. The way he took such pleasure in flinging me around the room like an expendable toy. The way he touched me..........." I winced with a pain that had nothing to do with my broken bones.

Edward's eyes widened. "Bella, Bella, what's wrong? Tell me, where else does it hurt?" He was frantic now.

But I couldn't tell the Angel the source of my agony. He would blame himself of course, and I couldn't see him torture himself like that, anymore than I knew he was already going to. And something else. I was ashamed. In my mind I knew that James's actions weren't my fault. I knew that I wasn't strong enough to fight him off. But still, my heart ached for what he had done to me. I felt like a piece of my heart had broken off. It shattered when he touched me in that too personal way. And that was a piece of my heart that didn't belong to Edward anymore. That made me so angry, because Edward deserved my whole heart. Intact. Pure. I resolved to never tell Edward everything that had happened. And I would work every day to make the rest of my heart so full of love and devotion to Edward that he would never see what was missing.

"Bella?" Edward cried. "What..... what else happened?" He knew me so well. Knew when something was wrong. Knew when I was lying. But Renee had believed my lies in the end. Maybe Edward would too.

"I'm ok Edward." My voice was weak. I wasn't fooling anyone. I could feel myself slipping again. The blackness threatening to overcome me. I was in so much pain, I didn't know how long I could stay conscious. The blackness was so tempting. But something urgent occurred to me. "Renee! Edward, we can't leave her here like this. She'll be all alone!" I shrieked, panic bubbling up to the surface now. It really was hard to breathe, and all I could taste was blood.

"Shsh" he breathed calmly. "We'll take care of her now Bella." And then some rapid whispers, too low for me to hear.

"Alice!" I remembered.

"I'm right here Bella."

"Alice, you have to get the tape, both tapes. He knew you Alice. He knew where you came from. And my mom. She's on the other tape. I can't lose that. It's all I have of her now." I trailed off weakly, but my agitation was evident.

"Calm down Bella," Edward hissed smoothly. The disgust on his face obviously aimed at James, and knowing Edward, at himself for allowing this to happen.

"It's not your fault Edward," I repeated. "It's not. You saved me. Thank you."

He smiled my favourite crooked smile, and for a moment, all was right in my world. But I could feel myself being pulled down. Getting weaker. I was sure I was going to be ok. Renee had told me as much. But I was still scared to let myself drift again. Afraid that I might not be able to fight my way back. It wasn't over yet.

"I've done all I can do here," Carlisle said, his voice serious. "We have to move her carefully, and get her to a Hospital. Now!"

Edward was alarmed again. His eyes, deeply black I suddenly realised, boring into mine. "Will she....?" His voice was low and he couldn't bring himself to finish his question. But somehow I heard him and I knew what he was thinking. Or maybe I could just read it in his face.

"She's strong Edward. She's been fighting. If anyone can survive this, it's Bella. But I wont lie son, it's very serious. She's lost a lot of blood. Too much. And her internal injuries......" He grimaced, then so quickly I wasn't sure I even saw it, he smoothed his face into a calm, reassuring mask as he saw me staring at him.

I finally realised for the first time that Carlisle wasn't certain I was going to be ok. But I had to make it. Edward needed me. Charlie needed me. And I promised Renee. I was having trouble seeing again. Everything at the edges of my vision was dark and blurry. But if I concentrated very hard, I could still see Edward's anxious face. Yes, Edward did need me. He would blame himself for all of this. He needed me to survive so that I could convince him that it wasn't his fault. So that I could make him forget and be happy again. I relaxed at the images now floating through my mind. Happy memories of Edward and I. Laughing. Listening to music. Kissing and........... And James flashed into my mind again, and I shivered convulsively. Could I ever be happy again after this? It hurt everywhere and 3 pairs of ice cold stone hands pressed down gently on me to stop me from moving. And then I remembered the tape. James's horror movie, specially made for Edward. I was terrified. I'd told Alice to get both tapes.

I was panicked now. My mind was reeling. I needed to get the tape. He couldn't see the tape. No-one could see THAT tape. I tried moving and every fibre of my being screamed in agony. I wasn't going anywhere. "The tape. Must have the tape, please," I mumbled almost incoherently. I was getting weaker. But the anxiety had overtaken me, and I started shaking and convulsing uncontrollably. Suddenly I felt very very sick. I wrenched my head to the side and vomited. The last thing I saw was a gushing flow of blood spew from my mouth, and then everything went dark.

"Bella. Bella. Please love, can you hear me?"

I heard the Angels voice again. But everything was still dark, and my chest hurt so badly. The effort required to breathe in and out seemed too great. "Edward." I gasped, barely audible even to myself. "I don't feel so good," I admitted.

"I know Bella. I know. We're taking you to the Hospital now. You're going to be ok. You just have to hang on for me Bella. I know you can do it. You just have to hang on." His voice was pleading now. How could I refuse?

"I will Edward. I love you."

I felt a shift as Edward carefully lifted me into his arms, and he stood. He was cradling me so gently, but I couldn't even will my limbs to hold him back or nestle into him. I was limp. It was wrong not to hold my Angel. Why couldn't I hold him back? I think he needed me to.

I felt as if I was gliding as Edward carefully carried me outside and into a car. I thought I could smell smoke, but it seemed far away now. I couldn't exactly remember why I was here, feeling a certain numbness spread through me now, as though being carried along on a cloud. I was so tired. So very, very tired.

"Bella. Stay with me Bella." the Angel's voice commanded.

"I'm here Edward. I'm just so tired." I was barely whispering.

"Just a little while longer Bella. Just a little while and you'll be able to sleep. Just stay with me now."

"Okay." My eyes finally focused, and I found his face. I smiled, and it hurt. As if my face were somehow fighting against the subtle movement of my lips.

I don't know how much time passed as I lay cradled in Edwards strong arms, staring into his beautiful face. But suddenly, it seemed to me at least, there was a lot of commotion around me. I could feel the frisk night air against my skin and for the first time in what seemed like a very long time, I was able to take a deep, ragged gulp of fresh air. I was rewarded with a burning pressure as my lungs resisted against the movement, but it was worth it. And then I was lowered onto a bed and I was moving. It was very uncomfortable. My Angel's soothing icy hands were gone now, and I tried to frown at the loss. I was in a room with bright lights glaring down at me, blinding me. And more lights, like pinpricks of sun directly aimed at my eyes. There were many hands touching and pulling at me. But none of them were the familiar and comforting stoney arctic hands I craved.

There were voices. Lots of voices. But I couldn't understand them. Nothing quite made sense anymore. And then I felt very sick again. "I'm gonna be sick," I croaked, and suddenly a small bowl was thrust in front of me and the gushing blood was spewing forth again. It occurred to me then that vomiting blood probably wasn't a good sign. But before I could ponder the subject any further, the room started to swirl and the blackness pressed down on me again. Just before all the lights went out, I heard my favourite voice in the world. "Bella, STAY! Don't leave me!" Silly Vampire, I wanted to tell him. Of course I'd stay with him. But I couldn't find my voice, and then everything went dark.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Edward's POV)**

Letting go of Bella was the most ridiculously difficult thing I had ever done. And in the last hour or so, I'd had some practice at the ridiculously difficult. Carlisle had to subtley prise my hands loose in a disguised effort at helping to move her from my arms to the narrow, rickety Emergency Room gurney, and into the care of the waiting ER Doctors and Nurses. Intellectually I knew this was where she needed to be, getting the medical care she so desperately needed now. But emotionally.................... Letting her go was sheer agony. I couldn't help but wonder if that would be the last time I would ever hold her? No, I couldn't think that!

Watching her through the partially shrouded window of the trauma room as dozens of practised hands fussed over her was torturous. I had two medical degrees. Even without the practical experience, I knew what needed to be done. I wanted to be the one tending to her. I wanted to be the one to heal her. It was only right. Wasn't I the one to put her in harms way in the first place?

I grimaced at the memory of finding her, James crouched over her broken and bloodied body. I'd thought she was dead. She so very nearly was. She still could be....... No! A low growl threatened as Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder, soothing me. "She's in good hands Edward," he thought. I couldn't respond. He didn't know if she would survive this. I could hear his doubts and fears.

Had I done the right thing? The thought of condemning Bella to a soulless existence was too painful to bear. It wasn't right. But what if that had been the only chance to save her? Better that she be doomed to a life of eternal night, with me, I selfishly thought, than she cease to exist. I shuddered at the possibility. My jaw clenched and Carlisle's thoughts betrayed his shared concern. But there was no certainty either way. It was my decision, and I hoped, no I _prayed_ that I'd made the right one. But my choice had put her in the hands of mortals. Fallible, imperfect mortals, and I couldn't relax. I wouldn't relax until I could see for myself that she would be all right. Her injuries were too severe for Carlisle and I to treat. She needed access to facilities we didn't have. Certainly not here in Arizona. And so here we were, in a Hospital Emergency Room, trusting my beloved's fate to a room full of flawed humans that I didn't know. I knew that wasn't a fair assessment. These humans were here for the express purpose of treating the sick and healing the wounded. I should be grateful to them. But I was beyond caring. I was inconsolable.

I devoured every word and thought in the room. I needed to know just how bad it was. I needed to know they were doing everything right. "Geez, what a mess." "Poor girl, they said she fell down two flights of stairs and through a window. More like she fell off the roof and then got hit by a truck!" "Fractured pelvis, several ribs, femur, fibula, tibia, ankle, oh and her knee looks smashed, and her arm........" "Punctured lung for sure, and ruptured spleen I think." "Fractured skull and she's lost a lot of blood." "Check out her arm. It looks like someone took a bite out of her." "Get someone from surgery down here NOW. We'll need Ortho certainly, General Surgery and maybe Vascular." "Bowl, quick, she's gonna blow!" "Anyone know her blood type? Someone ask her family. In the meantime, let's get her hooked up to some O neg NOW! She's bleeding out."

The cacophany of voices was overwhelming and I winced at the laundry list of her hideous injuries. Carlisle sighed. He had concluded much of it already, but I noticed that it hurt him to see his appraisal verified.

"She's coding! Charge the paddles." I sank to my knees. My legs simply gave way. A first, I thought idly. "Bella," I moaned. People milling about the crowed ER stopped to look at me. I ignored them, blocking out the usual chatter. Carlisle crouched down to support me. But there was nothing more he could say. His mind was focused though, critiquing every move the ER physicians made. It was a small comfort to know that Carlisle was satisfied with their ministrations. A very small comfort. But he had heard it as clearly as I had. Bella's beating heart slowed, and then stopped. We didn't need the beep of the monitors to hear the life drain out of her. The most despicable sound in the whole world.

It was just like at the ballet studio. She had vomited blood, so much blood. As if she could spare any precious drops. And then her heartbeat slowed to a stop. I closed my eyes, sickened by the memory. At least there I could help her. I breathed air into her lungs as Carlisle massaged her failing heart. And she revived. My beautiful Bella stared up at me with unseeing eyes, and she barely whispered, "I don't feel so good." That was my Bella. The master of understatement when it came to her own safety and well being. But she _had_ revived. She'd come back to me. She could do it again. "Please Bella, come back to me."

I heard the whirring as the Defibrillator charged, then the heavy thud as the paddles shocked Bella's heart. Her back arched as her chest spasmed upwards in response. And after what seemed an interminable interval, her heart resumed it's thumping beat. Although I noted, not as strongly as was normal for her, for I knew the steady rhythm of her heart as if it were my own.

My own dead heart yearned for her so deeply, it was as if it beat in time to hers. My imagination would often run wild as I watched her sleep, listening to that unmistakable tempo as blood coursed through her veins. I imagined that we were human together. That my cheeks would flush when she touched me, as hers did for me. It was what I wished for most. For us to grow old together, spending a lifetime, a human lifetime, loving each other. My waking dream as she slept. But it could never be.

I pulled myself back to the present, relief washing over me as her heart continued to beat. It was slightly erratic, and not as formidable as I knew it could be. Knew it _should_ be. But it was there. She was fighting. I'd asked her to hang on. Begged her. And she said she would. Pride swelled in my chest at the thought of her. My sweet, fragile Bella. The heart of a lion, and the body of a kitten.

Carlisle gently pulled me to my feet. He put a protective arm around my shoulder, supporting me with his weight. "She's fighting Edward. She's fighting for you." I nodded weakly. Yes, she would be fighting for me. She loved me. I still couldn't comprehend how, or why. But she did. And I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve her. But I willed her to live. I silently begged her to live. Because I couldn't exist without her.

The mood in the trauma room had changed. The urgency that was routinely present before, was palpable now. I didn't think I would ever see as much blood spilled as I had at the sight of Bella at the ballet studio. But looking into the trauma room now, it was simply overwhelming. Blood pooled on the floor beneath her. Bloodied bandages and gauze strewn everywhere. The gowns and gloves of her attendants were soaked with it. I couldn't imagine she had any left. My throat burned with the scent of it. Even the antiseptic hospital environment couldn't mask her sweet nectar. Although the blood transfusion she was receiving was starting to taint it. She was beginning to smell not quite right. Not herself. It was so very necessary though.

But still, I marvelled at my restraint. The powerful, overwhelming urges I had to consume her when she'd first crossed my path that fateful day, were mere impressions now. Someone else's memories. I'd tasted her, was it only minutes ago? I _knew_ the reality was better than my imagination. Better than anything at all I could ever imagine. But it meant nothing now, even as I was covered in her blood. My shirt ruined with it. Because I knew I would never, _could_ never be a danger to her again. At least not directly. I snarled as the guilt smothered me. I may not be the one to kill her. But my very presence in her life was enough to put her in mortal danger. I could never forgive myself for this?

I stared at her shattered body as they were preparing to take her to surgery. They had intubated her. She wasn't able to breathe on her own! I thought my legs would fail me again. Carlisle comforted me. "It will help her survive Edward, until she's strong enough to breathe for herself." Survive! I winced again. Was survival the most I could hope for now? Yes. It was a start. My Bella _had_ to survive. And then she _had_ to recover. And I would be there, helping her. It would be a long, painful process. The human body is frail. And some of her injuries looked....... The thought of it sickened me. I couldn't bring myself think about anything worse though. The possibilities were too frightening.

No, the physical limitations could be overcome. I would carry her for the rest of her life if necessary. I'd do anything. Anything to keep her safe and free from pain. Any more pain that is! I'd failed to protect her. And I knew that the only true way to keep her safe, to give her the long, happy, human life she deserved, would be to leave her now. My still heart ached at the notion. If only I'd thought to be so selfless earlier. If only I'd stayed away. I could have spared her this hurt now. She wouldn't be fighting for her life. She wouldn't, at best, have a lifetime of injuries to endure. And she wouldn't be alone.

I wondered if I could entertain such noble thoughts now because it was too late for self sacrificing. Regardless of what I should have done for her in the past, it was now moot. She had lost those she loved most in this world. She needed me.

My fists clenched and I imagined bile rising in my throat, if such a thing were possible. James! I regretted my father's intervention at the ballet studio. I yearned for the memory, the pleasure of having torn him apart myself, piece by piece. And I would have danced around the flames as he burnt in agony, destined for eternal damnation in Hell. He deserved no less. If Bella died, I'd join him there soon enough.

But Carlisle had considered that it was a line I shouldn't cross. He thought better of me than I deserved. For Carlisle believed, incorrectly, that I have a soul. That I am good, and deserving of love and redemption. But he couldn't be more wrong. Isn't what happened to Bella proof enough of the innate evil within me? Putting my selfish desires above the one I supposedly loved. No, I wasn't the decent person he thought I was. I wouldn't have regretted killing James myself. I still longed for it.

The battle raging within me was dizzying. I shifted sides back and forth and back again, moment after moment. I should leave her. Remove the danger of my presence. Give her the safe human life she deserved. But she needed me, now more than ever before. She was alone. I'd told Charlie I would love her forever and that I would keep her safe. It was an impossible situation. I wanted to do what was right for Bella. What was best and what she needed most. But was I capable of separating those good intentions with the strength of my desire to be with her, by her side for every breath of her life? I wasn't so sure.

I knew Carlisle's intentions. He'd also given Charlie his word, and I knew that Esme would concur unreservedly. My parents were the kindest beings I knew. Pure of spirit and good to their core. More than I could ever hope to be. But I did still hope that I could live up to their example, one day! That I could be the man that Bella truly deserved.

Bella would need them too, and they would give her all that she needed, all that she asked for. Everything in their power to give, regardless of the difficulty or hardship to themselves. I wanted to do the same. I would spend her lifetime trying to make it up to her, if she'd let me. And if she wouldn't, I would be there still, waiting and watching in the shadows. It would be my mission to keep her safe, whether she wanted me to or not. I would never make this mistake again.

I ached imagining what seeing James kill Renee had done to Bella. I didn't know if she could recover from it. I knew she'd forgive me for her own attack. Bella always found a way to excuse my behaviour. So trusting. So willing to believe in my goodness. But with Renee gone, and Charlie..........

How would I even tell her about Charlie? I imagined the pain, the tears and the gut wrenching sobs as she realised that she was alone in her human world. And I knew she would somehow find a way to blame herself. "My mom is dead, and it's all my fault." She'd already taken Renee's death upon herself. But it was _my_ fault. My fault for exposing Bella to the dangers of my world. My fault for agreeing to the plan to escape to Phoenix. Couldn't I have foreseen the lengths James would go to, to secure his prey? Hadn't I seen the foul thoughts in his mind? Surely Bella would see that this was all my responsibility.

I covered my face with my hands, and shook my head. Why couldn't I have protected her? Why couldn't I have protected her family? I was the supernatural being after all. Made of stone and stronger than 1000 men. It was in my power to keep her and her loved ones safe? But I had failed. Would she hate me for it? I pushed my selfish thoughts aside.

The ER Doctors had done all they could do for her then. But they'd kept her alive, and finally, I was grateful for that. She'd have to endure surgery now. The sight of her being wheeled away was almost too much to bear. My heart wanted to break. She was unconscious. A machine breathing for her. Tubes supplying her with much needed blood and saline. If only I could take her place. If only I could spare her this ordeal. And if........... no WHEN she recovered, the pain she would have to endure upon remembering, and learning of the fate of her parents. I was miserable with grief.

Carlisle grabbed me by the shoulders then, and shook me from my morbid reverie. His face was filled with compassion, but he was stern. Sure of his course. "Edward, Bella _NEEDS_ you now. She needs you to be strong. She will need your help to recover from this, and to accept the loss of her parents. I believe she will survive this." He sounded surer than he actually was, and as was often the case, Carlisle knew what I was thinking.

"I know that you blame yourself for everything." He sighed then, wearied by the pain he knew I endured. "But you can't help her like this. It's happened. And somehow, it _will_ work out. I'm sure of that son." And he was sure then. "Seeing you so solitary all those years, I agonised over your loneliness, your isolation from the rest of us. Selfishly I have never regretted saving you, changing you. But you've merely existed Edward. Tolerated what you were for mine and Esme's sake. But then you met Bella. And the change in you..........

"I know it's difficult son. I know it seems impossible, especially after this....." he seemed tired somehow, and deeply saddened. "But you and Bella, you were _meant_ to be Edward. She is to you what Esme is to me. The odds of finding a human girl who would accept you without fear or doubt. Of you falling in love with each other so deeply and profoundly. Resisting the calling of her blood not only that first day, but every day since. She shouldn't be alive now Edward. But she _is_, because of _you_. And she's fighting her way back to you.

"I don't understand the purpose of what's happened. I like to believe that there is a plan for all of us, even our kind. And I'm struggling to comprehend why someone as good as Bella should have to endure so much. But I know that she was brought to Forks to meet you Edward. It was........ well it was destiny son. You must see it, feel it! The inescapable pull you have for her, that you have for each other. And I know that she will need you now more than she ever has. She'll need us all. And we _will_ do whatever it takes to make this right again. As right as it ever can be. We owe it to her and we owe it to her parents." His voice trailed off as he thought of those final moments with Charlie, and I could see the scene played out in his mind as clearly as if we were living it now.

_The plan was working. We had been leading James away with the scent from Bella's clothing, when suddenly he changed course. I was astonished by his tracking prowess. I wasn't nearly so skilled. The plan should have worked. It would have worked on anyone less accomplished than James. But he was a hunter, and he'd honed his senses artfully over the years of his existence. _

_We had to turn back then. The hunter becoming the hunted, by us. But he was better at it than we were, and he knew how to divert our attention. Finally his trail led back to Forks, to Bella's house. "Charlie!" I growled when the realisation finally dawned on me. I could hear his thoughts, muffled as always, but very weak, and anxious about Bella. I swallowed hard. I already knew we were to late. And so we went to him as quickly as we were able, unconcerned about keeping our secrets now. James had all but drained him, leaving just enough reserve for Charlie to survive until our arrival. I was aghast at the depth of James's villainy. The restraint he could exercise in order to stage such a perverse scene. My fear for Bella's safety increased exponentially. I had underestimated him._

_Carlisle tended to Charlie as best he could, but there was nothing to be done. He reached for Carlisle's arm, grasping it in the tightest embrace he could manage, drawing deep choppy breaths as he begged Carlisle for his help. "Bella" he whispered, his voice was raspy and strained. "You have to take care of Bella. Promise me Carlisle. Promise me." A knot formed in my stomach as I witnessed the pleading in his eyes, knowing he wasn't destined for this world much longer. What had I done? How could this have turned out so wrong? Why didn't I anticipate this? _

"_Of course Charlie. Bella will be safe with us. I'll see to it. We will treat her as one of our own. We already feel that way." Carlisle spoke the truth. There was no hesitation in his voice or in his mind and Charlie could sense that. With a ragged sigh of relief, Charlie relaxed a little. The anxiety in his mind quieted. He was appeased. _

"_Edward." I was next to him in an instant. He hadn't relinquished his hold on Carlisle. The embrace of friendship and mutual admiration, and comfort. Carlisle didn't begrudge him this. _

"_Yes Charlie?" I was curious. His mind was a mystery to me now. He was fading. I could only make out traces of emotions and impressions. _

"_I know you love her Edward. I can see it in your eyes." I flinched. I hadn't been expecting this. "Well I'm her dad Edward, and I've got to admit, it kind of annoyed me. You two seem so serious about each other, and she's so young." Sadness at the realisation he wouldn't see Bella again strained his eyes. His sheer will driving him on now as he gasped for enough air to say his piece. "But she loves you too Edward, and Bella's a stubborn girl. Once she's made up her mind about something, that's it. She's kind of like her old dad in that way." Pride welled up in him. Yes that was it, pride at the thought of his beautiful, kind, sensitive daughter. "Well I just want you to know I'm ok about it." He was giving me his blessing!_

"_I know you're, different, somehow." His eyes darted away now, embarrassed, but not fearful. Just like his daughter. So perceptive. Once again, I was taken by surprise by a Swan. "But Bella," he continued, "she's special, and so I trust her to make the right decision. And I know I can trust you to look out for her Edward. I know you'll do everything you can to keep her safe, or die trying." Yes, very perceptive! "So you, you take care of my girl. You make her happy Edward. You hear me?" Even in his weakened state, the final traces of life draining from him, the fatherly threat in his words was clear. He loved his daughter deeply. Something we would always have in common. _

"_Yes, Charlie, I hear you. I promise to love her forever. I'm so sorry." It was the truth._

_He nodded weakly then, content that he had made these arrangements for Bella. Content in the knowledge that his daughter would be loved and protected by these people that he knew were, "different". He hadn't mentioned Renee, as if he knew something we were yet to discover. It was something Carlisle and I pondered on our way to Arizona, sadness and fear fuelling out desperation as we raced to Bella. _

_He looked to Carlisle again, his face resigned to his fate. There was no mention of his attacker, or the other worldly manner of his attack. It didn't seem to matter, as if he knew he didn't need to explain it to us. His focus was all Bella. His final breaths were spent on her. "Thank you Carlisle. Thank you. Tell her I love her." And then with a last raspy inhalation, the death rattle sounded as Carlisle and I looked on helplessly. As he lay motionless on the floor of his tiny kitchen with the bright yellow cupboards, I remembered being in this room so many times with Bella, watching her cook for Chief Swan, fussing over him and taking care of him as she loved to do. I was touched by their often unspoken yet absolute bond. But I instinctively knew that Bella would never come back to this place. No-one lived here anymore. Sadness engulfed me. _

Carlisle and I stared at each other, both lost in our own feelings of regret at having let Charlie Swan down so soon after making those promises.

But Carlisle's thoughts soon shifted. Instead of dwelling on the remorse, he was selflessly imagining how we could honour our word to Charlie, not because of obligation, but out of respect for Charlie, and love for Bella. I was humbled by his inherent goodness. Yes of course, he was right. The priority now was Bella. There would be time for self flagellation later. This isn't what she needed of me now. I _would_ be strong for her. I _would_ be everything she needed me to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**(Edward's POV)**

Carlisle guided me to the surgical waiting room. It was an effort to keep my pace at human speed. I wanted to go to the observation suite to oversee Bella's surgery, but Carlisle begged me not to. "No good can come of it Edward. Please, wait with me here." I could hear the surgeons thoughts in any case, and I monitored the procedure now, anxious for this part to be over, and for Bella to be given the all clear. "And please Edward, 'try' not to listen in on the surgery. It will only cause you more pain. There's nothing we can do now but wait." And I thought _I_ was the one with the mind reading ability. I was becoming far too predictable.

Thinking of Bella lying on that operating table was unbearable. Minutes, hours, days, even weeks, months and years. It was inconsequential to my kind. When eternity stretched out before you, it was easy to put the passage of time into perspective. But now the wait seemed interminable. More and more of my humanity was surfacing. I'd forgotten how truly torturous impatience could be. I was even pacing and fidgeting. My human charade had never been so easy to depict. My natural speed the only trait I had to be wary of. But we were alone in any case. Yes, this waiting room would be empty at this time of night, usually, I thought. All surgeries that _could_ wait would be scheduled during the day. Bella's surgery couldn't wait. I fearfully wondered if Bella's surgeons were experiencing fatigue given the hour.

I couldn't help myself. My mind turned back to the surgical team. Bella was stable, and her surgical team seemed alert and focused. I reflexively breathed a sigh of relief. But through their eyes, she looked so fragile and pale. A deathly shade of pale. Her skin looked like mine! The image was harrowing and I shuddered. I'd seen similar images in Alice's mind. "No!" I told myself. I pushed those thoughts away. They were removing her spleen, attending to her internal injuries. She was a mess. I recoiled at the vision. Seeing my Bella this way was a torment I wasn't sure I could endure. But she was enduring, so I must. Each minute she survived the surgery, was a minute sooner I would get to see her with my own eyes. A minute closer to knowing she would live. That thought buoyed me and I clung to it.

Some time later, I wasn't sure how long, it was the Orthopaedic surgeons turn. Titanium rods and nails were being used on various bones to help strengthen and facilitate healing. Mending the un-mendable. The barbarism of orthopaedics stunned me. Shouldn't humanity have progressed beyond glorified carpentry by now? The thoughts of the surgeon did nothing to comfort me either. "She's in bad shape. I can patch her up, but I don't think she's ever going to get full strength and usage back in this leg, or her arm," he thought regretfully. At least he was compassionate and honest, if only to himself. He couldn't make Bella whole again. She would always carry the reminders of this day with her. I could feel myself walking a knife's edge, my emotions threatening to spiral furiously out of control at any moment. So unfair. Bella was so good. She didn't deserve this. It seemed so recently that I would have done anything to spare her even a broken nail or a stubbed toe. Protecting her from her own perpetual clumsiness had seemed like a full time job. And now here I was, watching as tools better suited to a construction site were being used to put Bella back together, and only partially at that. Carlisle was right, as usual. Watching her through the surgeons eyes was not helpful.

All the control I have ever exerted in resisting the temptation of Bella's blood, was nothing compared to the control I was struggling with now. Or lack of control. I felt as if at any moment, I could rip this Hospital apart in sheer frustration and rage. I wanted to kill James so badly. It seemed like one death wasn't enough punishment for what he'd done. It would never be enough. Feeling this level of rage was dangerous for me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could contain myself. I needed to be with Bella.

Carlisle immediately sensed the shift in my mood. He placed his hand on my shoulder again, trying desperately to calm me. He was anxious too. For Bella _and_ for me. I regretted giving him anything else to worry over. I knew he was struggling with his own feelings. But I was reminded of his earlier words. "Bella NEEDS you now. She needs you to be strong." I breathed deeply, steeling my resolve. Yes, I had to be strong for Bella now. If she could endure all she had, then I could be here for her, in control of myself. It was the very least I could do. Carlisle relaxed, sensing immediately that I had found the strength I needed to maintain some measure of composure, for now at least. My fists unclenched and I stretched out my fingers instinctively. Back to the ceaseless waiting. It was agonising.

Alice's thoughts entered my mind then. Thankful for the distraction, I tuned myself to her. She was almost at the Hospital, and she was extremely agitated. "Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Please let Bella be ok. PLEASE! I'm almost there Edward." I couldn't suppress the smile that formed on my lips. She loved Bella too. She really loved her. To Alice, they were sisters already. It helped.

Minutes later she arrived and she ran to me, hugging me close. I noticed that she was also finding it difficult to keep to a believable human pace. "Tell me everything Edward. I can't get anything from Bella, She's all right isn't she?" Behind her, Emmett & Jasper appeared. "Bro, how is she? I'm so sorry. Whoa, you look BAD. The smell.........." Emmett shouted at me from his mind. From Jasper, a gush of calming, positive feelings settled over me like a blanket, and he kept his distance. I smiled at them both in appreciation. Hospital visits were generally not the wisest idea for Vampires trying to abstain from their natural diet. Especially for someone like Jasper, who struggled with the concept daily. Their presence was a touching show of support and I wasn't immune to their sacrifice. The gratitude and respect I felt towards all of my family now was overwhelming. Well, almost all my family. Rosalie remained a problem, but she was alone in her protestations. Even Emmett loved Bella. They had all embraced Bella as one of the family. Yes, that really did help.

"She's holding on," I told Alice.

"Oh Edward, she's so brave, and so strong. She'll make it. She HAS to make it." Alice almost pleaded with me. I hugged her back.

"We have to just WAIT now." I practically spat the word. My equilibrium was hanging by a thread, even with Jaspers help.

She pulled back, looking me over. "I brought you these." She pulled out a clean shirt from her oversized tote bag, and an empty black plastic bag with an air tight seal. "I knew you'd need them." I realised she wasn't breathing.

I looked down at myself, remembering with surprise that I was covered in Bella's now dried blood. She'd been bleeding so much, even as I cradled her on the way to the Hospital. I shivered involuntarily at the thought. Was I so immune to her scent now that I could forget something like that? No, it wasn't that. My throat still ached for her. But it was a matter of priorities. The temptation of Bella's blood was furthest from my mind. Her survival was the most important thing now. But no wonder Jasper had kept his distance. I'd remembered a fleeting thought from Carlisle in the ER. He'd wanted to go to the Hospital gift shop to buy me a t-shirt, but he was afraid to leave me alone, unsure if it would be open at that hour anyway. I looked at my family apologetically. "I'll go change now. Thanks Alice."

Jasper and Emmett chimed in unison, "I'll go with you," then looked at each other, embarrassed.

Obviously no-one thought I should be alone just yet. I nodded, and proceeded to the bathroom, Jasper and Emmett following close behind.

Once in the bathroom, I checked my reflection in the over sized mirror. It wasn't good. It was a testament to Carlisle's extraordinary control that he was able to endure being so close to me for so long as we waited for news of Bella's condition. With my pale skin and black eyes and wearing this shirt, I looked like I was the victim of a stabbing. I carefully unbuttoned my shirt, removing it gently, as if it were precious. An extension of Bella. Jasper sensed my unease. He looked to Emmett warily. "Um, Bro, you're not planning on keeping that are you?" Emmett asked cautiously.

"I assume that's what the plastic bag is for," Jasper was standing as far from me as the small bathroom permitted.

The question had caught me off guard. "Yes," I admitted, a little surprised at myself. "I, think I _have_ to. It's Bella's........ What if......... It's all I have of her now." I couldn't finish as pain and guilt washed over me. I held onto the wall for support, suddenly losing the tentative grip on my emotions.

Emmett was on me in an instant, taking my weight and patting my back awkwardly. The touchy feely stuff wasn't exactly Emmett's style. "I'm sorry Edward. Forget I said anything. Keep the shirt. Whatever it takes bro!"

Another wave of calm smothered me. Jasper was doing his part. I gasped, trying to regain the steady rhythm of breathing that helped me take command of my masquerade. "Be strong for Bella," I reminded myself. Even if I didn't feel it, I had to pretend it.

"I'm ok now," I told them shakily. Emmett looked doubtfully at Jasper, but thankfully Jasper nodded in agreement. I couldn't fool him, but he knew that I was trying.

Outside the bathroom, I thanked Alice for her thoughtfulness. The plastic bag was a kindness. Keeping the shirt wasn't logical. Certainly not the smartest thing for a Vampire to hold onto. But I wasn't feeling very logical just then. She took the bagged up shirt, carefully placing into her tote.

"It's here if you need it. But if things go the way I hope they're going to go, you wont need it for very long." She smiled encouragingly.

I looked to her urgently, searching her mind for any telling visions, but there were none. Of course not. Bella was too deeply anaesthetised for Alice to get a reading from her. I chastised myself for getting my hopes up. My jaw clenched reflexively at the disappointment, the pain registering on my face.

"Oh Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that I knew anything. It's more a feeling. She's survived this long, and you would know if the surgery wasn't going well. So I guess, I'm just hopeful," she said apologetically.

I nodded at her appreciatively. I was barely holding on, and everyone knew it.

"Did you finish all your, work?" Carlisle asked no-one in particular, breaking the awkward silence that had formed.

Emmett answered. "We took care of the ballet studio. There was a break in, and vandals burned it down." He smiled widely. I couldn't fault him. He was glad to have had his chance at James, and I was grateful to him and Jasper for doing what I wanted to do so very badly. Emmett saw the world in a physical sense. James had hurt Bella, and he had killed James. It balanced out right for him.

"Don't worry, Edward, we got the tapes out that Bella asked for, and we, er, we took care of Renee," Alice moaned sadly. The image in her mind was of Renee at the bottom of the stairs in her house, where she had tripped and fallen, sadly to her death.

I grimaced as she conveyed the story to Carlisle. He nodded. "Yes, that was the best decision, given the circumstances. And the hotel?"

"Oh Alice had a lot of fun getting creative there. It's quite a sight, and the Hotel Manager was nearly falling all over us in apologies. He's clearly worried about a lawsuit. It looks very realistic." Jasper reached for Alice's hand, and she took it eagerly, falling into his chest for comfort.

"Fun isn't exactly the right word. I just tried my best to make it look authentic, for Bella's sake. It was all I could do. I feel so helpless," Alice murmured quietly.

We were all silent at that. Yes, helpless was exactly the right word.

Emmett interrupted our silence. I had already thought of his concern before he was able to voice it. "I know that we've all done our best, working with what we had. But don't you think there's going to be a few questions raised? I mean, Charlie is murdered in his house by person or persons unknown who left him to bleed to death from a fatal neck wound. Renee comes back from Florida early only to fall down her stairs and break her neck. And Bella falls down two flights of stairs and through a window at the Hotel. All practically on the same day!"

This had obviously occurred to everyone, as I heard a chorus of agreements at Emmett's 'tell it like it is' assessment.

Carlisle finally answered. "You're right, it is suspicious, but as you say, we've done our best working with what we had. Bella's clumsiness is well known." There was no malice in his voice. It was simply the truth. Bella _was _dangerously clumsy. "Her accident alone is plausible. And to those in Forks, the ones most likely to have any questions, they would assume that Bella inherited her clumsiness from her mother. But Charlie's murder," he scowled at the thought of it, "is difficult to reconcile, given the other two 'accidents'. Esme and Rosalie staged it to look like a robbery gone bad, but still, it's most unfortunate, in every way." His face fell in sadness.

"But humans are often ready to believe the most reasonable explanation available. Given Bella's history, it's likely that they will choose to write it off as simple bad luck. A tragedy, which of course, it is," he noted sombrely. "And we must play our part. We must make the Arizona incidents convincing. After all, we are the witnesses, to Bella's accident at least. And Renee may not be found for several days. I have already tried calling her house and cell phone several times, leaving her messages about Bella's accident. And Charllie too, for that matter. The timeline is in place........."

We were all silent again. Renee and Charlie deserved better. It was all so distasteful, but sadly necessary. The anger surged in me again, but Jasper's gift helped calm me. I knew it was an artificial sense of tranquility, but I welcomed it gladly. I needed all the help I could get. The rage and fear were bubbling very close to the surface. The wait was excruciating and my resolve was slipping. I forced myself not to search for the surgeons minds again.

Alice's thoughts drifted to Bella's revelation about James knowing her, and the tape. She thought, "sorry" to me, but I didn't resent her mind wandering. Alice's life as a human had always been a mystery, and I knew that the not knowing pained her deeply. It was only natural she would be curious now. Her first real hope of finding out who she was.

And it reminded me. The tape! Bella told Alice about the tape. What else would be on it, besides the secrets to Alice's past? She anticipated my silent decision.

"Um, I don't think so Edward. I don't think that would be a very good idea," Alice thought cautiously. She was concerned what my reaction might be to seeing exactly what had transpired before we arrived at the ballet studio. She thought how we found Bella was enough of a horror show to last a lifetime. I knew she was right, but I also knew that I WAS going to see that tape, eventually.

"I have to know," I whispered. "I want to know about you too." Yes it was true, I did want to know about Alice's human life and how she'd been changed. Alice and I shared a deeper connection than I did with my other siblings. It was partly because of our shared gifts, setting us apart from the others. But mostly it was an inexplicable bond. True sibling affection. But she knew the urgent reason why I wanted to watch the tape. I needed to see exactly what James had done to Bella.

Carlise, Emmett and Jasper looked at us then, aware that we were having another one of our partially silent conversations. Their thoughts were curious.

She sighed, resigned. "Ok I can see I can't stop you Edward, but please, remember we're in a public place. And remember that I warned you. This isn't going to be pretty, and these images are going to stay with you for eternity. If it weren't for the fact that I _need _to get that information about my past, I'd have destroyed it already. I should have destroyed it anyway," she said shamefully.

Jasper hugged her tightly, now aware of subject of our cryptic discussion. "Alice, you have every right to get whatever information you can. You've been waiting and hoping for news like this for as long as I've known you." She leaned into him closer, grateful for his support.

I nodded in agreement. It might not be the main reason I needed to see the tape, but I didn't begrudge Alice getting some insight into her past. She deserved it. We both needed to see that tape for different, and the same reasons.

"Yes Alice, you deserve to get some answers after so long. But Edward, perhaps you should reconsider watching." It was more of a plea than a command from Carlisle. He and Emmett had caught up with the discussion.

"Yeah Bro, it's going to be tough. I'm not even sure I want to see it. I mean, defenceless little Bella against that savage!" Emmett snarled in disgust.

As always, Emmett said it the way he saw it. Why else would James have made a tape? None of us really believed it was only to impart the news of Alice's mysterious background. Venom pooled in my mouth. I had a greater insight into James than any of the others. Not only was he vicious and an accomplished hunter and tracker, he enjoyed the thrill of the attack and torturing his prey. A simple kill was never enough. I'd seen his mind, and I knew the regard he held me in the moment he could see my obvious devotion to Bella. Alice was right, this wasn't going to be pretty. I had a strong feeling this tape was primarily for my benefit.

I looked at them all, their faces earnest. "I thank you all for your concern, and I understand your perspectives. But I have to see what he did to her. Every brutal, disgusting moment of it. I didn't protect her like I was supposed to. She had to endure it on her own, and I was very nearly too late. Bella was strong enough to face James on her own so she could spare her mother, and all of us, I'm sure. If she can do that, the least I can do is share the burden with her. If..........." It was hard to think the unthinkable. I changed direction. "WHEN she wakes up, she's going to have all those memories to contend with. All those injuries to remind her of what happened. Charlie and Renee will be gone. I HAVE to know what he did and what he said. What it was like for her." I closed my eyes, clenching them tightly. The images already in my mind of finding Bella in a frightening, bloody heap were burning into me, dancing before my open eyes and sadly I found, just as sharply focused behind closed eyes. How much worse would it be seeing it all as it happened, unable to help her? I shook my head. I wasn't sure I had the strength to see it. But I knew it was something I had to do. I owed her that much. "I wasn't there for her when she needed me most. I have to be there for her now, helping her though it. It's all I can do for her now. It's not enough, but.........."

They nodded their assent as they thought their responses, though they were still concerned. None of them were sure they were up to the task of watching the potential horrors on the tape. None of them could imagine how I could suffer through it. But they understood.

"Do what you must, son," Carlisle.

"Oh Edward, it wasn't your fault, but I understand," Alice.

"I get it Edward," Emmett.

"I'll help you as much as I can," Jasper.

"Thank you," I said out loud. "And don't forget, you wouldn't have been able to keep your thoughts from me anyway, not forever. I would prefer to watch it myself. I NEED to know. The not knowing is worse." They knew the truth of my words, but none of us were looking forward to this.


	5. Chapter 5

**(Edward's POV)**

Alice produced the video camera from her tote, pressing the rewind button. We positioned ourselves around her, our eyes easily focusing on the small display at the back of camera. Jasper kept one hand on Alice's shoulder and the other on mine. He wanted to keep an eye on Alice's emotional state as her secrets were revealed. And if things got too bad, I knew he wanted to be able to send some calming emotions to me as fast as possible. I thought that was probably a very good idea.

Finally, the tape was rewound, and Alice looked to me for permission to begin. We all shared similar reservations, but everyone knew that this would be the most difficult for me. I nodded my assent, and she pressed the play button. The picture was grainy, but we could clearly see Renee standing, with James holding a possessive hand to her shoulder. Renee looked terrified. James looked excited.

We heard a door opening from somewhere off camera, and what had to be Bella's soft footfalls. With a wry grin, James pressed a remote control he was holding in his other hand, as a TV screen flickered to life. It was a younger Renee, calling, "Bella, Bella!" as she looked around a room. The same room- the ballet studio.

"Mom, I'm coming." Bella started to run, still out of the sight of the camera. And then she fell. I could hear her skidding along the floorboards. I even begrudged her even that small hurt, knowing it was nothing compared to what was ahead for her.

"Bella," the video Renee called again. It was the end of a ballet recital, and she was looking for Bella. Then her daughter appeared on screen. She could only have been 6 or 7 years old, but she had the same chocolate eyes, heart shaped face and brilliant brunette hair, fashioned that day into a bun to complement her ballerina ensemble. Love welled up within me. Even as a child, she was beautiful. Renee knelt down beside her daughter, telling her what a beautiful dancer she was. And the child Bella rolled her eyes knowingly, "Mom, I suck!"

I couldn't help but smile. Bella had always been so certain, so honest, so serious.

Away from the camera, I heard _my_ Bella scrambling up, running towards the sound of her mother's calling voice. Then doors opened to reveal an anxious and frightened Bella. Confusion etched on her face, she looked for the source of her mother's voice, finding the TV screen. Relief washed over her then, as she obviously thought James had tricked her, and that Renee wasn't actually there. She was happy, thinking Renee was safe. So selfless, I thought!

But then she noticed them, and her face fell. Surprise rocked her as she took in Renee and James's possessive hold on her. I think that's when she realised that James was never going to let Renee live, whether she'd come to the ballet studio or not, although I knew she wouldn't have regretted her decision to try to save her mother. She sobbed, "I'm sorry," to Renee. She'd already taken the blame on herself.

James stopped the video playing in the background. It had already had the desired effect. He smirked, watching the exchange between his prey.

Renee's face softened, fear replaced with love and understanding, obviously trying to soothe her daughter.

"Bella, honey, I love you. This isn't your fault. You are such a brave girl and I know you can overcome anything, even this honey. So I need you to be strong, Bella. I need you to survive, Bella. No matter what happens now, you need to hang on, for Edward."

She was right. Renee _did_ seem to know that I would get there in time. I hadn't expected that.

Bella's face was confused again. Clearly, she thought there was no way out for either of them, and her mother's words baffled her.

Renee, continued, pleading with Bella to listen - telling her she had to survive until I got to her. "I know he's different, sp, special," she'd said. Carlisle and I exchanged a brief glance. First Charlie and now Renee! I couldn't understand it, but I brushed it off for the moment, engrossed in the drama unfolding before me.

Bella was agonised as she listened to Renee's unfathomable words. I could tell she was just as confused as I was, wondering how Renee had come to such a startling conclusion. And then her lips started to tremble, watching her mother beg her to survive.

Renee was becoming more frantic. She could sense Bella's resignation, and she was desperate for Bella to believe her. "You HAVE to survive honey. Promise me Bella. Promise me you're going to do everything in your power to hang on and wait for Edward." I was astonished at Renee's insistence. Even I didn't know I would reach Bella in time to save her.

Bella clearly didn't understand where Renee's false hope was coming from, but she told her mother that she would hang on, what she needed to hear. Even then, Bella was putting her mother's needs above her own. I wasn't surprised.

Renee was satisfied then. She told Bella it wasn't her fault, that it was going to be okay, and that she loved her. She never took her eyes off Bella's face.

Finally, the hunter spoke, giving a condescending speech about how melodramatic humans are, and how he was anxious to get started on his meal. A low growl escaped my lips. Jasper squeezed his hand on my shoulder, and a fresh wave of calm settled over me, although it was barely having an effect now. Carlisle squeezed my other shoulder. "Calm Edward, be calm," he thought.

And then James casually snapped Renee's neck. We all gasped at the suddenness of it. He killed her mother right in front of her without even pausing for effect. Bella shrieked in agony. I'd never heard anything like it. I didn't know she was capable of creating such a sound. She sank to the floor, sobbing hysterically. It was unbearably sad.

I could feel the muscles along my jaw line clenching and rippling with the effort to remain calm. Witnessing this was going to be the most difficult exercise in self control I had yet to experience. Bella wasn't even hurt yet, physically, and I was ready to rip the camera out of Alice's hands and crush it until it was nothing but a pile of pulverised metal filings.

Bella couldn't take her eyes off her lifeless mother. It was a heartbreaking scene, and all of my family were struggling to maintain their composure.

James pulled Bella to her feet and proceeded to inform her of his plans to film their encounter, all for my benefit. This outraged Bella, and she was roused from her grief. "You leave Edward alone! He has nothing to do with this." I shook my head in disbelief - she was always so selfless. Even in the face of her impending death, she was thinking of me, trying to protect _me_. I was stunned. Would she never cease to surprise me?

James continued with his bravado. It disgusted me, the way he took such obvious enjoyment in torturing her. The pleasure he got from drawing this out, making her suffer, threatening and killing the ones she loved. He told her how he could hardly wait to consume her, that he knew she was going to be the most flavoursome meal of his life, but that he was going to have some "fun" first. Play with his food! He was so confident - so certain of his plans. My hands were clenched into tight balls, my fingers digging into my palms. The pain helped me maintain my focus.

But then something shifted in Bella. I knew that look. She'd made a decision and nothing was going to sway her course. She pulled a can of pepper spray from out of her pocket and sprayed it in James's face. Then she ran for the door, as fast as she was able. It was a pointless exercise, and I knew she had known that as well. But that was the turning point. My stubborn, brave Bella had decided to fight. She had decided to honour her mother's last wish. "Thank God," I thought, trying to force the alternate scenario from my mind. If she hadn't made this decision, she'd have been lost to me. She wouldn't have had the will to make it until I got to her. I was very grateful to Renee then. Her last gift to Bella, had been the gift of life, knowing Bella would keep her promise, giving her daughter the drive she needed to endure.

But, of course, James was on her in an instant, and he didn't hesitate to mete out his punishment. He grabbed her by the throat and thrust her into the wall. I heard the sickening crack as her skull shattered against the corner of the wall, broken pieces of mirror falling all around her. I flinched, and the hands on my shoulders tightened reflexively. They'd moved from reassuring to restraining. Emmett was in on it now, too.

I knew this was only the beginning of the carnage, and I couldn't relax. I couldn't accept what was about to come. Seeing Bella's torture unfold on the tiny screen before me, I felt powerless. I was the spectator, waiting and watching, helpless as my love battled bravely on film and in the surgical theatre. Would there be no end to my impotence!

Bella forced herself to a seated position, clearly dazed. And James was already losing his grip, overtaken by her scent as the blood oozed from her head wound. My breath caught in my throat. She jerked her bloodied hand away from him, waking him from his stupor. She'd distracted him. "Good girl, Bella," I thought passionately.

And there it was, the information Alice had been awaiting. James told the story of the girl in the asylum, locked away in a dark cell because of her visions. She was the only prey to ever escape him, turned by an unknown older vampire trying to save her. And he had saved her. James killed him in revenge, no longer interested in hunting Alice. The thrill of the hunt was extinguished when she became a newborn vampire.

It wasn't everything. There were still details missing. There perhaps always would be; but it explained so much.

We all turned to Alice, shock registering on her face as she contemplated what might have been. Were it not for the old vampire, her anonymous benefactor, she would have faced the same fate as Bella with this depraved hunter. Only there would have been no-one to save her at the eleventh hour - the ancient vampire obviously no match for the younger, stronger James.

"I'm ok," she whispered. "We'll come back to this later." It was a statement, not a question.

The tape continued, and we were all astounded by what happened next. "You failed with Alice!" Bella was provoking him.

"What was she thinking?" Emmett said, dumbfounded.

"She was trying to drag it out. She was fulfilling her promise to her mother, to hang on until I got to her," I said, with certainty and pride at her bravery.

"She's braver than she looks," Emmett replied. "Or just plain crazy!"

James's response was not unexpected. Violence was his way of life, his reason for being. He smashed her outstretched leg until she was screaming and writhing in agony. The sound of her bones snapping made me feel physically ill, and it was an effort not to howl with rage.

His relaxed demeanour was lost then to the psychotic monster within. "Tell him to avenge you!" he was bellowing at her, trying to force the reaction he'd expected. But Bella never did what was expected.

"NO Edward! Don't. It doesn't matter. PLEASE, Edward, don't go after him," she screamed. Even in that much pain, she was still thinking of me first. _When_ she pulled through this, I was going to try and make her understand that I was not the one that needed protecting in this relationship. "It doesn't matter." I shook my head in disbelief. Of course it mattered. Nothing else mattered more. I remembered another time she'd said those words to me, and I was just as stunned now as I had been then. The depth of her love shook me to my core. "Be safe. For me........." she said.

James was spitting with rage by then, things obviously not going his way. He kicked her in the stomach, sending her crashing into the mirrored wall, buckling limply over the practice bar. She collapsed to the ground unmoving, blood pooling all around her, shards of the mirror protruding from her. I couldn't see her face from this camera angle, and for once I was glad not to have to look into her beautifully expressive brown eyes. For the briefest of moments watching the tape, I'd thought she was dead. I had to remind myself that she was still holding on, that she was in surgery right now, still fighting for her life.

Alice gasped in horror, as Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett all grimaced, murder in their thoughts. Even Carlisle, I thought in shock. My father and brothers could barely hold me in place. My breath quickened. James attack was barbaric. Emmett was right - he was a savage.

"Edward's not going to be able to resist coming after me now," he'd chuckled. I growled deeply, grateful for our privacy. The monster was baiting me. How I wished I could have been the one to rip his head off, slowly and painfully.

"I wanted to have my way with you, Bella........"

"What! NO! NO! Why? Surely he couldn't..............." I stammered, my fragile composure failing me. As he pressed his lips to hers, I shook violently, and for the second time that day, my legs collapsed under me. Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett grabbed me tighter, their thoughts betraying their fears. Fear at what James had really done to Bella, and fear at what I might do now. Alice sank to the ground with us.

My Bella moved then, ever so slightly, trying to get away from him. She was still fighting. My mind was frantic. "Please, God, no!" I barely whispered, overwhelming dread filling every part of me.

He ripped her shirt, and then the button on her jeans. My breathing was ragged now. I couldn't seem to inhale fully. He undid her zipper, repositioning her clothes and her body to better suit his vile purpose, and he looked into the camera, smiling meaningfully. Only it wasn't really a smile. It was an evil, distorted snarl, directed at me! And then he was on her, thrusting and pressing himself to her as she screamed in agony and disgust. "No, No, No, No, No, No," I cried. I heard the low, barely controlled growls emanating from my family, and I realised I was fighting against them now, screaming her name. "BELLAAAAAAAAAAA!" I howled, thrashing and jerking violently trying to escape their unyielding grips. What was left of my facade shattered into a million pieces, all traces of my humanity gone as I growled and hissed, rabid and crazed.

Alice had turned off the tape. She was hunched over, grasping her stomach as if in great pain. She was silently sobbing, the tearless sobs reserved for our kind. And I had become a deranged monster. No restraint. No coherent thoughts. The abominable images burned into my retinas as I writhed uselessly against my family, snarling and snapping at anyone, anything.

A nurse ran into the waiting room in response to the commotion. We'd managed to remain inconspicuous up until that point, drawing no undue attention. She stared at us, eyes wide with concern and fear, as she took in the strange sight. Carlisle explained quickly that my fiancée had been in a terrible accident, and that my shock was finally wearing off as we waited for the outcome of her surgery. He decided that making Bella my fiancée would appropriately explain the force of my reaction. He then assured her that he was a Doctor, and that he and my brothers had the situation under control. She didn't look convinced and asked if she could get a sedative to help calm me. But Carlisle politely refused, calm, but resolute. "We just need some privacy until he settles," he'd said smoothly, using his most charming, non threatening voice.

"Of, of course," she stammered, as she left us alone.

___________________

In time, I don't know how long, I was calmer, but not through any self control on my part. I'd stopped thrashing, numbed by a pain I thought unendurable. I was sobbing my own tearless cries now, shaking my head in disbelief. Trying to dispel the detestable truth of what we had all just witnessed.

My father and brothers were still holding me tightly, though I could feel that they had relaxed their hold slightly. A strong surge of peacefulness tried to descend on me, but I was way beyond Jasper's gift now. "Stop it Jasper, you can't fix this!" I seethed, though my anger was not directed at him. "Let me go," I ordered. "What can I do? Where can I go?" I explained hoarsely. "Bella's here. I'll never leave her side again, if she can ever forgive me," I whispered.

Carlisle was the first to let go, then Jasper, and finally Emmett followed his lead. I was still on the ground, curled into a ball, my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands, rocking back and forth, as if trying to soothe myself somehow. There was an overwhelming mix of feelings and thoughts surging at me from my family. They were all outraged, disgusted, furious, saddened, helpless and deeply concerned, all at the same time. It was difficult to tune the amplified effect out, as my thoughts mirrored theirs to a point. They were silently telling me, each in their own way, that this wasn't my fault. That this was all on James. That Bella _would_ forgive me.

"She wouldn't think there was anything to forgive," Alice thought compassionately.

"My son, I'm so very sorry. I'm sickened by this. I didn't foresee any of this. We will help her heal, Edward, physically and emotionally. Bella is so strong. She _will _overcome this, somehow........" Carlisle thought sadly.

Jasper was struggling, thinking of how he would feel if he was in my position, and it was Alice that had been violated in such a way. "I'm sorry," was all he could manage to think, over and over.

Emmett was thinking of every tiny detail of James's death, showing me in his mind how James had suffered as they slowly ripped him piece by piece and burned him to ashes. "He's dead, Edward. And it was a pleasure killing him," Emmett shouted at me mentally. He was focused on the kill, unable to bear thinking about what we'd all just seen.

"That's why she was so agitated about getting the tape," I whispered. "She never meant for me to see it." They all looked to me, and thought in unison how very Bella-like that was. Even they knew she would prefer to suffer in silence, sparing me the pain.

"But how did they miss it? In the ER? In surgery? I've heard them all, Carlisle. It's never crossed their minds." My voice was flat, monotone.

Carlisle thought about this for a moment. "She is covered in haematomas and lacerations from her head to her feet. The information they had was that she suffered a violent fall. They simply weren't looking for it. They will have scans of every part of her body by now Edward. I think the only evidence of the. . . _assault_," he said distastefully, "is her fractured pelvis. He was actually not as _forceful_ as he could have been, so I don't believe there were any obvious signs, given the overall condition she was in. The crushed pelvis could have been the result of the fall."

It all made sense, except for the part about James not being as "forceful" as he could have been. Sickened as I was, I couldn't help but wonder why he would even try to hold back. And then the answer came to me, from Alice, again anticipating my thoughts.

"He wanted her to survive all of it, until the end. He wanted you to see how much she suffered, Edward. If he'd not restrained himself somewhat, she wouldn't have made it until he was ready to feed from her." Alice bristled at her own explanation, sadness overcoming her. But I knew she was right.

I closed my eyes then, fatigue overwhelming me. "Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!" Shakespeare's _Hamlet_ came to mind. I wished I could rest so that I could shut off my brain and put an end to the intolerable cruelty of this day, allowing me to pretend that my beautiful, brave, selfless Bella hadn't had to endure such a depraved act of violence. But sleep had eluded me for so long, I could only imagine the peace it must bestow. I was condemned to an eternity of waking dreams, nightmares really, my perfect vampiric recall the burden I must bear now.

I had been overwhelmed by the extent of her physical injuries, lost in the fear of losing her. But I had never imagined that even James, as sadistic as he was, could do such a thing. He had kept this thought hidden from me. I'd wondered when he'd decided on it, and then realised it didn't matter. All that mattered now, all that _ever_ mattered, was Bella.

But how could I help her when I felt so broken and so responsible? All that I ever was, all that I ever hoped to be, was gone. I'd failed her. How could I even look upon her beautiful face again, without her seeing the shame and remorse in my eyes. I had brought James into her world. I was responsible for the destruction of that world. The guilt devastated me. I was submerged in it, breathless, barely keeping myself together.

Jasper sensed my emotions more keenly than everyone else, of course, but thankfully, he didn't try to cloud them with some false sense of comfort again. Why should I be allowed peace, when my Bella may never know it again? I deserved nothing, least of all her.

We were all silent for a time. I resumed my pointless rocking, feeling as if I had slipped into some kind of madness.

"Do you know the worst thing you can do to a victim of rape?" Emmett asked me gravely?

I looked up at him, stunned by his question, and the rage building within him. I hadn't expected Emmett to be the one to come to me with words of wisdom. I hadn't expected his anger. Everyone else was walking on egg shells, unsure of what to say or how to say it, even guarding their thoughts from me in case they made things worse. But Emmett was intensely serious now, and for the first time since I had known him, I had no idea what he was about to say.

He didn't bother waiting for my answer. I think he knew I didn't have one.

"The worst thing you can do is to look at them like that!" He showed me my own face, reflected in his mind. I was pitiful.

"If Bella sees you looking like that, she will blame herself. She will think that she disgusts you, and that you will never see her in the same way again. All she'll see in your face, your eyes, is that she's a victim. And I think we all know that Bella doesn't want to be the victim. Look at what she did today. She went to face that monster on her own, to spare her mom, and us, and mostly _you_. Even as she was screaming in pain, she was trying to protect _you, _Edward. Do you think she will ever recover from this if you can never look at her without pity? If you carry around this guilt and remorse like you're worse than _HIM_, she will never be able to recover, because YOU will be her constant reminder. YOU won't let her forget Edward, and it will ruin your relationship, and maybe her life!" His voice was getting louder.

"The only way she can get past this Edward, is if she sees _her _Edward - the man who loves her - the man who is proud of her. She needs to see the man who wants to kiss her and hold her and touch her and make her feel beautiful. Not the man who is afraid to touch her because she might break, or the man who can't forgive himself for something that wasn't his fault in the first place. You have to start seeing this from Bella's perspective, Edward. This isn't about what you feel or how you think. It's about what Bella feels and what she thinks and what she _needs_! So suck it up, man. Feel what you've got to feel. I get that. I really do. I don't think any of us feels like we were at our best, letting this happen to her. But don't let her see this side of you, Edward. Don't let her ever see _this_."

I had never heard Emmett give a longer or more eloquent speech. I was astonished, and I wasn't alone. And then the chorus chimed in.

"He's right Edward," rang Carlisle, Alice and Jasper, almost in unison.

Yes, he was right. I couldn't help feeling what I was feeling. It was too soon. It was too raw. I wasn't so enlightened that I could put all this behind me just yet. I'm not sure I could ever put all this behind me. But I could be what Bella needed me to be. I could make it easier for her. It would take all my strength, but I knew that's what I must do. My dead heart may have shattered, but I wouldn't allow that to happen to hers. I would spare her any pain I could.

I nodded. "Bella will always know how much I love her. Thank you, Emmett."

"No problem, Bro. And I'm not angry with you, Edward. I am furious with HIM. Killing him once wasn't enough for what he's done." I shared his sentiment.

"I've been through this with Rose," Emmett thought sadly. "She remembers what happened to her at the end of her human life as if it were yesterday. The scars run deep, Edward. A woman needs to get over it in her own way and in her own time. But no matter what happens, she needs her man standing by her, supporting her, and treating her the same way as he did before _it_ happened. They feel enough shame on their own. They don't need any misplaced guilt coming from us, too."

I nodded again, and I understood. Emmett did know what he was talking about, and I was grateful that he could overcome his usual machismo to reveal that insight to me. I knew it took a lot to reveal something so private between him and Rosalie. And I felt a renewed affection for Rose. She had always been the most difficult of us. I hadn't bonded with her the way I had with the others, and I promised myself that I would make an extra effort with my sister in the future.

Carlisle, Alice and Jasper were relieved. They didn't all need Jasper's gift to know that I had started to regain _some_ of my composure. They were still concerned of course, and rightly so. I was far from being fully under control. But I was focusing on my priorities. The lure of thirst was no longer the primary concern for me with Bella. No, I had a new purpose. Well it wasn't exactly new, but I felt a new resolve as I contemplated it. I would love her and keep her safe, and I would do whatever it took to help her overcome her physical and emotional injuries. I would always have a lust for her blood. Her beautiful sweet aroma was like Heaven to me. Certainly, the closest I would ever get. But I knew I could never harm her. Not directly. And I would spend the rest of her life making sure no one else hurt her either. Bella was a magnet for danger and trouble, but somehow I would succeed in keeping her safe from now on........

And there was a brand new resolution, too. Since I first realised that I loved Bella, I'd spent so much time agonising and debating whether I should leave her in order to protect her. I knew instinctively that it was too dangerous for her to be with me. But I had selfishly given in to my desires to be with her, and here we were! But there was no turning back now. Everything had changed. So, finally I knew for certain, as long as she wanted me, I would stay with her. I knew I didn't deserve her, but I would never hurt her by leaving her if she didn't want me to go. I would try to make her happy every day. Bella would never have cause to doubt my love and devotion.

Alice saw my decision immediately. "Edward, that's wonderful news. It's about time you realised that you staying with Bella is what she wants most. It will make her happy, Edward, you'll see," Alice trilled, allowing some hope to bubble up inside her.

"I hope so Alice," I said, barely daring to dream.

"I need to see the rest now," I then told her. Alice was still holding onto the camera. "And before you say anything, know that I have seen the worst thing I could ever imagine. Only the sight of her dead body could be worse that what I have witnessed." I shuddered at the thought.

Alice looked to Carlisle, and he nodded his agreement. He knew I needed to see it through, to know everything Bella had experienced. And so we resumed. Emmett helped me to my feet, but I noticed that my legs still felt very weak. It was such an odd sensation. My brothers supported me, as Alice hit the play button. I noticed, gratefully, that she had advanced several frames until the wretched scene of James on Bella was no more. He was beside her now, spruiking a ridiculous one liner filled with sexual innuendo. And Bella spat on him, a revolting globule of red saliva landing in his eye. No, she could never stop surprising me!

"Go Bella," Emmett cried.

"That's our girl," Alice chimed.

Carlisle and Jasper nodded approvingly.

We were all proud of her. She had endured.

Of course, James responded violently, grabbing her by the throat and thrusting her forcefully to the floor once more. I felt numbed to the savagery of his attacks, seeing her bloodied and broken body unmoving and limp. For the first time. it truly occurred to me that my beautiful, fragile Bella shouldn't have survived such a brutal beating. It was miraculous that she was still alive, and that realisation gave me more reason to hope.

"She's alive for you, Edward," Alice thought to me confidently. She was always so in tune with my thoughts and feelings.

The assault was coming to an end now. James couldn't resist the lure of her blood any longer. I was amazed he had resisted so long. The ballet studio was a sea of red - smeared on the floor, on the walls, and Bella was covered in it. Her face was almost unrecognisable. She was bloodied and bruised beyond description. I ached for her.

James bore down on her then, his razor sharp teeth exposed as he ripped into the base of her hand, exhilarated as he consumed her blood. I was surprised to realise that this was almost the hardest part of the tape to watch. Almost! The sight revolted me. and I recoiled. He had come so close to taking her from me. I really was almost too late.

And then I was on the film, crashing into him, forcing him away from Bella, and we were fighting. He was a strong and skilled fighter, but I was highly motivated. As much as I had underestimated him, so had he underestimated me. I ripped into him, spitting out his flesh as I feverishly fought to eliminate him. But then Carlisle and the others had arrived, and Carlisle urged me to leave James to my brothers. I still regretted not being the one to end James existence. But Bella had needed me, and so I went to her, unsure if she were alive or dead.

That sickening feeling erupted in me again, watching her lifeless body covered in blood as I tried to rouse her. The memories were bad enough. But seeing it again from this perspective returned me to the moment. The feelings, the smells, the sounds, were all with me as I watched, knowing what was coming.

I'd seen enough! I'd lived the rest. And truthfully, I wasn't sure I could stand to see when the life drained out of her. My world had stopped in that instant as I furiously breathed myself into her, forcing her back to me. And even worse, I had no desire to see myself drinking Bella's blood. I was still astounded that I had done that. It was impossible, trying to stop - inconceivable that I could stop - but I had, _somehow_! If I'd ever had any doubts about the depth of my love for Bella, they were quashed in that moment when I'd shifted from savouring her to saving her. I did love her, with all of my being. And I'd been distracted long enough. Hours had passed, and there was still no word on her condition. She needed me with her in the present, not stuck in the horrors of the past. I asked Alice to turn off the tape, as I turned my attention back to the voices in the surgical suite.


	6. Chapter 6

**(Edwards POV)**

I was relieved to see that the surgery was finally coming to an end - all the technical procedures having been completed. Bella's caretakers for the past several hours were wearied by their efforts. It had been a long and difficult surgery for them all. Their thoughts were starting to wander now, as their duties no longer required their undivided attention. "I thought that would never end! She's tougher than she looks." "Her BP is stable, it's a good sign." "I am dead on my feet. I can't believe my next shift starts in two hours. UGH! I hate these emergency cases." "This kid has been through hell. If she can just make it through the next forty-eight hours, I _think_ she'll be ok." "I'm starving. God, it's just about time for breakfast!" "I've done all I can. It's up to her now."

Amidst the random personal thoughts, I plucked out what I needed. Bella was stable. She'd survived the surgery, but she wasn't free from danger just yet. My brows pinched together at my frustration. I was comforted, of course, but I had hoped for a more definitively positive prognosis.

"WELL?" Alice demanded. "Don't leave us hanging here, Edward. We NEED to know, too!" Alice was frustrated and anxious for news.

"She's survived the surgery." There was a collective whoosh as my family all sighed with relief.

"But the next forty-eight hours will be critical." Concern replaced relief, but overall their spirits were buoyed.

I was heartened by my family's obvious attachment to Bella. In our efforts to protect her from James, I was touched by their dedication to the task. But since the ballet studio, there had been a definite shift in their minds. Their feelings moved from obligation to me, to genuine affection and admiration for Bella. She had won a place in their hearts. They weren't just here for me anymore. They were here for her, and like me, they would do anything to keep her safe.

"She's _our_ Bella, too, Edward," Alice almost sang. Sometimes I wondered if she could read minds as well! She seemed to know mine very well. But I guessed that under the circumstances, I was quite easy to read.

Several intolerable minutes passed before a wearied surgeon arrived in the waiting room to speak with us. He was still wearing the scrubs he'd worn in the surgery, and there were traces of Bella's blood all over him. Alice, Jasper and Emmett decided that was a good time to go check out the vending machine down at the end of the hall. Alice clutched Jasper's hand firmly as they hurried away.

I took him to be in his mid forties, although he looked older around the eyes. Perhaps he'd seen too much during his career. But he looked like he was in good shape. Keeping fit would certainly help a lot during these late night, emergency surgeries. He'd need all the stamina he could get.

He seemed satisfied with Bella's surgery. He gave us the usual, "it went as well as could be expected" speech. But Carlisle pressed for more, doctor to doctor. I was quietly grateful to him for that. I'd only caught random thoughts at random times during the surgery, too distraught to pay closer attention. I needed to know everything.

The doctor hesitated, eyeing me warily - afraid to be too honest in my presence. He'd had some difficult experiences with emotional family members in the past, and he wasn't looking for a repeat performance. Something about the way I looked told him to be cautious. Carlisle sensed his uncertainty. "Dr. Cooper, Edward, is a third year medical student and is keenly aware of the realities of the situation. I assure you, he is equipped to deal with whatever news you decide to impart." The effortless way in which Carlisle lied was impressive. We'd all become quite practised at it over the years; it just rolled off the tongue.

In truth, Carlisle wasn't at all sure that I was equipped to deal with any news about Bella, unless it was very, very, good. "Remain calm, Edward," he ordered me from his mind.

Dr. Cooper decided. "She's a strong girl. There were some dicey moments when her BP dropped dangerously low, but we were able to keep her fairly well stabilised throughout the surgery which is a very positive sign. We had to remove her spleen, and we've inserted a chest tube to re-inflate her lung, which was punctured from one of her broken ribs. Obviously we've got her on oxygen and are administering bronchodilator drugs to get the lung working fully again, as well as antibiotics to try and ward off any infection. She's got lacerations and considerable bruising everywhere, including a particularly nasty wound on her left hand at the wrist. It was very time consuming removing all the glass fragments and stitching her up to stem all the blood loss, which was extensive, as I'm sure you know."

"As for broken bones, well that's a pretty long list. The Ortho's had their hands full. She has compound fractures to her right humerus and left femur. Transverse fractures to her left fibula and tibia, right ulna, radius and three of her ribs. Comminuted fractures of the right talus, pelvis and patella. In fact, the left patella and right elbow joint were shattered. She has greenstick fractures to some fingers and toes of both hands and feet, and two other ribs. She also has an arch fracture of her right zygomatic bone and a closed fracture to her right mandible, and both a closed and a penetrating fracture to her skull. The penetrating fracture is of some concern as it resulted in some minor brain swelling. We'll need to wait for her to wake up to see if that's going to be a problem, but I'm hopeful there won't be any lasting effects. We've got her in a medically induced coma until the swelling decreases, and she can breathe more comfortably on her own."

Carlisle casually put his arm around me then, inconspicuously supporting me with his weight in case my legs decided to fail me again.

"The Orthopaedic surgeons used titanium rods and plating in her left leg and right arm. The rest of the fractures have been reset as well as possible given the extent of the damage. Her spine is clear which is very fortunate given the magnitude of her injuries. That must have been one hell of a fall! She was in really bad shape," he pondered thoughtfully.

I'd known it would be an extensive list of injuries, that much was obvious. But I hadn't anticipated this. I struggled to maintain my calm in front of Dr. Cooper. My jaw tensed and my hands fisted once more. Carlisle squeezed me a little harder than absolutely necessary - a reminder to maintain control.

"And her prognosis?" Carlisle asked, professional and detached. His thoughts were anything but.

Dr. Cooper sighed. "The next forty-eight hours will be critical. She'll be closely monitored in the ICU. But given all she's survived so far, I am moderately optimistic that if she can make it through the next couple of days, that she will recover. But of course, I can't guarantee anything. We've done the best we can. It took a village to put her back together! She will probably have some permanent damage. Some of those fractures were nasty. But that's really the least of our concerns at this point."

He wasn't holding anything back. He was exhausted, but he was committed to his patient. I knew that he and his team really had done the best they could, and he was very hopeful that Bella would recover. But he wasn't certain - not yet.

"When can I see her?" I asked anxiously, through almost clenched teeth.

Dr. Cooper took an unconscious step backwards when he looked to me. Obviously, I wasn't doing a very good job emulating Carlisle's cool facade, and the Doctor seemed to sense that he should stay away from me.

"Er, they're taking her to the ICU now. We normally don't allow visitors so soon, but I can see you're, um, eager, so I'll let them know you're coming." Dr. Cooper was more than ready to get as far away from me as possible then, so Carlisle and I thanked him, and let him leave. I was grateful for his efforts, although my strained smile probably looked more menacing than appreciative. He departed with a much quicker step than when he arrived.

Alice, Jasper, and Emmett, of course, heard everything that the doctor had said, fresh waves of concern spilling from their minds and mouths as they approached us.

"I didn't understand half of what he said. What the hell did all that mean?" Emmett demanded, his anxiety, surprisingly, almost rivalling my own.

I sighed. "It means a _lot_ of her bones are broken, she's covered with cuts and bruises, had major abdominal surgery, she can't breathe on her own, _and_ she might have brain damage." I was starting to feel numb.

Their faces fell. They'd been hoping for better news, too.

Alice quickly rallied. "She's so strong, Edward. I know it sounds bad, but even the Doctor was hopeful. She's fought so hard to be with you, I can't see Bella giving up now," she said confidently. She worked very hard to make sure her thoughts sounded confident, too.

Emmett was contemplating my simplified version of the assessment the doctor had provided. He had developed very protective feelings towards Bella, and was in full big brother mode.

"Would you like me to _assist_ you now?" Jasper asked carefully, remembering the last time he had tried to come to my aid without my permission.

"Thank you, Jasper, yes. I need to see Bella now, and I don't want her to see me quite like this. I'm not sure if you can help at this point, but I would appreciate it if you tried." I looked to Emmett then, who nodded emphatically. I was finally coming to understand that it was far more beneficial to embrace my family's support, than to try and face this on my own. It was a difficult lesson to learn. I've always felt so independent, so removed from their perfect couplings. But I realised that Bella and I were included in those perfect couplings now. Together we made up a united, loving family. It was comforting. I pushed away the doubts about my being worthy of Bella. Now wasn't the time for the guilt that was always festering just below the surface.

"She may be unconscious for some time, Edward. But I do agree that it would be best to try and retain your composure around Bella, conscious or not. There is much conjecture on the subject of the subconscious mind, and what it does and does not process when one is comatose. Your connection is strong. I'm sure Bella will sense you there," Carlisle said encouragingly. It was an uncharacteristically non medical comment for Carlisle, but very fatherly, and I appreciated the sentiment.

A wave of tranquillity hit me then. Instead of enveloping me, it sat loosely around the frayed edges of my unease. But it was something. I nodded appreciatively at Jasper. I hoped I could keep it with me when I was out of his sight, but I knew that wasn't how it worked. Still, it was enough to steady my nerves.

"I _need _to see her now," I told them, suddenly overwhelmed with my desire to see Bella for myself. I wanted to run. It would take great restraint to keep my pace at an acceptable speed for the walk I was about to take.

"Don't worry, son, I'll be with you," Carlisle reassured me. "Alice, Jasper, Emmett, it's probably best if you return to the hotel for now."

"But I want to see Bella, _too_," Alice whined petulantly.

"It will be daylight soon. You'll be trapped here all day if you don't leave now," Carlisle explained. "And I don't think they'll let too many of us into the ICU at one time to see her, especially not right away."

"There's an underground car park, Carlisle, so we're good to go, day or night. But OK, I see you've made up your mind. But I'm coming back tonight; you can't stop me. I need to see her too," Alice almost sobbed the words. "And call me with any news," she demanded.

She ran to me then, embracing me. Jasper and Emmett joined in, Emmett nearly crushing us all in his overly enthusiastic bear hug. It was an unexpected light moment as we all started giggling like children. It felt good to laugh, if only for a moment, though I immediately felt guilty about it. But I was alone in my regret, my family relieved at seeing me smile. Sadly, it didn't take long for reality to settle in with a thud, the realisation that this wretched situation was a long way from over. So we parted ways, my siblings proceeding towards the hospital exit, Carlisle and I making our way to the ICU.

_____________________________


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: It's been pointed out that my description of an ICU is not necessarily correct for US hospitals. I have tried to Americanise where I can, but for this part, I am describing what an Australian ICU unit looks like - the ones I've seen anyway. I guess it would vary from hospital to hospital. **

**(Edward's POV)**

I tried to slow my pace to match Carlisle's. I wanted to jump out of my skin, I was so anxious to see Bella. Thankfully, we reached the ICU relatively quickly. It wasn't located too far from the surgical suites, which made sense.

I let Carlisle do the talking with the night charge nurse, in case my not quite right demeanour scared her off. He used the same persuasive tone that he'd taken with the nurse who'd come to check on my outburst in the waiting room. He didn't hesitate to inform her of his credentials, and I could see the plan that was formulating in his mind as he spoke with her, gently convincing her to let us both sit with Bella despite the unsociable hour. Dr. Cooper had kept his word, and Nurse Higgins, according to her name tag, had been expecting us, but she was hesitant to let us both in at the same time. She was a stickler for the rules, but it only took a moment of Carlisle's much practised charm to win her over.

She led us through a large, open plan room filled with many beds; state of the art medical equipment allocated to each one. I noticed it was almost at capacity with critically ill patients, each suffering in their own way, filling most of the beds. Curtains separated each of the beds, giving the patients a modicum of privacy from each other. But nurses' stations were scattered throughout the space, ensuring a line of sight with every patient at all times, thanks to the much higher nurse to patient ratio afforded by the Intensive Care Unit.

I smelled Bella before I saw her, although her scent was still wrong. But there was that unmistakable note of freesia, and I instantly knew it was her. She was located at the far end corner of the room. A wall was to one side of her while the bed next to hers was empty. This pleased me, though I'm not exactly sure why. The sight of her caught me by complete surprise, and I thought my legs might falter again. Carlisle reached out a reassuring hand to steady me. I had seen her though the surgeons' eyes, but that mental image didn't accurately capture the reality of the situation. The many hours of surgery had allowed her bruising to blossom.

Her face was remarkably pale, that is, where it wasn't red and purple from bruising and swelling. Her right eye was puffy and nearly swelled shut. Discoloration extended along her cheek and jaw line, on the right side of her face. She was bandaged around her head, extra gauze padding secured at the back where I'd seen her hit the corner of the wall. Another gauze pad protruded from under the bandage at her forehead, where she'd obviously required further stitching. Her long beautiful hair fell across her pillow, and I noticed that it was clean. They'd washed the blood out. I didn't know they'd do that. There was tubing in her mouth connected to a machine that was breathing for her. The pumps hissed and whirred as they moved up and down, filling with oxygen, then pressing it out and into Bella's lungs.

There was very little skin that wasn't bandaged. Some of the smaller cuts were left uncovered, and I could see the black stitching neatly forcing her wounded skin back together. There were smaller nicks all over that didn't require stitching, where fragments of mirror had been imbedded. Her right arm was secured in thick plaster at a right angle, her protruding fingers nearly all blackened with further bruising. Her plastered arm was suspended slightly above her body by a sling attached to overhead railings, keeping the weight off her broken ribs and punctured lung I supposed. Her left arm lay limply by her side, thick bandaging covering where James had bitten her. Tubes were inserted at the top of her hand that snaked towards various IV bags and pieces of medical equipment. She was still receiving blood transfusions, which explained her not quite-Bella smell. Her two last fingers were taped and splinted together. Her index finger was covered by a device that fed into a monitor tracking her vital statistics. The rest of her arm was covered in deep bruising, and more cuts, some requiring stitches, some not.

Escaping from the top of her hospital gown, were wires that also fed into the monitor, her slow, steady, heartbeats being tracked with a ceaseless beeping from the machine. From the unnatural bulge under her blanket, I could tell that her left leg was encased in plaster from the top of her thigh to her foot. The lower half of her right leg was uncovered. It was also plastered, but it was shorter, starting at just below her knee, so it looked like a thick, white boot. It was carefully suspended by a sling, much like her arm, to take pressure off her shattered ankle, I surmised. Where her blankets didn't quite cover, I could see more bruising and cuts extending up her right thigh. My mind raced back to that appalling scene on the tape, and I guessed their cause. I trembled at the memory, and a profound sorrow settled over me. I tried to shake it off. Now wasn't the time to get lost in that mine field of emotions.

I could only imagine what trauma I couldn't see hidden beneath her blankets and hospital gown. I knew her abdomen and chest hadn't fared any better than the rest of her.

All in all, it was a frightening and disturbing sight. She looked so tiny and frail. The only bulk to her was the plaster casts covering her arm and both legs. But she was alive, and I held onto that.

Carlisle was reviewing her medical chart. "She's doing very well so far, Edward. Her readings are all normal. I know it looks bad, and honestly, I can't even say it looks worse than it is. But Bella's a fighter. She's proven that."

I accepted his comfort with a nod, but it didn't do much to ease my disquiet. No, he couldn't tell me that it looked worse than it really was. It looked _exactly_ like what it was. She had been tortured and violated, and she was in critical condition. I still didn't know if I was going to lose her.

I wanted to touch her, to comfort her, but I wasn't sure where. She was so damaged! I decided her left side was the only place I could safely get close to, so I moved one of the visitor's chairs to be next to her. I sat, leaning onto her bed, my face next to hers, and my hands carefully wrapped around her left arm. And that's where I stayed for the rest of the night and all day, only moving when necessary to allow the nursing staff to check on her, or to feign bathroom breaks to keep up my charade, which I greatly resented. I hated leaving Bella's side, even for a minute.

Apart from reminding me to fidget and move occasionally to keep up appearances, Carlisle barely spoke to me that whole time, letting me alone with my thoughts, as I touched Bella as much as I dared. In spite of the less than ideal circumstances, I felt calmer just being with her. I'd missed her since she'd left with Alice and Jasper to escape _him_, and being without her was unbearably difficult. I didn't let my mind wander to the possibility of losing her permanently. That simply wasn't an option.

The day progressed slowly, but uneventfully, thankfully, which under the circumstances was the very best I could hope for. It was a great relief to see her through my own eyes, and touch her with my own hands, rather than searching the minds of strangers to check on her condition. Compared to the horrors of the ballet studio and that detestable tape, being here with Bella like this was bliss. I let myself hope. She was still surviving. She was still hanging on.

Her injuries were atrocious, but at least she wasn't in pain, _yet_! I knew when she woke that the pain would begin, but still, I so very much _did_ want her to wake up. Selfishly, I missed looking into her eyes, always so full of expression and teasing me with her hidden thoughts. I wondered what I'd see in those eyes when she awakened and remembered. I ached at the thought of what she had yet to face. But I would do everything I could to help ease her pain - whatever it took.

I suspected that for Bella, the emotional pain was going to be worse than her physical pain. But I was determined to heed Emmett's advice. He was right, about all of it. My own guilt was endless, but nothing about Bella had changed for me. She was still _my_ Bella. And I loved her deeply and endlessly. If anything, the strength and bravery that she'd shown throughout this nightmare made me love her even more. I was so very proud of her - and that is what Bella would see in me _when_ she woke up.

As twilight was approaching, I heard Alice's thoughts. "We're on our way, Edward, and no-one better try to stop me seeing Bella!." I smiled. My sister was so very kind. She'd just received the biggest news of her life, and she was still more concerned about Bella. I lifted my head from Bella's bed, and Carlisle was pulled from his thoughts. As he sat quietly, he had been contemplating the coming weeks. He'd finally decided on his course of action.

"They're on their way," I told him, "and Alice isn't taking 'no' for an answer. She wants to see Bella." Carlisle smiled and nodded. He knew that my sister was a force of nature. When she made up her mind about something, it was best to keep out of her way.

"When will you make the arrangements?" I asked.

"Tonight, if I can," he said, not bothering to explain. He knew I'd seen it all. "Dr. Cooper will be in the ER soon, and I intend to raise it with him then, to get the ball rolling. Then I'll contact the hospital in Forks, and call Esme and our lawyer. He's accustomed to strange requests at odd hours from the Cullens! Are you okay with my decision?"

How could he even ask? Carlisle truly was my father in every way that mattered. He was here when I needed him most, putting his own life on hold to help Bella, a girl he now loved as his own simply because I loved her. He had made the decision to stay in Phoenix with Bella and me for as long as necessary. He planned to request a leave of absence from the Forks Community Hospital, and take on a temporary ER night shift position here, so he could be close and stay appraised of Bella's condition. He also intended to start legal proceedings to obtain guardianship of Bella. At seventeen, she was considered a minor in Arizona. Given her serious condition, it was likely she would need to remain in the hospital for an extended time. So Carlisle wanted to ensure that there were no difficulties pertaining to her ongoing care due to her lack of guardianship and insurance. He wanted to take care of everything, including the cost, which would be exorbitant. Bella would have the best care possible, and he would be in charge of making all her medical decisions.

"Thank you doesn't seem enough," I said gratefully. "I know how difficult it will be for you to be away from Esme."

"Edward, we are family. Where else would I be? I know Esme feels the same way. I told you that we would help Bella get through this, son, and we will. She needs you, and you need me, so here we will stay, for as long as it takes." He paused briefly, then added, "And I intend to keep my word to Charlie. I won't let him down again."

I shared his anguish on that last point. We had both given our word to Charlie Swan that we would love and protect his daughter. And Carlisle felt as I did, that we had failed miserably. I was saddened that Carlisle had taken so much blame on himself. After all, this was my fault, not his. But according to my family, I was quite the expert on misplaced guilt, so I let it go, knowing that nothing I said could assuage his own guilt.

As for Carlisle's plans, I was greatly appreciative. It was comforting to know he would be close by. The hold on my composure felt tenuous at best. But Carlisle would be the voice of reason when I felt my sanity failing me. And more than that, he was making it possible for me to be with Bella, focusing only on her, without calling any undue attention to myself. I was to be the ER doctor's twenty year old, medical student son, keeping a bedside vigil for his critically injured fiancée. No-one would question me, and I would be afforded more leeway than other visitors, because of Carlisle's connection to the hospital. The charade was already set in motion.

"They're here," I announced a few minutes later. Carlisle immediately went to greet Alice, Jasper, and Emmett, who were all eager to hear the latest news on Bella's condition. They all knew how reluctant I was to leave her side, so it was Carlisle who gave up his place to allow Alice in.

"Oh, Edward," Alice wailed. "She looks so, so broken." She immediately chastised herself for her negativity, not wanting to make me feel worse than I already did.

"It's okay, Alice," I said soothingly. "She_ is_ broken. It's difficult seeing her like this. I feel so...."

"Helpless!" Alice finished.

Yes, once again, helpless was exactly the right word to describe how I was feeling - how we were all feeling.

Alice stroked Bella's face gently, cooing at her like a mother might to comfort her child. It was a tender scene, and once again I was reminded of my sister's inherent goodness. I resumed my position, carefully cradling Bella's left arm, placing my face as close to hers as I could. We stayed like that, unmoving for a time, neither of us wanting to leave Bella while still so fearful of losing her.

Emmett's thoughts intruded noisily. "Tell Alice to get her skinny butt out here. It's my turn to see Bella!" My eyes widened in surprise.

"What is it?" Alice demanded, her voice slightly shrill with alarm.

"Emmett! He wants to see Bella!" I couldn't keep the surprise from my voice. Instinctively, I looked upwards to the IV bag of blood at Bella's side, and followed it's trail down the long narrow tubing and into Bella's hand. "I'm not sure it's such a good idea," I said, concerned.

"He's desperate to see her, Edward. You should have seen him at the hotel. I thought he'd wear out the carpet he was pacing so much. He's morphed into uber, freaky, big brother mode." She chuckled at her own thought.

"Well, okay, I guess. But what about the blood transfusion? Can he handle that?" I asked nervously. All this vampiric love for my human girlfriend was suddenly starting to make me feel a little uneasy and over protective, even though I knew my family didn't truly warrant the concern.

"Relax, Edward. It's all good. Emmett knows it's going to be difficult, and believe me, he doesn't intend to linger. He just wants to see her for himself before we leave. Tonight actually," she said regretfully. "I really don't want to go, you know, but it's probably for the best. It makes more sense for us to get back to school, keep up the charade and all that. And there's something I want to help Esme with," Alice announced suspiciously. She'd already started doing physics calculations in her mind to block me when I tried to see what she meant. I moved on, unable to keep my thoughts from Bella for very long.

"And Jasper?" I asked warily. "Does _he_ want to see Bella before you leave, too?"

"As a matter of fact, he does want to see her. Very much so. We're all really worried about her. You have to accept it, Edward. She's family now, and even though she's human, none of us would harm her. But Jasper knows it's probably not a good idea to try and see her just yet," she sighed. Jasper's control issues were hard on all of us, especially Alice. She knew he would follow her anywhere, but sometimes she felt badly for forcing him into a lifestyle she knew he struggled with so much. "He's getting better though, Edward. We passed a room where some poor soul's stitches didn't hold, and he was bleeding from his stomach. Even I got a shock and had to stop breathing, but Jasper just kept on walking. He barely even considered finishing him off," she said proudly.

I admired her devotion, but I wasn't sorry Jasper had decided to skip visiting Bella for now. The smell of fresh blood was particularly pungent in the ICU, the patients' wounds almost all recently inflicted.

"Well, I'd better get out there before Emmett gets too anxious. I wouldn't want to be responsible for setting an angry grizzly bear loose in the hospital," she giggled, then sighed again. "Be well, Bella." She kissed Bella on the cheek so delicately I'm not sure Bella would have felt it even if she were awake. Then she hugged me good-bye. "Be strong, Edward. She needs you to be her rock, no pun intended," she said with a twinkle in her eyes. And then she was gone.

It only took moments for Emmett to replace her. I could hear his silent complaints as he grumbled about Alice taking so long. "Oh crap! That _bastard_!" Emmett snarled, startled at the sight of Bella.

"I know," I said quietly, trying not to let Emmett's internal monologue overwhelm the fragile hold I had on my emotions. The profanities and abuse he aimed at James were all warranted though.

"Geez, I'm sorry, Edward. She looks, well, bad!" He took in the whole scene then. He stared angrily at the respirator that was forcing Bella's lungs to function artificially, moving then to the monitor, taking in the steady beeping that emulated her heart beat. Then his eyes settled on the IV bag now half filled with blood. He followed it's trail down the tubing and into Bella's hand and then gulped.

"Thanks for coming, Emmett. I know Bella would appreciate it. I appreciate it. But maybe it's time to go," I said nervously. But he surprised me by regaining control almost immediately. He averted his gaze then, purposefully ignoring the blood and focusing on Bella's face. His face held a pained expression, then he huffed angrily. "Yeah, I'd better go. They're waiting for me. We're catching a plane back tonight. I just wanted to see her for myself," he moaned. "Hang tough, Edward. She needs you. She really _needs_ you," he said, as he immersed me in his bear like embrace.

"Thank you, Emmett," I said gratefully. Of everyone, Emmett's reaction was the most astounding. He was so protective of Bella now. He really thought of her as his little sister. I wondered how Rosalie was going to react to this new development.

He stomped off then, his shoulders slightly slumped. "If I'd known, I'd have ripped his pecker off with my bare hands, and shoved it down his throat before I ripped his head off," he thought bitterly. Emmett always saw things so clearly - cause and effect.

I heard their good-byes to Carlisle, and then their farewell thoughts to me. They were all saddened about leaving so soon, when there was still so much that was uncertain. But I could hear Jasper's reservations. He needed to speak to me before they left. Very reluctantly, I left Bella to see him. It was probably time for a human "bathroom break" in any case.

Jasper acknowledged the sacrifice it took for me to leave her. "Thank you, Edward. I know you would prefer not to have her out of your sight."

I nodded and gestured for him to follow me down the hallway. I knew he wanted to speak to me alone. The others busied themselves in conversation to give us some privacy.

"I wish her the very best, Edward. I enjoyed getting to know her better while she was with Alice and me. She's captivating," he said, somewhat anxiously. Then he sighed deeply. "I'm so very sorry for letting her escape my protection, Edward. I will always regret that I let you and her down so badly. I feel this is largely my responsibility." He hung his head.

We hadn't discussed the issue of Bella's escape from him and Alice. I had been angry at first - furious, when I arrived to find Bella missing. But my focus quickly turned to finding her and saving her. I hadn't thought about it since, and I was disappointed in myself that I hadn't noticed Jasper's unease. Obviously, I wasn't the only one suffering with guilt. It seemed that all the Cullen - and Hale - men were struggling with feelings of remorse.

"Jasper, I don't blame you. Bella was determined to get away from you. She had all the motivation she needed, thinking that her mother's life depended on her escaping from you. I blame James." I hissed his name. "And I blame myself." My chest tightened as I struggled to keep from falling into the abyss. It was best not to dwell on myself. I needed to keep all my focus on Bella. Another wave of tranquility then settled at the edges of my consciousness. My pain was too deep for Jasper's gift to fully soothe, but I appreciated the gentle reprieve he'd given me.

"She is strong, Edward. Deceptively so. She shouldn't have...." He couldn't finish speaking his thought, but I heard him all too clearly.

"She shouldn't have survived," I finished for him. "I don't quite understand how she has, but I'm so grateful. I don't deserve her, but I need her, Jasper. I can't explain it...." I was caught up in the depth of my feelings for her. Jasper had a way of bringing your innermost emotions to the surface, even when he wasn't trying.

"I'm afraid I'm with Alice on this point, Edward," Jasper said confidently. "Bella has survived for you. Whether you think you deserve her or not is irrelevant. You make her happy. Spending that time with her, I got to see, to _feel_ the depth of her human emotions. It was quite a surprise. I've never encountered another human with such powerful emotions. She loves you, Edward. It's not a fickle human infatuation. Her heart is overwhelmed by her love for you. Don't ever doubt that. I believe that you are her reason for living. You are what is keeping her alive, and she needs you in order to recover. I think you need to know that. _Really_ know it."

I didn't doubt Bella's love for me. She'd proven her love so many times. She was in this position now _because_ she loved me. And that is what haunted me. That she loved me _too_ much. That her life was at risk _because_ she loved me. But seeing Jasper's thoughts now - feeling the emotions his gift had sensed from Bella, I knew I had to let go of that notion. If she truly needed me to survive, then of course, she would have me. For eternity, on my part. For as long as she wanted me, on hers. Jasper's words renewed my determination that Bella would survive this. I was feeling more confident all the time, although that could have been Jasper's doing!

"Thank you, Jasper. I appreciate it," I said in earnest.

"Go to her, Edward. Let her know you're there. Bring her back, to all of us," he encouraged.

I nodded and we embraced. And then I walked back to Bella, my legs moving as fast as humanly possible.


	8. Chapter 8

**(Edward's POV)**

Carlisle returned later that evening with some bottled water and sandwiches. More props, but the nurses were beginning to worry about my lack of appetite. Carlisle made a show of encouraging me to eat something, as I grudgingly chose one of the sandwiches, pulverising it bit by bit until it was nothing but dust on the floor that I scattered liberally with my feet. I left some half demolished crusts for effect, and casually threw them into the trash.

"Is everything arranged?" I asked.

"Yes, it's all done. I can start at the ER tomorrow night. Forks Community Hospital has agreed to the leave of absence. Under the circumstances, they were more than willing to oblige. Charlie Swan meant a lot to that town. The townsfolk are grieving, and they're very concerned about Bella. People are bombarding Esme, Alice and the others with questions about her condition," he said gravely.

"So Charlie's been found then?" I asked sadly. I had been so totally focused on Bella, I hadn't thought about the Renee and Charlie situation. I was ashamed at my lack of compassion. I did truly care, but my attention to Bella was so all encompassing, that I had missed the thoughts Carlisle must have had on the subject. I was grateful that he was here, attending to all the necessary details I wasn't able to concentrate on.

"Oh yes. He didn't show up for a fishing trip with Harry Clearwater, and so Harry went to check on him. Charlie _never_ missed a fishing trip," Carlisle noted gloomily.

"And Bella's guardianship?"

"The paperwork for temporary guardianship is being drawn up as we speak. It will be sent via courier tomorrow some time."

"Temporary guardianship?" I queried.

Carlisle paused momentarily. "The nurse is listening," he thought to me. "I haven't been able to contact Renee or Charlie, although sadly we now know why I couldn't reach him. So I've taken action to get temporary guardianship, in case further medical decisions need to be made on Bella's behalf," he explained for the nurse's benefit. "I know that's what Charlie would have wanted, given we are still unable to reach Renee."

The nurse appeared then, performing a cursory check on Bella and making sure her chart was up to date. "That's just awful news about the poor girl's father," she said glumly. "As if she doesn't have enough to deal with! And what about her mother, where is she?" she asked somewhat accusingly. If only she knew the real reason for Renee's absence, she wouldn't be judging her so harshly.

"She was in Florida with her husband. I've left dozens of messages on her home and cell phones. I just can't reach her, and I don't have her husband's contact details," Carlisle sighed, exasperated. "I've contacted the Police, and they are going to look into it for us. I'm sure her mother will be frantic once she realises that Bella came back to visit and then had such a serious accident," Carlisle finished, another piece of the pretensce fitting neatly into place.

"Poor sweetheart. She's really going to need her mom, now more than ever. But she's lucky you're here, Dr. Cullen," she smiled sweetly.

She was right. Bella would need her mother now and her father. But she would have neither of them. I marvelled at the cruel twist of fate that had put this beautiful, frail, seriously injured human girl in the custody of vampires. Fact certainly was stranger than fiction.

"Oh, her stats have started to decline," the nurse announced, as she checked the monitor.

Carlisle and I were on our feet immediately, Carlisle checking the monitor himself and feeling her face. "Her temperature is increasing, I think she has an infection," he declared. "Page Dr. Cooper, please," he ordered calmly. He didn't yet have the authority to prescribe any course of treatment himself.

"What's causing the infection?" I asked him anxiously, my mind reeling. She had been doing so well. She had been stable.

"I don't know, Edward, but in her weakened state, it's not completely unexpected. But don't worry, we've caught it early. I'm sure Dr. Cooper will prescribe a different course of antibiotics, and we will begin to see progress very.... Oh, I should have realised!"

"What is it?" I demanded, my anxiety ratcheting up several notches.

"It's where _he_ bit her. Can you smell it now?" He lifted Bella's hand up carefully, and we could see the oozing infection making its way through her dressings.

I was appalled. "But I sucked all the venom out," I whispered. "You said it smelled clean, and it tasted clean." I shuddered at the recollection of tasting Bella's blood. That was not a memory I cared to revisit.

"I don't know, Edward. It's not like there's any historical data on the subject. I don't know of any other humans who have survived a vampire bite in this way. In any way! To my knowledge, there is no data on the subject at all," he said apprehensively.

"Perhaps more of the venom entered her system than we thought? Perhaps it leeched into surrounding tissues? I really don't know, Edward. But she will have to be treated aggressively. If it's the venom causing this, it will be difficult to remedy." Carlisle was as perplexed as I was. This was a development we hadn't foreseen.

I searched the hospital until I found his voice. Dr. Cooper had been in the ER, about to come check on Bella anyway, when he received the page. "He's on his way now," I told Carlisle, panic adding an unpleasant edge to my voice. He noticed, but didn't comment. He shared my concern.

After a few agonising minutes, Dr. Cooper entered the ICU. The nurse, whose name I hadn't bothered noticing, filled him in on Bella's status, and escorted him to her bed. "Dr. Cullen," he nodded to Carlisle. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked, ignoring me.

Once more Carlisle carefully lifted Bella's arm, showing him the progression of the infection. "Her temperature is climbing. This wound has become infected." Carlisle stopped short of declaring the course of treatment that should be taken, waiting instead for Dr. Cooper to take the lead.

"I recommend aggressive treatment with Roxithromycin and frequent changes of the wound dressing." He signed the chart with his orders. "Becky, please see to this right away. I don't want this infection taking hold."

I relaxed slightly. His decision had mirrored Carlisle's thoughts, and that was comforting.

While he was there he did a more thorough check on Bella, studying her chart, inspecting her other wounds for any signs of infection, and checking the circulation of the fingers and toes protruding from her plaster casts. Once he'd satisfied himself that there was nothing more to be done for the moment, he announced his departure.

"Becky, please keep me informed of her progress. I'm on call tonight, so I'll be around. Page me if anything changes," he told her.

"Dr. Cullen...," he started to say in farewell.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle, I look forward to working with you. We certainly appreciate the extra pair of hands in the ER," he smiled appreciatively.

"My pleasure Dr...."

"Jack, please," he returned the courtesy.

"My pleasure, Jack. I'm grateful for your accommodations. It will be good to feel useful again, and be close to Bella and Edward, should they need me," Carlisle responded enthusiastically.

"Yes, yes, I understand. But Miss Swan is a fighter. All things considered, she's doing quite well, the infection notwithstanding. I believe there's been some bad news about her father though. News travels fast in this place," he added by way of explanation.

"Yes, it's a tragedy," Carlisle said mournfully. "He was a good man, and of course the timing with Bella's accident is unfortunate. A tragedy all round."

"Well, hopefully, her mother will be tracked down soon. She's going to need her," Dr. Cooper acknowledged. He was genuinely saddened by Bella's misfortunes. He might feel inexplicably uncomfortable around me, but I was definitely warming up to him. He was a highly competent doctor and surgeon and a genuinely decent man. At least Bella had that going for her. My poor love didn't have much else going her way at the moment.

He left as the nurse, Becky, returned with a new IV bag, a clear sausage like package containing much needed medication for Bella. She replaced the old antibiotics with the hopefully more effective prescription, and deftly repositioned the end of the tubing into the new bag, adjusting the flow to meet the requirements of Dr. Cooper's orders. Another nurse joined her then with new dressings for Bella's hand. Carlisle and I stood back, giving them room to work.

They delicately removed the old dressing. The gauze underneath completely saturated with the oozing puss of infection. I could see the imprint of James teeth so clearly. I realised then that this would be a permanent and perfectly preserved record of him on her skin. It would be a scar that would never completely fade. The thought of him leaving such a lasting mark on Bella sickened me. It would always be there, reminding her.

The nurses worked with great care, disinfecting the wound completely before applying a new dressing. I noticed that the skin surrounding the scar was deeply reddened. The infection was trying to progress further into her body. I hoped fervently that the new treatment regime would put a stop to it.

The nurses left, leaving Carlisle and me to resume our vigil. We were both intent on Bella, looking for any changes in her appearance or her scent that would indicate the infection was spreading, and paying close attention to the readings on the monitor. But in spite of the new medication and the meticulous cleaning of the wound, Bella's condition continued to decline.

There was a fine sheen on her face now, and her skin was no longer pale, but a flushed pink. The fever was taking hold. Her heartbeat was weakening, it's rhythm no longer steady. The wound continued to ooze. Only Carlisle and I suspected why the infection was so aggressive, it _had_ to be the venom. But neither of us knew what to do about it. Everything that could be done was being done, and Bella was still getting worse.

I was distraught, and even Carlisle was struggling with his calm. Dr. Cooper checked in on Bella regularly, and he was disconcerted by her deteriorating condition. As Bella's temperature continued to rise, he ordered the nurses to get as many ice packs as they could find, and put them on and around her to keep her cool. This steadied her temperature for a while, but did nothing to ultimately reverse its course.

If my heart weren't still, it would have been beating out of my chest in abject terror. I didn't know what I could do for her. I didn't know how to stop this. I thought of my family's words, telling me to be strong for her. "You are what's keeping her alive, and she needs you in order to recover," Jasper had said. "Let her know you're there." It was the only option available to me, and so I tried.

I put my lips tenderly to hers, and gave her a sweet, soft kiss, gently pushing her lips apart and letting my breath swirl into her mouth and around her face. I was the world's best predator, after all. I knew my scent intoxicated her. I hoped it was as powerful to her as hers was for me. "Stay with me, Bella. Don't leave me," I whispered, pleaded really. I slipped one icy hand under her neck, and placed my other on her chest. Even through her gown, I knew my frigid touch could keep her cooler than any ice pack. I rested my face on her shoulder, and then I sang to her, the lullaby she had inspired.

I stayed like that with her throughout the long night, oblivious to everything and everyone. Gradually, I could feel her skin cooling, and I heard as her heart regained its weak, but steady rhythm.

"You did it," Carlisle beamed. He'd been assessing her statistics, jubilant when her temperature started decreasing and moving its way back towards normal. He turned to me and gathered me into a warm embrace. "This is such good news, Edward." He'd been fearful that the venomous infection couldn't be stopped, so his relief was palpable.

"Yes, it is. Finally!" I agreed. Maybe things would start going Bella's way now, I hoped.

The nursing staff's chatter reached me then, as my relief cleared my senses. "Oh my God, did you see that?" said the first one. "Uh huh! That Swan girl is _so_ lucky. That guy is seriously _HOT_. He was draped over her for hours. And he sang to her. My God, he actually _sang_ to her. He sounded like an angel," the other one sighed wistfully.

I tuned them out again. Dr. Cooper had all my respect and admiration. But so far, the nurses had failed to impress me. "That Swan girl is so lucky?" What were they thinking? My sweet, innocent Bella was fighting for her life, and all they could think about was how lucky she was because I sang to her. It was beyond irritating. Thankfully they were quite proficient in their work, otherwise I'd have been making arrangements to hire Bella her own private nursing staff.

Carlisle saw my irritation, guessing at the cause. "They can't help it, Edward. You know they are drawn to our kind. But really, what you did for Bella was quite romantic. It was very touching," he said sincerely. I had to scan his thoughts to determine if he was mocking me. But no, he really was sincere.

"I love her," I said. It was as simple as that. He nodded in understanding.

Dr. Cooper arrived soon after, pleased with the latest developments. "The nursing staff seem to think you're some kind of miracle worker, Mr. Cullen." It was the first time he'd directly addressed me. I imagined I looked far less threatening now compared to all the other times he'd seen me. I had been so totally absorbed in Bella, my hostility had melted away with her fever. She was so _very_ good for me. I wondered if I really was good for her, too? She certainly seemed to respond to me, but it could have been a delayed reaction to the antibiotics.

"I just tried to let her know I was here," I said meekly. "Bella did all the hard work."

"Well whatever it is you did, it obviously worked. She's doing much better. We'll get a scan of her head tomorrow, check out that brain swelling. If that goes well, we'll ease back on some of the medications, and then it will be a matter of waiting for her to wake up in her own time. But I'm very hopeful that the worst is behind her now," he said, genuinely pleased with the turn of events.

_______________

Later that morning, an unfamiliar man made his way towards Bella's bed. He looked drawn, like he hadn't slept, and his shoulders were slightly hunched. His thoughts were angst ridden, his grief so intense it felt as if it was burning into me. I realised that he must be Phil. So Renee's body had been discovered! I whispered rapidly to Carlisle, filling him in.

"Can I help you?" Carlisle asked, stepping forward to greet him.

"I'm Phil," he mumbled. "Renee's husband." He strained to get her name out. "You must be Edward," he said, looking up at my eyes. He averted his gaze quickly. I wasn't sure what he was thinking. His mind was all over the place. He kept saying, "sorry," over and over again to himself. Perhaps he was saying "sorry" to Renee, I wondered.

I nodded in reply.

Carlisle did what he had to do, playing out the drama so it unfolded exactly the way it needed to. "Oh Phil, it's a pleasure to meet you." Carlisle reached to shake his hand. Phil grabbed it limply, quickly dropping his hand back to his side. "I'm Carlisle, Edward's father." Phil stared at the floor.

"Phil, is there something wrong, besides the obvious with Bella I mean?" Carlisle asked, a concerned edge to his voice now. "Where's Renee? I've been trying to reach her since Bella's accident."

Phil inhaled raggedly. "She's, she's dead," he stammered. He seemed shocked as he said the words out loud.

Carlisle and I looked to each other and then towards Phil in total shock. Yes, we were extremely good at this pantomime. We'd had much practice over the years.

"Phil, did you say Renee is dead? That can't be right," Carlisle said, shaken.

"She came back from Florida early. She wanted to start packing up the house. We were moving, you see. But she tripped and fell down the stairs. They said she died instantly. She broke her neck." His voice was monotone. "They told me that Bella had an accident, and that I needed to come to the hospital so I could tell her, um, you," he added.

"Oh my God!" Carlisle and I both exclaimed.

"Phil, here, sit down. I'm so very sorry. I cannot believe this is happening. Bella's accident was bad enough, but now this! This is appalling news. Is there anything I can do for you?" Carlisle asked, agitated.

"No!. No, I can't stay," he said embarrassed. I understood then. He wasn't saying sorry to Renee. He was saying sorry to Bella.

He looked at Bella then for the first time, shock registering on his face as he took in the gravity of her situation. "Will she be all right?" he asked no one in particular.

"She's in very serious condition, but she's stable at the moment. There have been some very anxious moments though. It's going to take a lot for her to recover. Her injuries are very severe," Carlisle explained sympathetically.

He seemed to take that in, as he nodded slowly in response. His breath caught, and I could see what he was about to do. "Tell her I'm sorry," he said flatly. "I can't do this. I'm not prepared for it. She's not my kid. I just can't do it. I'm sorry." Then he turned and abruptly headed for the door.

Carlisle's shock was genuine this time. "Edward, did he mean that? Is he really just going to leave Bella like this?"

"Yes, he meant it. His grief is consuming him, but his thoughts were quite clear on the subject. He doesn't want to be burdened with Bella. He won't ever make contact with her again, not even to tell her good-bye." I was angry now. It was a cowardly act and another body blow for Bella. She didn't have a strong connection to Phil, but she had bonded with him because of her mother. I had expected that he would at least want to keep in touch and be involved in her recovery. I was sorry for him because of Renee. His grief was genuine. But I couldn't forgive anything that would cause Bella any more pain, and Phil's total abandonment would hurt her deeply.

Carlisle and I were on the same page, his thoughts reflecting my own. "She's better off with us, Edward. We _will _take care of her. She really is on her own now, in her human world," he thought sadly.

______________

The next several days seemed to blur into each other. Bella was improving, thankfully. An MRI had shown that the brain swelling had abated. Her heartbeat was still steady, and it was growing stronger. Dr. Cooper even thought he'd be able to take her off the respirator within the next couple of days and move her to a private room. It was all going very well, except that she wasn't waking up. She was no longer in a medically induced coma. But still, she wouldn't wake up.

"Her head wound was very serious," the doctor explained. "We know so little about the brain, really. The main thing to focus on is that she is improving in every other way. We just all need to be patient. She will wake up when she's ready." But his thoughts betrayed his concern. Sometimes for no apparent reason, patients remained comatose indefinitely even as their injuries began to heal. There was just no way of knowing when, or if she'd wake up.

Carlisle had commenced his night shifts in the ER. By day he forced himself to return to the Hotel for a few hours as he was supposed to be sleeping. He spent that time calling Esme and the others, filling them in on Bella's condition, and catching up on the news at home. The rest of the time he spent with me in the ICU, with Bella. The bed next to Bella's was still empty, and Dr. Cooper had arranged for me to use it to sleep so I wouldn't have to leave her. He knew that wasn't an option, and I was grateful for the effort he'd made to accommodate me.

Pretending to sleep was the hardest time, because it physically took me away from Bella. I would lie on my side night after night staring at her in the darkness, wishing I could still touch her. The nurses were impressed with my stamina. Some nights I only needed four hours sleep! It all depended on how long I could force myself to be physically parted from Bella in order to keep up appearances.

A couple of days later, as promised, Dr. Cooper removed Bella's breathing tube. It was unfortunately replaced with a feeding tube, as Bella was starting to grow weak through lack of nutrition. But I was determined to stay focused on all the positive changes, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Bella took those first tentative breaths on her own, without the respirator. She was moved out of the Intensive Care Unit then, and into a private room. Carlisle had pulled some strings, and once again, I was grateful to my father. A cot had been placed in the room for my use. But with the privacy of Bella's own room, I only had to use it when I heard any of the staff planning to come in over night to check on her. That was a big improvement.

_____________

The days grew into weeks, and Bella still hadn't woken. My hope was slowly being replaced by despair, as I contemplated the possibility that Bella may never wake up. My chest tightened at the thought of never hearing her voice or seeing her beautiful eyes again. The nurses checked on her less frequently now. She was their "easy" patient. Their thoughts and supposedly whispered conversations were quite discouraging. "Poor boy! He never leaves her side. I wonder how long it will be before he gives up?" they would wonder and discuss amongst themselves. "Never," was my silent answer. I would never give up on Bella, and I would never leave her side. Not as long as she still breathed, and even then....

There were still eruptions of yellow, black and pink on her skin, as the deep seated bruising continued to work its way out. Most of the stitches and bandaging had been removed, revealing a multitude of fresh, pink scars of various shapes and sizes. But the wound caused from James's bite had not healed. The skin surrounding the bite still reddened with a low grade infection that persisted. Her broken bones were still broken, healing, but at an extremely decelerated rate. It baffled the medical staff, Carlisle and I included, although we knew it to be somehow related to the venom that had entered her system. Dr. Cooper still came to check on her daily, even though her care was out of his hands now. She was stable, her vital statistics strong. There were no medications to be given - no surgeries to be performed. For all intents and purposes, she was basically well. She just couldn't wake up, her hand wouldn't heal, and her broken bones wouldn't mend.

The hospital administration had started making noises about transferring Bella to a long term care facility. But Carlisle convinced them to let her be. The hefty premium he was paying for the privilege of the private room, and the generous donation to the new paediatric wing, soon had them happy to oblige.

On the afternoon of the twenty-fourth day, Carlisle was sitting with me as he counted down the hours to the start of his shift in the ER. "Edward, we may need to consider alternate arrangements soon, if Bella doesn't wake up." He spoke cautiously, aware that each passing day that Bella remained unconscious added to the burden of worry and guilt I was carrying.

I was in my usual position seated beside Bella's bed, my hands carefully wound around her left arm, my face close to hers on her pillow. I raised my head. "What did you have in mind?" I asked calmly. I was determined to not take out my frustrations on Carlisle. He had been away from Esme and the rest of his family for too long now. He'd sacrificed enough without me taking him for granted. He had initially expected that Bella would need to remain in hospital for several weeks as she healed, planning on a transfer to the Forks Community Hospital when she was well enough to travel. But he didn't anticipate the current situation. None of us had.

"Well," he said more confidently, "she can't stay here indefinitely. If this becomes a more long term situation, you will not be able to remain with her here. It will only be a matter of time before your constant presence is questioned. The longer this continues, the harder it will be to avoid suspicion."

I nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, that had occurred to me," I replied.

"Then perhaps we should consider moving her back to Forks, with us. She will have all she needs there. We will make her comfortable. And you never need leave her, if that's what you choose," he said soothingly, genuine affection and sadness sweeping over him.

I thought about that. It made sense. But.... "So you think there is no hope then?" I asked hesitantly. If Carlisle had given up, then maybe I really had lost her. She still breathed, but that was all. I was agonised at the thought. But it didn't change anything. Even if she never woke again, I would remain by her side, for the rest of her life.

"No, Edward. That's not it. Not at all!" Carlisle was emphatic. "It's too soon to give up hope. I know of many cases of coma patients who eventually wake up, even after prolonged periods of time. It's just that as a doctor, I have to consider the possibility that she may not wake, and we, as a family, need to think about making alternate arrangements that will enable you to be with her should this become a permanent situation. I know you don't want to leave her, son." Sorrow engulfed him then, and I could feel his pain as keenly as if it were my own. It _was_ my own. But I could see in his mind that hope still remained. It hadn't been a month yet, so it was too soon to lose faith entirely. This soothed me somewhat.

"We don't need to make this decision now, Edward. But we do need to agree on a point in time when we think she should be moved," he said thoughtfully, pondering various timelines. "Six weeks, eight. Six months, perhaps...."

"No, Carlisle. You've been away from Esme and the family for too long already. If she hasn't awakened in another week, we should make the arrangements," I said determined. If this was to be my existence from now on, better that it be away from here so that Carlisle's obligation could be over. It wasn't fair of me to keep him here any longer. But I didn't want' to burden my family with this either. It would be unfair to bring such sadness into their home. I would agree to stay close to them, but I would take Bella to another home. A home we would share together, just the two of us, and I would care for her there. I decided not to mention this to Carlisle yet. He would only argue the point and insist we both come to the family home.

Carlisle was still uneasy. He had more that he needed to discuss. "Yes, Carlisle?" I prompted.

He sighed, regretting the path this next subject would take, knowing the disagreement it would bring. "Edward, your eyes are pitch black. You haven't fed for weeks. You are growing weak with hunger. I don't think you should postpone hunting any longer. I will stay with Bella tonight. I can cancel my shift in the ER and stay with her. I won't leave her alone, Edward. I admit the pickings are slim here, compared to what we are accustomed to at home, but there is wildlife to be found. I found a herd of deer to the north only last week." He paused then, trying to gauge my reaction.

I'd let him have his say. I knew he was concerned, but my mind was set. "I will not leave her, Carlisle. Not like this. I can't!"

He nodded sombrely. "I thought that's what you'd say. But I had to try. I'm very worried about you, Edward. It's not wise to go so long without feeding."

"I will not lose control and harm any humans. You have my word on that, Carlisle."

"Of course not. I didn't mean to imply that you would. I'm just concerned," he finished sadly.

We sat in silence then, as we had done so many afternoons since being here. I returned all my attentions to Bella, gently stroking her cheek.

"Bella!," I suddenly exclaimed.

"Edward, what is it? What's wrong?" Carlisle cried out anxiously.

"I swear I felt her hand move, Carlisle," I panted excitedly.

"Are you sure it wasn't a muscle spasm, Edward? It would be a natural human response for it to.... Oh my! Yes! Yes, you're right," he exclaimed, just as animated as I was then.

I carefully cradled her hand in mine, squeezing very gently. "Bella! Can you hear me, love? Can you open your eyes, Bella?" I asked tenderly, my tone belying the unbridled emotion raging within me.

"Mmmm," she moaned, her voice raspy from disuse. Elation engulfed me. Bella was waking up. She was finally waking up!

"Bella," Carlisle's voice was comforting. "I'd like you to open your eyes now. Can you try to do that for me? Edward is here, and he's waiting for you."

Her delicate eyelashes fluttered, stilled, then fluttered again. Slowly she managed to pry them open, the movement exaggerated, as if she found them to be very heavy. She blinked several times, trying to focus her eyes, and then she stared at me, her eyes growing very wide as the light inside her switched back on.

"Edward!" she croaked. She'd said my name. My sweet, wonderful, brave, Bella was awake, and she'd said my name. I didn't think I'd ever heard a more beautiful sound. In that moment I was positively euphoric. But I had no idea what was about to happen next.


	9. Chapter 9

**(Edward's POV)**

"Edward!" she croaked again, an edge of panic in her voice.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm here, and you're going to be fine," I said triumphantly.

"What happened? Why am I here? What's going on? OW!" she rambled frantically. She was so confused, trying to orient herself and not succeeding. She'd automatically tried to sit up and pull the feeding tube away from her face, the movement clearly causing her pain.

"Shush, Bella, try not to move. You've been hurt, my love. But you're going to be just fine." I tried to soothe her, hardly daring to believe that she was actually awake and with me.

"Bella, Edward's right. You need to try and keep still. You have a lot of injuries. But the worst is behind you now. It's going to be okay," Carlisle said reassuringly.

"I, I don't understand," she said pitifully. She looked so frail and bewildered.

"Bella, can you tell me the last thing you remember," Carlisle asked professionally. He was in doctor mode now.

She bit her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes shut in concentration. "You were all playing baseball. It was amazing!" Her voice was a little groggy, but she was comforted by the memory, although it looked as if it took great effort for her to recall it.

"Oh no!" she gasped. "You didn't let me play did you, Edward? Did I fall down again, or hit myself with the bat?" she asked pleadingly. "It kind of feels like I hit myself with something hard."

Carlisle and I exchanged nervous glances. "And that's the very last thing you remember, Bella?" Carlisle encouraged.

"Yeah. My head really hurts." Confusion still registered on her beautiful face. "What's wrong with me? What did I do to myself this time?" She was becoming annoyed with herself, so sure it must be her own fault.

I didn't know what to say to her. I'd been waiting so long for her to come back to me, and now I couldn't think of anything suitable to say. She didn't remember what happened. What should I tell her?

Carlisle sensed my uncertainty, so he answered for me. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. You've had an _accident_. You've got a lot of broken bones. That's why it hurts and that's why it's best if you try not to move around too much. But you're going to be okay, Bella. So I don't want you to worry. We're going to look after you."

This seemed to appease her somewhat, though I knew that she wouldn't let it go. The more alert she became, the more questions she would have. Of all the times I had imagined Bella waking up, this scenario hadn't occurred to me. I wasn't prepared.

I looked to Carlisle pleadingly. He thought his explanation. "It may only be temporary, Edward. It's not uncommon for patients with serious head wounds to forget the traumatic incident that led to their injury. But there's no way of knowing how long it will last. In the meantime, we need to keep the truth from her. It would be better if she came to it on her own. The shock would be too great now. She's been through enough already. The most important thing is that she has woken up."

I nodded to him. Of course, I should have realised this was a possibility. I had been so focused on her waking up that I hadn't really thought about what would happen afterwards. I'd been so consumed by her injuries, and the loss of her parents and, _everything else_....

"I _still _don't understand," Bella continued, plainly frustrated. "What kind of accident did I have?" Her eyelids started fluttering again. Her speech was slightly slurred.

"Go with the same story," Carlisle thought.

"You fell down two flights of stairs, Bella, and then through a window. You were hurt quite badly, but everything is fine now," I offered tentatively.

Her brows pulled together in concentration, and she winced. Even that small movement hurt her.

"Where? At your house? After the baseball?" she asked again, trying to make the pieces of the puzzle fit together. She didn't like feeling this vulnerable, not understanding what was happening.

"No, Bella. We're in Phoenix. You fell at the hotel Carlisle and I were staying at." I hated lying to her, but part of me was beginning to feel very relieved. Wouldn't it be better if she didn't remember what happened? Of course she'd have to be told, in time. But she wouldn't have the actual memory of Renee's murder playing in her mind, or anything else that had happened. My hands balled into tight fists at the thought.

"Phoenix!" she said excitedly. "We came to visit Renee? Where is she, Edward? Where's my mom?"

I momentarily stopped breathing, anguish stabbing me. Dear God, she was excited about seeing her mother.

Carlisle thankfully responded. "She's not here right now, Bella. And it's my turn to ask the questions," he deflected her. "We need to page your doctor. You've been asleep for quite a while, and we need to check you over. Are you in much pain?"

She frowned in frustration. "I have a bad headache," she said, "and I kind of hurt all over, but it's not too bad," she lied unconvincingly. "Aren't _you_ my doctor, Carlisle?" she asked, baffled.

"No, another doctor has been treating you, Bella. A Dr. Cooper. He's very good. You'll like him," Carlisle promised.

Bella still seemed confused, but she let it go for the moment. She tried to look down at herself then, to inspect the damage, but the effort to lift her head dizzied her. She thumped back onto the pillow. "Ow!"

"Bella!" I cried in alarm.

"I'm okay, Edward. Really, I'm fine," she was comforting me. Of course!

"I must have hit my head really hard, and my arm, too, I guess. Oh, and my leg, too! Wow...," she gasped, shocked as she eyed the casts.

"Bella, you need to be very honest about how you're feeling. You need to tell us where you have pain so we can help you," Carlisle told her sincerely.

She inhaled deeply and gasped at the intake. "Ouch! Um, my ribs really hurt. And everywhere else, really," she replied timidly. "I feel like I've been run over by a truck! And I'm really thirsty. My throat hurts; it's really dry." She wasn't accustomed to admitting weakness, and I could see how she struggled with it.

"Of course," Carlisle replied. "I'll have your doctor paged, and I'll organise for a nurse to bring you some water." Carlisle headed for the door.

"Bella, love, I'm so happy you're awake." I cupped her face delicately in my hands.

She tried to reach up to touch my face, but the tubing attached to her hand pulled, refusing to make the distance. She frowned discouragingly and then noticed the needles in the back of her hand. "Ugh," she flinched. She must have been in so much pain, but the thing bothering her the most were the needles in her hand! "That's my Bella," I thought affectionately.

She stared at me then, shock replacing the frown. "Edward, your eyes are black. You need to hunt!" she announced firmly.

"Bella, don't waste your energy worrying about me. I'm fine," I told her. I was lost in her eyes, trying to understand what she was thinking. "I'm more concerned about you. Is the pain very bad, love?"

She ignored my question. "Worrying about you is not wasting energy, Edward. Why haven't you hunted? I don't think I've ever seen your eyes this dark before. Why don't you go when my mom comes to visit, that way I won't miss you so much," she suggested. Her voice was getting clearer, although there was still a slight slurring of her words, as if she hadn't fully woken up yet.

"Bella, I'm not going to leave you. When you're feeling better and can leave the hospital, then I'll hunt. But until then, I'm afraid you're stuck with me." I had no intention of letting her out of my sight.

She wasn't happy with my answer. "So, when will I get out? It's too sunny for you here, Edward. We should go back to Forks as soon as possible! I don't know what I could have been thinking bringing you to Phoenix with me." She was starting to sound agitated, the confusion overwhelming her.

"Bella, Bella, stop. I'm not the one in the hospital bed. You need your rest, not to get upset over me. I promise you, I'm fine. I'm more than fine. Now that you're awake, I'm extremely happy." I bent my head down to her face, my lips gently brushing hers. "I love you," I whispered, then kissed her very softly. I'd been waiting for this moment for so long.

She pushed her lips into mine, and I could hear the pounding in her chest, and the corresponding beeping of the monitor, start to speed up. I leaned back quickly, and the pounding and beeping slowed down.

I stared at her. Her cheeks had flushed that delicious shade of pink, and she was a little breathless. "Are you okay, Bella?" I asked concerned.

"I guess now everyone will be able to hear what happens to my heart when you're close to me," she said, embarrassed. "And I lost my breath. I guess I'm out of practice. Exactly how long have I been asleep, Edward?" she asked suspiciously.

Maybe I should kiss her again, I wondered. It might keep her distracted, and stop her from asking more questions. But my intentions weren't completely pure.

I sighed. There was no way of avoiding this one. "You've been in the hospital for about three and a half weeks, Bella," I replied.

She was silent for a moment, processing my words. When she finally understood, a combination of shock and fear registered on her face. "What?" she screamed and winced in pain at the same time. "Are you telling me I've been asleep for nearly a month? Renee and Charlie must be out of their minds? Where are they? They'll be freaking out, Edward. I have to tell them that I'm okay," she paused thoughtfully. "I _am_ okay, aren't I? I mean, what could make me sleep for that long? I, I don't understand, Edward. I don't understand any of this. Why am I even in Phoenix? I don't remember coming here!" Her voice was trembling, and each breath was laboured.

"Bella, please! You must calm down, my love. This isn't good for you. You are going to be fine. You just had a very bad fall. You hit your head very hard, and you were unconscious. But you're improving every day now. There's nothing to worry about."

"But, Edward...." she stammered.

"Shush now. Please calm down. I don't want you to worry. I know you're confused. It's because you hit your head, Bella. But everything is going to be fine now," I said trying to soothe her.

But I felt ill. I wasn't at all sure that everything was going to be fine. How many times had I used the word, 'fine' since she'd woken up? Surely she would see through my phoney assurances. I ached to wrap my arms around her, smothering her in comfort and love and protecting her from all the cruelness the world had to offer. I didn't want her to have to suffer through what was yet to come. But I had to settle for stroking her cheek with one hand and cradling her hand gently with the other. She was still so fragile, now more than ever.

Carlisle and Dr. Cooper entered the room then, a nurse trailing behind them carrying a tray with a jug of water, a glass and a bendy straw. Bella eyed the water eagerly.

"Bella," Carlisle spoke first. "This is Dr. Cooper. He's been your doctor while you've been here. He's taken very good care of you."

"Hello," she said, her voice still slightly raspy and slurred. I poured her a glass of water, and held the straw to her mouth. She slurped gratefully.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Swan," Dr. Cooper said. "You've given us all quite a scare. We've been waiting for you to wake up for some time. How are you feeling?"

He took a pen light out of his coat pocket, shining it into Bella's eyes, one at a time. Then he checked her chart, and the current readings on the monitor. "Impressive," he thought to himself.

"I'm fine," Bella replied quietly.

"I understand you don't remember your accident. That's quite normal." Then to Carlisle, "How long before the accident was this baseball game you were referring to?"

"Three days, give or take a few hours," Carlisle answered.

"Hmm." He turned back to Bella. "How is your vision? Any blurring?" Dr. Cooper asked, continuing the medical interrogation.

"No." Bella replied.

"Good. Good. Now what about your pain? Can you tell me where it hurts, and give me a one to ten on the severity? I'm sure Carlisle has explained that you have a lot of injuries, and we want to make sure that you're not unnecessarily uncomfortable," he said kindly.

"I'm fine," Bella repeated.

I sighed in exasperation, answering for her. "So far, she's got some bad head pain, and her ribs, too, especially when she attempts a deep inhalation. She gets a little breathy, and she's been slightly slurring her words." Bella eyed me scornfully. I ignored her.

"I see," Dr. Cooper replied, thoughtfully. "Well, that's all understandable. You've got some fractured ribs and you had a punctured lung, so you're bound to have discomfort in that area. We'll get you on some oxygen to help you breathe a little more easily. And we'll get rid of that feeding tube too. We'll need to start you on a soft, mostly liquid diet. Your cheek and jaw are going to be a little tender for a while. In fact, you're going to be sore pretty much all over for a while. But I'll order some pain medication, and we'll get you started on that straight away. I don't believe your speech is anything to worry about. It will likely be back to normal after you've had some more rest. All in all, Miss Swan, you're very lucky to be alive, and you're doing remarkably well. I'm very pleased to see you awake and so lucid. Very pleased indeed," he finished happily.

Bella stared blankly at him, clearly still very confused about what had happened and why she was in a hospital in Phoenix talking to a strange doctor. I could see her trying to make sense of everything, furrowing her brows in frustration.

Dr. Cooper scribbled his orders on Bella's chart, and handed them to the nurse. "Please see to this right away, Linda. We don't want Miss Swan getting too uncomfortable. She needs a lot of rest, and to remain calm. She's got a lot of healing to do."

He thought about Bella's parents then, and this disturbed him. He'd obviously heard the news about Renee. At first he had questioned the coincidence that Bella and both her parents had been involved in separate life threatening incidents. But he had accepted the cover stories, reminding himself of the many other inexplicable human tragedies he'd witnessed throughout the years. He was deeply saddened at what Bella was yet to face, and was in complete agreement with Carlisle about not forcing Bella's memories. It was too soon, and she may be too weak to manage the shock. It could compromise her recovery. But he was concerned that we wouldn't be able to keep the news from her for very long. She'd be wondering where her parents were. It was possible she would remember on her own anyway.

He shook himself from his thoughts, and said his good-bye. "I'll check on you tomorrow, Miss Swan. Try to get some rest. You're in good hands." Then he left the room.

"See, Bella," I smiled. "Even Dr. Cooper thinks you're going to be okay. You've been so strong. I'm so proud of you." I beamed at her, and the monitor started beeping furiously. She blushed intensely, embarrassed in front of Carlisle.

Carlisle pretended not to notice. "Yes, Bella. I'm so very happy that you're awake, and that you're doing so well. We've been quite worried about you."

She smiled up at him, touched by his concern. I noticed that her smile was a little crooked now, compensating for the fractures in her facial bones. But it was still the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. She grimaced slightly, instinctively reaching up with her hand to gently touch the discomfort in her face, frowning again as she slowly discovered more and more painful areas of her body. But even as broken as she was, I was still overwhelmed by her beauty. My heart swelled. I had Bella back. She had survived.

Two nurses entered the room then, bringing with them various medical paraphernalia. They asked Carlisle and I to leave so they could carry out Dr. Cooper's orders and make Bella more comfortable.

Carlisle smiled at her warmly, then left for the ER. "I'm so happy for you, son," he thought lovingly as he was walking away.

I gently pressed my lips to Bella's forehead. "I'll be right outside," I told her, and reluctantly left.

___________________

When I entered her room again several minutes later, she was in a fresh gown, and her hair had been brushed. It fanned across her pillow in a brilliant sea of chocolate. She had a mask covering her nose and mouth, the oxygen swirling its way into her lungs with a soft hissing. The feeding tube had been removed, along with the monitor and the tangle of wires and tubes. Only one tube remained, attached to her hand. The morphine that would be automatically administered in small, frequent doses to manage what must be a considerable amount of pain. Her eyes were shut, and for a moment I panicked, wondering if she wouldn't be able to wake up again. I touched my icy hand to her face, and her eyes flew open. I instantly relaxed, understanding that she had been sleeping and was not unconscious.

"Hello, my love," I cooed in her ear. She smiled, fighting the oxygen mask and the uncooperative right side of her face. She reached for the mask, trying to dislodge it.

"Oh, no you don't," I chided. "You need your rest, Bella. Close your eyes, and I'll be here when you wake." She fought against her drooping eyelids, the morphine haze quickly pulling her into a deep sleep. And I watched her as she slept, never once taking my eyes off her beautiful face. My sleeping beauty.

After only three hours, her peaceful slumber became a restless tussle, her head lurching from side to side, her body twitching and jerking. I gently held her down, hoping to prevent further pain or injury from her involuntary struggles. She began moaning and mumbling incoherently, but her words soon became clear. "No! No! Mom, I'm so sorry. No! Don't touch me. Please, no! James! She's dead. Stay, Edward. No! No! Nooooooooooo!"

Her scream was piercing, and she woke herself up. She was panting, trying to catch her breath, as confusion descended upon her once more. She pulled the oxygen mask from her face.

I stroked her cheek tenderly. "It's okay, Bella. It was just a bad dream," I said softly, trying to calm her. I hoped she couldn't see through my pretence. I was aghast. She was dreaming about the ballet studio, her subconscious mind recalling with perfect clarity what her conscious mind was keeping out of her reach. It would only be a matter of time before she remembered it all! I fought back the emotion threatening to spill over me. I needed to keep calm - be strong for her.

It only took a moment before two nurses came running into her room to see what was wrong. They were concerned, wondering what had caused Bella to scream so torturously.

"She had a nightmare," I told them calmly. They visibly relaxed, comprehension dawning on them as they nodded sympathetically.

"Did you remember your accident, Bella?" the short one with red hair asked her encouragingly.

"I don't know," Bella replied honestly. "I can't quite remember...."

"It's okay, sweetheart. You've been through a lot. Would you like something to help you get back to sleep?" the taller brunette nurse asked kindly.

"Um, no thanks. I'm fine," Bella told them weakly. She was still a little breathless, and I could tell that she was frightened.

"Okay then, sweetheart. Buzz if you need us. Try and get some sleep now." The red head eyed me warily, threatening me with her glare. "He better not keep her awake all night. She needs her rest," she thought to herself. I nodded to her in understanding. She looked at me puzzled, then they both exited the room, closing the door behind them.

The moment the door closed, Bella's lips started trembling, and her eyes became wide with terror. I sat down next to her, slipping one arm under her neck, cradling my other arm above her chest gently, not allowing my weight to burden her. The closest I could get to an embrace in her current condition. "It's okay, Bella. It was just a bad dream. I'm here. There's nothing to be afraid of," I murmured softly.

Neither of us spoke for a few minutes, Bella nestling her face into my arm tenderly. I softly kissed her forehead, leaning back slightly to look into her eyes. She was still frightened, but confused and frustrated too, I guessed.

"Bella, do you remember what you were dreaming about?" I asked casually, hoping she wouldn't see through my charade.

"No. It's all so confusing. It's like there's something right there, just at the edge of my mind, but I can't see it. But it scares me, Edward. I don't know why, but it does," she said shakily.

I cradled her as best I could, comforting her, saying all the right things, until finally she fell asleep again. And as she slept, I wondered when the nightmares in her sleep would become her waking torment.


	10. Chapter 10

**(Edward's POV)**

The next three days were almost a replica of the day she woke up. Bella would continue to ask for her parents, and Carlisle and I would continue to fabricate reasons for their absence, often telling her that they'd been with her while she was sleeping. When that got old, we told her that Charlie had to return to Forks on police business, and Renee was called back to Florida because Phil had broken his leg in training and needed her help. She was certainly suspicious about their convenient absence, but her generalised confusion and frequent need for sleep helped to keep her distracted. Thank God for morphine!

Overall, she was certainly improving. There was no slurring to her speech anymore, and apart from the disconcertingly slow healing of her bones and the wound to her hand, she was generally much improved. Even with the morphine, Carlisle and I could see she was in a significant amount of pain. But Bella, being Bella, of course tried to hide this from me. She refused to use the oxygen when she was awake, complaining that it hurt her face, but I knew this was just an excuse. So once she was asleep, I would replace the mask carefully over her nose and mouth, watching with satisfaction as her breathing became easier.

Her nightmares continued to worsen. Every time she closed her eyes, it was only a matter of time before she would start thrashing and crying out in her sleep, ripping off the oxygen mask, eventually waking breathless and frightened and sometimes crying. Nevertheless, the memories continued to elude her. But it hadn't gone unnoticed, and it was beginning to cause a problem. Bella's sleep talking and her blood curdling screams were the major topic of conversation amongst the nurses on her ward. Dr. Cooper had even been informed. I could see at the edges of their consciousness that they were close to questioning Bella's accident, connecting the dots between her parents deaths and her own near death experience.

It was the major topic of conversation between Carlisle and me, too. It wasn't just that Bella was having such frequent, horrific, nightmares and crying out in her sleep. It was what she was saying that was the cause for alarm. It was a variation on the same theme each and every time. "Mom's dead. I'm so sorry. Don't touch me. James! NO!" It was heartbreaking, and it obviously had nothing to do with a fall down stairs and through a window.

Carlisle and I made sure Bella was never left alone, not that I had any inclination to leave her anyway. But we were extra vigilant about it now. We did our best to muffle Bella's sleep talking, and when that didn't work, we tried to wake her before she got too loud. But the dreams were all consuming, and it was often difficult to pull her back to the real world. It was still too fresh. So far no one else had heard some of her more revealing utterances, but her screams couldn't be silenced, and the humans were becoming curious.

That night we were considering our options, as Bella slept peacefully, for the time being. "If the police become involved, it will be very bad for all of us, Bella included," Carlisle said gravely.

"It's not at that stage yet, but if this continues much longer, it will be," I informed him thoughtfully. "I think we need to get her out of here. Find a reason why she needs to be transferred to another hospital."

"That will only delay the inevitable. There's no reason to think that the nightmares will cease if we move her. No, I think we need to get her home, Edward. To Forks, to our home." Carlisle concluded.

"Is she well enough for that?" I asked concerned. She was still so weak.

"She will have everything she needs, Edward. We will make sure of that. At this stage, it's about her healing. There's certainly nothing that we couldn't manage. The challenge will be transporting her from here to there and finding a plausible reason for why we will be discharging her so soon." I could see him thinking about private ambulance companies.

"Even with a private ambulance, it's a long journey. She _will_ be asleep for parts of it, and there will be no way to disguise what she's saying if a nightmare takes hold of her. We need our own ambulance," I proposed.

Carlisle thought about this. "You can't just rent an ambulance and drive it yourself, Edward. We will have to find a suitable car. Something large enough so that she can be comfortable. Flying is out of the question at this stage, and it would only raise more questions anyway. No, we should drive her ourselves."

"There's no way we're going to be able to get her out of this hospital unless it's in an ambulance. Dr. Cooper isn't ready to discharge her yet. If we attempt to just walk out of here with her in this condition, the alarm bells are going to sound." I was beginning to get frustrated. If anyone got too suspicious, Carlisle and I would become the prime suspects in this elaborate cover up, and Bella would be taken away from me. I wouldn't allow that. But short of becoming fugitives and going into hiding with her, I couldn't clearly see a path out of our current predicament.

I turned all my attention to her now, her lovely face peaceful in repose. I was deeply saddened at the suffering her subconscious mind was inflicting on her. I wished

her mind had buried the events at the ballet studio so deeply that they could never resurface. I would have to tell her what happened, of course. She would need to understand the circumstances of her parents' death. But I'd never have to tell her the rest. She'd never have to agonise over James' assault. She'd been through so much already. She shouldn't have to go through any more.

As I was pondering the injustice of her situation, she started groaning. Carlisle and I looked at each other anxiously, disappointed that Bella wouldn't be escaping her demons tonight. The groaning became louder as she started lurching from side to side, shaking her head and trying to remove herself from an unknown terror. I gently held her down, as I always did, trying to spare her further injury. Then she started screaming out. "No, James, don't. Please don't touch me. Noooooo! Don't leave me, Edward. It doesn't matter. Mom! Dead, dead! Nooooooooo!"

I looked to Carlisle, helplessly. But he was lost in the sorrow this scene always brought. It was gut wrenching seeing Bella this way, knowing what was causing her so much torment and pain. We were both becoming increasingly apprehensive about the solution that seemed to be eluding us. We had to get her out of here and soon. That much was obvious. But more than that, we wanted to take this pain away from her. We wanted to erase all the horrors and make her world safe and happy again. If only we could.

As her agitation heightened, her sleep talking became louder. If we couldn't stop this, the nurses would be in here any minute.

"You must try to stop her, Edward. Somehow! Until we have found a suitable way out of this, we need to contain the situation," Carlisle said urgently.

But before I could do anything, Bella shook violently and lurched forward with a breathy, "Oh No!". She was awake. I immediately listened for the nursing staff, grateful to realise that they were busy attending to other patients and hadn't heard her, this time.

"Bella, love. It's okay. It was just a bad dream," I comforted her.

She didn't say anything. She laid back against the bed and continued panting as she struggled for air. I could see the pain it caused her tender ribs, but she ripped the oxygen mask from her face anyway.

"Bella, please, you need the oxygen. You can barely breathe," I insisted.

She shook her head, trying to calm herself and steady her breathing. I searched her face, trying to understand her reaction. Her eyes were wide with anguish, tears welling up, just about to spill over. And in that instant I knew - she remembered!

She reached for me then, pulling me to her and she sobbed, burying her head in my chest. I let her be, rubbing comforting circles on her back, letting her cry it out.

She must have been exhausted, but when she lifted her head from me, I could see a new steely resolve. Her grief was fuelling her, as she resisted against the morphine fog that should have consumed her by now.

"He killed her, Edward. My mom is gone. I remember."

Her voice was flat. Lifeless. I felt as if I'd been kicked in the stomach. I had known this moment was coming, but I still didn't know what to say. "I'm so very sorry, Bella." It sounded so pitiful. So totally useless.

She didn't respond.

I looked frantically to Carlisle. "She may be going into shock!" he thought dismally. "Bella, it's Carlisle. Can you hear me?" Carlisle asked her gently.

Still nothing! I felt as if I might be crushed under the weight of my distress.

"Bella! Please, look at me, love. Please, Bella!" I was begging her.

She turned to look at me, her eyes once so warm and full of expression, now shallow pools of murky brown. I reached my hand to her face, and she took it in her own as she kissed it and pressed it into her cheek.

We stayed like that for a time. She didn't close her eyes once, flinching every so often as if some new memory were revealing itself to her. Carlisle cancelled his ER shift that night, preferring to be nearby in case he was needed, medically or otherwise. His anguished thoughts combined with my own almost overpowered me.

Some time during the night, she finally spoke, breaking the uneasy silence. "And Charlie?" she asked calmly. I knew what she meant. She had probably thought of this question much earlier, but only now found the courage to have her fears confirmed.

I simply said, "Yes."

Her breath caught in her throat, a barely audible gasp escaping her lips. "How?" She needed to know.

"James, before he came to Phoenix. He was very skilled. He tricked us, gave us false leads, let us think we were luring him away. He drank from Charlie. We found him when it was too late." She just nodded blankly. Seeing her like this was unbearable.

I wanted to apologise - to lie on the floor grovelling for her forgiveness. But I thought of Emmett and the sincerity of his words. It took all my strength to let her guide us both through this. I could not let her see pity, only love and compassion. I kissed her forehead and stared into her eyes. I knew my Bella was in there somewhere. I _would_ find her again and bring her back.

"What are the cover stories?" she asked next, her voice void of any emotion.

"We came to Phoenix. You wanted to show me where you grew up and to meet your mother, who you thought was coming back from Florida early. Carlisle escorted us both - parental supervision. You took the stairs at our hotel instead of the elevator and tripped, falling down two flights and through a window." I gave her the basic facts, only what she had to know.

"Renee?" she continued, needing to get through this.

"Tripped and fell down the stairs in your house. Broke her neck." Her eyes pinched together. She looked to be in great pain, remembering how Renee had really broken her neck. She clutched my hand a little tighter.

"I guess clumsiness runs in the family," she said humourlessly. "Poor, Phil," she gasped. "I need to see him, make sure he's okay." Carlisle and I looked to each other, unsure how to tell her. "What?" she demanded. "Please, you have to tell me everything."

She was right. I couldn't hold anything back now. "He's been to see you, Bella. But he's not coming back." I hated being the one to give her more bad news. Phil's reaction sickened me.

"Ever?" she asked, incredulous.

"No. Not ever." Would her pain never end?

She thought about that for a moment, her face ashen. She didn't reply - she didn't have to. I could tell just by looking at her what that news had done to her.

"And Charlie's story?" she continued.

"Robbery gone bad, knife to the throat," I hesitated. We could have been talking about anything. Anything but the stories we had created to disguise the truth, that one vicious vampire had wiped out her entire family, leaving only her, battered and broken. It felt too cold. Too clinical.

She nodded weakly. She looked so tired.

Carlisle intervened. "Bella, honey, I know this is a terrible shock. I'm so sorry about your parents. So deeply sorry. But we're going to take care of you now. You're not alone, Bella. But you're still a long way from recovered. You need to let us take care of you. Can you do that?"

She didn't respond.

He continued anyway. "I'd like to get you something extra for the pain and the shock, Bella. It will help you sleep, You need your rest. Is that okay, honey?" he asked comfortingly.

"I don't want to sleep," she answered, her voice still monotone.

"Bella, you're exhausted. You need to get some rest, so you can get stronger," I encouraged.

"I don't want to sleep, Edward. I'm scared to close my eyes. I see his face. I see everything." It was barely a whisper. Oh, how my heart was breaking for her!

"You're safe now, Bella. I'm not going to let anything or anyone hurt you again," I promised. But could I keep that promise? I didn't know. I had done everything in my power to keep her safe from James, but I had failed her. But I _would_ keep my promise to her father. I would keep her safe from now on, or I _would_ die trying.

"Is _he _dead?" she asked softly, a bitter edge to her tone.

"Yes. He's gone," I said emphatically, trying so desperately to reassure her. She exhaled. I hadn't realised she'd been holding her breath until she could be sure of my answer.

"But they're dead. He killed them. And it's my fault!" she said definitely.

"No, Bella, no. That's not true," I cried.

"It is. I led him straight to them, to both of them. And you, all of your family were put in danger because of me. Something could have happened to any one of you. If anything had happened to you, I...." She couldn't finish, the thought too painful to utter. "I should have just stayed in Forks and accepted my fate. I wasn't meant to be, Edward. Tyler's van should have killed me. But I am here, and my parents are dead. They took my place. It should have been me. You should have just let me die."

I felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. She couldn't be serious.

"Bella, no! I don't believe that. If your parents had been given a choice, you or them, you _have_ to know they'd have chosen themselves, _every_ time. If you'd . . . died," I could barely say the word, "they would never have recovered. You meant everything to them, Bella. NO! You were meant to live, Bella. Renee knew it, too. You told me that she begged you to survive for me, until I got to you. And you did. You did exactly what your mom wanted you to do." I sighed deeply, afraid of what I had to say. But I had to confess. She had to know the truth. "It was _my_ fault, Bella. I didn't protect you. I failed you. I'm so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am," I moaned pitifully.

My confession seemed to shock her back to life. She grabbed my face and looked purposefully into my eyes. "This is _not_ your fault, Edward. You warned me over and over about the dangers of being with you. But I didn't listen. I couldn't, because I couldn't live without you. I put my happiness above my parents' lives. I didn't even think about them. I was so focused on myself, on being with you. It was my choice to stay with you, knowing the dangers. Mine alone. And what shames me most is that I'd," she gulped, "I'd do it again. God help me, but I would!" She was crying again, overwhelmed with her own feelings of guilt. "I'm so ashamed, Edward. But I need to be with you so badly. I feel like I've been waiting to meet you my whole life. I love you. But my happiness cost my parents their lives, and I don't know how to live with that."

She reached out to me, forcing her battered body from her bed to lean into me. I knew it caused her immense pain, but I knew that holding her now as she cried for her lost family was more important than any broken bones. She needed me, and I would be here for her. She cried until she could cry no more, breathless with the exertion. But we couldn't release our embrace. Both of us needing the other so badly, absorbed in our own guilt, afraid to let go of the one thing each of us needed most.

As I held her, I couldn't help thinking about how unworthy of her I was. She was so good, so selfless. And I wasn't. But here we were, and she was absolving me of guilt, telling me how much she needed me. Telling me that in spite of everything, she'd do it all again because she loved me. I didn't know how I could make her world right again. But I would try. I would do anything for her.

Finally, I gently laid her back down to her bed, but she wouldn't release my hand. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Dark crescents bagged under her eyes, and she breathed short, shallow breaths, unable to find the strength to inhale deeply. But she wouldn't succumb. She was afraid to sleep - afraid to see _his_ eyes staring back at her when she closed her own.

"Carlisle," she called.

"I'm here, Bella." He was by her side then, overcome with emotion as he absorbed Bella's grief.

"I'm sorry I put your family in so much danger," she said remorsefully. "If anything had happened to any of you, I don't know what I would do. Please apologise to the others for me," she pleaded.

"Bella, please don't do this to yourself. Both of you, please stop this!." He included me in his loving rebuke. "There is one person who is responsible for this tragedy, and that is James. And may God forgive me, but I am glad he's dead. You are only guilty of loving each other, despite the odds, a human and a vampire, both pure of heart and of spirit. Do you know how improbable that is? Seeing you both only strengthens my faith and belief in true love and redemption. I believe you are destined to be, and together you will accomplish amazing things. I can't bear to see either of you so unhappy. So please, absolve yourselves as you have absolved each other. There is nothing to be forgiven here. The one at fault has received his punishment."

He gently kissed Bella on the forehead then. "I love you, Bella, not just because Edward loves you, but because you are of my family now."

Tears welled up in her eyes again, threatening to spill over. "Thank you. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Just be well, Bella. Let us take care of you. You should sleep now. Edward will be here with you. There is nothing in your dreams that can hurt you anymore," he assured her.

"No, Carlisle, you're wrong!" she disagreed. Carlisle and I looked to each other, then to her, searching her face for the meaning of her words.

"Bella, you're safe now. Your dreams can't hurt you," I tried to reason with her.

"You don't understand. My dreams can hurt me and you, too. All of you!" She was insistent. "You have to get me out of here. I know that the nurses have been getting suspicious about my nightmares. But I didn't understand before. But now I know, and I can only imagine what I've been saying in my sleep. I can't put you in that kind of danger. You have to get me away from here - away from people. I don't think I can stop the nightmares. I think the knowing is worse, because I can see it all, _smell him_." She shook her head, aghast as the memories came flooding back to her. "You must have been considering this. You must have a plan," she pleaded desperately.

My heart swelled again. Even now, confronted with the agony of her memories, she was thinking of my family and me and putting us first. I was overcome with her kindness, and I bent my face to hers, kissing her softly on the lips. "I love you," I said. She pressed her lips into mine, returning my kiss. I pulled away and kissed her again on her forehead.

"Bella, I am humbled by your compassion," Carlisle said affectionately. "Yes, we have been considering the options, but we are yet to come up with a viable solution."

"We have to do this," she persisted. "Obviously, we need a good reason for me to leave here now. So can't I just be homesick? Can't I have an old Aunt that I want to be close to, in Forks? We could say I will be transferring to Forks Community Hospital. It only needs to seem real, so that I can get out of here without anyone being suspicious. Of course, I can't go to the Forks Hospital. There'd be more questions there than here. But I could go somewhere else, with Edward. Somewhere that no-one can hear my sleep talking." She flushed slightly, embarrassed at her weakness.

Seeing her accept the inevitability of the nightmares was heartbreaking. She knew she was a prisoner to her memories. But she was desperate to spare my family the suspicions that would ultimately come if the cover stories were questioned. Even now, with her cold, desolate eyes, she was still the selfless, stubborn girl I fell in love with. She never ceased to amaze me.

"Bella, there is no question about where you will go to recover from your injuries," Carlisle said definitively. "The question is how we get you there. In order for this to look believable, you need to be transported from here via ambulance. But without an official medical destination, there is no possibility of arranging that ambulance. And, of course, even if we could somehow make those arrangements, you can't be expected to stay awake for the whole journey. There will be no way to disguise your sleep talking from the EMTs," he finished, irritated with his inability to find the solution.

"Emmett and Jasper can be the EMT's," Bella said convincingly. "They'd have to, well, _borrow_ an ambulance for a while and some uniforms. But they could have all the official paperwork transferring me to Forks Community Hospital. Then somewhere inconspicuous, we make the switch to a regular car. Well, a big car that can fit me in with all this plaster. Then they leave the ambulance somewhere it will be found, and they can catch a flight home while we drive. I mean, I don't think trying to get me on a plane is a very good idea right now. It will only draw more attention to us."

Carlisle and I stared at her, dumbfounded. Of course! It was the only way. We were both a little chagrined that we hadn't come up with it ourselves.

"That's brilliant, Bella," I said proudly.

I heard the almost silent vibration of Carlisle's phone. He reached into his pocket and announced, "It's Alice. She's probably seen the course we're on," he said as he opened it. "Hello, Alice. Yes, I'm still at the hospital....

I looked at Bella then and saw the horror in her eyes as she stared at Carlisle. "Bella, what is it?" I demanded.

"Um, Alice, I'll call you back shortly. No, there's nothing wrong. I just have to go now." He snapped the phone shut without waiting for a response. "Bella? Are you all right?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

"Alice!" she wheezed. "Did she get the _tapes_?" She was terrified. I realised that she had only just remembered the tapes, and she was frightened that I had witnessed the attack from James. Another wave of anxiety threatened to overtake me as I wondered how I could possibly console her. But I steadied myself, determined that she only see love and devotion in me now.

"Yes, love, she got the tapes," I said calmly. I stared into her eyes, lifeless compared to their normal brilliance.

"Did you _watch_ the tape?" she asked warily, her voice trembling and still a little breathless. We were only talking about one tape now.

I was still staring at her, never breaking eye contact. I could hear Carlisle's voice, trying to anchor me. "Good, Edward. You're doing everything right."

"Yes, love, I watched it." I was still calm. "I love you. You are the bravest, most beautiful woman in the world. And if it's possible, I love you more now than I ever have before."

Silent tears rolled down her face as she averted her eyes. "You were never meant to see that," she whispered. "_Never!_" Her breathing was becoming more laboured. She was losing control. "No! No! You weren't meant to see. Oh God, I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Bella, look at me. Please, look into my eyes. Do I look any different now than I did before? Do you see any less love?" I pleaded with her.

She looked up slowly, shaking with silent sobs and the effort to breathe. She gazed into my eyes, then clenched hers firmly shut. I wasn't getting through to her. How could I show her that it didn't matter? That what he did was vile, but that it didn't change who she is or how much I love her.

"Bella. Please look at me. I love you. I'm so proud of you. You survived, Bella. You're alive, and _he_ is dead. He can't hurt you now. What he did to you is abhorrent, but that was about him, not you. You are good and pure and beautiful. You are my Bella. You will always be my Bella. Nothing he could ever do could change that. I care that he hurt you, my love. I care so very much. But I care more that you survived - that you endured until I could find you. I'm so grateful for that." I cradled her face between my hands. "I love you so much, Isabella Swan. Now and always." Then I leaned into her and kissed her fervently.

She pressed her lips into mine, returning the passion. Her heartbeat raced, and I could feel and smell the blood pool deliciously in her cheeks. I pulled away slightly, looking at her face, and I smiled. She tried to return my smile, but she wasn't convincing. But I was determined that she would be, one day. It would take time. She had so much to overcome. But I would remind her every day that I loved her, no matter what happened in that ballet studio.


	11. Chapter 11

**(Edward's POV)**

Once we knew how we were going to proceed, the arrangements were made quickly, and we were scheduled to leave by the next night. Carlisle had already spoken with Dr. Cooper about Bella's early release, transferring her to Forks Community Hospital. He wasn't thrilled that Bella would be leaving so soon. But now that he knew about her parents' deaths, he realised that it would be greatly beneficial if she could be somewhere familiar and comforting, surrounded by friends and what little distant family she had left. It wasn't likely that he would follow up with the hospital in Forks, but if he did, Carlisle was prepared to explain that her emotional state had declined and that private care was being arranged for her with us. It was all plausible.

Jasper and Emmett were already in Phoenix organising the transportation. Alice came with them, explaining that she knew Bella would need her help on the long drive home, which hopefully wouldn't be that long at all with Alice driving. I was happy about this. I'd missed Alice, and it meant that Carlisle would be able to get home to Esme a little earlier then planned. I knew how hard it was for them to be parted.

Bella had been trying to stay awake as much as possible since we'd made our plans the night before, afraid of what might happen if she allowed herself to drift off. We hadn't let go of each other's hands since she'd remembered everything, and we were both counting down the hours until we could leave the horrors of Phoenix behind us. She didn't think of it as her home anymore.

Alice couldn't wait to see Bella, coming straight to the hospital and leaving Jasper and Emmett to their duties. She burst into the hospital room carrying a "Get Well Soon" helium filled balloon in shocking pink, but at her first sight of Bella, she faltered, just for a moment. Bella didn't notice. "Oh you look so much better, Bella. I'm so happy to see you. I've really missed you," she babbled as she hugged Bella and kissed her sweetly on the cheek. Bella tried her best to engage with Alice, but her voice was still lifeless, and she again had that dead look in her eyes. She was lost.

"Edward, she's so, so desolate," Alice thought to me sadly. "And she's so gaunt. She's lost weight, and she had none to lose!" I looked down to the floor, barely inclining my head, then rolled my eyes towards the ceiling, slightly lifting my chin. My silent agreement.

"Could you give me some time alone with her, Edward? Maybe girl to girl we can talk and get some things out in the open?" Alice asked me soundlessly.

"Bella, I'm just going to check in with Carlisle for a short while. I'll be back very soon," I assured her.

"Okay, Edward. Alice is here. She'll wake me up if I fall asleep," she tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

I sat on a bench outside the door to her room. I had no intention of getting any farther away from her than this. I would wait, and I would listen. I needed to know what was going on in her head, and I was glad that my sister had such genuine feelings of affection for her. Maybe Bella needed a girlfriend to confide in as well as me. And I suspected there may be some things she would never tell me, preferring to spare me the pain. But I didn't feel badly for eavesdropping. I had to help Bella in any way I could. And it would help me to help her if I knew what she was thinking. At least that's what I told myself.

"So, Bella," Alice chimed, "do you feel like talking?"

"I don't know what I can say," Bella replied weakly.

"How about we start with how you're feeling, and I don't just mean physically," Alice prompted.

"I don't feel good," she whispered. "I feel like I let my parents down. I miss them."

"I know, Bella. I know. I wish I could take that pain away from you, but I can't. But you're not alone, Bella. You have us. All of us," Alice reassured her. "Unfortunately, I never got to meet your mom, but I know she must have been awesome - just look at you! And then there's Charlie, and Bella, I _know_ how he felt about you. There's one thing that I really know for sure, and it's that they would be so happy you're alive. They were your parents. If they could, they'd die for you a thousand times over if it meant keeping you safe," Alice proclaimed with certainty.

"I know," said Bella. "But it doesn't make it any better, Alice. I miss them, and I feel responsible." She was physically and emotionally spent. I could hear it in her voice.

Alice sighed. "You'll always miss them, Bella. But what happened isn't your fault. It really isn't. I know you don't believe that yet. But I hope that in time you will. And I promise, you'll never be lonely, and you will live a life that they'd be proud of. I've seen it, Bella. I know it."

"Thanks, Alice," she said weakly.

"But there's more, isn't there?" Alice encouraged. "You _need_ to talk about it, Bella. We're sisters."

"So you _all _saw it? You _all_ know?" Bella's voice trembled.

"Yes, Bella. We didn't know when we watched the tape that he would _do_ that. But we love you, and it doesn't change our feelings about you."

"I'm so ashamed. I feel dirty because of what _he_ did. I want to go take a shower and scrub my skin until it bleeds, whatever it takes, until I can get the feeling of him off me. I can still _smell_ him, Alice. I can't get him out of my head. It's like he's still here - like part of him is still with me, and I hate it," Bella moaned, distraught.

My chest tightened listening to her suffering. I didn't know how I could take this pain away from her.

"It's going to take time, Bella. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. _Nothing! _ Honestly, Bella, we all think you're amazing. I don't know of any other human that could have survived what he did to you. You're the strongest person I know. And when we get home, I'll help you. We'll wash him off together, bit by bit every day, okay Bella? You'll get through this. And don't forget how much Edward loves you. With that kind of love, I know you can overcome anything," Alice consoled her.

Bella didn't respond, but I could see through Alice's eyes that they were locked in a firm embrace. I made a note to give Alice a very big thank you when I was able to. She really was so very kind hearted - a perfect friend to Bella. A perfect vampire friend! I almost couldn't believe what we were about to do. Bella was going to live with my vampire family. Perhaps I should get her a house of our own - close to my family, but not too close. First things first, though. We had to get Bella out of here.

I entered her room again and made my way towards Bella's hospital bed, gently kissing her on the lips as my hello. Alice and I convinced her to try and sleep, promising that we'd wake her immediately if she started crying out. Thankfully, it didn't take much to convince her. She was so exhausted, she fell into a deep slumber within minutes. And Alice sat with me for the remainder of the day, helping me calm Bella every time her nightmares overtook her.

A few hours later, Carlisle arrived. He'd spent the day discussing the preparations for Bella's arrival with Esme, organising a car for the trip home and finalising Bella's discharge arrangements. Emmett and Jasper also needed some lessons in how to safely move a patient from a hospital bed to an ambulance gurney. Everything was set in motion.

Dr. Cooper had been in and said his good-byes, wishing Bella well. He was pleased that she would be recovering in a friendlier environment, and I was relieved to see that both he and the nursing staff hadn't had any further suspicions about Bella's accident. To their knowledge, she hadn't had any nightmares for a couple of days, so they thought that was behind her now.

"They're almost here," I announced. The Emmett and Jasper show would be arriving any second. They were both excited about their role playing and felt confident that they'd be able to pull it off. I hoped they weren't too confident. Just then, there was a knock at the door to Bella's room.

"We're here to collect one, Bella Swan, for medical transportation to Forks Community Hospital," said Jasper, glancing at the official looking paperwork attached to his clipboard, making sure he had all the information correct. Emmett followed him in pushing the ambulance gurney.

Apart from Emmett's trousers being about four inches too short, they looked very convincing.

"We've been expecting you," Carlisle replied smoothly. "Please come in, Bella's ready to go."

They positioned the gurney next to Bella's bed, expertly lowering the bed to match the gurney's height.

"You ready to go, sweetheart?" Emmett asked, smiling. "You don't have to worry about a thing, we'll take good care of you. I'm Mike, and this here's Eric." Emmett grinned widely at me. I just rolled my eyes.

A couple of nurses came in to help move Bella from one bed to the next. They cautiously rolled her away from the gurney, while Emmett and Jasper carefully slid a rigid board with handles under her. They gently laid her back down flat, then they slid the board and Bella over to the gurney in one clean movement. I had to admit, I was impressed. Emmett carefully tucked a blanket over Bella and buckled up the safety belts. Jasper handed his clipboard to one of the nurses, asking her to sign the release form indicating that Bella had indeed now passed into the care of the EMTs. The nurses gave Bella a squeeze of their hands, and Bella thanked them for looking after her. Then Carlisle, Alice and I followed Emmett and Jasper as they wheeled Bella carefully out of her room, down the hall to the lift and then out via the ER exit to where the ambulance was waiting.

As planned, I was to escort Bella back to Forks with the EMTs, so I got into the front seat with Jasper who was driving, and Emmett remained in the back with Bella, where he was meant to be doing regular checks on her vital stats. As we exited hospital property, Emmett gave out a loud, "WHOO HOO," thrilled with his performance.

We met Alice and Carlisle at the outskirts of the city, in the driveway of an isolated and deserted house. Alice took over then, telling us to give her and Bella a few minutes. She climbed into the back of the ambulance shutting the doors to give them some privacy. She'd brought some regular clothing for Bella to change into for the journey home, so she carefully eased Bella out of the hospital gown and into some oversized sweat pants, and a t-shirt and hoodie that could accommodate the thick casts on her arm and legs.

I purposefully distracted myself so that I could give Bella the privacy she needed, although I thought I caught a glimpse of Alice gasping in shock, but by the time it registered, she was already doing calculus in her head, blocking me. I let it go, imagining how frail Bella must have looked under the hospital gown.

When she finally emerged from the rear of the ambulance, she gestured for me to get Bella. "She's all yours." I gently lifted her into my arms and carried her to the back of the Chevrolet Suburban that Carlisle had purchased, I only now realised. With the rear seats folded down and the makeshift bed set up in the back, it looked comfortable enough. I nodded gratefully to Carlisle for organising a mattress of sorts, some blankets and pillows. I climbed into the back and settled Bella so that she could lie against me, a pillow between us for her comfort and warmth. The suburban was large enough for her to be fully reclined, which is of course what she needed to be.

Carlisle then climbed into the back of the car with his medical bag. "Bella, I'm just going to give you some morphine. It's going to help with the pain while you're travelling, and it will help you sleep for a while," he said comfortingly.

Bella nodded weakly. We'd already discussed this, so she knew what was coming. For once she didn't object, so I knew she must have been in pain.

The morphine had an almost immediate effect. "Thanks, Carlisle. Thanks, Emmett and Jasper. You make good EMTs," she mumbled, before falling into a deep sleep.

The rest of us said our good-byes, and we all headed for home. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper were to leave the ambulance nearby to where they'd "borrowed" it and then make their way to the airport to catch their flight. Alice got behind the wheel of the suburban and floored the accelerator, as I wrapped my arms around Bella and settled in. It felt so good having her back in my arms.

________________

After a few hours, Bella started thrashing about, the morphine kick no longer strong enough to ward off the nightmares. She woke with the usual scream, panting as I hugged her securely, reassuring her. Although Alice had already seen this scene in the hospital, she was deeply disturbed by the experience, chanting, "poor Bella, poor Bella," over and over again in her mind.

A few minutes later, the car started decelerating. "There's a diner just up ahead," Alice announced. "Bella's going to need a bathroom break, and some food."

Of course! Why hadn't I thought of that?

Alice could see by the expression on my face what I was thinking. "Don't worry, Edward. That's why I'm here." she said, pleased with herself.

"I'm not hungry," Bella said. "But I could use the bathroom and a drink."

"You need to try and eat something, love. You barely ate in the hospital," I coaxed.

She just nodded.

I carried her into the diner and made my way to the rear of the room where I could see the bathrooms were situated. There weren't many people about, but the waitress and the hand full of customers all turned to stare as the three of us glided past them. "There's no-one in there," Alice declared, so I entered the ladies room while Alice held the door for me. Once inside, Alice said, "my turn," as she gently lifted Bella out of my arms. I waited outside, ready to carry her back to a table where I hoped I could convince her to eat something.

I gently set her down, Alice supporting her, as I scooted into a booth. Then I reached for her, while Alice laid her back into my arms so she was in a seated position leaning against me, her bulky plastered leg supported by the seat and her ankle resting gently on the floor.

"What do you feel like, Bella?" I asked her.

"Um, an icy cold coke would be great," she replied.

"What about food? How about some eggs? I know you like eggs. We can get them scrambled. They'll be soft enough for you to eat easily," I encouraged.

"Okay. That sounds good." She tried to sound enthusiastic, but it didn't work.

The waitress came over to our table then, notepad in hand ready to take our order. "Oh, you poor thing. Were you in a car accident? You look just terrible," she whined sympathetically.

"Yes, that's right," Bella answered. "And it looks much worse than it is," she added confidently.

"Well what can I get you, sweetheart?" she asked.

I replied for her. "We'll have one serving of scrambled eggs and three bottles of coke. One with a glass, some ice and a straw please," I said charmingly.

"Whoa! You're one hell of a hottie. If I were a few years younger...." she thought at me. If I could have, I might have blushed.

"Um, anything else?" she continued.

"No, that will be all, thank you," I answered. She left intent on filling in the customers, regulars I guessed, on Bella's unfortunate car accident.

"You dazzled her," Bella said quietly.

I couldn't believe what I'd heard. I looked into her eyes, and I saw the merest hint of the warmth that I had been missing. And her mouth was turned up slightly, almost in a smile. I twisted around and grabbed her face in my hands, and I kissed her passionately, pulling away when I knew she needed air. She blushed delightfully, and I smiled widely. This was progress. She _would_ come back to me.

"Bella, it's wonderful to see you smile," Alice beamed, reaching for her hand and squeezing it tenderly.

"It's good being out of the hospital," she admitted.

It didn't take long for the waitress to return with our order. I gestured for her to put the coke with ice and the eggs in front of Bella. She divided the other two Coke's between Alice and me. We'd use our props for Bella in case she got thirsty later.

I poured Bella's coke and held it up to her with the straw. She drained it in one breath, so I refilled her glass. She reached for the fork, clumsily grasping it between her thumb and first two fingers of her left hand, the remaining two fingers still splinted together awkwardly. Bella was right handed and was having a lot of difficulty learning to use her left. She scooped up some of the eggs, balancing them precariously as the fork reached her mouth. She chewed slowly as she adjusted to the resistance from her wounded jaw and cheek. It was her first attempt at semi-solid food, only managing small amounts of soup or ice cream in the hospital.

She tried to scoop up another fork full of eggs, but she lost her grip on the fork and it fell noisily to the table, scattering eggs messily around her plate. She sighed in frustration, as I insisted on feeding her myself. "I feel as helpless as a baby," she said angrily. Anger was good, I thought. It's better than not feeling anything.

She only made it about a quarter of the way through her eggs, refusing to eat any more. I could see I wasn't going to convince her to keep going, so Alice paid while I carried Bella back out to the car.

We'd already made good time, and at this rate, I thought we'd be back in Forks by tomorrow afternoon, maybe earlier. Alice turned off the headlights and floored it again, taking advantage of the quiet roads and her heightened senses.

Carlisle had left me some morphine for Bella, knowing the effects of his injection wouldn't last the entire journey. She resisted at first, but eventually she allowed me to give her another dose. I knew we'd made her as comfortable as we could, but she needed a real bed now, not bumpy highways and back roads.

I held her, watching her sleep and comforting her when the nightmares returned, which they always did. Alice mostly left me to my own thoughts, and I knew she was focused on Jasper and how he'd react to Bella living in the same house.

"Sorry," I whispered, not wanting Bella to hear.

"It's okay, Edward. He wants her there. We all do," she replied just as softly.

"_All_ of you?" I asked sceptically.

"Yes," she said simply. "Even Rose. She has a lot more in common with Bella now, unfortunately. And she feels partly responsible for Charlie. I think we all feel like we messed up," she finished sadly.

"Alice...," I started to say.

"I don't want to hear it, Edward. You don't have the monopoly on guilt in our family at the moment. We all failed her, in one way or another. There were seven of us and only two of _them_," she spat. "This isn't all on you, Edward, and there's nothing you can do about that," she insisted.

I hadn't realised that everyone was feeling so guilty, but I let it go. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk Alice, or any of them, out of it, but it made me a little sad to think that they were all suffering.

________________

Just before midday, we entered the outer limits of Forks. Alice had made excellent time. Given most of the journey had been at night with Bella's back to the dashboard, she thankfully didn't notice the excessive speeding. She was surprised when we arrived in Forks so soon, but she'd compared it to her journey out of Forks a few weeks earlier, concluding that all vampires must drive like maniacs. I knew she was anxious to be out of the car and somewhere more comfortable, though she'd never admit it. But I also sensed a profound sadness settle upon her as she stared out at the familiar sites of Forks, visibly flinching when we passed the Police Station.

Alice wound up our familiar driveway, stopping the car right in front of the house. She raced around to open the back doors of the Suburban, helping to get Bella out, returning her to my arms when we were both free of the car. Alice was practically jumping up and down on the spot, she was so excited about something, but she'd started on the calculus again, and I couldn't see what she was thinking.

"What's going on, Alice," I asked suspiciously.

I noticed that none of the family had come out to greet us, but I could sense they were all home. Esme was thinking about a restoration project, going over the blueprints in her mind in fine detail. Carlisle was reciting Russian poetry to himself. Jasper was quoting passages from _The Art of War_. Rosalie was thinking about her hair. And Emmett was thinking about Rosalie and what he planned to do to her later that night. Ugh. Too much information there.

"You'll see," Alice chimed.

We proceeded up the front steps and into the house. Bella was trembling nervously. "It's okay, Bella. We wouldn't be here if they didn't want you here," I assured her. She'd been worried about recuperating here, afraid of destroying our haven with her tempting human scent. And then there was Rosalie, who Bella was convinced didn't like her. And despite what Alice had said in the car, I was convinced that Rosalie didn't like Bella either.

When we rounded the corner into the living room, we were greeted with a resounding, "_Surprise_!" as my family cheered and clapped our arrival. Hanging from the ceiling was a huge banner reading, "Welcome Home Bella," with streamers and balloons everywhere. So this is what they'd been hiding from me, wanting me to be just as surprised as Bella.

I looked at Bella's face, and I could see she was overcome with emotion. Carlisle and Esme came to meet us, each of them kissing Bella on the cheek and welcoming her into her new home. Emmett rushed over to us next, kissing Bella on the forehead and gushing, "Welcome home, Sis!" Even Jasper took her hand, squeezing it gently as he welcomed her to the family. Finally Rosalie came to us. She rubbed Bella's arm awkwardly, then said, "We're glad you're finally here, Bella." And I could see that she actually meant it.

I thought Bella might faint, she looked so overwrought. I had to admit, I was surprised, too. I hadn't been expecting any of this. I thought Bella might begin her recuperation here, but that I would find somewhere else for us to live close by. I hadn't realised how fully my family had embraced the idea that she would come to live with us permanently.

"Wow! It's so kind of you to let me stay here for a while, until I get a better," Bella said gratefully.

Everyone started looking at each other then, puzzled expressions on their faces. Carlisle spoke first. "No, Bella. I don't think you understand. This is your home now. You are part of our family. This is where you live, if you want to."

Bella became agitated. "No, you can't do that. This is _your_ home. I can't come in here and ruin everything for you. It's not fair to any of you, especially Jasper and Rosalie."

A warm cloak of calm settled over Bella and then me. I knew it was meant for Bella, but I was caught in the crossfire. "Bella, you're our sister now," Jasper said smoothly. "I would never harm my sister."

"That's right," Rosalie insisted. "You belong here with us, Bella, if you want to stay. Do you want to stay?" she asked tentatively.

Bella's lips began to tremble. "I can't believe you want me here, after all the trouble I've caused. I can't believe you want me to stay," she said incredulous.

"Bella, I haven't told you that Charlie spoke to Edward and I before he passed," Carlisle began sombrely. "His last thoughts were of you, Bella. He asked me, us, to take care of you. He asked us to treat you as one of our own. And, of course, I said yes, because you already are one of our own, Bella. From the moment Edward realised he loved you, Esme and I have thought of you as our daughter. And we would be so very pleased if you decided to make your home here with us."

All eyes were on Bella now, and I knew she was overcome with the outpouring of emotion. She sucked in the deepest breath she could manage, and as silent tears ran down her face she said, "I'd love to stay here, with you. I'm so, so amazed that you want me."

Esme couldn't hold back any longer. She hugged Bella as I held her, smothering her with motherly kisses over her cheeks and forehead. "I'm so happy you're staying, Bella. So very happy. Would you like to see your room now?" she asked excitedly.

"My Room!" "Her Room!" Bella and I exclaimed simultaneously. Okay, so _this_ was the big secret everyone was keeping from me.

"Yes, we've been working on it for weeks, and it's finally ready. Would you like to see it now?" Esme repeated.

"Um, yes please," Bella said, still astounded.

I followed Esme up to the fourth floor, still cradling Bella in my arms. Everyone else followed us. At the top of the stairs was a door. That was new. Behind it, what was once a large attic space had been converted into a breathtakingly beautiful bedroom and private retreat for Bella.

The carpet was a plush, sage green, the walls a delicate cream. At one end of the room was a large bed, with Bella's own bedding in rich deep purples and blacks. The bed itself was a black antique iron design. The curtains were hung on black iron rods, with a matching deep purple fabric that draped to the floor luxuriantly. At the other end of the room sat a sofa, two small armchairs, a coffee table, and a flat screen TV mounted to the wall that was attached to a state of the art surround sound system.

In between the two spaces was a desk adorned with Bella's own personal belongings from her bedroom at Charlie's house. A shiny new Apple MacBook Pro sat on the desk. Above the desk was a huge cork board, adorned with photos, notes and other paraphernalia also taken from her room. There were huge bookshelves everywhere, stacked with Bella's own small collection, along with hundreds of other titles.

On her bedside table were photos of Charlie and Renee, and one with Charlie and Renee together cradling Bella as a baby. Next to the bed was a sliding door that led into a small ensuite bathroom. And opposite the bed was a huge double door closet filled with all of Bella's clothes and a brand new wardrobe, obviously Alice's doing. There was beautiful artwork and knick knacks scattered around the room, leaving enough spaces for Bella's own choices if and when she felt up to it.

Overall, the effect was stunning. I heard Bella gasp as her eyes scanned the room, taking in all the details and personal touches. It was already homey and comfortable.

"I hope you don't mind," Esme interrupted. "We collected all your personal belongings from your house and brought what we could here. We packed up everything else from there and from your house in Phoenix. It's all in the storage shed behind the garage, for whenever you feel up to sorting through it. We didn't think you'd want to have to do that yourself," she said nervously, hoping she'd done the right thing. I was amazed that Carlisle had been able to keep this from me.

"Esme, I, I can't believe you've done all this. All of you, I can't believe it. It's beautiful. It's really beautiful. I'll never be able to thank you enough. It's too much. I don't...." Bella stuttered, finding it difficult to hit upon the words.

"Bella, I know you have a problem with gifts. But I have done nothing more for you than what I've done for all my children. You must indulge me. I want you to feel comfortable here. At home. This is your home now, Bella, and I want you to be happy," Esme explained lovingly.

"Thank you, Esme. All of you. Thank you so much. You don't know what it means to me, after everything...," she couldn't finish, so overwhelmed by everyone's complete acceptance of her. I was overwhelmed myself. I hadn't expected this, but I should have realised this is what Esme would do. But hearing all their thoughts now, I knew it wasn't just Esme. It was all of them. They'd all helped in their own way. Emmett and Jasper on the construction aspects and packing up both houses, Alice overseeing them, of course. Alice, Esme and Rose all working together on the decorating and wardrobe selection. Every last detail was taken care of so lovingly.

I didn't know what more to say than, "Thank you, all of you." It was an emotional moment, that quickly turned into an uncomfortable silence with no-one knowing what to say next.

"Um, Edward," Bella interrupted. "I think you should put me down now and go hunt. You must be so thirsty," she said concerned.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "It's been too long, Edward. I'll come with you.

My throat did burn with thirst. And to be honest, I was beginning to feel weakened with the deprivation. I'd never gone this long without hunting before. I knew I needed to sate my thirst, but I was so reluctant to leave her.

"I'm in," Emmett joined in. "Come on, Bro. Bella's gonna be fine here with the girls."

"No excuses, Edward. It's a Cullen - Hale male bonding session, and you can't get out of it," Jasper coaxed.

"Okay. Okay. I guess I could go for a few hours," I surrendered.

I laid Bella on her bed, nestling her amongst her soft new pillows. I kissed her gently on the lips, then stroked her face. "Good-bye, my love. I'll be back very soon," I promised.

She worked hard to reassure me. "I'll be fine, Edward. Go bag a mountain lion or two. I don't want to see you again until your eyes are a golden butterscotch colour," she ordered.

I knew she wasn't fine. She was still so weak and in pain, and her eyes were haunted. But I loved her for trying so hard. I smiled lovingly at her. "Back soon, love."


	12. Chapter 12

I watched him as he left. His beauty still made me gasp, but it was so much more than that. There was so much more to _him_. He loved me. In spite of everything that he'd seen, he _still_ loved me. I felt a little dizzy at the thought of it. And then there was his family. They seemed to love me too. _All_ of them, even though they knew as well. Alice said they'd seen the tape, and knowing that made me feel a little sick. But they'd given me this beautiful room in their house anyway. _Our_ house now. I couldn't quite believe it. Part of me wanted to be so happy. I wasn't sure anyone would want me after everything that had happened. I didn't know where my home would be. But they did want me, and that made me want to smile.

But at the same time, it felt wrong to be happy. My parents were dead. I shouldn't ever be happy again. In spite of what Edward, Carlisle and Alice had said, I still felt guilty. I still felt responsible. I wasn't sure how I could be happy knowing that they'd died because of me. Whenever I thought of them, it was like all the air got sucked out of my lungs. And then there was _James_. I desperately wanted to forget everything about the ballet studio. But it was always there. I couldn't escape _him_. It was like he was still here, ready to attack me every time I closed my eyes. He never left me alone. I felt so ashamed and still so scared. Everything was so overwhelming right now.

My head felt like it might explode with all the conflicting feelings. The physical throbbing, combined with all the random thoughts and images crashing into each other, was starting to make me a little light headed. I closed my eyes, trying to silence my mind. But there he was, staring back at me, ready to pounce. My eyes flew open again and I realised my breath had started to quicken. "Calm, Bella. Just be calm," I chanted to myself.

Esme, Alice and Rosalie were still with me, each sitting in different locations on my bed. "Bella, are you all right, honey?" Esme's voice was so soothing.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"You must be hungry. Can I fix you something to eat?" Esme continued. "We've all been studying the food network, and I think we're getting pretty good," she smiled tenderly at me. She was so beautiful, so kind and so motherly. I thought of Renee and how ditzy she was in comparison. She and Esme were like chalk and cheese, but I missed her so much. She was a good mom, _too_, in her own crazy way. The loss was literally breathtaking.

"Thanks, Esme, but I'm not really hungry right now. I am thirsty though. And, um, I need to use the bathroom," I blushed. It was just plain embarrassing not being able to do anything for myself, especially this.

"Oh, of course, Bella. I'll help you right away," Alice chirped, carefully supporting me in her arms once again and taking me into my very own bathroom. It was small, but it was beautiful in here, too. The tiles were black and cream with some purple and green accents. Beautiful thick towels, all in that same deep shade of purple were stacked neatly on a built in shelf, and a matching gorgeous, plush robe hung on the back of the door. Between my room and now this, I felt like I'd fallen into the pages of _House Beautiful_ magazine.

By the time we were back in my room - wow, that was going to take some getting used to - Esme was already back with a large, icy glass of what looked like coke with a bendy straw sticking out of it. I smiled at her gratefully. They were trying so hard to make me feel welcome. They'd thought of everything.

Alice gently laid me back down on my bed, and it was such a relief. This bed was so comfortable. Esme held the straw to my mouth, and I slurped noisily, blushing at my rudeness. "Sorry, I'm just so thirsty, and it's kind of hot," I explained.

"It's okay, Bella. You can relax. You're home," Esme encouraged. "I really do wish you would eat something though. You're so very thin. You need to keep your strength up." She fussed at my pillows, trying to make me more comfortable.

It was the stupidest little thing, but that was all it took for the dam to break. I started sobbing uncontrollably. Renee used to do that with my pillows when I was a little kid. I remembered how her hands felt as she caressed my face. I remembered her perfume. Everything came crashing down on me then. Renee! Charlie! James! It was all too much to bear. I'd been trying to keep it together for Edward. I didn't want to make him feel worse than I knew he already did. But it felt like the pressure inside my head was building and building, and I just couldn't contain it anymore. My chest felt tight, my stomach was starting to really hurt, and I felt so hot.

Before I knew what was happening, Esme was next to me, holding me gently as I wept into her shoulder. I couldn't seem to stop. I thought I heard a low mumble, but I couldn't make it out. I did notice that Alice and Rosalie had left the room.

"There, there, Bella. It's okay. You cry, honey. You cry as much as you need to. You're safe now. Everything is going to be all right," she cooed sweetly.

"I m-m-miss my m-mom and d-d-dad," I howled. "It's all, all my f-f-fault."

"No, Bella, no. It's all going to be fine," she comforted.

"He hurt me, Esme. He really hurt me. I don't know how to get over this." I sobbed for Renee, I sobbed for Charlie, and I sobbed for myself.

"I know, Bella. I know. I'm so sorry, honey. But you're safe now. We love you, honey. We'll make this right again," Esme soothed, rocking me ever so gently.

It felt good to be in Esme's arms. I had Edward, and I loved him so much. But I wanted my mom. Esme was Edward's mother in every way that counted, and it was the next best thing. I really needed her. I didn't realise just how much until all the feelings came crashing down on me.

Eventually my sobs started easing, but I felt like I was on fire, and every part of me ached. Given Esme's icy cold embrace, it occurred to me that I should have been feeling chilled. My head was still pounding, my stomach was hurting, and my ribs felt like a steel cage that was squashing my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I realised everything looked a little blurry, so I tried to rub my eyes to clear my focus, but everything stayed fuzzy.

"Esme?" I croaked, my throat raw from all the crying.

"Yes, sweetheart?" she replied, still rocking me.

I stared up at her face, but I couldn't quite make her out. There was just a hazy outline. Everything was fading. "I think I'm sick," I mumbled. "It's so hot, Esme. And I can't see your face properly."

"Bella!" she cried out, pressing her palm to my forehead and my cheeks. "Alice, Rose!" she called urgently.

I felt a gentle gust blow my hair around my face as two blurry figures appeared.

"There's something wrong." Esme sounded panicky. Her usual gentle voice was slightly shrill.

"Bella! Oh no," Alice squeaked. "Esme, what do we do?"

"I don't know. But she's burning up. Rose, can you bring the ice from the freezer. And some towels. We'll make ice packs. Maybe that will help cool her down," Esme's said uncertainly.

"But we're cold to her," Rosalie responded. "We are like ice to her already, Esme."

"Of course, of course." Esme sounded flustered. "Well maybe we need to get her out of these warm clothes. Girls, help me, please. If something happens to her now. . ." Esme didn't finish her thought.

Dark shapes were dancing in front of my eyes. I knew the shapes were Esme, Alice and Rosalie, but I couldn't distinguish them from one another. I felt a gentle pulling and tugging as cool hands tried to ease me out of my clothes. "Ugh," I winced. My arm really hurt.

"Oh, God! I'm sorry, Bella." The voice sounded far away, but I thought it was Rosalie.

"It's okay, Rose," I mumbled. I didn't sound quite right.

"Let's just _carefully_ rip them off her. We're hurting her this way," Esme said.

"No! That's what _he_ did to her," Alice hissed.

The talking stopped for a minute, then Esme said, "Bella, we need to take your clothes off so we can cool you down. We're not going to hurt you, sweetheart. But we are going to cut your clothes off and the bandages around your ribs. Is that okay?" she asked softly.

"Yes, please. I'm so hot. I'm burning, Esme." I think I screamed.

I heard a low grinding noise as my clothes fell away from me. A pressure that I'd had around my ribs also fell away, and it was such a relief. It was also a little cooler. "Thanks," I told them.

"Oh, my!" someone gasped. I wasn't sure who.

"I saw it when I changed her in the ambulance. The bandages had slipped a little. She hasn't even seen it herself. I kept it from Edward. I thought I'd tell Carlisle and get him to check on her first. But I didn't expect that she'd get sick. I had no idea it was this bad." Alice moaned softly.

"Didn't they see this in the hospital?" Esme sounded a little angry.

"I don't know. I don't know if it's recent, or if it's been that way since the beginning. I know Edward and Carlisle don't know about it. She was always in a hospital gown and covered with blankets. Maybe these are the same bandages from the beginning after surgery? Maybe it's normal considering what she's been through. I don't know, Esme." Alice was agitated.

"Alice, get her one of your bandeau's. We need to cover her up a little before the boys come home. I don't want her to feel so exposed," Rosalie said softly. Everyone sounded so strange and upset.

"Oh, of course, you're right. I should have thought of that," Alice said. She sounded a little angry with herself, and I felt a whoosh of air dance past my face, and then again.

"What's wrong,?" I asked wearily. I was getting so tired now. And it was getting really hot again.

"Everything's fine, Bella. We're just trying to cool you down. But I'm going to put a little top on you, just to cover you up a little bit. It'll look like you're wearing a bikini," Alice said, trying to sound casual.

I could feel as someone lifted me gently, fitting something around my breasts. I cringed at the touch and tried to pull away, but it was pointless.

"It's okay, Bella. It's just me. You're safe, Bella," Alice reassured me.

"Okay," I mumbled. "It's so hot. It's hot inside."

"Drink this, Bella. It's nice and cold," Esme urged. I fumbled with the straw at my mouth, finally locating it and sucking greedily.

"Thanks, Esme," I sighed. I needed to go to sleep, but I didn't like sleeping without Edward. "Is Edward home, yet?" I asked groggily.

"Not yet, sweetheart. But he won't be long now," someone said sweetly.

The thumping in my head worsened. I reflexively raised my only functioning arm, pushing my hand to my forehead firmly. "Ugh, OW," I wailed.

"Bella! Bella! Tell me what's wrong?" someone cried.

"My head. My head really hurts. My stomach hurts. Everything hurts, and I'm _so_ hot," I screamed. All the dark shapes blurred into one and started spinning faster and faster. As I slowly sank into total darkness, I could hear the voices calling my name.

"Bella! Bella! Bella!"

"Rose, find your father. Get Carlisle and Edward _now_!"

The darkness overpowered me.


	13. Chapter 13

For the first time in weeks, I wasn't fearful of losing Bella, and it felt good. I was sitting on a tree stump, watching as Emmett drained the grizzly bear he'd been tracking. I'd already glutted myself on two mountain lions, and I was starting to feel energised. I hadn't realised just how much the deprivation had affected me. I'd caught the scent of another big cat somewhere to the east, and I was contemplating feeding again. But I was conscious of how much time I'd already spent away from Bella, and I wasn't sure I wanted to waste any more indulging myself. It physically hurt to be away from her. My thirst wasn't completely quenched yet, but I could always hunt again closer to home, though the prey there was never as gratifying.

Carlisle interrupted my deliberations. "There's been something I've been meaning to discuss with you."

I nodded in understanding and agreement as I saw his thoughts. "Yes, I've been wondering the same thing. Both Charlie and Renee seemed to have some insight before their deaths, about us." As heartbreaking as it was, it was also puzzling.

"I was pondering the theories of existentialism," Carlisle said, grinning widely.

"I'm not sure I really have time for one of _those_ discussions right now," I said, rolling my eyes.

"It's not that bad." he promised, laughing. "I was just thinking about what happens right before death. The human brain's ability to learn and grow is almost infinite. It remodels itself constantly in response to external stimuli. So, what if when you're close to death, the twilight of your life let's say, your brain responds to _that_ stimuli by developing a heightened sense of awareness," he speculated.

"You're talking about extra sensory perception then," I replied.

"Along those lines. I don't know how else to explain both Charlie and Renee seemingly knowing our secret. And more than that, Renee seemed to know you would save Bella, even before you did," he wondered, serious now.

"What if Renee was trying to give her daughter hope?" I proposed.

"Why would she give her daughter hope when there was no hope to be found? Why would she ask her daughter to endure the torture that she must have known was coming, if she didn't truly believe, or _know_, that you would get to Bella in time? Surely she would have preferred a quick death for her daughter, rather than the alternative," he said confidently.

"You have a point," I conceded.

"And then there's Charlie. He'd been attacked by a vampire - a mythical creature that to his mind couldn't possibly exist until one walked into his house to kill him. Yet he never mentioned this to us. He was the Chief of Police, yet he never even attempted to give us a description of his attacker. And he asked us to care for Bella, as if he knew Renee wouldn't be able to. And let's not forget that he said he knew you were different," Carlisle continued, fascinated.

"I can't explain it. So, your explanation is as good as any," I acknowledged.

"It certainly is intriguing," he mused, "and tragic," he added.

"If you two have finished waxing philosophical, I wouldn't mind finding me another bear. This is meant to be a hunting trip, you know!" Emmett whined.

I laughed heartily. Spending time with Emmett was like a breath of fresh air. He was so uncomplicated - so truthful. I was glad that Rosalie had chosen him. He was a good brother and friend.

"It's good to hear you laugh again, son," Carlisle beamed at me.

"It feels good to laugh," I admitted. "I know there's still a lot to get through. It will be difficult for her to overcome everything that's happened," I thought dismally. "But seeing what you did for her, welcoming her into the family like that . . ." I shook my head in disbelief. "It's given me hope that I will get her back - that we'll be able to put the pieces of her life back together again, in time."

"She will have many physical and emotional scars, but with your help, and ours too, I believe she will prevail, Edward. She has shown remarkable courage," Carlisle announced with certainty.

"Yeah, she's a lot tougher than she looks. For a hundred pound human girl, she's about as tough as they come," Emmett laughed.

"A hundred and fifteen pounds," I corrected, although I wasn't actually sure about that anymore. She looked so frail.

"Whatever, Edward!" Emmett sighed in mock exasperation.

"How is Alice doing with her news?" I asked Jasper.

"She's still processing it, I think. She hasn't spoken much about it, but I know she has mixed emotions about it all. But mostly she's relieved to finally have some answers. She is planning to investigate her family history now that she has a place to start. But she's not prepared to leave Bella yet. She wants to make sure she's more settled before she does anything," Jasper explained.

"She's got the kindest heart of anyone I know," I told him.

"I know," he replied lovingly, his thoughts drifting to Alice. They really were soul mates, if the word soul could be used in reference to our kind. I had my doubts about that, but if any one of us were to have a soul, it would be Alice. And Carlisle and Esme for that matter. Maybe all of them? I wondered.

"Are we going to hunt or what?" Emmett demanded, this time genuinely annoyed, although only a little.

"Edward! Edward! You must come quickly. It's Bella. Tell Carlisle." Rosalie's desperate thoughts hit me unexpectedly. She was coming to find us, and she was panicked. My uncharacteristic optimism dissolved instantly.

"Edward! What is it?" Jasper asked, sensing my emotions before the fear had time to manifest on my face.

"It's Bella. There's something wrong. Rose is on her way to get us. Carlisle, we have to go to her now!" I ordered, my fear quickly escalating.

"Run, Edward. As fast as you can. I'll be right behind you," Carlisle encouraged.

I sped through the forest, everything in my peripheral vision a blur as I pushed myself to run faster, afraid and unsure of what might be waiting for me at home. Surely this must be an overreaction on Rosalie's part? Surely there could be nothing so wrong as to inspire the kind of panic that I'd heard in her mind? I could only hope, as I pressed forward. I didn't even slow down as I passed Rose coming the other way. But I heard her relief when she realised that I'd received her message and was already more than half way back to the house. She would soon meet the others, who were rapidly making their way back.

It had only been minutes, but it felt like I'd been running for hours when the house finally came into view. I raced inside, almost flying up the stairs and bursting into Bella's room to find Alice and Esme leaning over her prostrate form.

"What's happened?" I demanded, more angrily than I'd intended.

"We don't know, Edward. She's burning up with fever. She's unconscious and we can't wake her," Esme lamented.

Esme and Alice had their hands on Bella, trying to cool her, I imagined. I sped to her side as Alice leaned back, giving me an unobstructed view. I was aghast. They'd stripped Bella of her clothing, only briefs and bra remaining. Her skin was flushed all over, her face slick with moisture, as perspiration beaded on her forehead. She was gaunt, her delicate skin stretching over protruding bones. Her bulky casts engulfed her shrunken form. But it was her ribs and stomach that made me gasp in horror.

Her rib cage was an inky blue black with splashes of purple and red bruising that continued down to her stomach. The scar from her surgery was barely discernible under the discolouration. It looked as if she'd been brutally beaten, _today_, not the month ago that it had been. It wasn't superficial. It looked penetrating, and solid somehow. It must have been sheer agony for her. I hesitantly placed my hand on her, to touch it, trying to understand. She was scalding hot, and it was hard. Impenetrable. Like my own skin. I shuddered.

Her ribs looked out of proportion, her stomach slightly distended. It was a stark contrast to the rest of her emaciated body. I noticed that the discolouration was expanding, creeping further down her stomach, almost imperceptibly transforming her soft, delicate skin into an unyielding outer shell.

"Bella!" I whispered. I lost my breath.

The others arrived then, Carlisle in the lead as they crowded into Bella's room. "Let me see her. Please, everyone, stand back. Give her some air," Carlisle instructed.

I didn't move. I wouldn't leave her.

Rosalie had filled Carlisle in on Bella's condition already, but he was still surprised when he saw her himself. He felt her face, checking how hot she was, then lifted her hand, revealing that the bite infection had worsened. Then, just as I had, he placed his hand on her, trying to understand. He flinched at the touch, shocked to find her skin so hardened.

"What's happening?" I pleaded.

"I don't know, Edward. But it must have something to do with the venom. There's nothing else it could be. But I've never seen anything like it. I've never even heard of anything like it," he said, frustrated.

I hung my head miserably. I'd thought I sucked all the venom out in the ballet studio. But I'd only failed her _again_. There wasn't a word to describe how wretched I felt.

"Edward, her blood was clean. I'm sure of it. It must have leeched into surrounding tissues, somehow permeating her skeleton, and now her skin, and God knows what else. I just don't know. It's pure speculation. But it's as if the venom mutated when it leeched from her blood - infecting her, instead of changing her - damaging her, instead of healing her. She must have been in a great deal of pain these past days. I'm sorry, Edward. I told you to suck the venom out. I didn't anticipate anything like this," Carlisle said, anguished.

"Carlisle, there _must_ be something you can do. Please!" I begged.

"Edward, I don't know how to fix this. I, I think it's killing her, slowly. I have to give this some thought. I need some time." I'd never seen him so shaken.

"NO! CARLISLE, _PLEASE_!" I couldn't accept this. I wouldn't. There had to be something.

"Edward, I need some time to think about this. Do some tests. See if anything makes sense. Whatever is happening, it's happening relatively slowly. The first thing we need to do is bring her temperature down and try and bring the infection under some measure of control again," Carlisle said, more confidently than he felt.

"What do I do?" I asked, grasping onto whatever hope I could find.

"Think about the treatment for hypothermia. In lieu of medical intervention, the sharing of body heat is the most effective therapy. Yes?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," I responded eagerly.

"Well, think in reverse. I need you to take off your clothes, Edward. Your skin is colder than ice to her, so wrap yourself around her. Try to cover as much surface area of her skin as possible, particularly focusing on her head, neck and thoracic core," he explained. "I'm going to remove the plaster casts. They'll be stifling her. And I'll get some IV antibiotics started," he continued.

"But what about her broken bones? Won't that cause more damage?" I said, trying to control my ever increasing agitation.

"Those casts need replacing anyway. They're too large for her now, not enough stabilisation. She's fading away. In any case, broken bones are the least of my concern right now," he said anxiously.

I did what I was told, practically shredding my clothes in the haste to remove them, leaving on only the Calvin Kleins Alice insisted on buying for me. I was too worried to be embarrassed about my state of undress in front of my family. Their thoughts were nothing but compassionate and concerned towards Bella and me. This was too serious for the well intentioned crude jokes my brothers would normally have peppered me with. I lay on the bed next to her and carefully pulled her into me, wrapping myself around her. We were chest to chest, her head leaning into my shoulder, as I moved my frigid arms up and down over her exposed back. She was completely limp. She'd never seemed more fragile to me. My dreams of closely holding Bella had never been like this!

Carlisle removed the casts, easily ripping them from her body, leaving a white chalky residue over her skin and on the sheets. He then ordered everybody out, leaving only him and me as he inserted the IV needle into Bella's hand, taping it down gently. My family reluctantly left, their thoughts a combination of helplessness and hopelessness. The combined effect weighed heavily on me.

He brought several syringes of varying sizes out of his medical bag. The biopsy needles kept breaking as he tried unsuccessfully to penetrate the hardening skin of her abdomen. He tried again at the edge of the bruising, where the skin was still soft and in the process of change, hoping this would be enough. Thankfully, that worked. Then, using one of the smaller syringes, he withdrew enough blood to fill two vials. I should have been tempted, watching as Bella's delicious lifeblood was syphoned into the syringe, but that desire had left me, for now at least. I couldn't look at it as sustenance anymore. Right now it was evidence, and it needed to be analysed to see what secrets it would reveal. Carlisle had a fairly well appointed medical laboratory in the house that he used for research, but he'd still need to send the samples to the pathology lab in Port Angeles for a comprehensive analysis. I could only imagine how he might explain the likely bizarre results to the Pathologists.

He finished carefully labelling all the vials with a false patient name, as he moved on to cleaning and redressing the wound on her hand. As he did so, he broached the subject that had been foremost in his mind for the last several minutes. "There is one thing we could try," Carlisle offered tentatively.

I cringed, closing my eyes in torment. "I don't want to do that, Carlisle. It's not fair to her. It's not right. Besides, would it even work now?" I asked, pained at the very idea of it.

"Truthfully, I'm not sure. But venom against venom is a much fairer fight than venom against human medicines. Changing her, or at least trying to change her, may be her only chance. She's suffering, Edward." Carlisle said sadly.

I sighed despairingly. I couldn't stand the thought of Bella suffering. She'd suffered enough. But I couldn't stand the thought of damning her to this ceaseless existence either. She deserved so much better than this.

"I will consider it, Carlisle, if and when no other hope remains. I can't take the chance of losing her. Not yet. Not until we have exhausted all other possibilities," I said defiantly. But I was torn, no longer knowing what was best. Perhaps if I'd not interfered, _his_ venom would have changed her weeks ago, and she'd have avoided all of this pain. She'd be whole again. Strong and vibrant. Selfishly, I longed to be with her as equals, not frightened of her fragility or the calling of her blood. But what I wanted most was to be human with her, not for her to become like me, and it deeply saddened me that it could never be that way for us. But at least I do _exist_, although not in the human sense. And if this existence and death were my only two options, then I would choose this for her, because Bella needed to exist. I could not exist without her.

"I understand," Carlisle said, resigned. "I'll leave you now. I have much work to do."

As he left, I could hear him thinking about an anti-venom. A super cocktail of the strongest antibiotics available. I felt heartened that he'd come up with a theory, at least. I knew he would try everything he could.

All I could do now was wait – again - this incessant waiting that I loathed. But for the first time since knowing Bella, I felt grateful that my skin was so glacial next to hers. I pulled her closer as I began singing to her. Her lullaby. And I prayed that I could rouse her from this fevered delirium once again.

The hours passed, and Bella still hung limply in my arms, unconscious. But she _was_ cooling down. The fever had broken. At least this one thing had worked in her favour. Not willing to relinquish my hold on her just yet, I had turned her over, her back now leaning into me, I had one hand resting gently on her stomach, the other against her cheek as I still worked to impart my wintry gift, when I thought I felt something move underneath my hand on her stomach. "You're losing it, Edward," I told myself, shaking my head in disbelief. I wanted her to wake up so badly, I was imagining things - things that didn't make sense.

A few minutes later, I felt it again. No, I definitely wasn't imagining this. It was like a pressure, something pushing outwards from inside her stomach. Dread filled me as I screamed, "CARLISLE!" I was beyond frantic now.

Carlisle was with me in an instant, along with everyone else in the house. They couldn't stand the waiting any more than I could, and my panicked cry to Carlisle did nothing to ease their frayed nerves.

"What is it, Edward? I thought the fever had broken." He was alarmed.

I could barely speak the words. "Carlisle, there's _something_ moving inside her. In her stomach," I gulped, terrified.

Impossibly, Carlisle's face paled even further. The rest of my family responded with gasps and "oh no's," their thoughts in sync.

"Incubus!" Carlisle hissed.

I heard a series of sharp inhalations as the rest of my family reacted to the word. They'd all been thinking it, but to hear Carlisle actually voice it was shocking.

He shakily pressed his hand to Bella's stomach, snapping it back instinctively as he felt the demon child kick. "It never occurred to me. It's only legend. I can't believe it," he stammered.

He quickly brought himself under control, the scientist within taking over. "It wasn't just the venom. It was always the, _foetus_," he said the word distastefully. "It's like a parasite. It's sucking the life out of her to sustain itself. Changing her into what it needs her to be. But her body is fighting it, treating it like an infection, only she's not able to withstand it. Of course. It all makes sense now," he concluded wearily, still shaken by the revelation.

"Carlisle," I asked hesitantly. "Can you get it out of her? Will she survive it?" It was hard to say the words. This changed everything. Changing her wasn't an option now, not in this condition. At worst, she wouldn't survive the conversion. At best, she would have James' monster foetus frozen permanently within her. I couldn't imagine a worse fate.

"The pregnancy is at an early stage, so I believe I can remove the foetus. But it will be traumatic, and in her weakened state, very risky. But Bella is deceptively strong. If she has the will, I think she can survive this. I will need to do some research - investigate the legends more thoroughly. This is very troubling, but at least we know what we're dealing with now. I have a point of reference. I must begin immediately," Carlisle announced purposefully, as he quickly exited the room intent on his research.

His confidence was encouraging. But coming to terms with the fact that Bella was carrying James' child, a child conceived of rape, a child whose very existence relied upon killing her, was almost too much to bear. How much more did my Bella have to endure? She was an innocent. If God did indeed have a plan for each of us, what could his plan for Bella be? This was all so wrong. And how could I tell her this news? "If she has the will, I think she can survive this," Carlisle had said. But would she have the will? She was hanging on by a thread as it was. The grief she felt for her parents, and herself, was all consuming. She couldn't sleep without suffering the nightmares of that day. She'd even told Alice that she could still feel _him_ and smell _him_. It would be impossible to keep this from her, but how could she cope with the knowledge that part of him was still inside her?

I began trembling, fear and rage and despair consuming me. I gently laid Bella down on the bed, covering her with a light sheet. A forlorn attempt at protecting her modesty, too little, too late. I walked to the window, trying desperately to calm myself. I couldn't face her like this. When I told her this news, this horrendous news, I would need all the strength and resolve I could muster. I took the unnecessary, but helpful deep, cleansing breaths, trying to steady myself.

"I'm going to try and help you, Edward," Jasper warned, as a thick cloud of tranquility tried to blanket itself over me. Slowly, the trembling calmed, though the anguish remained. I was grateful for the little relief it provided. But I had passed beyond the full reach of Jasper's gift weeks ago.

Alice and Rosalie carefully dressed Bella in an over sized t-shirt and pyjama shorts, as Esme leaned into me, wrapping her arm around my waist. "I'm so sorry, Edward. But I have faith," she thought to me tenderly. I nodded my thanks, unable to speak just yet.

Emmett appeared with a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "It's probably not going to help if she wakes up and finds you both half naked," he said. He was right of course. I took the clothes, shrugging into them almost in slow motion. The dread was dulling my senses.

"Ugh, Mmmmmm," Bella groaned. She would be waking soon. I should have felt relieved, but all I felt was sick.

Esme gathered the others, leaving me to face Bella alone. It would be better this way. I took another calming breath, and I went to her, sitting beside her on the bed, gently pulling her into a loving embrace. It didn't take very long before her eyelashes began to flutter, signalling the opening of her eyes. She was a little disoriented at first, but as she slowly adjusted to being awake, she focused in on me.

"Edward," she mumbled.

"Yes, my love. I'm here," I replied tenderly, not daring to look at her face yet.

She tried to sit up, unconsciously stretching her newly freed broken arm. "OW," she grimaced.

"Try not to move, love. Carlisle has to reapply your casts. You're not fully mended yet," I tried to explain.

"What happened? What's wrong?" she asked, confused.

Despair threatened to devour me, and I swallowed hard, trying to force it down. I summoned my courage and turned to face her, staring into her heartbreakingly sorrowful eyes. There was no time to waste. She had to know.


	14. Chapter 14

"What happened? What's wrong?" she asked, confused.

I stroked her cheek delicately and leaned down to kiss her forehead. I was trying to ease her anxiety to make her feel safe and loved. In truth, I was also stalling a little.

"Edward!" she demanded, a little frustrated now. "Why did Carlisle take off my plaster casts? Not that I'm complaining, but I don't understand? And how come I don't remember that? The last thing I remember was being with Esme," she persevered.

"You had a fever, and you were unconscious for a few hours. But you're okay now. The casts were too big for you, though. You need to eat more, Bella. You need your strength. You're so fragile, love," I responded, trying to ease her frustration and still stalling.

She thought about that and nodded. "Yeah, I remember feeling so hot. I'm sorry, Edward. I'll try to do better. I'm just not very hungry, that's all. There's only so much soup I can take," she explained.

"Bella, you don't need to apologise. I'm just worried about you. You really do need to build up your strength. If you get any thinner, I'll be too nervous to hug you," I coerced.

"No, Edward, please! I promise, I'll try much harder. We can try the eggs again. And I guess there's jelly. I'm sure there's lots of soft food I can try," she argued, a little agitated.

"Shush, love. I didn't mean it. I'll always be here, ready and willing to hold you close to me whenever you want me to," I comforted, as I pulled her a little nearer. But my mind was on the horrific reality that as long as the demon child continued to live, Bella would continue to die. It was greedily taking what it needed from her, leaving her frail and weak. Whatever she ate to strengthen herself, it would take from her for its own use. I detested it.

"I'll always want you to," she said convincingly.

I smiled. "I'll always want to hug you, too," I thought.

"Bella, how are you feeling, your pain I mean?" I asked nervously.

"Fine." Her standard reply.

"_Bella_," I chided. "How are you _really_ feeling?"

She looked at me, trying to determine how serious I was. Then she sighed in defeat. "I, I ache all over. A deep, burning ache," she admitted hesitantly. "And all the other stuff, it all hurts. My ribs, my stomach, they really hurt. It's sometimes a little hard to breathe."

I inwardly flinched. Bella was in pain, and I could see what it took for her to admit that much to me. I nodded, and stroked her cheek again.

"Edward?" she asked cautiously.

"Yes, love."

"I know it's stupid asking this now. But I was just wondering. Um, what exactly is wrong with me? I mean, what exactly did _he_ do to me? I mean injuries, not the other," she whispered, slightly trembling at the memory.

I kissed her forehead again, and extricated myself from our embrace. I needed to really look at her - into her eyes. I needed to try and gauge how she was feeling. I settled her back down on her pillows gently, trying to avoid any undue movement to her fractured and fragile bones. Then I pulled a chair beside her bed, quickly leaning into her and holding her hand.

I proceeded to recite the very lengthy list, excluding the now most important affliction. That would be next. As I reached the end of the list, I concluded with, "but apart from that, you're absolutely perfect, my love." And I kissed her sweetly, this time on her lips.

She frowned as she took it all in, and something new entered her eyes. Anger. My Bella was angry, and it wasn't fleeting either. Her formerly dark, dead eyes were alive with it. I'd seen it before, but only glimpses. This was blatant, and it was a huge improvement. We could work with anger. We could move beyond it. It was so much better than the emptiness.

I wanted to leave it at that. It had taken so much to get to this point. This was progress, of a sort. And I wondered if she would remain angry after I told her the rest, or if she would revert back to the empty nothingness. I sighed regretfully. I couldn't help feeling that it would be the latter.

"But I'm getting better, right?" she asked hopefully.

I struggled to keep my face calm for her. "Yes, Bella. You will get better," I said definitely, and I hoped with all my being that I was telling her the truth.

"But there's more, isn't there?" she persisted, my ever perceptive Bella.

"Your bones aren't healing as well as we'd hoped, yet. It's going to be a slow process. And you will have a little trouble with your legs and your arm later. They are very bad breaks, love. But as soon as you're well enough, we'll get you started on some physical therapy to build up your strength again. I will see you through this, Bella. You're going to be all right." I hoped my voice sounded more certain that it seemed.

She nodded. "Yes, Edward. You don't have to worry. I'll be all right. I don't care if I limp, or anything like that. As long as I have you, I'll be fine," she said reassuringly. This was so very Bella, trying to console me when she was the one facing permanent disability. She knew she was never going to fully recover from James' brutality. I think she'd known that from the start, which is why she'd never asked about her injuries before. She just accepted them, as if they were the least of her problems, which I suppose they were. But she sensed the truth of the situation.

She was coming back to me. I could see it in her eyes now. Slowly, she was coming back. But I couldn't delay this any longer. Despite what may happen now, she deserved to know. She needed to know. And if I didn't tell her now, she would soon find out when _it_ awakened. I'd guessed the demon child was sleeping, as it sucked her very life force.

"Bella," I began hesitantly.

Her attention snapped back to me as I roused her from her thoughts. She was still fully processing what I'd told her, coming to terms with the severity of her injuries. She stared at me then, those same sad, dark eyes. But they were a little brighter, the anger still flashing through them.

"There's something else I have to tell you. We didn't know about it before. We've only just discovered it, while you were sleeping. But it's going to be okay. We're going to fix it, so I don't want you to worry. I won't let anything hurt you ever again." I was striving to keep my voice calm, but I could see the alarm registering on her face. She didn't need this. She so didn't need this.

"Edward, you're scaring me. Please, just tell me, whatever it is," she pleaded.

I gripped her hand a little tighter, sucked in an unnecessary but much needed calming breath, and I told her. "Bella, you're pregnant." There was no other way to say it. I waited for the comprehension to dawn, but she looked confused. Like she didn't understand what I'd just said.

"What. . . How. . . No! It's not possible. I don't understand what you're trying to tell me, Edward. I can't be. . . No, I'm not. . . No," she stammered.

Her agitation was rising. It was palpable. I reached for her, pulling her gently into an embrace, trying to soothe her. "It's going to be okay, Bella. Carlisle said he can get it out. We won't let this hurt you. You're going to be fine," I assured her, and myself.

Her breathing became a little rapid and shallow. I knew how she laboured with the resistance from her damaged ribs, and the unyielding pressure from the granite bruising.

Suddenly she stilled, not breathing at all. I pulled back immediately to look at her. Why wasn't she breathing? I saw the shock register on her face, as she pulled her hand down to feel her stomach. Then she started breathing again, panting really, with the realisation. The demon child was awake. She threw back the sheet, pulling her t-shirt up as she stared down at herself in pure wonder, and then revulsion.

I tried to comfort her, but she wasn't hearing me.

"You have to get it out, Edward," she began softly at first. "You have to get it out. You _have_ to get it out. You HAVE to get it out!" she pleaded, her hysteria mounting. Then she was lost in it. A frenzied panic overtaking her as she began to tremble and jerk, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Get it out of me. Get it out. Get it out. Get it out. Get it out of me now, Edward. NOW!" she shrieked, totally inconsolable as she thrashed wildly, smashing her arms against the bead head and the side table, ripping out the IV tubing in her hand. I heard the sickening crack as her arm snapped again. I wrestled against her, trying to hold her down to prevent any further damage. I was so much stronger, but she was crazed, and she convulsed against me, apparently immune to the wracking pain this violent movement must be causing.

Carlisle arrived first, stilling her legs as they flailed furiously.

"GET IT OUT. GET IT OUT. GET IT OUT. GET IT OUT." She continued to chant, spittle flying from her mouth as she spat the words, her bulging eyes beseeching me in her frantic desperation.

"Bella, please," I cried, distraught. This was the worst - by far the worst.

"Emmett, hold her legs down," Carlisle ordered. The others had come too, of course, their combined agony only adding to my own.

"PLEASE, EDWARD! PLEASE! GET IT OUT. GET IT OUT NOW. GET IT OUT," she continued, screaming until her voice began to sound hoarse.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry," was all I could say, as I pinned her arms to her sides, feeling the shattered bone beneath my hands.

Carlisle injected a large dose of morphine directly into the vein in her arm, and the effect was thankfully almost instantaneous. The thrashing eased as her body began to settle listlessly into the bed, her eyelids drooping involuntarily.

"Get it out. Get it out. Please, Edward, get it out. Or kill me. Please just kill me now. Please," she whispered groggily as she slipped into unconsciousness.

I stumbled backwards, hitting the wall with my back as I slowly slid down to the floor. I placed my head in my hands, overcome with grief. Where was Carlisle's God now, I wondered bitterly. She'd asked me to kill her. My brave, beautiful Bella had asked me to kill her. This was it. This was what severed that fragile thread that she was hanging by. I was starting to feel numb.

Carlisle reattached the IV as Esme cradled Bella's head in her lap, thinking of how she had tried to comfort her before while I was out hunting and enjoying myself. Bella had sobbed for her losses into Esme's motherly embrace, overcome with grief. It was just another knife through my heart, knowing that she'd broken down like that. Seeing how much she needed her mother, but substituting mine as the desolation overpowered her. I should have been here for her. I should have known the first day would be the hardest. But I could never have imagined this.

Alice and Rosalie buried themselves in their husbands' chests, shaking with silent cries. My brothers did their best to comfort them, but I knew that they were feeling this just as keenly. Jasper in particular was struggling with the overwhelming sorrow engulfing the room, unable just yet to bring forth any more uplifting emotions.

Carlisle sat on the end of Bella's bed, his melancholy mirrored in everyone's thoughts. "I'll need to reset and cast her bones now," he said sombrely. "And then we need to get that _foetus_ out. It would be best not to wait, especially given Bella's feelings on the matter," he concluded.

I looked up to him, his face falling slightly as he took in the pained expression on my own. "How will you do it?" I asked dully.

"It's too late for a regular termination. It is obviously further advanced than a normal _foetus _should be at this stage." He still had difficulty saying it. "We'll do a standard caesarean, before the bruising extends any further, and I can't access it via normal means." he sighed. "What little I could find in the legends is not helpful in regards to the mother, but _it_ appears to have an accelerated growth process, so the sooner the better."

He was deeply troubled, letting his guard down just enough for me to understand what he meant about the legends not being helpful to the mothers. "They always died," he thought. And I closed my eyes as yet another wave of terror pulsed through me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean for you to hear that," Carlisle apologised. "The legends are old, son, and the information is sketchy at best. With modern medicine on our side, I am very hopeful," he insisted, and his thoughts did back him up. But before I could continue the conversation any further, he excused himself to go prepare the plaster solution and the lab for the surgery that was soon to come.

I was still lost in Carlisle's words. "Normal means," I thought curiously. And then it hit me. Whatever was happening to her body as this _thing_ kicked and bruised her, it was becoming solid. Solid as vampire skin. No scalpel would ever be able to penetrate it. Only vampire teeth! I shuddered, and hung my head as my mind sped over all the gruesome possibilities. "Could this get any worse?" I wondered sourly. Yes, yes it could. She could die. The knife in my heart dug a little deeper as I thought the word. I had to pull myself together. She needed me now more than ever.

I dragged myself up and back onto the bed beside her. Esme relinquished her hold on Bella, as I gently cradled her head in my lap, stroking her cheek delicately.

"Believe, Edward. You must have faith. We all must," Esme said soothingly, brushing her lips against my cheek.

"Thank you, Esme. For everything. I should have been here, but I'm grateful for the comfort you were able to give her," I told her affectionately.

"Edward, she loves you and she needs you. But there will be times when she needs a mother. That was one of those times. She is my daughter now, but I will never truly be her mother. But I promise you I will try to be the best substitute I can be. Please don't be so hard on yourself, Edward. She was happy that you went to hunt. I could see how worried she was about you neglecting yourself so much. We've all been so worried about you," she said sadly.

"I'm okay. I will be okay, when she is," I said, trying to make my voice sound hopeful.

She nodded in understanding, gathering my brothers and sisters with her as she left me alone with Bella. "I'll help Carlisle set up the lab so it's ready for the surgery," Rose said on her way out. Like me, Rosalie had studied medicine to help keep Carlisle current as the decades passed us by. Also like me, she hadn't any practical medical experience, but she was planning to assist Carlisle as much as possible. At least until the inevitable when the sight and smell of Bella's blood would be intolerable for her, and she would have to leave the room, maybe even the house. But I was grateful for her efforts.

"Thanks, Rose," I told her appreciatively. I knew she could still hear me.

"It's okay, Edward. I just want to help," she thought gloomily.

Rosalie wanted to help. Rosalie had accepted Bella into the family. I hadn't expected that, and I wondered, if _that_ was possible, then maybe anything was possible. . . .

I continued to stroke Bella's cheek, as I waited for Carlisle. It wouldn't be long now, and this nightmare would finally be over, I hoped.


	15. Chapter 15

I moved Bella into Carlisle's Lab - it was as well appointed as any hospital. I could see that he'd really thought of everything when organising for Bella to move in with us, preparing for the unforeseeable. It _was_ Bella after all, and accidents and the unexpected seemed to plague her. But none of us could ever have anticipated this.

Rosalie stayed true to her word, helping Carlisle reset Bella's arm, then reapplying the plaster casts. At Alice's insistence, this application of plaster would be blue. No more boring white plaster for Bella, as if it would make any difference to her now. But I appreciated the sentiment. They were all doing what they could to show their love and support in their own unique ways.

Bella was sleeping peacefully, still in a morphine induced state of unconscious. It was a relief to see her so tranquil. Carlisle had started her on the antibiotic cocktail he had devised, hoping to quash any remaining venom residue in her system. It wasn't tried and tested, but I felt confident. Or I should say, Carlisle felt confident, and on this, I took my lead from him. The other pre-surgery tasks had been completed. Rosalie had sterilised the surgical implements and the entire surgical space. Carlisle and I even wore sterilised scrubs. Bella had been catheterised and connected by leads to the monitor that would track her heart rate and blood pressure. Then finally, Carlisle administered an epidural to make sure she wouldn't feel anything during the procedure. Everything was prepared.

I painted Bella's abdomen in a thick, sticky, amber antibacterial wash. As I worked, I could see the hand and feet impressions as the demon child battered her from within. Each new kick and punch spreading the impenetrable bruising as Bella's skin erupted in fresh blue, black discolouration. This was the most active I'd seen it, and I wondered if it were a natural part of its rapid progression, or if it sensed the approaching danger to its existence.

Bella's skin put up no resistance, parting easily under Carlisle's steady hand as her blood sprang forth. I dutifully mopped it up, barely noticing the burning in my throat as I cleared the way for Carlisle to proceed. I had never been more focused, and I was beginning to understand how Carlisle had developed the self control required to choose medicine as his profession. It was then that a new presence entered my mind. I was astonished to realise that _it_ was already conscious and aware. Even more astonished to hear what it was thinking. It reacted violently to the incision, its thoughts truly heinous as it struggled furiously to spread the bruising that left unhindered would effectively become its protective barrier.

"You need to work quickly, Carlisle. _It's_ aware. It knows what we intend to do, and it's fighting against it. I think it's purely instinctual at this stage, but it is malevolent. It will fight for survival, at all costs," I gasped in horror, now more anxious than ever to be rid of this cancer.

Carlisle was shocked, but his concentration never faltered. His thoughts acknowledged the remorse he felt at having to terminate a sentient being. But he was committed to the task, knowing that this would be the only chance to save Bella. He repeated the action making another incision, this time through Bella's uterus, breaking the waters. And there it was!

Nestled into Bella's pelvis was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I hadn't thought of it as a baby before, but there it was. A baby boy. It was small, but far more advanced than we'd known. Far more advanced than any normal baby in utero should ever be. It already had a lock of chocolate brown hair, just like Bella's. Its face heart shaped and perfect. And it had a heartbeat! That was unexpected. It truly was half human - half Bella. A thick cloud of uncertainty settled over me as I began to share Carlisle's remorse. I didn't want to have this child's death on my conscience. It was Bella's child, so there must be something good in it. My conflicting emotions were tearing at me, and I knew that Carlisle was experiencing the same uncertainty. Neither of us had been prepared for this.

But as we were momentarily lost in doubt, mesmerised by the baby's beauty, it transformed into something abhorrent. It's lips pulled back in a ghastly sneer, a high pitched snarl emanating from low in its throat as it revealed a glistening set of razor sharp teeth. Then its eyes sprang open. Crazed, blood thirsty eyes, as scarlet as the blood it had been consuming from its mother - from Bella. Its thoughts were depraved, just like its father, I thought, repulsed. It had murder on its mind - Bella's murder. It was a primal instinct. Kill or be killed. Perhaps it was too underdeveloped to know any better. It would lash out at what it perceived as a threat, and it would fight to feed and to thrive on the only available food source, Bella.

I was reeling, unprepared for the conflicting emotions this child had brought forth in me. There wasn't even one redeeming thought to be found in its mind. Not yet a shred of humanity or conscience. Would a child conceived in this way always be evil, or was it the by-product of its genes? Was this the result of James, his killer instincts too powerful for Bella's goodness? Would it make a difference if it had been conceived from love? I couldn't help but wonder if the child were allowed to thrive and be nurtured, would any of Bella's humanity be revealed? It was an age old debate - nature versus nurture, and staring at this living, breathing being with the face of an angel and the mind of a devil, I was no closer to solving that mystery.

Carlisle was taken aback at the menacing sight. Even without the benefit of hearing it, he was just as conflicted as I was. The same thoughts and doubts flashed through his mind as he struggled with his next course of action. But as uncertain as he felt, he was sure that the baby had to come out. It couldn't be allowed to remain in Bella, its intrinsic need to exist incompatible with Bella's own survival.

As he lowered the scalpel towards the umbilical cord intent on cutting off its immediate food source, the creature hissed and snarled, launching itself towards Bella's throat, scuttling along her chest on all fours. Just as it was about to plunge its teeth into Bella's delicate skin, Carlisle sliced the cord, and it erupted in a piercing scream that reverberated throughout the house. But it still dragged itself along, its instinctual need to feed and survive stronger than anything else. Bella was the child's incubator, and its incubator had failed it. So it would drain her now in a last desperate effort to live. It had no regard for Bella as its mother. It simply needed to live, at all costs.

I snatched it from Bella's shoulder before it could puncture her skin, not knowing if it would secrete venom or saliva in its attempt. And I was unsettled to feel that its skin was warm. I could feel the heartbeat and the pulsing of blood coursing through its veins. This was a child, for all intents and purposes, an innocent - a part of Bella. It looked so very much like a human baby, and it was completely dependent upon us for life. But as it snarled and squirmed in my hands with a strength known only to my kind, its mind devoid of anything but violence and survival, I knew what needed to be done. But still I hesitated, not knowing if I could follow through, repulsed by the images of ending its life.

Just then Emmett burst through the door, snatching the creature from my grasp. He was already down the stairs and out of the house, running into the forest before I could even react. Carlisle and I stood stunned, as Jasper appeared at the door, silently closing it between us. A gentle cloud of clarity enveloped us, rousing us from our inertia. Carlisle immediately resumed his ministrations on Bella, removing the placenta and repairing her uterus, before stapling the skin of her lower abdomen.

Considering the unexpected drama of the birth, Bella remained stable throughout the procedure. As I carefully transferred her back to her own bed where she could recover more comfortably, I noticed from her window the plume of smoke in the distance indicating Emmett's whereabouts. As I watched the smoke trail dissipate into the sky, I was overcome with a mix of regret at not having the courage to kill the creature myself, and relief at being spared such a gruesome task.

Once the surgery was over and Bella was safely settled, I was able to open my mind to the other members of the household. Emmett's puzzling actions were revealed by Jasper and Alice, understanding replacing my confusion as their thoughts explained what I'd missed. Their gifts had exposed the true nature of the creature. Jasper showed me its malignant emotions, and then the uncertainty that Carlisle and I were struggling with. Alice saw the depth of its depravity and its innate need to feed and kill. Even if its safety weren't threatened, it was incapable of anything other than the cruelest kind of violence. It was its father's son, and it would have tried to murder Bella with its dying breath. Its primal instincts were just too powerful. As they both relayed this news to the rest of my anxiously waiting family, Emmett decided to take matters into his own hands. He knew that there wasn't a choice. We would always choose Bella's life over that of the child. But physically killing this half human child would be too much for Carlisle or me to bear, so he did what needed to be done. I was a little chagrined at not having the strength to act as decisively as Emmett. He had spared me this hideous task, but who was there to spare Emmett?

Carlisle was immensely relieved that Emmett had taken such swift action. He momentarily regretted not having the opportunity to study the creature, the utter improbability of it all piquing his scientific curiosity. But he was ultimately grateful for Emmett's intervention. He not only wanted to avoid the grisly duty himself, but, as with James, he didn't want me encumbered with it either. He didn't want those images to haunt me for eternity. But he was wrong about James. I still regretted not killing him myself. I think I always would feel that way because of what he did to Bella - what he was _still_ doing to Bella. But this creature, this _child_! It was different. I'm not sure how I would have lived with the memory of killing it, even knowing what it was capable of. There was no question that Bella's survival depended on its removal, and that alone would have forced me into action. But as vile as it was, it still felt wrong somehow to kill it. I would always feel regret at allowing Emmett to shoulder my responsibility. But I'd also be eternally grateful to him for taking the matter out of my hands.

Esme, Rosalie and Alice were all suffering with their own conflicting emotions. They had no doubt that Bella's survival depended on this. But, as with Carlisle and I, the thought of destroying what was essentially a baby was loathsome, regardless of the inherent and irreversible maleficence that the baby spawned. It was something that Rosalie and Esme struggled with the most. Their thoughts now turned to their own lost chances at motherhood from their human lives long past.

Emmett finally returned, a combination of pride at a job well done, and remorse at killing something as yet so helpless, albeit ultimately lethal, at the forefront of his thoughts. But he felt justified in his actions, pleased to have spared Carlisle and me and relieved to have removed this threat from Bella. His over protectiveness towards her never waned.

I managed to tear myself away from Bella long enough to greet him, pulling him into my own version of his bear-like embrace, thanking him for taking the burden upon himself. "I'm sorry, Emmett. I should have been stronger, more decisive. This wasn't your burden to bear," I said apologetically.

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward. You've got enough to deal with, without having to deal with that, too. It was the right thing to do," he replied confidently, but I winced as I caught a glimpse of its final moments, squealing and snarling in Emmett's massive hands in a futile last protest. He looked at me regretfully, a profound sorrow in his eyes I had never witnessed before in Emmett, and so I held his gaze, forcing myself to see all that he'd seen, knowing I could never truly make this up to him.

Sensing his unease, Rosalie pressed herself into his massive chest, comforting him with her touch. He relaxed into her, and although his thoughts were still troubled, he forced himself to focus on the bigger picture, so he was primarily satisfied and contented in the knowledge that he'd done the right thing. Sometimes I envied Emmett's confidence. Decisions were never so easy for me, the consequences of my actions plaguing me endlessly. But he was certain of his choice, and I couldn't fault him. He'd done what I had struggled to do. He'd done what needed to be done.

The creature's shrill screams and angelic appearance were still in everyone's thoughts, the dichotomy difficult to reconcile. Unfortunately they'd all seen _it _as Emmett stole it away from the house, and it only made the situation all the more difficult to accept. Jasper sensed the disquiet, casting out a wide net of self assurance and tranquility. Everyone's minds immediately began relaxing, the melancholia dissipating as if it were blown away by a gentle breeze. I marvelled at his gift.

"I could not sense a shred of decency in_ it_," he added, trying to disperse any lingering doubts or remorse. "There could never have been any redemption for _it_," Jasper concluded with certainty, trying to bolster our moods.

"No, its course was set. There was never any hope that it could be more," Alice agreed miserably.

I nodded my assent. "Its thoughts were disturbing to say the least. But its appearance deceived me. I had thought it to be of Bella, but there was nothing of her in _it_. Nothing at all," I said bitterly.

"I think it would be best if we could avoid telling Bella what _it _looked like though. I don't think she could endure the conflicting emotions. It's bad enough as it is," I added mournfully.

Everyone was in total agreement on that point, and it brought the focus back to Bella and away from the disagreeable events of the birth and the subsequent death. It was something we all wanted to forget, but knew that we never could. Every detail, every sound, was burned into our memories for all eternity, so we did what we had to do to assuage our guilt and endure it. We told ourselves what we needed to hear. I was grateful that Bella had been unconscious throughout the entire sorry ordeal. It would only have been one more horror to play out in her nightmares.

I returned to her side, anxious for her to wake so I could assure her that the monster was finally gone for good. I had promised her that nothing would ever hurt her again. Yet James attack had been so much more far reaching than I'd ever imagined. Bella had been through enough now. Too much! As I lay my head on the pillow next to hers, I prayed that the worst was finally behind her. She had so much physical and emotional healing to get through, and it was time that she be able to start it, rather than being assaulted with an endless round of bad news and ghastly surprises.

______

Bella woke several hours later, groggy and unaware. Her lips were parched and she had trouble swallowing, so I put some ice chips into her mouth, letting the chilly pebbles melt and soothe their way down her throat. She became aware of the burning pain low in her stomach, moaning as her face screwed up at the discomfort.

"Carlisle will be in soon to give you something for the pain, love," I reassured her. She nodded weakly, too uncomfortable to even try to refuse the promise of pain relief.

As the minutes passed, she became more coherent, suddenly jerking up then recoiling at the intense surge of pain the abrupt movement caused. Her eyes widened and she grabbed my hand, her breathing becoming shallow and rapid as her memory caught up with her.

"Shush, shush, Bella. You're fine now. _ It's_ gone, Bella. It's really gone. It's over," I comforted her.

She stared at me intently, trying to take in all of my words. Her breathing began to ease as comprehension finally began to take hold. "Are you sure, Edward?" she croaked weakly. "Is it really over?"

"Yes, love. It's really over. You're going to get well now. You're already improving," I told her, relieved for once that I was genuinely as sure as I sounded. Carlisle's antibiotic cocktail was working. The baby was no longer competing with her for survival, and the gruesome bruising over her ribs and stomach was already beginning to recede, albeit slowly. Even _his_ bite was finally healing, all traces of infection almost gone.

Silent tears began to brim in her eyes, overflowing and streaming down her cheeks. I wiped them away with my thumbs, holding her face in my hands as I gazed at her. "Bella, are you all right?" I asked cautiously. I never knew what to expect from her. For all that we'd been through, I still wasn't sure what was going on in her mind.

"I'm just so relieved. The thought of _it_, inside me. Part of _him_ still in me. It was just too much, Edward. It's still too much," she sobbed.

"He can't hurt you anymore, love. He can never hurt you again." I gently kissed her lips, still reassuring her.

"Do you think I'm a bad person, for making you get rid of _it_?" she cried, quivering slightly.

"Bella, Bella, No! Of course not, love. It would have killed you, Bella. _It_ was evil, like _him_. It didn't belong in you, my sweet, brave, beautiful, Bella," I assured her. She couldn't feel guilty about this. Not _this_. We would shoulder this burden for her.

"It would have been different, if it was yours," she said timidly, still sniffling. "Our baby would have been different, Edward. I'm sure of that."

I had to work very hard to maintain my composure then. Bella always believed the very best in me. But how after everything she'd been through she could even think that. . . . I'll admit that I had fleetingly considered the possibility of a different outcome if James had not been the father. But I hadn't imagined that she would, too. No, she _never_ did or said what I expected. I didn't know how to answer her, afraid of unhinging her. So I simply told her, "I love you, Bella. I'll always love you."

She squeezed my hand, the corners of her mouth turning up as she replied, "I love you, too, Edward. I'll always love you." But the sadness in her eyes was heartbreaking.


	16. Chapter 16

The next several days were thankfully uneventful. It was the first time in weeks that Bella had been truly safe - as safe as she could be living with vampires, and I was very grateful for that. We all were. With the _child_ gone, her injuries were finally beginning to heal and physically, she was definitely improving. But Bella was far from well. Now that she was safe, there was nothing to divert her attention from the pain of her experience and loss, and so she'd shut down. She didn't even cry anymore. Bella was broken.

It wasn't that she didn't speak. She did, when she was spoken to, and she did her best to be convincing and polite. But she rarely engaged. One of the few conversations she initiated was to ask Carlisle to keep her hand bandaged so that she wouldn't have to see the scar from _his_ bite, even though the wound was now healed. Her eyes were still flat and lifeless, not even a hint of the anger remaining. She ate only enough to ward off Carlisle's threat of a feeding tube. We'd taken to practically forcing protein shakes into her to keep her weight somewhat stabilised. But she still looked so frail. The nightmares hadn't eased at all. In fact, her screaming repertoire now included "get it out," and sometimes the much worse, "kill me, Edward," which although wasn't a waking request, still tore me to shreds every time she said it. She tried staying awake as much as possible, just so she could avoid the dreams, but she was exhausted, and that didn't help.

She never asked about the baby, which I at first thought to be a very good thing. But I had my doubts now. Her grief consumed her, and she had no means of physical or emotional release. She was a prisoner to her own body, still burdened with the cumbersome plaster casts that prevented her independence while she continued to physically heal. And she wouldn't talk to any of us about how she was feeling, more than to answer direct questions. Knowing Bella, I guessed that was because she didn't want to burden us further than she thought she already had. It was like she'd closed herself off, and was now only concerned about the rest of us. She insisted that her bedroom door be kept closed at all times to minimise the discomfort her scent might cause the other members of the family. And when therapy was hinted at, she outright refused, arguing that it would be too risky to us should any truths be accidentally revealed. As lost in her misery as she was, she was still thinking of us first.

As for the rest of us, we were still coming to terms with the death of the child. It was a harsh reality to face, that we'd killed this new life in order to save hers. We had no real regrets, or so we told ourselves. But it was still there, always in all our minds, though none of us spoke of it outwardly. Rosalie and Esme were faring the worst, conflicted over what was and what might have been and unable to reconcile their inner discord. Carlisle and Emmett were doing their best to be supportive whilst still trying to deal with their own torment. And so Jasper and I bore the brunt of their combined anguish, though I suspected Jasper had it worse. I had to hear the morbidly confusing ruminations, while he had to _feel _the endless dissenting emotions as they cycled through each of us. Alice was like a helpless spectator, anguished by the sorrow of her loved ones, and aware that her imperfect visions of a happier future seemed too remote for any of us to find comfort in just yet.

We were trapped between the certainty that we'd done the right thing, and the reality that even in certainty, we weren't to be spared the remorse. I thought it to be a very human response, and I was wondered if Carlisle's guidance had inevitably led us to this point, or if we had found the best of our lost humanity through Bella's presence in our lives. I thought the answer lay somewhere in between. But as much as we were struggling to come to terms with everything that had happened, I realised that ours could only be a fraction of the struggle Bella had to endure every minute of every day. After everything, we were only now fully coming to terms with the enormity of the situation, the pregnancy the culmination of all that had come before. And if we were in such despair, I wondered how Bella could bear the weight of her own grief that was so obviously overwhelming her. I very much wanted to take it from her - to at least share it. But grief was a personal agony, and there was nothing I could do to lessen hers, or any of ours.

This wasn't going to be easy for any of us to get past. But we were well aware that Bella's burden was greater than all of ours combined, so we did whatever we had to, to make life as comfortable and bearable for her as possible. And so we chose to suffer in silence, while Jasper and I fought to withstand the constant barrage of tortured thought and emotion that bled from our family. We were determined not to add our distress to Bella's, all the while wishing we could eradicate hers rather than simply not adding to it. But it was the best we could do.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for news of Bella's return to Forks spread, and so we fielded endless calls from school friends and faculty, and friends and colleagues of Charlie, wanting to know when they could visit to pay their respects. But Bella didn't want to see anyone. She explained that she didn't have the energy to keep up the charade that explained Charlie's and Renee's deaths. And she refused to further disrupt our lives by bringing other humans into the only place we could be free to be ourselves. Selfless and stubborn - that was my Bella.

I barely left her side, sometimes laying with her in a comforting embrace, or else sitting next to her by the bed, holding her hand. Either way, she only let me go when she had to, obviously afraid of being left alone, even though she'd never admit it. But at least she wasn't pushing me away. She needed me, and so I would stay by her side for as long as she wished it. It was the only place I wanted to be. Sometimes, I would read to her, or sing her lullaby, or play a CD for her. Other times we spent in a companionable silence. She spent a lot of time staring blankly out the window into the forest, but I didn't think that's what she saw. She looked haunted, and other than giving her time to work through it, I didn't know what else I could do. I was helpless once again.

I was following her gaze out the window one evening, wondering as always, what she was thinking, when Carlisle entered the room. I didn't immediately turn to greet him, knowing that he was here to check on Bella. She hadn't heard his noiseless approach, and as he reached to her shoulder to get her attention, she cowered from his touch, spiralling into a full blown anxiety attack, screaming, "Get away from me. Don't touch me." It took several minutes to calm her and convince her that she was safe. But she was still terrified, trembling with fear and gulping down big breaths to steady herself, gripping my hand so tightly that her knuckles where white.

"Carlisle, I'm, I'm so sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I don't know what I was thinking. I just got a fright, that's all. I'm so sorry," she stammered, blushing furiously with shame.

"Bella, I'm the one that should be apologising. I should have known better than to creep up on you like that. I forget that your hearing isn't as sensitive as ours. I promise to always announce my presence in future. I'm terribly sorry for frightening you," Carlisle comforted her, genuinely upset at having distressed her so much. "I just wanted to check in on you - make sure your pain was manageable and see if there was anything you needed," he continued eagerly.

"I'm fine, thank you, Carlisle. I don't need anything," she answered sweetly, still shaken.

Carlisle grimaced. "I thought she'd say that," he thought to me. "We're concerned about her, Edward. Do you think you could leave her alone for a moment? There's something we need to discuss," he asked silently.

I slowly looked to the right of the room, casually glancing back to the left, in an unspoken gesture of no. She was still gripping my hand as if her life depended on it.

"I'll get someone else to sit with her then?" Carlisle thought, and I nodded my agreement inconspicuously. He excused himself then, apologising again to Bella as he turned to leave.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door. Bella didn't respond. She'd resumed her staring out the window, and she was frowning now. "Come in," I answered for her.

"Edward, Esme needs to see you downstairs for a minute. Bella, would you mind if I sat with you for a little while?" Rosalie asked as she hovered near the door.

Bella looked up then, a little startled. I was surprised to see Rose, too, expecting Alice to take my place as I went to speak to Carlisle and Esme. But I didn't question it. Rose had definitely undergone a change of heart where Bella was concerned, although as far as I knew, they'd never actually spent any time alone like this, and that was a little worrying.

"Bella, is that okay with you, love?" I asked her. She hadn't answered Rosalie yet.

It took her a moment, but she finally released the death grip she had on my hand, imploring me with her eyes to hurry back, though she'd never say the actual words. It pained me to see her so vulnerable.

"I'm fine, Edward. You spend too much time away from your family because of me anyway. I'll be fine," she said, sounding much more confident than I suspected she felt. I reluctantly left, giving Rosalie a pointed look on my way out. She'd better not upset Bella if she knew what was good for her. But, I instantly regretted my actions. Rose hadn't given me any reason to question her since Bella had arrived. I made a mental note to apologise later.

Once downstairs, every member of my family, with the exception of Rosalie, was seated around the large dining room table we never used. It was just another of our many props. Everyone's thoughts were on Bella, as Carlisle had relayed the unfortunate incident when he'd surprised her.

"Edward," Carlisle began. "I know it's still early days, but we're all very concerned about Bella," he said seriously.

"I know you are, and so am I. But I don't know what to do to help her," I said, exasperated.

"Emotional injuries are far more difficult to treat than the physical ones. It's unfortunate that therapy isn't a real option. But successful therapy relies on complete honesty from the patient, and given the circumstances, Bella certainly has good reason to reject the idea," Carlisle said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, what's she supposed to say to a shrink?" Emmett interrupted. "Oh, my parents were murdered by a vicious blood thirsty vampire, who then broke nearly every bone in my body, raped me, and then tried to drink all my blood. But it's all good. My vegetarian vampire boyfriend and his family came and rescued me just in time, but it was still touch and go for a while there until they killed the evil vampire - human, hybrid baby I was carrying." They'd have her committed!" he finished mockingly.

Esme let out a small whimper at Emmett's blunt, but all too accurate assessment. In fact, we all winced a little. Emmett never wasted time on unnecessary preamble, always getting straight to the heart of the matter. But it was confronting to hear, nonetheless.

"Subtle as always, Emmett," Jasper said sarcastically.

"What?" Emmett demanded, clueless.

"Boys!" Esme chided.

"Well, you do have a point, Emmett, though I wouldn't have phrased it _quite_ like that," Carlisle said encouragingly. "Therapy isn't a good idea, but perhaps if we all made ourselves more available to her. We've been giving her some space, trying not to overwhelm her. But it may be better if we tried to get her to open up more, pressed her a little to confront what she's feeling. It might help. That, and time," Carlisle suggested, his mind drifting.

I could see where he was going. "So you're getting some pressure from the townsfolk to go ahead with the memorial," I said. It had been on Carlisle's and Esme's minds for the past few days.

"Yes, that's what we wanted to talk to you about. They're still grieving, and they need to put a face to the grief. They're starting to get concerned about Bella, anxious that they haven't been able to see her. They want to hold a memorial for Charlie and Renee this weekend, for Bella's sake, and their own, if truth be told. They've been holding off, waiting for her to be well enough to attend. But I don't think we can put them off much longer. And truthfully, I think the memorial would be very good for Bella," Carlisle said, hopefully.

There was more on his mind, but I decided not to press him on it. He'd discuss it with me when he was ready. So I nodded in understanding. "Bella needs closure."

"I'm not sure if I believe in closure per se, but I do think she needs a formal opportunity to say good-bye to her parents. There needs to be an end point. And I think Bella needs to reconnect with the outside world again. She needs to get comfortable with people, besides us. The longer she stays isolated, the more difficult it will be for her to readjust to normal life. I think it will be good for her," Carlisle pronounced.

"Her life is hardly normal," I said, stating the obvious. "But I see your point. She seems so much more frightened recently. You saw how she reacted to you touching her. I thought she'd be getting better now, but it seems like she's getting worse. Will she ever get past this?" I asked apprehensively. I felt so powerless.

"The last couple of weeks have been the first opportunity Bella has had to feel safe, without being in fear for her life, or feeling weak with pain and infection. She's getting over the most recent surgery, and she's finally healing, well physically at least. But the shock is wearing off. There's nothing to distract her now, so she's processing everything that's happened. I think it's normal for her to withdraw like this. She's got a lot to work though. A lot for which to grieve. She just needs time, Edward," Carlisle reassured me.

Time! I could give her that. I'd give her whatever she needed. But I had a feeling that I was going to have to be a little cruel to be kind. She wouldn't want to go to the memorial service. She hated being the centre of attention under normal circumstances, but now, it would be so much worse. But Carlisle was right, she needed to say good-bye. She needed an end point that she could leave behind as she moved on. _If_ she moved on. No! She's made it this far. I won't let myself think like that. I _won't_ give up on her. Ever!

"I'll talk to her. I'll convince her to go," I told them confidently. "Whatever it takes to help her," I thought to myself.

"Bella's strong, Edward. Stronger than you think. She's got a plan, you know," Alice said nervously. She was blocking me while she was deciding whether or not to tell me what she knew.

"Tell me, Alice. I have to know what she's thinking. I can't help her if I don't know," I demanded, a little more aggressively than I'd intended. "Please, Alice!" I softly begged, altering my tone.

"I don't like to betray her confidence, Edward. But considering she hasn't actually talked to me about this yet, I guess it's not really a betrayal," Alice reasoned. "I think she's very overwhelmed right now. She's all over the place - keeps changing her mind about, _things_," she said cryptically. "But there is one thing she's totally sure about."

"What's the one thing?" I asked anxiously. I'd come back to the other "things" later.

"She's going to ask you to change her. She wants to be strong, like us," Alice finished cautiously, gauging my reaction.

I was speechless. I should have been expecting this, but it still hit me hard. There'd been so much else to worry about. She'd fought so hard to stay alive, endured so much. And now after all that, she wanted to give it up, to become like us. Like me! My head was spinning.

"I've seen it, Edward. It's going to happen eventually. Is it really so bad?" Alice asked, a little more confidently.

"You don't know that, Alice," I spat. "Your visions aren't definite." I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

"She wants it, Edward. She really wants it. How can you deny her, after everything she's been through?" Alice persisted.

"She doesn't know what she wants right now. She's confused. She's still grieving. It's _because_ of everything she's been through that I can't do it. She's been through too much to throw it all away now. It's not right. I won't do it to her. And don't you dare encourage her. You stay out of it, Alice. I'm warning you!" I roared, knocking the dining room chair over as I pushed back from the table.

Jasper jumped up, placing himself between Alice and me, as I felt the familiar blanket of calm settling over me. "Calm down, Edward," Jasper ordered. He was my brother, but first and foremost, he was Alice's husband. He wouldn't let anything hurt her, even if it meant fighting me.

I was ashamed at my outburst. I adored Alice, and I knew she only had the very best intentions towards Bella. She loved her like a sister. I took a deep breath to steady myself, nodding to Jasper in silent understanding and apology.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said sincerely. "I shouldn't have raised my voice with you. But I can't do that to Bella. I just can't, especially now, when she's so distraught. She's not herself right now," I tried to explain.

"I understand, Edward. And don't worry, I know you'd never hurt me. I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought you should know what Bella wants. You know that I feel it's inevitable. But I won't push you on it, for now," she chimed, knowingly.

I let it go. Alice couldn't help what she saw, and she obviously felt quite certain about this, which I found deeply disturbing. I hated to refuse Bella anything, but I _would_ find a way to convince her that this was a mistake. She deserved so much more, and she'd lost so much already. I wouldn't take anything else away from her. _But,_ if she really wanted it, then. . . . NO! I couldn't be selfish. Not now. At least, not _yet_. I was torn. This wasn't a problem I wanted to face, yet.

I excused myself and made my way back to Bella's room, my mind cluttered with apprehension and indecision, and if I was being honest with myself, even some hope. But there was so much more to this than just what I selfishly wanted or what Bella thought she wanted. There was the matter of the treaty with the Quileutes. Carlisle hadn't brought it up, preferring to stay focused on what the memorial would mean for Bella. But I knew that much of the anxiety surrounding Bella's self imposed isolation since returning to Forks came directly from Billy Black, and this was a worrisome, if not unexpected development. To say that he would be displeased that Charlie Swan's only daughter was now living with a coven of vampires would be a huge understatement. To even contemplate changing Bella now was pure insanity. The situation with the Quileutes was something that had to be dealt with soon and very delicately.

The memorial was going to be the first meeting between our kinds in decades, and emotions were bound to be running high. But for Bella's sake, I hoped they could keep themselves under control. Carlisle intended to propose a gathering on neutral territory to discuss the matter. He felt somewhat confident that Billy would see reason, but he was also prepared for the worst. The outcome of the meeting would determine all our futures. If negotiations failed, the best of the worst case scenarios would be that we would have to move on. The worst didn't bear thinking about. But I knew for certain that I would never leave Bella, and if that meant breaking the treaty, then so be it. I'd deal with the consequences.

There was so much to think about. Still so much to worry about. I wondered when, or _if _we would ever all be at peace again. Life had been so much less complicated before Bella came into my world. But I could never regret meeting her. I loved her. It was as simple as that. She made my world bearable. She gave me happiness when I was certain there was none to be had. We had faced a lot in the last few months, and we had endured. We would face the Quileutes, too. Nothing would take her away from me now. Only Bella had that power over me, and I was grateful every day that she still wanted me, for now at least.

__________________

**(Bella's POV)**

I hated it when Edward left me. I knew it was irrational, but I felt so scared when he wasn't here. As ironic as it seemed, living in this house of vampires was probably the safest place in the world I could possibly be. But I was still afraid, although I'm not exactly sure why. But I couldn't help it. Having him next to me helped so much. I felt better just knowing he was close by. He was my personal security blanket. My perfect ice sculpture security blanket.

I still can't believe I freaked out like that with Carlisle. I hadn't heard him come in, and when he touched me like that with those icy cold hands, I got so scared. I thought it was _him_. I thought he was back for me. I just totally lost it. It took me a few minutes to even remember where I was. It was so embarrassing, especially after everything the Cullens have done for me. They must think I'm so ungrateful. They give me this spectacular bedroom and living space that's just about as big as Charlie's whole house! And here I am, stinking up the place with my oh so tempting blood, and freaking out the whole time. "Yeah, the perfect house guest," I mused sourly.

I know they're all worried about me. I'm trying my best, but I just don't know what to say anymore. My mind is all over the place. Sometimes I feel so sad, but I can't even remember what I'm sad about. There's just so much. I want to feel worse about Charlie and Renee. I _should_ feel worse. I miss them so much, and no matter what anyone says, I know it was my fault. Mine and _his_. But I'm so selfish because I've been so focused on myself. I can't stop thinking about what he did to me. And it makes me feel so panicky, like he's still out there, waiting for me. And the _baby!_ How was that even possible? But knowing that it was part of him was too much. I'd rather die than have any part of him in me. Sometimes, I wish I had died. But I didn't. Instead, I begged Edward to get the baby out - to kill it. And I still don't know how I feel about that. Part of me is so relieved that it's gone. But part of me is so empty and so guilty. That was another life that I'm responsible for killing. That makes three now. I'm an assassin by proxy.

But I didn't want _his_ baby. Not _his_. I couldn't. I hadn't even asked about it, and Edward hadn't said much either, except that it was evil, like _him_. _It!_ I hadn't even asked if it was a girl or a boy. Didn't that make me evil, too? The worlds' worst mother. Ugh! Mother! This was so surreal, but I felt _it_. I actually felt _it_ inside me. And just the thought of it makes me want to throw up. But if it had been Edward's baby, that would have been so different, and for some reason, I couldn't help thinking about the possibilities. Edward would be such a great father. But I didn't deserve that kind of happiness, especially not after what I'd done.

Ugh, my mind wouldn't stop. It was stuck in this continuous loop. The same images over and over and over. Of Charlie and Renee. Of a baby I didn't even see. Of _him_. If I could get Edward to change me, then I'd forget all this. I'd be strong, like him. No one would ever be able to hurt me again. And I'd be able to defend the people I loved, instead of standing by helpless as they were slaughtered. I was useless like this, all weak and broken. There was nothing left for me in the human world now. I would ask him to do it. No, I'd beg him to do it. . . .

"Bella. Bella, are you okay?" a voice sounded in the distance.

"What? Oh, Rosalie, I'm sorry. What were you saying?" I totally zoned out. I was doing that a lot lately. I'm just so tired. Every time I close my eyes I see _him_, so I've been trying not to close my eyes. But it's not working out too well for me.

"I was just wondering how you're feeling. Do you have any pain? I could get you something." I thought Rosalie was sounding a little hyper.

"I'm fine, Rose. I don't need anything right now. But thanks anyway," I added gratefully.

I'd never been alone with Rosalie before. She's been so nice since I've been here, but it's still a little disconcerting. I mean, I thought she hated me. And I couldn't really blame her. I'd put her family through so much. They'd been in danger because of me. She couldn't be too happy about me living here. Could she?

Neither of us said anything for the next few minutes, and it was uncomfortable. I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something, but she was having trouble getting it out. So I continued staring out the window. I guessed she was next on the baby sitting roster while Edward was out of the room, and was just trying to think of something to say to make conversation.

"Um, Bella?" she eventually asked. "How are you _really_ feeling. About everything else I mean? About _him_, and the _baby_?"

She was staring at me intently, and she looked so sad! I'd never seen Rosalie like this before. I expected this from Esme and Alice, but not Rose.

I sighed, not sure what to say. I really didn't know how I felt. Not really. "I don't really know," I said honestly. "It's hard to explain. I can't quite get my head around it."

"Could you try to explain it to me?" she asked timidly.

This was bizarre. "Why?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"Because, I think I can understand how you feel, better than you might think," she said.

I didn't expect that.

"It happened at the end of my human life. But I still remember it like it was yesterday." She looked as if she were replaying a scene in her mind and that wasn't comforting. I was counting on forgetting all the bad stuff in my human life once I was changed.

She went on to tell me her story. I didn't interrupt. It was so personal, and I was flattered that she would share it with me. She told me about her perfect human life. How she became engaged to the perfect man, and about her dreams for the perfect baby she was so desperate to have. Only her perfect man wasn't so perfect after all. He'd left her to die in the street after he and his friends were finished with her. That's when Carlisle found her and saved her. Only for Rose, it wasn't really salvation. She still grieved for the life she should have had - the life she _wanted_ to have. The children she dreamed of. _That_ was uncomfortable given the way I felt about my child! _My child! _ My _evil_ child! I'd never get used to that, so I tried to push it out of my mind, focusing back on Rosalie. Hers really was a tragic story, and I immediately felt guilty for all the times I'd felt resentment towards her. She'd been through so much.

"So you see, I can understand some of what you're going through. And I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, if you need me. If you'd like to talk." She smiled warmly at me.

I knew then that she really could understand. She'd been through it, and I was deeply sorry for that. But I wasn't ready to talk. I didn't know what to say. "Thank you, Rosalie. I appreciate your honesty. And I'm sorry for what you went through. I'm glad you found Emmett," I said genuinely.

"Emmett's been my rock," she said lovingly. "Just as Edward is yours," she added with a smile. She hadn't missed my evasion. "You will get through this, Bella. I know it's overwhelming now. And I know it's not the same. The baby! And you lost your parents, too," she sighed.

"So did you," I reminded her.

"Yes, I suppose I did in a way. But still, I know that they both lived long lives. I couldn't be with them, but I at least had that." She smiled at the memory. She really was so very beautiful. The way the light hit her hair. Her perfect bone structure. She was a vision, but there was a sadness in her eyes that I hadn't noticed before.

We were silent again, both lost in our own thoughts. But there was a bond between us now, and the silence was no longer awkward.

"Rose," I asked hesitantly. I couldn't help it, I had to ask. "Will the memories ever stop, scaring me? Will I ever get them out of my head?" I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I needed some hope.

"You'll never forget, Bella. But the memories will fade. And you'll find that you can be happy again, in time. It's okay to be happy again. You haven't done anything wrong, you know." She hesitated before continuing. "I'm sorry for how I was before, when I first met you. I was angry. I didn't think that you should be mixing with our kind. But I can see now that you were fated to be with Edward. He is so different since he found you. I understand now. I just wish. . . ." she turned away, unable to finish.

"You wish what, Rose?" I asked anxiously.

"I just wish all of this had never happened. I wish we'd done a better job of protecting you, and your parents." She looked ashamed!

"Rosalie! It's not your fault. You couldn't have known what would happen," I insisted.

Her eyes locked onto mine. 'It's not your fault either, Bella. Don't you see that? I know that you blame yourself for so much of this. I can see it in your eyes. But you have to see that it's not your fault. All you did was fall in love with Edward. You didn't deserve this. You're not to blame, Bella, not for any of it," she retorted.

Her eyes were still locked on mine. She didn't even blink, her spectacular butterscotch orbs boring into mine. She knew she had me. I looked away quickly, suddenly blushing under her scrutiny. But she had a point, and she knew I knew it.

"You're so like Edward, in many ways. Both of you so eager to take the blame for everything that's wrong in the world," she chuckled. "But this was James' fault. Don't give him any more power, Bella." I flinched at his name. She took my hand then, gently squeezing it, pulling my attention back to her.

"If you succumb to your grief, then he's won, Bella. Your parents would want you to go on and be happy. I know he hurt you, in so many ways. And the baby. . . But you have to know that you will heal. You will be whole again, if you allow yourself. What he did to you was purely physical, and the physical can be overcome. You gave him nothing of yourself. I know, I saw the tape." This time I physically cringed, and I felt my face get very hot. I wished that tape never existed. They'd all seen it, and I was mortified. She just squeezed my hand a little harder, reassuring me.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. You survived, Bella. He didn't. You beat him. You won! In spite of everything you had to go through, you won. You're still here, with Edward. And you will be happy again," she said triumphantly.

I couldn't help it, I just stared at her. I couldn't believe she was saying all this to me, but she was so sure. So absolutely definite. Rosalie, who hated me, was giving me the mother of all pep talks. I smiled in spite of myself. She'd given me some hope. Maybe the memories would fade, in time? Maybe I'd be able to sleep again without the nightmares? Maybe I'd forget that my parents had died because of me? Maybe I'd forget that I had _his_ child inside me? Maybe I'd forget that every person in this house had seen _that_ tape! I shook my head in disbelief. Right now, none of that seemed possible. But maybe, some day. . . .

There was a soft knock at the door. Edward was back. Rose bent down and gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek, squeezing my hand again before she turned to leave. "Remember, you can always talk to me. You just have to ask." And then she left as Edward entered.

I physically relaxed at the sight of him. All Edward had to do was walk through my door, and I felt instantly safe. He had the strangest look on his face though. He looked back as Rosalie passed him, and he turned back to me smiling. I guessed he'd caught the gist of our conversation from Rose's thoughts. "Did Rose help?" he asked me, surprised.

"Yes. I think so. Um, I'm not sure. She said it would get better, one day," I told him, still a little shocked myself.

"And do you believe her," he asked hopefully.

That was a hard one. "Yes, and maybe," I said honestly. His brows pulled together in that adorable way they always did when he couldn't figure out what I was thinking.

"_Yes_, I believe her. I believe that she believes it," I tried to explain. "And _maybe_, I believe that it will get better for me. _Maybe_."

"I can work with maybe. Maybe's much better than no," he grinned encouragingly as he took my face in his hands, kissing me tenderly on the lips.

I greedily pushed my lips into his, sucking his lower lip. He just smiled wider, his lips still pressed on mine as he breathed, "Maybe is my new favourite word."


	17. Chapter 17

It was the day of the memorial service, and we were all a little on edge. This would be Bella's first real contact with the outside world since the events in Phoenix, and we knew it was going to be a difficult day for her. But there was even more going on that added to the overall tension. Today, we would be coming face to face with the Quileutes, and we didn't know how they'd react to seeing Bella with us. Knowing she was with us was one thing. Seeing the extent of her injuries after all this time whilst in our care, was quite another. It would be easy for them to misinterpret the situation, thinking we were directly responsible for inflicting Bella's injuries. And that would only raise questions about Charlie and Renee, questions we were sure they already had. And in truth, I couldn't fault them for that. They had learned to trust _us_ over the years, but they didn't trust our kind. It was an uneasy truce at best, and we knew that emotions on the reservation were already running very high since Bella and I went public with our relationship. They were opposed to it, of course. And as Billy Black was Charlie Swan's closest friend, the situation had taken on a personal component. It would be difficult to explain the situation to their satisfaction, so it was imperative that they agree to meet with us. There was a lot of explaining and convincing to do if we wanted to keep the peace.

He'd tried to spare me the additional burden as long as possible, but Carlisle had finally discussed the Quileute situation with me. His plan was simple. He would approach Billy Black at the memorial, reaching out his hand in friendship. Then he would quietly ask him to agree to a private discussion. Billy was a reasonable man, and Carlisle felt confident that he would at least get that far. Emmett, Jasper and I would accompany Carlisle to the meeting. Esme, Alice and Rosalie would remain with Bella, telling her that we were on a hunting trip. We didn't want to alarm her. She would only take the blame for the current discord on herself.

Jasper was working overtime spreading his gift liberally around the family. His priority was Bella, sensing her fear and anxiety and doing the best he could to keep her even. And of course, his help would be invaluable later when we met with the pack. They could be quite volatile, particularly the younger initiates, and the situation could get out of control very easily. But that was a problem for later. Right now, I was focused on Bella.

Alice and Rosalie had insisted on getting Bella ready. I wasn't opposed to this, in principal. They, and Esme, were responsible for helping Bella with her personal care anyway. I didn't want to intrude on that. But I knew how carried away Alice could get regardless of the occasion, and I was a little concerned that her fussing would only serve to make Bella even more anxious. But Alice had shooed me away with an annoyed, "Relax, Edward. We're only talking clothes, face and hair. It's not like it's plastic surgery!"

"Just take it easy on her, Alice. Today of all days," I pleaded.

"Edward, she can't wear PJ's or sweats. I'm not going to go over the top. How can I? She's covered in plaster! We just need to get her into something suitable for the occasion, and I know she'll feel better if Rose does her hair," Alice explained.

She had good intentions, so I let it be.

Bella tried to sound enthusiastic when Alice had swooped her up and taken her into the enormous bathroom downstairs. I knew she was a little panicked about how far Alice was going to go. But for once, she actually was concerned about her appearance and so was grateful for the help. She'd even finally mentioned her new colourful casts. She must have noticed them before, but it obviously wasn't of any consequence until now. I chuckled at the memory of her staring down at herself, frowning in concentration as she asked me very seriously, "Edward, why am I blue?"

She was extremely nervous about facing everyone at the memorial, and very self conscious about how she looked. She complained that the casts and the visible scars made her look worse off than she really was. I just shook my head.

"Bella, I don't think it's possible that your casts and scars could ever adequately convey just how badly off you really were," I said amazed. But as expected, she didn't want to draw any extra attention to herself, preferring to downplay her injuries. She was also extremely frustrated that she wouldn't be able to walk into the Town Hall under her own volition. But I took that as a positive sign. It was the first time she'd even mentioned her recovery. Up until now, she didn't seem to care if or when she'd be plaster free and able to do things for herself again. I knew that her lack of independence frustrated her, but it was good that she was beginning to really care about it. If nothing else, the apprehension she felt about the memorial service roused her from her melancholy. She looked more alive now than she had in weeks.

I was standing outside the bathroom when Rosalie finally opened the door. "Anxious much?" she asked sarcastically, but she had a glint in her eye, and I knew she was just teasing me.

I looked past her to find Bella sitting in front of the mirror. She was in a simple black shift dress, with a royal blue cardigan over the top. It was very pretty. Very Bella. I noticed that the cardigan was almost the exact same shade of the blue in Bella's casts. Alice just couldn't help herself! Her hair looked thick and lustrous, cascading down her back in bouncy, soft, curls with clips securing it back from her face. Her lips were a shiny pout of delicate pink, her cheeks slightly flushed in the same tone, the dark circles under her eyes now barely discernible from the rest of her porcelain skin. And instead of the usual angry pink, the scar on her forehead was somehow softened and more skin toned. She looked almost well, the extra colour filling out her face and giving her a glow. I couldn't stop staring at her.

"I'll give you two a moment," Alice chirped. Of course she'd seen what I had planned. She closed the door behind her, very pleased with her handiwork.

"You are beautiful," I told her. The blush to her cheeks deepened slightly, but she smiled back at me.

"Thank you. Alice managed to control herself for once, well mostly. And Rosalie did my hair. I look healthy, don't you think?" she asked. I could tell she was pleased with the results. She very much wanted to look well today.

"You look perfect," I assured her, and she smiled again.

"Is it time to go?" she asked nervously, the smile falling.

"Almost. But I have something I'd like to give you first." I produced the velvet box from my pocket, and her eyes widened in suspicion.

"Edward, you know I don't like you wasting your money on me?" she chastised.

"I know, love. But this is different. You'll see," I promised. "Shall I open it for you now? It's for today and every other day."

"Okay, I guess," she said, a little annoyed.

I opened the box and she eyed me curiously, then she beamed at me as understanding dawned on her face.

"Oh, Edward. Thank you so much. This is, well, it's too much, but I love it. Can you put it on for me? When did you have time to get this? Oh, Edward, the inscription is so beautiful."

I removed the bandage from her hand, revealing the fresh pink imprint of James' teeth. It was a permanent reminder of _him, _and she despised it. I carefully eased the simple silver cuff high on her wrist at the base of her hand. It was a snug, perfect fit that totally obscured the scar. I was pleased with how it had turned out. It was a perfectly simple design of unadorned beaten silver. I knew she wouldn't wear anything too elaborate. On the inside of the cuff was the inscription, "Forever & Always". The inscription would sit flush against her skin. It was simple enough that she could wear it every day without drawing too much attention. But elegant enough for more formal occasions.

"I designed it myself, and sent the specifications to a jeweller in the city. They were eager to please, so the turnaround time was very good." They had excellent financial incentive, I thought wryly. "I thought you may prefer something like this to the bandage," I said, suddenly overwhelmed that Bella had accepted a gift from me so graciously. Concealing that particular scar was obviously a powerful motivating factor in her enthusiastic acceptance.

"Edward, I love it. It's perfect. It means so much to me, to not have to see _it_. You just don't know how much it means. Thank you. It's so beautiful," she gushed, a single tear falling silently down her cheek.

"Not as beautiful as you, my love," I replied honestly, pulling her up off the chair and into an embrace, supporting her so she didn't take any weight through her legs. It had been a long time since she'd stood with me like this, well, close enough to standing. She _was_ vertical. I kissed her tear away, relishing the salty sweetness, as I hugged her close to me. This was the happiest I'd seen her in weeks - since before the nomads had crossed our path. We remained in our embrace for a few precious moments before it was time to leave.

"It's time to go now, love. Are you ready? I asked.

She took a deep breath, then looked up to me and nodded. "If it keeps everyone away from here, then it will be worth it," she said defiantly.

I felt a little guilty about her reasoning. The only way I could convince her to go to the memorial was to tell her that there was going to be a sudden influx of visitors to our house if she didn't make a public appearance soon. It wasn't far from the truth. The residents of Forks were becoming very restless. They wanted to see Bella, and it was only a matter of time before some of them would have summoned the nerve to visit the mysterious Cullen house buried deep in the forest. Bella was adamant about keeping stray human visitors away from our sanctuary, as she referred to the house.

"Bella, we're all grateful that you feel so protective of us and our privacy. But, this is your home now too, and you are allowed to have visitors," I explained again. "Regardless, the memorial is an important milestone. I think, in time, you may have regretted not going," I encouraged, but I knew how difficult this was going to be for her.

"Just stay close, okay?" she whispered.

"You have my word," I promised.

_________

Rosalie drove my Volvo with Emmett, Jasper and Alice, while Carlisle and Esme took Bella and me in the Suburban we'd used to drive from Arizona. It was the only car wide enough for Bella to stretch her fully plastered leg across the back seat. I sat with her, supporting her legs in my lap.

When we arrived at the Town Hall, it was overflowing. There were cars and people everywhere. It seemed that everyone in Forks had turned up, including a lot of people from surrounding towns. Bella let out a gasp when she took in the crowd, looking pained. "It will be okay," I reassured her. But she didn't reply.

The crowd parted, allowing us to drive up to the entrance. I quickly got out of the car, making my way around to the other door where I could carefully lift Bella out, cradling her in my arms. She kept her head down, avoiding eye contact as we made our way through the wide double doors and into the hall. The hall had been set up with row upon row of fold out chairs, but it wouldn't be enough. It would be standing room only for all the late comers. At the very front of the hall were two large easels with an oversized picture of Charlie and Renee atop each one. And there was a large table crowded with floral arrangements next to the podium that was complete with microphone. Along the other walls were long, narrow tables set up with an assortment of food and drinks, with stacks of plates, glasses and cutlery at the ends of each one. It looked as if everyone in town had contributed something to the buffet.

Bella's eyes widened in horror as she took in the sight, and the noisy hum of conversations suddenly quieted once news of her arrival had spread through the room. "Oh God," she whispered as she began to tremble, her cheeks flushing a luscious shade of red. I tightened my grip in a show of support as I walked to the front row where an arm chair with a foot stool had been conspicuously placed between the other fold out chairs. That was obviously meant for Bella's comfort. It was a thoughtful gesture. I situated Bella, carefully lifting her legs to rest on the foot stool, as I pulled my own chair as close to hers as possible. Her knuckles were again strained white as she grasped my hand with all her strength. The rest of my family followed us in, seating themselves around Bella and me.

The noisy hum slowly resumed, the mood in the room switching from sombre to curious as everyone strained for a better view of Bella. She was now the only topic of conversation, and I was glad that she couldn't make out any individual voices. Discussions ranged from outright shock at how extensive her injuries must have been for her to look this way now, to the endless "poor girl" laments.

To me, Bella was beautiful. No question. But I had seen her in the beginning in Phoenix when she was almost unrecognisable with swelling and bruising, and I remember what a shock it was. I guessed this was how everyone else was feeling now. The last time they'd seen Bella, she'd been vibrant. Now she was gaunt and frail and very obviously injured.

There was also a heavy dose of gossip buzzing through the room about Esme and Carlisle taking Bella in. There were lots of, "I hear they're adopting her," to "Charlie Swan would spin in his grave if he knew she was living with her boyfriend," to some genuinely caring, "I'm so glad the Cullens have taken her in. She's all alone now." There was also a lot of apprehension about approaching Bella. They'd all been impatient to see her, but now that she was here, there was a sudden overwhelming, "I don't know what to say to her," vibe. Mike, Jessica and Angela finally took the initiative, making their way over to where we were sitting.

"Hi, Bella. You look, um. It's good to see you. I'm really sorry about everything that's happened," Mike stammered nervously, clearly shocked at Bella's appearance.

"We've really missed you, Bella. And we've been so worried about you. We're all so sorry about your parents," Angela sympathised. Angela never disappointed. She was always so genuine.

"Yeah, we're really sorry, Bella. Wow, you really got messed up," Jessica said bluntly, stealing a sideways glance at me, her mind wandering from Bella to a wild fantasy involving the two of us. I pulled myself in a little closer to Bella and kissed her softly on her cheek, not so subtly reminding Jessica that I was with Bella and she'd never had a chance. She snapped back to attention then, reluctantly dismissing her inappropriate thoughts.

"Thanks," Bella croaked quietly. She blushed again as she cleared her throat. "Um, thanks," she repeated a little more clearly.

"Do you know when you're coming back to school?" Mike asked eagerly.

"I don't know. I guess I need to get a little more mobile first," Bella replied, her eyes drifting to the long, snaking line that had formed behind her school friends.

Mike followed her gaze. "Oh, I guess everyone wants to see you. We'd better go, we're holding up the line," he said reluctantly. I had to give Newton credit. Even now at her parents' _memorial_ service, clutching onto _my_ hand, he _still_ fancied he had a chance with her. But he was genuinely sorry for what she'd been through. At least he had that going for him.

As they left and the next in line approached, I heard the furious thoughts of Billy Black as he took in my hold on Bella. I turned to find him seated in his wheelchair just inside the entrance to the hall, his son Jacob standing behind him, the delegated driver. Both Billy and Jacob glared at me. Billy's mind was filled with concern for Bella and suspicion about me. Jacob's mind, I was surprised to realise, was filled with loathing for me, and _lust_ for Bella. The depth of his feelings was quite a surprise. I also noticed that he'd grown quite a lot since I'd seen him last. I guessed that the aggressive thoughts and the growth spurt meant that he'd gone through the werewolf transformation, and recently. But there was no excuse for his lewd thoughts towards Bella, so I glowered at him until he finally blinked and looked away. I let Carlisle know that Billy was here, and he excused himself to go speak with him, getting the preliminaries over with right away.

I turned back to Bella to find her staring at me, then Jacob, then Billy, and back to me. Her eyebrow arched in question, but the next in line interrupted her silent contemplation and she was forced back to her duty. I was so proud of her. She was keeping it together, politely thanking everyone who'd come to greet her. There were a few awkward moments when someone got a little too personal or inappropriate. I mean really, what did people expect her to say when they asked her if she was very upset about both of her parents dying so suddenly, or if she was worried that her terrible bad luck might bring on some other catastrophe? Thankfully, those individuals were the exception to the rule, and Jasper pitched in with a boost to her confidence when she looked like she might crumble. Carlisle had taken care of the unwelcome touches, citing Bella's fragility as the reason for people to keep a respectful distance. So all in all, she was coping.

I turned my attention back to Carlisle and Billy.

"Billy. It's good to see you, although the circumstances are certainly unfortunate. I know that you and Charlie were close, and I'm very sorry for your loss," Carlisle said sincerely, his hand outstretched in friendship.

"Are you now? You wouldn't be able to enlighten me as to the exact details of the Swan family misfortunes, would you, Carlisle?" Billy asked suspiciously, taking Carlisle's hand in a firm embrace to keep up appearances.

Carlisle ignored the implications of Billy's words, lowering his voice for only Billy and Jacob to hear. "I believe we have a lot to discuss. Would you be amenable to meeting with us on the border line just beyond the clearing, tonight, let's say midnight?" Carlisle asked.

Billy knew the spot well. It was where the original treaty had been negotiated all those years ago. He stared at Carlisle for a long moment, then nodded in agreement, dropping the handshake as he directed Jacob to push him to where the Clearwaters were standing. I noticed that everyone from the reservation had positioned themselves on the opposite side of the room to us. It wasn't surprising, and I was grateful. The stench was unpleasant. I turned back to Bella to find her staring again.

"Edward, what was going on between Carlisle and Billy?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing for you to worry about, love. They just haven't seen each other for a long time. They're... getting reacquainted," I admitted. It was essentially the truth.

"Edward?" she persisted, but there was some unpleasant feedback through the microphone which brought everyone's attention forward.

"Ah, if everybody could be seated please. Quiet please. Thank you," Mayor Reed announced as everyone began making their way back to their seats or positioning themselves at the back of the hall.

Bella gripped my hand a little tighter.

"We're here today to pay our last respects to Chief Charlie Swan. Chief Swan was a much loved member of our community, and his love for his daughter, Isabella, was no secret. So we of course count her as one of our own. But sadly, Isabella has suffered a great loss. She not only lost her dad, but she lost her mom, Renee, too. We didn't know Renee very well, but as Isabella's mother, we honour her today also.

Now, as you all know, Isabella had a very nasty accident that she's still recovering from. Thankfully, Doctor and Mrs Cullen have been kind enough to take her in and care for her. We're sure that Charlie and Renee would be very grateful for that, and we're surely grateful to have Isabella back in Forks where she belongs."

There was a rumbling of assent through the crowd then.

"So, what we'd like to do today," Mayor Reed continued, "is to share our good memories with Isabella, so she can get to know her dad through our eyes. And then we'll conclude with a prayer from Father Macarthur from Saint Anne's. After that, feel free to mingle and take refreshments. There's a pretty good spread laid out, Isabella, and we hope that you'll be feeling up to sticking around for a little while afterwards. I know there's an awful lot of people who want to talk to you and give you their best wishes."

Bella tried her best to give the Mayor an encouraging smile, but it came out a little twisted. I could feel her anxiety pulsing through her veins as her heart rate increased. I couldn't blame her. The whole event was a truly generous gesture of good will, but even I was a little overwhelmed. For Bella, this was agony, and she kept averting her eyes, trying to look anywhere but at the poster size photos of her parents sitting only a few feet in front of us. I looked to Jasper, but he was already on the job. I felt Bella relax a little almost immediately.

"But before we get started on the testimonials, I'd like to make a special presentation," the Mayor declared proudly. "Isabella Swan, on behalf of the township of Forks and all our surrounding neighbours, we'd like to present you with this cheque for ten thousand dollars. Everyone has chipped in, and we thought this could be put towards your college fund. It's the least we can do. Charlie provided Forks with a lot of years of dedicated service, and we'd like to thank him by doing what we can to help you out in your time of need." The Mayor was nearly jumping out of her skin she was so excited.

Alice had thought there was going to be something extra at the memorial, but she couldn't pin it down. Now we knew, but I wished we'd been able to give Bella fair warning. She wouldn't be happy about this at all.

"Oh no," Bella gasped, as Mayor Reed stepped down from the podium, cheque in hand.

"No, I couldn't possibly," Bella stammered as the Mayor tried to hand her the cheque. Mayor Reed faltered, her smile replaced with a look of horror at Bella's refusal.

"Bella," I whispered, "it's too late. It's already done. This will go much easier and quicker if you just accept," I urged.

That was all she needed to hear. "Thank you very much, Mayor. Thank you to everyone. That's so generous," she rushed the words out, her blush deepening to almost fuchsia.

Mayor Reed then smiled widely, as the entire hall erupted in an enthusiastic round of applause. For the first time, I was actually grateful that Bella had both her legs in plaster, because it meant she could sit this out without the added embarrassment of having to stand on the podium and make a speech.

Eventually the crowd settled, as a procession of mourners took to the podium to relay some of their memories of Charlie. This was more like what I had been expecting. It was a tribute to Bella's father from the people who really knew him and cared about him. And in spite of her earlier discomfort, I could see that Bella was enthralled as she listened to the stories about her dad. There were some about Charlie's younger days in the Police Department, his many fishing expeditions with Harry Clearwater, his ritualistic viewing of sports, and the day he discovered the flat screen TV! People told stories about Charlie as a young, new dad, the pride he felt for his baby girl, and how he never stopped talking about her to anyone who'd listen. We heard about the secret cooking lessons he'd taken from Sue Clearwater before Bella would visit that just never took, and the excitement he felt at having Bella move to Forks. There were even some stories about Renee's short time in Forks - what a loving mother she was, and how she was a free spirit.

It was a touching tribute, and I knew Bella had been deeply affected. After the initial embarrassment, I could see the subtle shift in her body language. She relaxed a little more, and she loosened her grip on my hand ever so slightly. The Forks community had really gone out of their way to embrace her, and their love for Charlie ran very deep. By the end of the tributes and Father Macarthur's prayer, a crowd started to form around Bella again, and I could feel her tense up. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. This had been a very long day for her, and she was doing her best to please everyone. But it was taking a toll. I was just about to suggest that we leave when I heard Billy and Jacob Black approaching. Again, I was struck by the hostility of Jacob's thoughts, and the possessiveness he felt towards Bella. None of the other Quileutes crossed the invisible line dividing the hall, but Billy felt he owed it to Charlie to make contact with Bella.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Billy's deep voice boomed.

"I'm fine, thanks Billy," Bella answered, clearly wearied.

"You look mighty banged up. I hope you're being taken care of," he stated doubtfully.

Bella seemed to sense the dual meaning behind Billy's words and this roused her. "I'm being looked after very well. The Cullens have been amazing to me. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them. You have no idea the lengths they've gone to, to protect and care for me," she said sternly, staring Billy down.

Billy looked a little taken aback, but he nodded his approval. "That's good to hear, Bella. I'd hate to think you might get yourself into some more ... _accidents_, in the future. I know Charlie would want you to be really careful about that, and take a good look at where you're going from now on," he said pointedly.

"Actually Billy, I'm paying very close attention to where I'm going, and I'm in about the safest place I could possibly be. The Cullens are very good caretakers. They're making sure I don't get into anymore _accidents_. I guess that's why Charlie asked Carlisle to take me in, if anything ever happened to him," Bella said icily, barely even blinking as she continued to stare Billy down.

Billy's thoughts betrayed him, the shock even registering on his face at hearing Bella's words. She'd made her point very clear, and Billy was stunned. He hadn't expected Bella to be so forthright, nor had he expected that Charlie was somehow involved in the decision that led to Bella living with us. He sat silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts and considering the possibility that some of his assumptions might have been wrong. But Bella didn't wait for his counter argument.

"Now if you'll excuse me, Billy, I'm feeling very tired. It's been a long day, and I need to go _home_ and get some rest." She emphasised the home part. "But Billy," she added kindly, "I know you were really close to Charlie. And I just want to thank you for being his friend and for trying to look out for me. I know you mean well. You just don't have all the facts."

Billy was speechless. He stared at her in amazement, more than a little impressed by her moxie. We all felt the same way, stunned by her fierce protectiveness towards us. After an awkward moment of silence, Billy gave Carlisle a knowing nod, then asked Jacob to take him home.

As they left, I was once again surprised by Jacob's thoughts. He was angry at Bella for ignoring him and defending us - furious in fact. I looked to Jasper, who silently agreed. He was getting some very dark emotions from him. I wasn't sure what it meant, but before I could contemplate it further, Bella distracted me. "Edward, I'd really like to go now." She was visibly worn out.

People were still milling about, reluctant to let her go. But after many false starts, I was finally able to get her out the door, Carlisle and Esme and the others loaded down with enough food to feed a small army at the insistence of just about everyone. We appreciated the gesture, but it was a shame that it would almost all go to waste.

Bella could barely keep her eyes open on the way home. When we arrived, I carried her upstairs and put her to bed, pulling the blankets over her while she was still fully dressed, and she drifted into a deep sleep almost immediately. I sat with her all afternoon and into the night, watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest and revelling in the delicate purring of her sleep. I felt wholly unworthy of her, yet fiercely proud that she was mine and I was hers. And I was amazed that in spite of everything she'd been through, that she still had an unending capacity to love and be loved. Even when she was at her most despairing and I expected her to withdraw, she still reached for me, never turning me away and never cringing at my touch or tiring of my kisses. Her persistent ability to confound me only added to my utter adoration of her, and I repeatedly thanked whatever higher power was responsible for bringing her into my world, though I would forever feel some guilt over my good fortune. But in that perfect moment that lasted several hours as I watched her sleep, I was totally lost in her beauty and awed by her inner strength, relieved that for now at least, she was fully at peace in a dreamless slumber. I wondered how long it would last before reality would come crashing down again.

I almost resented the disturbance as I heard Carlisle announce that it was time to go. Esme softly knocked on Bella's door moments later, and so I reluctantly said my good-byes, though she couldn't hear me. "I'm sorry I have to leave you, love. We'll do everything we can to make sure your life isn't disrupted any further," I promised. She didn't even stir as I kissed her forehead lovingly and turned to leave.

**(Bella's POV)**

I could barely keep my eyes open in the car on the way home. The day had been exhausting, in every way possible. I was so out of condition and still sore, finding it hard to even sit upright for an extended amount of time. But mostly, I was spent emotionally. I'd have done anything to avoid this day, but I knew Edward wanted me to go, and I owed it to him and his family to not bring any suspicion down on them by refusing to leave the house. It was my parents' memorial service, and the whole town was expecting me to be there.

As it turned out, the whole thing was much worse than I'd thought it would be. And also much better. There were so many people they didn't all fit into the hall. And so many people wanted to talk to me, and they touched me without my permission. People I didn't even know! They'd mostly only touch my arm or my hand, but still, I found it a little confronting. I didn't like being touched anymore, except by Edward, and the rest of his family were okay too, as long as I could see them coming. No surprises for me. But Edward never left my side all day, just like he promised, and so I handled it. There were a few inappropriate hugs, which Carlisle thankfully put an end to pretty quickly. I guess the look on my face said it all. He said something about broken bones not yet healed and needing to be careful. And after that, it was like I had this invisible force field around me, providing a small, but much more comfortable buffer between me and all of Charlie's friends and associates.

The huge pictures of Charlie and Renee nearly sent me over the edge. They were only a few feet in front of where I had to sit, and it was hard to avoid them. The photo of Renee was old. I don't know where they got it, but she looked much younger. But she was smiling and happy, not a care in the world. It captured her essence. I guessed the photo of Charlie was a few years old, too, but it looked more like the Charlie I knew. He was grinning widely, and it made his eyes crinkle. He was holding onto a fishing pole. No wonder he was happy. He was always happy when he went fishing. But seeing them both like that, frozen in time in the prime of their lives, was a little too much to take. I very nearly lost it. But I managed to pull myself together, with Jasper's help. I was _not_ going to cry and make a bigger spectacle of myself than I already was.

I'd thought that having hundreds of people staring at me, wanting to get their very own first hand view of the bruised and battered orphan girl, was as bad as it would get. But I was totally wrong. When the Mayor started making her speech, I wanted to sink into the ground. And then she gave me money! In front of everyone, she handed me a cheque for ten grand! Everyone in town and then some had chipped in to make a donation to the Bella Swan, victim of the year college fund! If it weren't for Edward, I'd have definitely lost it right then and there. He knew exactly what I should do, and that was to accept the cheque graciously. I didn't want their money. I didn't deserve it. But he was right. Things would only have got a whole lot worse if I'd refused. I'd thought Mayor Reed might have a fit when I first refused her.

I don't know what I'd have done without Edward. Rose was right, he was my rock, in more ways than one! I wouldn't have made it through the day without him. I wouldn't have made it through anything, end of story. And the gift! He knew me so well. The cuff was so perfect. Now whenever I looked at my hand, I would see the cuff and think about the beautiful inscription, instead of thinking of _him_. I normally didn't like Edward to waste his money on me. I didn't need his gifts. I had him. But this time I couldn't refuse. It was just what I needed, especially today. I would never be able to explain to him what it meant to me.

After the horrifying embarrassment with the Mayor was over, random people went to the podium to talk about my dad. They shared their personal memories about him, often times, just little things about him that I didn't know. Like how he'd tried to learn how to cook for me. That was a shocker. Some people even spoke about Renee. I'd never really thought about it before, but I guessed that Renee would have made some friends here, even though she only stayed for a short time. Renee made friends wherever she went.

Edward was right. I needed to go to the memorial. I needed to hear what everyone had to say, and to see how much Charlie had meant to the community. It was hard though. It made everything so real and so final. They were really gone. The thought of it made my chest ache.

I saw Billy and Jacob, and there was definitely something going on between them and Carlisle, and Edward, too. I hadn't seen Jake in a while, and he'd gotten so big. He was huge, and he didn't have that friendly, sunny disposition thing going on anymore. He actually looked really angry and a little scary. Billy was in fine form though, getting all deep and meaningful with some none too subtle warnings about my new living arrangements. It made me so mad. He didn't know the Cullens. He didn't know what they'd done for me. I tried to set him straight, but I'm not sure how convincing I was. But I'd try again when I got the opportunity. The Cullens had done nothing wrong, and he needed to know it.

Going to the memorial had definitely been the right thing, but it was exhausting. I didn't protest as Edward tucked me into bed, not even bothering to get one of the girls to help me change into PJs. As I closed my eyes, I was overcome with a swirling of confusing images I didn't understand. I felt as if there was something important I needed to remember, but it was just out of my grasp. But then I finally surrendered and let sleep overtake me.

_____________

Sometime later, I'm not sure how long, I woke with a start. It was another nightmare of course. But this one was very different. "We'll do everything we can to make sure your life isn't disrupted any further," Edward said. I didn't understand what he meant. Did he really say it? And then there were giant wolves, and the Quileutes, and Jacob snarling like some kind of wild animal. Then the giant wolves attacked the Cullens, right here in the house. This beautiful, peaceful house became a battle ground. I saw the lifeless bodies of my new family strewn about, hacked to pieces. And then I saw Edward, his glorious amber eyes staring into nothing, just like Renee's eyes looked after . . . .

I knew that wasn't how it worked with vampires, but suddenly it all clicked into place, the imagery making some kind of sense. The treaty! Jacob had told me about it along with some other legends about wolves. But that was why Edward couldn't go to the beach with me that day. Billy wasn't just upset that I was living here. There was so much more. He thought the Cullens had violated the treaty. He was suspicious about Charlie and Renee and my accident. That's what he meant at the memorial. He had it all wrong, but my being here had put everything at risk.

I was frantic, lurching up and trying to get myself out of bed. Three pairs of icy stone hands pressed me back, and as I shook the sleep from my eyes, I saw Esme, Alice and Rosalie staring down at me.

"It's okay, Bella. You're safe. You're not alone," Esme comforted.

"Bella stay still, you'll only hurt yourself. Oh! "Alice gasped.

Esme and Rosalie turned to her. They knew Alice well enough to know when she'd had a vision, and they were trying to understand what she'd seen. I couldn't wait for them to catch up.

"Where's Edward? I have to talk to him," I said urgently, still engaged in my futile struggle to get myself up.

"He's not here, Bella. But he'll be back soon. He's gone hunting, another "boys only" trip." Alice laughed nervously. "You don't need to worry. You don't need to _go_ anywhere," she tried to reassure me, though I knew she'd seen me doing just that.

"Carlisle's gone too! There's not really a hunting trip tonight, is there? I know you know what I've decided, Alice," I told her. It was all falling into place. Why Carlisle approached Billy at the memorial. The nod Billy gave Carlisle when he left. They'd already made arrangements to meet. Edward and Carlisle weren't here now. They were already gone, meeting with Billy and the other Quileutes.

"Bella, no, you've got it all wrong," Alice tried to placate me.

"No, I don't. Please, you have to take me to them. I know something's going on tonight about the treaty. Billy and the others have got the wrong idea about everything. Carlisle and Edward, they won't be able to convince them without me. _Please! _ This treaty can't break because of me. _Please_, you have to let me try and fix this," I begged.

Esme looked pained. She and Rose had caught up to the conversation, and she knew exactly what I was asking of her, but she shook her head and said, "I'm sorry, Bella. But I can't. I promised Edward I'd look after you. He wouldn't want you out there," she said, steadfast.

"No! You have to listen to me. I've known Billy Black all my life. He's not totally unreasonable. But he's really worried, thinking he has some kind of duty to fulfil to Charlie. He never liked me being with Edward. He never understood. And now he's suspicious about everything that's happened. But I can explain it to him. I can make him see that you're all innocent. _Please, Esme! _ If the treaty is broken, it will be very bad, won't it?" I finished desperately, afraid I already knew the answer to that question.

Esme and Alice were distressed by my unease, but they looked resolute. It was Rosalie who came to my rescue.

"I think we should take her," Rosalie said. Esme and Alice span around to face her, completely taken by surprise.

"This is as much about Bella as it is about us. She deserves to have a say, and to fight for what she wants. It's not fair to force her into submission just because we're stronger and we can keep her here. What does that make us? Her prison guards! I'll take her myself if you don't agree. I won't be a party to keeping Bella here against her will, and she might really be able to help," she declared confidently.

Rose had assumed her "take no prisoners stance," but I could see the compassion in her eyes. She understood that I needed to take back some control in my life. I never thought it possible, but Rose and I were kindred spirits now.

Her words got through to Esme. I could see it in her eyes. Alice just smiled knowingly. "Bella Swan, when you make up your mind to do something, there's really no stopping you. You really are much stronger than you look!" she sang, as she bundled me up in my coat and gloves.

"Well what are we waiting for? It's almost midnight. Let's go!" Rosalie ordered, as she scooped me up in her arms. "And Bella, there's something you need to know before we get there. Do you believe in werewolves?" she asked casually, as we made our way down the stairs and out of the house.


	18. Chapter 18

It was a crisp, clear night, and for once it wasn't raining. I was grateful for that. It would only have irritated the Quileutes, and we needed their minds to be free from unrelated frustrations. They were already at the meeting site by the time we arrived. Their numbers weren't great, but there were more of them than us. More than we'd known. But for the most part, they were in control of themselves, their thoughts wary and a little aggressive, but manageable. Billy was at the front, seated in his wheelchair, two werewolves flanking him on either side. There were other wolves scattered around, and some others in human form. I didn't know if that was because they hadn't gone through the transformation yet, or if it had bypassed them. Judging by the age ranges, either was possible. Jacob was recognisable in his werewolf form to Billy's right as a large, russet brown coloured wolf with a shaggy mane. His thoughts stood out from all the others because they were again quite disturbing. He kept repeating variations of the same theme, over and over in his mind. "Filthy bloodsuckers. Bella belongs with us - with me. She doesn't understand. They're no good for her. They're not even human. I'll protect her. I can show her what love is."

I was instantly grateful that he wasn't in charge of the tribe yet. His hostility was unmistakable, and if maturity didn't give him a broader perspective by the time he assumed his birthright, I didn't have high hopes that the tribe's peaceful lifestyle would continue under his reign. He was far more aggressive than the others. I understood his suspicion and even hatred of us, to a point. And he'd certainly singled me out, I guessed because of my relationship with Bella. But his obsession with her was worrying. He didn't seem to have any malicious thoughts towards her, but he clearly wanted, no, _expected_, far more from her than just friendship. It took all the self restraint I possessed _and_ a lot of help from Jasper, to stop me from wiping that sickening smirk off his drooling snout. He was so sure that she should be with him and not me. As if she could ever be safe amongst a pack of adolescent werewolves! And what made him so possessive over her? Bella barely ever mentioned him. I know their fathers were friends, but I didn't think Jacob and Bella were more than friendly acquaintances. It was troubling to say the least, and I wasn't sure how long I could control myself if he continued having those thoughts. He was practically screaming them at me.

Carlisle stepped forward, while the rest of us remained a few paces behind. Jasper had sensed the generalised aggression from the pack, and he did his best to subtly disperse a wave of calm and reason, focusing mostly on Jacob, but trying not to make it too obvious. No good could come of the Quileutes believing they were being manipulated.

"Thank you for coming," Carlisle greeted Billy.

"Where are your women?" Billy asked suspiciously. I could see that he thought they might be hidden - backup in case things didn't go well.

"They're home taking care of Bella. Our intent is to discuss the situation regarding the Swan family. Clear up some _misunderstandings_. There was no requirement for our entire family to be here. I can assure you, there is no one hidden in the forest," Carlisle reassured, sensing Billy's misgivings.

Billy nodded, taking him at his word. He was suspicious by nature when it came to our kind. But we had never given him any cause for concern - until now, that is.

"What really happened to the Swan family?" Billy asked, getting straight to the point. "We don't believe the stories."

And so it begins!

"We are not directly responsible for anything that has happened. I give you my word on that. We have destroyed the guilty one," Carlisle replied.

"So, one of your kind _was_ responsible then. For all of it?" he asked.

"Yes. He was particularly malevolent and a very skilled tracker. He caught Bella's scent, and it was appealing to him. And once he saw our protectiveness towards her, it became a game for him. He wouldn't stop until he had her. Killing her parents was just part of the game," Carlisle said sadly.

Billy thought about that for a moment. "So, he caught Bella's scent _because_ she was with you," Billy accused.

"Yes," Carlisle admitted. "But he was in the area with his mate and another companion. He may have come across Bella anyway. He did not share our values."

"But you agree that if she weren't with your family, chances are that this whole tragedy could have been avoided," Billy stated rather than asked.

"Yes, I can't deny that," Carlisle answered honestly.

Billy nodded, feeling victorious on that point. Jacob snarled, thinking, "You filthy bloodsuckers. She shouldn't be anywhere near you!"

His aggression was counterproductive, but I couldn't completely disagree with him. James had decided to hunt Bella _because_ of me. If I'd stayed away from her like I was supposed to, she'd never have had to suffer, and her parents would be alive. It was something that I'd have to live with for the rest of my existence. But I loved her, and somehow, she still loved me, and we were all she had left now. I wouldn't leave her. And given the current options, I knew that being with her was right. Because, as I stood there, privy to Jacob's unspoken thoughts, I knew I'd rather spend eternity trying to keep Bella safe from the likes of James, than let her spend one minute alone with Jacob Black and his lascivious thoughts and anger issues. For all their hubris, the pack was just as dangerous to Bella as I ever could be, Jacob in particular.

"I think it might be best if I started at the beginning," Carlisle declared, and he proceeded to recount the events from when James had first caught Bella's scent.

He described the elaborate plan we devised to lead James away, but how it ultimately failed due to James' tracking prowess. He continued with how we had found Charlie after James' vindictive attack, and that final conversation, explaining that he'd given Charlie his word that he would care for Bella as one of his own. He even told him about Charlie's apparent insight about us right at the end, though Billy found that difficult to believe. Carlisle then described the events in Phoenix, explaining why Bella had felt the need to meet James on her own, trying in vain to save her mother. And he finished with how James had killed Renee anyway, before torturing Bella and drinking of her blood.

Billy sat silently and not interrupting, but he found the telling disturbing. There were several growls from various members of the pack, everyone angered by the viciousness of the Cold One named James. Jacob was particularly enraged, visibly trembling with his hackles raised. He was barely listening to Carlisle, caught up in his own little world of violence and hate. He thought about killing us all in retaliation for James' actions, his mind going into great detail about how it would feel to rip us apart, especially me. I couldn't help but wonder where the nice, happy kid that Bella had once told me about had gone. I was beginning to believe that regardless of the outcome of this meeting, Jacob Black was going to be a problem.

Jacob's agitation was obvious to all, and Billy placed his hand on the back of his neck to calm him. "Foolish old man. Things will be different when he's dead," he thought bitterly. "He should just give the order to attack. The world would be a better place without these monsters in it. Then Bella would be safe, with me!" I was taken aback by his vitriol, especially towards his own father. And the irony of him of him calling us monsters while he was in werewolf form was not lost on me. But my anger was beginning take hold. He was getting to me. I balled my hands into fists and clenched my jaw, struggling to maintain control. Jasper came to the rescue again with a much needed dose of tranquility.

Carlisle continued with his story, explaining how I sucked the venom from Bella in a desperate attempt to spare her from being changed, while my brothers ripped James apart and burned the pieces. Billy was impressed by my self control, but Jacob just scoffed, thinking, "Fabrication! They'll say anything to avoid a war."

Finally, Carlisle relayed the agonising weeks at the hospital praying for Bella's recovery, then the relief at being able to bring her home to convalesce. He gave a generalised account of Bella's injuries, focusing more on her immense internal fortitude at having survived such a brutal attack. He left out certain details of the attack and the unexpected pregnancy. No one else needed to know that. But he was proud of Bella, and he didn't hide that from Billy.

"So you see, no one in my family will harm her. That's a promise. In fact, we would all do anything in our power to protect her," Carlisle concluded.

Billy thought about that, still taking in the enormity of the ordeal. He believed Carlisle's account and was pleased to know that the one responsible had been destroyed. But his loyalty to Charlie was clouding his judgement. James' death wasn't enough. He was concerned about the "what next."

"But you attract others of your kind, like this James. And ultimately, you were unable to protect Bella," Billy countered.

"We underestimated James, and also Bella. We didn't believe he'd extend his hunt to include her parents. And we certainly didn't foresee Bella's determination to avoid our protection," Carlisle answered.

"Then you are not capable of protecting her."

"We have learnt from the past. We are committed to keeping her safe. And she is alive. We _did_ save her."

"But you cannot rule out the possibility of future attacks on her," Billy persisted.

"Neither can you. So what do you propose?" Carlisle replied, frustrated. "That she move to the reservation, with you bound to a wheelchair, surrounded by volatile adolescent werewolves?" Low growls erupted from the pack, as Billy raised his hand to silence them.

Carlisle softened his tone. "The events of the past cannot be changed. The question before us is whether or not you believe the treaty has been violated."

"I believe what you have told me, and I do not think you were directly responsible for the attacks by this James. But there can be no question that you were indirectly responsible. The treaty was bound on the principle that you would do no harm to the human population. But, through your association with Bella, there has been great harm done. Two innocents are dead, and the third was close enough, yet you continue to keep her with you. The question is about more than just the treaty. It's about Bella's continued well being."

"Again, what do you propose? She requires medical care, and she will continue to require it for some time to come. She has no other relatives. What would you have me do?" Carlisle queried, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Billy was silent for a long moment. He had no real answers to that question. "So you intend to keep her, then?" he finally asked.

"I gave my word to Charlie. We already feel she is our daughter. Yes, we intend to keep her, for as long as she wishes. We would never hold her against her will."

"How can I know that what you say about Charlie is true? It's very convenient that he asked you to care for Bella, but only you were there to witness it," Billy asked sceptically.

"I had great respect for Charlie Swan. I wouldn't dishonour him or you by lying about something so important. You have no cause to doubt my word," Carlisle replied, affronted.

Billy nodded his acknowledgement. At his core, he knew he could trust Carlisle. He changed direction then. "Do you intend to change her? On this point, there is no ambiguity."

It was Carlisle's turn to pause, and he thought long and hard before he answered. "We have no plans to change her at this time. But, what if that's what she wants? Bella is old enough to make her own choices. And being with us, with Edward, is what she chooses. Neither you nor I have the right to choose for her."

"But being with you cost her parents their lives, and very nearly her own. Perhaps she needs someone to make these decisions for her, if she can't make the _right_ choices for herself?" Billy proposed.

"And perhaps I wouldn't allow anyone else to decide what's _right_ for me," Bella replied calmly.

Rosalie stepped out into the open then, carrying Bella in her arms. Esme and Alice followed her. I had known they were coming, hearing Alice's warnings along the way. But there was nothing I could do to prevent it, and I wasn't happy about it.

"She insisted, Edward. You should have seen her. I swear, she'd have crawled here herself if we didn't agree. Don't be angry. She is right you know. This is about her, and she knows it. And don't worry, we've told her about the werewolf situation, so she's prepared. I think it will go well, on Bella's side anyway," Alice had explained. But I _was_ angry. Bella had been through enough already. She didn't need to carry the weight of this responsibility as well. I wondered how Esme could have agreed to this.

Billy was startled, and there were some rumblings from the pack. "So much for your word, Carlisle," Billy said disappointedly.

Before Carlisle could respond, Bella intervened. "He didn't know, Billy. None of them knew. I insisted on coming. Rose, could you take me to Edward please?" she asked.

I reached out my arms to take her from Rosalie, when Bella said, "No, I want to stand. Edward, could you hold me up, like before?" I didn't interpret it as a question.

So I held her next to me, supporting her weight. Jacob snarled his displeasure that I was touching her, and Bella's eyes widened as she took in the sight of him and then the others. But she regained her composure quickly.

"You shouldn't be here, Bella," Billy told her. "This is between us and them."

"I _am_ them, Billy!" she said simply. Billy's face turned to a grimace. He didn't like hearing that.

"It's not good for you to be near them, Bella. They're the reason your parents are dead and you're so hurt," he lectured. It was harsh, and deliberately intended to get her off balance. But Bella didn't even flinch.

"I thought we were here to talk about the treaty, not your personal opinions about who I associate with," she countered.

"I owe it to your father, Bella, to do right by you."

"You owe it to my father to respect his wishes. He wanted me with them, Billy. It was his dying wish."

"You don't know that, Bella. You weren't there."

"Neither were you. And I think that in spite of everything else you may think or feel, you know that Carlisle isn't a liar. You've never had cause to doubt him, Billy, or any of them for that matter," she admonished.

"Charlie didn't understand the danger, Bella. If he knew what they were, he wouldn't want you with them. It's because of their kind that he's dead. They may not have killed him themselves, but it's because of your association with them that he and Renee are gone, just the same. They are ultimately responsible for harming innocents, and that _is_ about the treaty, Bella."

"Do you really think that as Charlie lay dying from a vampire attack, that he didn't understand the dangers? Maybe he didn't know _what_ they were, but he knew _who_ they were. Give him some credit, Billy. And as for my association with them bringing about my parents' deaths, well that's on me. It was my choice, and I made it with my eyes wide open. I will have to live with the consequences for the rest of my _existence_. But I can't change anything now. I can only go on, and live my life the best way I can. It's not your decision, Billy. And it's not a treaty violation and you know it." Bella wasn't giving an inch, standing up to everything Billy could throw at her. I swelled with pride.

"You would stay with them willingly, in spite of everything that's happened?" Billy asked, incredulous.

"Of course. I am alive _because_ of them. Each and every one of them has given me the strength I needed to survive. And it was my mother's last wish that I survive for Edward. I love him, Billy," she said as she leaned into me a little closer. "And there's nothing in the world that can change that. Not even you."

There were more snarls and growls from the pack, and Billy's face reflected his disappointment. Jacob looked like he wanted to pounce, and so I wrapped my arms around Bella tightly. If he thought he could take her from me, he was sadly mistaken. Billy put his hand to Jacob's neck again, trying to calm him.

"And what if they change you? What if they make you like them? Is that okay, too, Bella?" Billy asked glumly.

"That will be my choice. I _am_ going to become like them, one day," she said defiantly. I flinched. "Not because I'm forced to, but because I choose to. Because I choose to be with Edward and this family forever. Edward doesn't want me to become like him. He wants me to remain human. You now know the lengths he has gone to in order to ensure that. And his family have taken me in at great personal sacrifice to themselves. Do you think it's easy for them to have a human living in their home? But that's how kind and compassionate this family are. They are fulfilling their obligation to Charlie, putting my needs above their own."

"What about my obligation to Charlie?" Billy asked.

"He could have told Carlisle that he wanted you to take me in, but he didn't. He didn't choose you, Billy, and neither do I. I am almost 18. I am not your responsibility. Your obligation to Charlie is to trust his judgement and abide by his wishes. There is no treaty violation here, Billy. But if you can't accept my decision, then we will move on. I don't want to do that though. The Cullens have given me a home here, and I'd like to stay for as long as I can, until we need to move on to avoid suspicion. I've had enough change this year already, but we will move now if we have to. Better that than a war!" Bella said pointedly.

"If you get hurt again, or if they change you, then we are within our rights to go to war," Billy said indignantly.

"If you choose war, you are choosing to fight me. You will be the one responsible for putting me in danger. What would Charlie think about that?" Bella didn't falter under Billy's threats. And despite his words, I could see that he was in no mind to destroy the peace we had sustained these many years.

"You don't have to stay with _them_, Bella. You have other options. We could care for you on the reservation. We could find another way," Billy almost begged. But even he wasn't convinced. It was his last ditched effort.

"I appreciate the offer and your concern. But I've made my choice. La Push isn't my home," Bella replied kindly, but definitely.

"I don't think you know what you're doing. I think that perhaps you are caught up in the euphoria of young love. You're making a mistake," he said.

"Can you honestly believe that after everything I have been through, after everything I have seen and endured, that I am some flippant, fickle girl fantasising about fairy tales and happy endings? That's just insulting, Billy. You have no idea. None!" she rebuked. I could see the sadness in her eyes, reliving the horrors that she wished she could forget.

They were both silent then, waiting for the other to speak. But Bella was determined. I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know that she was not going to back down. She'd have argued with Billy all night if that's what it took. Billy, on the other hand, was thoughtful. He regretted not being able to convince Bella to leave us. But in truth, he never really thought he could. But he had to try. He was a reasonable man, and he'd heard Bella loud and clear. He was convinced that she wasn't being coerced, and ultimately, he didn't want war anymore than we did. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as he said the words, "The treaty stands!"

Everyone visibly relaxed then. Everyone but Jacob that is. Even the other wolves were secretly glad that this had ended peacefully. The younger wolves were desperate for the glory of battle, but they wanted a real enemy, and I was heartened to see that they didn't truly consider us as their adversaries. But Jacob was a concern, and I was getting very tired of his inappropriate thoughts. His feelings towards Bella were proprietary, at best. But at the same time he was professing his undying love for her, he was also seething with rage at her perceived disloyalty to him. He had no control over his emotions at all. This was more than a crush gone bad - he really seemed to think Bella belonged to him. And his hatred for my family, and me in particular, was limitless. He wanted war, very badly. If he ever reached the point where he could focus his rage and convert it into action, he was going to be a problem. A very big problem.

But for now, Jacob was bound by the laws of the tribe, and his chief had spoken. So I turned my attention back to Bella. I was in awe of her strength and her ferocious loyalty to us. Every day she surprised me, and it just made me love her even more.

"Thank you, Billy," she said kindly and she reached out her hand to him. I obliged, lifting her forward so she could take his hand in hers. "Thank you for caring. I do appreciate it."

He squeezed her hand affectionately. "You take care. You'll always have friends at La Push, so don't be a stranger. But Bella, we _will_ be watching," he threatened. Bella nodded in understanding, then turned back to me as I lifted her into my arms for the journey home.

Carlisle and Billy said their formal good-byes, and we were about to leave when Jacob's thoughts intruded once more. "You better believe _I'll_ be watching. You're all dead, bloodsuckers. And as for you, well you're _mine,_ bitch!"

I spun around to face him, a thunderous growl exploding through my lips as I glared at him threateningly. Emmett and Jasper were on me immediately, holding me back. It was a pointless gesture. Bella was still in my arms, and I'd never put her at risk like that. But my patience with Jacob Black had exceeded its limits. His thoughts couldn't be ignored any longer.

The pack was emanating low, rumbling snarls, everyone except Jasper confused by my apparent unprovoked outburst.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella pleaded.

"You'd best control your thoughts, _dog_. I will not tolerate threats against Bella and the rest of my family, spoken or otherwise," I spat.

The Quileutes still didn't understand what was going on, their anxiety and aggression building with every passing moment. Carlisle tried to explain, concerned that our so newly agreed truce may soon be void.

"Edward has a _gift_. He has the ability to hear the thoughts of those around him. I can assure you he wouldn't behave so rudely if he did not feel justified. Edward, would you care to explain what it is that has you so perturbed?"

"I hope this is good, Edward!" he thought at me pleadingly.

Surprisingly, understanding registered on Billy's face as he turned to Jacob. He knew his son had anger and control issues, and he wondered what Jacob could have thought that would provoke me in such a way.

"Jacob seems to think that Bella _belongs_ to him, and he is imagining taking her against her will, after he kills us, that is," I explained, although I thought it best not to use his exact words.

Jacob snarled and spat, baring his teeth. "I'll be sure to kill you first, _leech_. This isn't over!" He continued to growl his murderous intentions, as Billy looked to him sternly.

"Enough, Jacob!" he commanded, but Jacob didn't respond. "I said _ENOUGH_!" A large, muscular black wolf then moved to Jacob's side, thrusting his snout forcefully into Jacob's ribs. This resulted in a yelp, as Jacob reluctantly assumed a more submissive position.

So Jacob isn't the alpha! This at least was good news. Jacob wasn't equipped to be alpha, and the pack doctrine forced his obedience, for now at least.

Satisfied that Jacob was under control for the time being, Billy turned to Carlisle. "You have never mentioned your son's special gift before. Are there any more surprises we should know about?"

"My children's abilities are not pertinent to our negotiations," Carlisle replied, not allowing Billy's subtle deflection to distract him. "But this matter seems to be resolved for now. I trust you will notify us if there are any ongoing problems of which we need to be made aware?

Carlisle was quite the diplomat. He knew better than to belabour the point now with the treaty negotiations so freshly resolved. But the implication was clear. If Jacob couldn't be reigned in, we needed to know about it.

Billy was deeply saddened, contemplating the irony that his own son may indeed be a greater threat to Bella than we were. "You have no cause for concern," he said far more confidently than he felt.

Carlisle let it go, nodding in understanding as we all turned to leave.

______________

When we arrived at the house, I eased Bella onto the sofa in the living room, then we all stood back and stared at her.

"What?" she asked concerned.

"Bella, you were amazing," I gushed.

She blushed deeply, rolling her eyes.

"No, really, Bella, you're quite the negotiator. Thank you for your help," Carlisle said sincerely.

"You were awesome," Emmett grinned, then everyone went to her, hugging and congratulating her.

She was deeply embarrassed by the attention, blushing so deeply she was almost crimson. "Don't be ridiculous. I only told him the truth. Anyway, I want to know what's going on with Jake?" she asked, successfully diverting everyone's attention back to me.

"His thoughts are disturbing. He can't control his anger, and he won't be reasoned with. From the memorial until now, his train of thought has not wavered, only his emotions seem to be escalating. He thinks his father is weak for allowing the treaty to continue. He believes we should be killed in retaliation for Charlie's and Renee's deaths. If he ever gets in a position of leadership, it will be a dark day for us all, the Quileutes included," I finished sombrely. I didn't want to discuss his thoughts about Bella. She didn't need that to worry about.

Jasper was in silent agreement with my assessment. His thoughts turned to the hatred, passion and obsession he had felt from Jacob. 'I'm worried, Edward. I'm not certain he can control himself. His emotions are very powerful," he thought to me. I met his gaze, acknowledging his concern. I shared it and felt grateful that he didn't voice his worries in front of Bella.

"What did you mean when you said that he thinks I _belong_ to him?" Bella asked timidly. I should have known she wouldn't let it go.

I sighed. "He thinks that you should be with him and not us, and he thinks about taking you. I think he believes he's in love with you," I finished hesitantly.

'Oh!" was all she said, but her eyebrows pulled together in concentration as if she was trying to understand, then she began to tremble.

"How well do you know Jacob?" Esme asked sweetly, trying to put Bella at ease.

"Not well. I mean, I've known him since we were little kids. But I would only see him whenever I came to visit with Charlie. Our dad's always made a show of pushing us together, but we were just kids. It didn't mean anything. And until I moved here, I hadn't seen him in years. I've seen him a few times with Charlie over the last few months, and then again at La Push when I went to the beach. I thought he was a nice kid. He was so happy and sunny. But he looks so different now. He's so big and so angry. He's definitely not the Jake I used to know. Of course, I've never seen him as a werewolf! Maybe that just makes him a little more emotional," she said hopefully.

"It's more than that. He had similar thoughts at the memorial when he was in human form." I hated to disagree.

She nodded sadly. "How come you never told me about the werewolves, Edward? They're so massive. If I hadn't seen them, I don't think I would have believed it. But they look very strong. Could he hurt you?" she asked warily. I knew that her concern for us was genuine. But I could see the fear she felt for herself also. If Jacob was strong enough to get past us, then there would be nothing stopping him from getting to her.

"I won't let him hurt you, Bella. He's not stronger than us," I promised, evading her question.

"Yeah, Bella. It doesn't matter what sick, twisted ideas he's got in that mongrel sized brain of his, he's not getting anywhere near you," Emmett agreed emphatically.

Everyone then joined in the chorus of comfort and reassurance. But I could tell she was afraid, and I hated Jacob Black with all of my being for doing that to her. Hadn't she been through enough without having a new reason to be afraid?! I couldn't change what was done. But I could make sure that nothing like it ever happened again. Treaty or no treaty, if Jacob Black ever tried to hurt Bella, I'd kill him.


	19. Chapter 19

The next couple of weeks were memorable for their ordinariness. That's to say, nothing life threatening, dangerous or even remotely troublesome happened. I should have been happy about that, but I had to admit that I'd been hoping for more. I thought the memorial service and the meeting with the Quileutes would have been some kind of monumental corner turning event for Bella. But, I was wrong, and she once again shut down.

It had become a pattern. Bella would seemingly make progress, only to revert back to her previous state when the process would start again. I knew it would take time, but it hurt to see her like this. She didn't even realise how amazing she'd been. The unbelievable courage and love and loyalty it took for her to face the memorial and then Billy Black and the wolves, somehow completely eluded her. It broke my heart that she couldn't take pleasure in those none too insignificant victories. Even the dreams continued to haunt her, and though she tried to hide it, I could see how frightened she was. So I continued to be with her and just wait for her. I wasn't sure what else to do.

On one particularly rainy day, even for Forks, I was sitting by her bed reading Wuthering Heights to her yet again. She never seemed to tire of reading it. I think she liked the distraction of being immersed in someone else's story, rather than facing the memories of her own. And Wuthering Heights was so familiar to her, so there were no surprises. But, somehow today was different. Her eyes were a little glazed, like she was staring at something very far off, or maybe something deep within. Either way, I could tell she wasn't listening.

"Bella, love. Are you okay? Would you like me to choose a different book?" I asked her.

No response.

"_Bella?_" I repeated a little louder.

Her attention snapped back to me, her eyes refocusing.

"Bella, what are you thinking?" I always wanted to know that, but right then it felt a little more urgent somehow.

She stared at me for a moment, then took a deep breath. "I was thinking that I want you to change me, Edward. I want to be like you." Her voice was steady and sure.

"Bella, I. . . ." I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to refuse her - how to explain that I couldn't give her what she wanted.

"Please, Edward. I'm serious." I could see that she was serious.

"Why now?" I asked, buying myself some time.

"Why not now? There is nothing left for me in the human world."

It wasn't true, but I could understand how she would feel that way, and it pained me that she did.

"That's not true, Bella. You have your whole life ahead of you. So many things to see and do and experience," I tried to reason.

"No, Edward. Without Charlie and Renee, there's nothing that's important to me now. Nothing but you and your family," she argued.

"Our family," I corrected automatically. "But you already have us, love. I'm right here."

"It's not the same, Edward. I'll get old. I don't want that," she tried to persuade me, but I knew there was something more she was holding back.

"Bella, you haven't even finished High School. Then there's college, a career and a family." My breath caught saying it, but, I had to say it. She had to know she had options. I wouldn't leave her, but, she _could_ leave me. It would always be her choice, and I wouldn't ever blame her if she did go. She deserved so much more than I could give her, and I wouldn't stand in the way of her happiness. But, the thought of her gone almost crushed me.

"I can still finish school. I could finish school many times over. You do! And I could get a job, too. Forever is a long time to fill in." She was still so sure.

"And having a family?" I asked again. She was trying to avoid that subject, but as much as it pained me, I couldn't let her.

"You're my family, Edward. You and Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice."

"You know that's not what I mean." She had to face this; she had to really know what she'd be giving up.

She sighed in frustration. "If I can't have your baby, then I don't want any babies. But, I can't wait that long. . . to be _ready_ for children. I wish I could. You don't know how much. But, right now, what I need more than that, is to be changed," she said sadly.

I had to hold onto the arms of the chair to steady myself. Now that she knew it was possible, she _wanted_ to have my child! After everything she'd been through, she still _wanted_ a baby with _me_! So this was what Alice was keeping from me. This was the other "thing" that Bella was thinking about, besides wanting to be changed. I couldn't imagine ever being relieved that she wanted to be changed into one of my kind, but, I _was_ relieved nonetheless. I was dealing in levels of horror now. I had thought wanting to be transformed was the worst she could ever ask of me, but, as it turns out, it was only the second worst thing.

"Bella. You can't be serious? It's out of the question. Far too dangerous. A baby, with _me_? Not after everything. . . ."

"It would be different, Edward. _Our_ child would be different. Don't ask me how, I just know it. But. . . I'm not ready for that. I wish I were but I'm not, so it doesn't matter. I know that we'll be happy, just the two of us. And I know it's selfish, but I need to be changed now. I can't wait," she said a little desperately.

_Selfish_! She thought she was being selfish because she didn't want to wait to have a child with me before prematurely ending her human life - a child whose survival depended on killing her anyway! I was beginning to think that therapy was worth the risk of exposure to us all. I had never wanted to get inside her head as much as I did at that moment. I needed to understand why she was thinking what she was thinking, because it made no sense to me.

"Why do you want to be changed so badly? Why now? It's more than Charlie and Renee. Please, Bella, would you try to explain it?" I pleaded.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she said wearily. "I just want to be like you. Isn't that enough of a reason?"

"No, Bella, it's not. You don't know what you're asking. You don't know what it means. You'd be giving up your life, Bella, your _soul_!"

"I don't care about that, and I'm not sure I even believe that. But, I'd be getting so much more anyway. _Please_, Edward." She looked so desperate and sad, and I hated to refuse her. It was killing me to refuse her.

"Bella, I can't do that to you. It's not right. I'm sorry."

The tears welled up in her eyes then spilled over, cascading down her cheeks as she silently pleaded with me, and then it came. Her walls crumbled, and everything that was broken inside of her surged out in a torrent of raw emotion and agony.

"I'm miserable, Edward. Can't you see that? I can't get _his_ face out of my head. I can _smell_ him and _feel_ him. I remember every second of it. I can remember every broken bone and every drop of blood I spilled because of _him_. I remember the light going out in my mother's eyes when he snapped her neck. I can hear her bones grinding and snapping and the thud as he dropped her to the floor like she was garbage. I can guess what he did to Charlie, and I don't know if it's worse not really knowing and imagining it or actually remembering and seeing it played out over and over in my head. I remember the look on Charlie's face when I walked out on him. I never got to say good-bye or to explain what happened, and he died thinking that I hated him, and I can never fix that. I remember having _his_ baby in me Edward. And I killed it because I hated him so much for what he did to me that I couldn't see straight. It was so cruel, but I'm still not sorry that it's dead, not really, and I _hate_ myself for that."

She was sobbing now, the tears streaming down her face and falling onto her pillow and t-shirt. Her breaths were ragged and uneven as she struggled to get the words out. I wanted to hold her - to comfort her - kiss away her tears and tell her everything was going to be all right. But, I knew she had to get this out. I knew this had been building, and I needed to hear it as much as she needed to say it.

"And I'm scared _all_ the time, Edward. _All_ the time. And I don't know how to stop it. I know he'sdead, but, he still scares me. I feel like he's waiting for me. Like it's not over. I can't shut it off. And now with Jacob, I'm scared all over again. Knowing that he wants to take me away from you - that he wants to hurt _you_! And I know he _is_ out there, Edward. I think he might be capable of anything, and that's what scares me the most. I don't know what he'd do if he got me. I trusted Jacob, and I thought he was my friend, but now I'm scared of him, and I hate it.

"So, don't you see, I _need_ you to change me, Edward. I'm sick of being scared, and I'm sick of being weak. I'm sick of being in pain. God, I was so clumsy before, how do you think I'm going to be able to function now? My body is useless. I'm always going to have these limitations; permanent reminders of how weak I am and what a victim I am. You can't always be saving me. I need to be strong like you. I need to be able to defend myself and protect the people I love. I can't live like this, Edward. I just can't. I want to forget it all, and I want to be strong. I don't ever want to be scared again," she cried.

I swept her up into my arms, almost crushing her into me as I let her cry. She wept into my shoulder, soaking my shirt through, shaking and shuddering as her despair was expelled, only stopping when exhaustion overcame her. I gently rocked her, trying desperately to provide some measure of comfort and safety that her subconscious could latch onto just this once to give her a peaceful, dreamless sleep. But, I would have no reprieve as the depth of her pain almost swallowed me whole. I knew she was grieving - of course, I knew. But, this was so much more than simple grief. I wanted to fix her so badly, and what hurt the most was that she thought I could fix her, but that I was denying her. She thought she'd be healed if I changed her, and in a way, she would be. Physically, she would be whole again, but it wouldn't be enough.

She thought she wanted this, and I wanted so very much to give her everything she ever asked of me. But, I knew I couldn't, because even changed, she was so emotionally scarred I was sure she would bring it all with her. Rosalie had brought her pain with her when Carlisle changed her. She'd had no time to process it and heal, and it clouded her every thought and action. Change is so hard for our kind. Rosalie moved on and made a happy life with Emmett, but we all knew that she wasn't fully healed, and it had been so many years. And if she were given the chance, Rose would go back and reclaim her human life - she'd never have to think twice. What if Bella realised she wanted that, too, and it was too late?

Honestly, I _did_ want her to be like me, very badly. If I couldn't be human, then I wanted her with me in my world until the end of time. But I loved her too much for that. I loved her too much to take away her humanity when she was in no fit state to make such a critical decision. Her emotions were still too raw. She was blinded by grief and fear, and I couldn't take advantage of that. She had to heal emotionally. I had to know that she didn't want this only as an escape from her pain. I had to know that her fear wasn't driving her. I had to be sure, but when I _was_ sure, then what?

I couldn't believe I was actually considering this. Alice had seen it, and she was so certain, but it still felt so wrong. Quite apart from everything else, she was asking me to damn her soul, and I didn't know if I could ever do that to her and still live with myself. _No! _For now at least, loving her meant saying no and hoping she could forgive me for it. And in time, perhaps. . . .

She started to thrash and cry out, and I knew that the nightmares had seized her, but I managed to rouse her before she was dragged in too deep. She looked up at me gratefully and smiled. Sometimes, the smallest thing could make her happy. But, as she gazed at me with eyes red rimmed and puffy from tears, I could still see the sadness and desperation begging for my help, and I knew that I couldn't keep her waiting. I had to crush her hopes and pray that she would be able to move forward anyway with the promise that it wasn't over yet. It was only over for now, and that was all I could give her.

"I want to try and explain how much I love you, but words aren't always enough. Sometimes, I have to show you, and now is one of those times." I hesitated. "I can't change you, Bella, at least, not yet. I'm not saying never. But, I have to say no now, because I love you too much to say yes." It was cold comfort. She closed her eyes tightly trying to hide her disappointment, but the silent tears that leaked out said it all. I kissed them away.

"I know you don't understand right now, but you will Bella - I promise you that. You can't run away from your life, love. You can't run away from your feelings. You have to live them, and move through them. Otherwise, you'll bring them with you, and it will be so much harder to get past them then. You are the strongest person I know, Bella. I need you to call on that strength now so you can move beyond all this pain and fear. I'll help you in any way I can. I'll protect you with my life, Bella. I'll do whatever it takes, but not _that_," I tried to explain.

"Don't you want me with you, Edward? For forever I mean?" she whispered tearfully.

"Bella, Bella, no! That's not it. Of course I want you with me forever. If only you knew how much. Please love, never doubt that. But, what you're asking is so serious, and you need to be completely sure. . . ."

"But, I am completely sure," she interrupted hopefully.

"Bella, you've been through so much. I'm not saying no to hurt you, but you're still grieving, and you're afraid. You want this for all the wrong reasons. Right now you can't even imagine that you can move beyond this. But, you can. I know you can. And I promise you that we will talk about this again. So can that be our compromise? Can you be strong now, as strong as you've been for me and the rest of the family? I've seen you in action, love, and you are a force to be reckoned with when any of us are threatened or challenged. So can you be that strong for yourself now? Please, Bella, together I know we can get you through this. Can you wait, Bella, until you heal?" It was my turn to beg.

She sighed in resignation, disappointment etched on her face. She was silent for a while, and I didn't move, just listening to her heartbeat and her breathing while absently stroking her hair. Finally she looked up at me with a new resolve. "Yes, Edward, I can do that. I'll try." And something in her eyes made me believe her.

___________

The next morning there was a knock on Bella's door - I'd been expecting them. The exuberant thoughts on the other side of that door were nearly giving me a headache.

"Come in," Bella said, not bothering to raise her voice. She knew whoever it was could hear her.

The door burst open, and six eager, smiling faces greeted us. Esme was in the lead carrying a tray with an omelette, freshly squeezed orange juice and a small vase with an arrangement of exquisite orange, yellow and pink gerbera daisies, which I thought was very cheerful. Esme was lucky not to get bowled over in the stampede behind her as the others rushed in to take their positions on or around the bed.

"Good morning, Bella," Esme said affectionately. "I hope you're hungry, sweetheart."

"Good morning, Esme and everyone. Um, what's the occasion?" Bella asked, confused.

"There doesn't have to be an occasion, Bella," Alice sang.

"But, it just so happens there is," Emmett boomed.

Rose gave him a stern look as Jasper slapped him on the back of his head.

"What?" he asked, even more confused than Bella.

"We were going to surprise her, big mouth," Alice scolded.

"Well, yeah, like in about thirty seconds from now. What's the difference?" he demanded. He was met with groans of, "Forget it," and, "Idiot."

"Um, so _what's_ the occasion?" Bella asked again, perplexed.

"Today's the day I remove your casts. Well, the ones on your legs," Carlisle clarified.

Everyone turned to her expectantly, and she didn't disappoint, blushing under the scrutiny. "Really? Today? Will I be able to walk right away?" she asked eagerly.

I grinned so widely it almost hurt my face. I turned to take in the rest of our family, and they were all wearing the same goofy grin that I was. Bella was excited - genuinely excited about getting her casts off! Her smile actually touched her eyes. I hadn't noticed it before, and it certainly wasn't there yesterday. But, today she looked lighter. . . somehow, maybe even hopeful? Whatever it was, it was new, and we all liked it. I thought Esme might burst with pride and happiness as she set the tray down on the bed and embraced Bella in a tender, motherly hug.

"Oh, Bella! It's so good to see you happy about something," she gushed.

"I don't know about walking just yet," Carlisle warned. "You're going to need walking casts at first, and it might take a little while for you to find your balance and strength again. But, we'll get you started on some rehabilitation right away. It won't be quite the same as before, but we'll get you up and about in no time," he promised.

I thought that might discourage her, everyone's apprehension only adding to my own, but she didn't falter. "I understand, Carlisle. It's not like I'm expecting to suddenly become co-ordinated or anything. I mean I could barely walk without falling over before. It won't be so bad," she reassured him.

_She_ reassured _him_! Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"And we're all going to help with your physical therapy, Bella. We've been studying up on it, and it's a piece of cake. We'll have you dancing in no time," Emmett enthused.

He was met with another round of frustrated moans and eye rolling.

"What now?" he demanded.

"Forget it, Emmett. There's seriously no hope for you," Alice frowned, mentally vowing to never include Emmett in any secrets or surprises ever again.

"It's okay, Emmett. Thanks everyone. I, I really appreciate it. I would _really_ like to be able to walk to the bathroom by myself. That's a special occasion right there," she blushed. "But, Emmett, I don't dance. I couldn't before, so there's no way now. . . ."

I kissed her blush, revelling in the delectable warmth and aroma of the pooling blood in her cheeks. She was trying so hard, and I loved her for it.

"Eat your breakfast before it gets cold, Bella. Then we can get started," Carlisle encouraged.

I pulled the tray onto her lap, and she grabbed the fork awkwardly in her left hand, breaking off then scooping up a mouthful of the eggs. She still needed a lot of practice using her left hand, but she was slowly improving. The eggs looked awful to me, but she seemed to appreciate them. Esme beamed as Bella continued to shovel the rubbery mess into her mouth enthusiastically. Esme had been glued to the food network for weeks now, trying to get the hang of human cooking again, and seeing Bella finally enjoying her food made her day. Bella smiled at her appreciatively, chewing mouthful after mouthful until she almost cleaned her plate. Then she gulped the orange juice down in one breath, smiling proudly as she set the empty glass back down on the tray. Yes, she really_ was _trying.

Everyone filed out then, and I carried Bella into Carlisle's lab, setting her down on the table. Carlisle started up the small saw, and Bella's eyes almost bulged out of her head.

"It's perfectly safe, Bella. I thought you'd prefer the more conventional method of cast removal. I can just rip them off myself if you'd prefer," he reassured her.

She nodded her approval.

Within a few seconds the casts were messily discarded onto the floor, and Bella instantly leaned down and began scratching at her skin furiously with her one free hand. "The casts get really itchy," she explained, although I'd never heard her complain about them once. She still kept so much so much to herself.

Her newly revealed skin was pale and dry. Some chalky residue from the plaster remained, and I could see the withering of her musculature. But it was progress, and she seemed so relieved at reaching this point that I refused to let myself focus on any of the negatives.

"Bella, could you very slowly try to bend your left knee for me?" Carlisle instructed.

Her brows pulled together in concentration, a little crease forming between them as she tried bending. A bead of sweat formed on her brow, the effort taking its toll as she struggled to make her knee move. In the end there was some small movement, although I could see she was disappointed with the result.

"You did very well, Bella. Your knee was very badly damaged, and it's not going to have full range like before. But, we'll work on it a little each day to get the most out of it we can. But most of the other breaks have healed very nicely, and they'll only get stronger," he encouraged. "Now what about your right ankle? Could you try to move that for me? Again, take it nice and slow."

She concentrated again, the little crease in her brow even more pronounced as she tried to flex her ankle. She winced in pain with the movement, the exertion plain on her face.

"Okay, that's great, Bella. Small movements are good, and some pain is to be expected. It was a very nasty break, so you've done very well."

I smiled at her supportively as Carlisle fitted her with the walking casts. The full leg one bracing her knee and ending just above the ankle. The other one encasing her lower leg and ankle like a boot, similar to the plaster cast.

"Now, these are going to allow you some freedom to take weight through your legs. But, you're going to have to take it slowly because you're not going to have a full range of motion on either side. So you'll need to rely on a crutch as well, just to help with your balance, and probably when the walking casts come off too, I'm afraid," Carlisle explained cautiously.

She eyed the crutch warily. It was the kind that fitted around your forearm rather than the under the arm style. I didn't need to read her thoughts to know that she was horrified that she'd need a crutch to help her walk. I ached for her, but she still didn't complain even though her disappointment was evident.

"It's probably best if you have a rest now, then if you're feeling up to it we can begin your rehab in a couple of hours. I know Emmett is very eager to get started. He rigged the roster so that he could be the first to work with you," Carlisle chuckled.

"Oh, I'll be feeling up to it," she said fervently. Her enthusiasm heartened me.

"She seems so much better. Finally breaking down and admitting her feelings has obviously helped," Carlisle thought.

"She's really trying," I whispered, too low and fast for Bella to hear.

Carlisle patted me on the shoulder affectionately.

As I began to lift Bella into my arms to return to her room she stopped me, asking if she could try to stand. I queried Carlisle, and he agreed.

"Just be careful, Bella. You haven't taken weight through your legs in quite a while now, and your pelvis will be weak also. So, it's going to take a bit of getting used to, and you're going to feel a little tired and sore for a while."

"Okay."

"Don't worry, love. I'll be right here. I won't let you fall," I assured her.

I lifted her from the table, gently setting her on her feet. Bit by bit, I let her take her full weight until she was standing on her own, her hand still clutching mine. She gasped with pleasure at her achievement, her eyes sparkling as she released my hand to test her balance. She wobbled slightly, reaching out to me to steady herself before releasing me to try again. This time she was fixed, standing completely on her own, and her smile almost rivalled my own.

I put my arms around her waist lifting her up so that we were face to face, smiling into each other's lips. "Thank you for trying," I breathed, as she hugged me tightly. I knew there was still a long way to go, but in spite of all the heartache, I finally began to feel hopeful.


	20. Chapter 20

Emmett's physical therapy sessions with Bella were going very well. I was actually quite impressed with him. For all his bluster and brawn, he could be surprisingly gentle and patient when he wanted to be, and amazingly, he had some skills! He hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said that they'd all been studying up on physical therapy techniques. He set up a programme for Bella to follow using various leg and core strengthening exercises involving resistance bands and a few other pieces of equipment. It was a matter of repetition and perseverance, and Bella followed the programme religiously, sometimes almost collapsing in exhaustion with the effort. But, each day she had a little more movement in her knee and ankle, and she could bear weight for a little longer. If it weren't for school, Emmett would have hijacked all of Bella's therapy sessions. He argued that it was better for her to have continuity, but I knew that he was enjoying himself, thrilled to finally have a tangible way to help her. Esme gladly took over during the day when the others were at school, and I knew she enjoyed that time with Bella immensely. She was so protective of her now and always so loving. Esme was born to be a mother and, having Bella living with us gave her an opportunity to enjoy that role again, more than she'd been able to at any other time with the rest of us. But I knew that Alice and Rosalie were disappointed not to have their own chance to work with her, too. I felt quite sure that Bella had no idea just how much the whole family loved her.

When she wasn't doing physical therapy, Bella was studying to catch up on what she'd missed at school. The principle had sent home everything necessary for Esme to home school us both, though in reality that wasn't necessary. Bella had already done most of the work in her advanced placement classes in Phoenix, and the rest I guided her through. I'd lost count of the number of times I'd been through High School, so I knew the material well enough.

As a result of the study and the physical therapy, Bella was utterly exhausted. She fell quickly into a deep sleep almost every night, the exhaustion allowing her to sleep for longer before the nightmares took hold. But if I could rouse her quickly enough, she was able to avoid the worst of it for the most part. We'd finally developed a routine of sorts to counteract the dreams. It wasn't perfect, but it was another in a series of small steps, all going in the right direction.

As soon as Carlisle felt she was strong enough, we were to return to school with the others, and I knew that would be soon. Bella could walk small distances unaided now, if you could call her slow, awkward gait walking. And although she would protest the extra attention it would draw her at school, I'd be responsible for carrying her up and down stairs and whenever the fatigue got too much for her. Anyone would have difficulty adjusting to the disability, but Bella's unique lack of balance and co-ordination provided her with an even greater challenge. But, even so, she had outright refused to use a wheelchair, and she seemed to be highly insulted by the suggestion. So, as always, but most especially when we started back at school, I didn't intend to let her out of my sight. I would always be there to catch her when she fell.

Emotionally, she was definitely improving, but it was slow. I knew that she was still afraid. Her nightmares were evidence of that, and she'd often get lost in her thoughts, a profound sadness overtaking her as she remembered. But, thankfully, she hadn't asked me to change her again, at least not yet anyway. Except for her physical therapy, she still preferred to stay in her room - it had become her safe place. I wasn't sure how she was going to manage the hustle and bustle of school life by comparison, because she'd likely be the centre of attention for the first few days at least, and she'd hate that. I'd have to be extra vigilant to make sure no one could approach her unnoticed and surprise her. I knew she'd be okay as long as she knew what was coming and could mentally prepare herself. And, of course, I'd be there to discourage any touching, no matter how innocent. That had been a problem for her at the memorial service, and I intended to make sure she wouldn't be any more uncomfortable than we both knew she was already going to be. I was determined to make the transition back to school as easy as possible for her.

As was often the case in the evenings, we were listening to some music as we lay in a comfortable embrace on Bella's bed. I was contemplating how I barely even entered my own room anymore, preferring to spend all my time with her, when suddenly Emmett came barging in. He'd forgotten the unspoken knocking rule that had been imposed since the incident with Carlisle. But, in his defence, he wasn't quiet about it, and even Bella could hear him coming before he'd even reached the door.

"Okay, people, no more hiding out up here. Tonight's movie night," he proclaimed.

I'd been hearing his scheming for days, and everyone else trying to discourage him, preferring to let Bella go at her own pace. "She'll come down when she's ready," Esme had argued.

"She can't come down by herself yet, and she probably feels too embarrassed to ask," he disagreed.

I thought he'd dropped the idea, but tonight he made a snap decision and acted on it before I, or anyone else could stop him.

"Thanks, Emmett. You go ahead though. I'm pretty tired," Bella declined kindly.

"Sorry, Bella. House rules," he beamed.

"Since when?" I asked.

"Since right now, little brother. Come on, Bella, everyone's waiting for you. It would really mean a lot to us, especially Esme. She's been so worried about you," he pleaded.

That was a low blow, and Emmett knew it. Bella would never refuse Esme anything. A frown settled on her face, and she was clearly guilty about upsetting Esme.

I glared at Emmett, and he just smiled back at me thinking, "I had to do it, Edward. She needs to get out of this room. It'll be good for her. Trust me."

I rolled my eyes in disgust. His intentions were good, but he was a lot like a steam roller when he decided on something.

"Okay. Of course, I'll come. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings," Bella said remorsefully.

"Don't listen to him, Bella. Esme's fine," I tried to reassure her.

"Bella has spoken, Edward. I'll see you both downstairs in five minutes," he said triumphantly, leaving before I could argue with him.

I settled us on the couch, everyone else taking their seats and snuggling into their spouses comfortably. Emmett was elated, but he was blocking something from me, thinking about Rosalie in a way that ensured I tuned him out. Everyone else seemed normal enough, except for Alice who wore a smirk that was hard to miss, but she was thinking about an upcoming biology test which really didn't seem to fit. She could take that test with her eyes closed and still get a perfect score. I let it go, focusing on Bella and hoping that Emmett had chosen wisely for his "movie night." I prayed he hadn't selected some blood bath horror movie. Bella had lived through her own, and I didn't think it would do her any good to be confronted with anything like that just yet.

"So what are we watching?" Jasper asked, picking up on the mix of emotions in the room. Dealing with everyone's emotions often weighed heavily on him, so he was looking forward to the distraction.

Emmett smiled widely, hitting the play button on the remote. The unmistakable theme music came on, and everybody began groaning and laughing and rolling their eyes as Emmett revelled in the reaction.

"Seriously, Emmett? Buffy the Vampire Slayer!" Carlisle mocked.

"Oh come on guys, _that_ was funny. You should have seen the looks on your faces," he chuckled.

"Well, I want to watch it. Angel is the _hottest _vampire I know," Rosalie purred seductively, fanning herself with a magazine.

We erupted into laughter again, watching the look of horror on Emmett's face. He hadn't counted on Rosalie's reaction. "Baby, you can't mean it," he pleaded. It was worth coming downstairs just to see that.

"He's not as_ hot _as _my_ vampire," Bella joined in.

We really didn't expect that, so our laughter stopped abruptly as we all turned to stare at her, mouths agape.

Emmett broke the silence. "Well, looky here. Bella's got her groove back," he grinned.

"Bite me, Emmett," Bella said furiously. We all cringed at the rapid turn of events, realising that Emmett's teasing had gone too far.

Then Bella erupted into peals of glorious laughter, holding her stomach and shaking involuntarily. "I couldn't resist," she said in between fits of hysterics. "You should see _your_ faces!" We instantly joined her, giggling like children until our sides hurt. Emmett lost control and fell off the couch, holding his stomach as he roared with laughter, louder than the rest of us combined.

"Vampire humour! Bella got _me_ with vampire humour!" he chuckled disbelievingly. "You actually asked me to bite you!" he hooted, shaking his head.

That set the tone for the whole evening. We all laughed and talked our way through episode after episode, bursting into fresh giggles whenever a vampire showed his fangs and his special "vampire face", or burst into flames, or exploded into dust with a well placed stake through the heart. The garlic and holy water were the best parts though, because Emmett was prepared. He started throwing cloves of garlic at us all, using a water pistol to douse us in fake holy water. An all out food fight then ensued, garlic flying around the room rapidly as we all ended up soaked thanks to the extra stash of water pistols Alice had hidden under the couch to be used specifically for our revenge on Emmett.

The mood in the house was considerably lighter after that night. Bella interacted more with the family, choosing to spend less time locked away in her bedroom, although I could always sense the relief she felt at getting back there. But she was making a huge effort, and finally, life started to feel normal again.

___________

A couple of weeks later Carlisle gave the all clear, and it was time for Bella's and my first day back at school. She was too nervous to eat breakfast, only managing to gulp down a glass of orange juice. I knew she was relieved to be back in jeans even though the bulky walking casts fit over them, but it wasn't as bad as the plaster. She, or I should say, Alice, teamed her jeans with a deep blue sweater which set off the creaminess of her skin beautifully. Alice winked at me conspiratorially, knowing how much I loved that colour on Bella. Rosalie did her hair again, this time straightening it so that it looked like a veil of silk as it shimmered about her. She looked radiant - much more like her old self. We took two cars to school, Bella and I taking the Volvo so that the front seat could be adjusted all the way back to accommodate her. The others followed us in Emmett's jeep.

When we arrived, the parking lot became very still as everyone stopped to stare. The students all knew my car and knew what its return signified. As I helped Bella out, she started blushing as she noticed all eyes fixed on her.

"They're all staring at us," she hissed.

"No, they're all staring at _you_, Bella," Emmett clarified.

Jasper slapped him on the back of the head again as the rest of us just shook our heads.

"Thanks, Emmett. That was really helpful," I said sarcastically.

"_What_?" he begged, as we all started to laugh at him. Even Bella joined in, which relaxed her instantly. Even when he didn't intend it, Emmett could always be counted on to lighten the mood.

I had changed my schedule so that Bella and me were in all the same classes, so it was much easier to keep an eye on her. She insisted on walking wherever she could herself, but whenever the discomfort or fatigue got too much, I would carry her. As expected, she hated the extra attention that drew to her, but when I suggested the wheelchair idea again, she instantly became much more accepting of the situation. It didn't bother me either, because holding Bella was far preferable to not holding her, and I was grateful for the legitimate excuse to do just that.

We'd timed our arrival that first day to be just in time for the first class. The teachers had been warned not to put Bella on the spot with any impromptu welcome back speeches. So apart from the stares and the hurried questions in between classes, she was able to evade most of the unwanted attention until the lunch break, where it would unfortunately be open season. We'd decided it would be better to get the worst of it over with on the first day, so Bella and I chose a table with her usual group of friends. People would be less likely to flock to her if we sat with Emmett and the others, and Bella was fully intending to use that to her advantage in the days to come after she had fulfilled her obligations with the other students. She didn't like it, but she understood the natural curiosity, and she felt that the attention was unavoidable. But knowing that didn't stop her from blushing uncomfortably for the entire lunch hour.

As expected, almost the entire school population were either staring at her, or wanting to speak with her, or both. There were lots of generic condolences about her parents and the customary, "How are you?" But she was prepared for that, replying with a practised, "Thank you," or "Fine, thanks," that effectively ended that basic line of questioning. Eventually the crowd died down, and she was left with Angela, Mike, Jessica and the others that made up that clique, so the questions became a little more specific. Everyone wanted to know exactly how her "accident" happened, the gory details about her injuries and what the prognosis was. Bella skimmed over the details, giving them just enough to keep them satisfied. They also really wanted to know what it was like living with me and the rest of the "creepy Cullens," but no one was brave enough to ask that while I was there. At least that could be one question I could shield her from, because I had every intention of _always_ being where Bella was.

"It's so good to have you back, Bella. You're looking much better. Are you feeling okay?" Angela asked sincerely.

"Thanks. It's good to be back. And I'm fine, really," Bella replied for everyone's benefit. I admired her bravado.

"So Bella, what exactly happened? It must have been a really bad accident?" Mike asked eagerly. Everyone leaned in then, morbidly excited to know the details of Bella's misfortune.

"Well I was going to visit my. . . I mean, I was visiting Phoenix, and Edward and Carlisle were with with me. They were staying at a hotel, and instead of taking the elevator to their room, I decided to take the stairs which was a very bad idea. I don't really remember much about it, but I've been told that I fell down two flights of stairs and then through a window," she explained, a little flustered at having to lie. She was terrible at it, but this was the story they'd already heard, so they accepted it without question.

"How many broken bones did you get?" Jessica asked way too excitedly.

"Um, I haven't really counted. Enough to get me out of gym class forever. I knew my clumsiness would come in handy one day," she smiled nervously.

"Forever? So there's _permanent_ damage?" Mike asked, concerned. For once I couldn't fault Newton. He really was concerned about her, although he persisted in sending mental daggers my way.

"Yeah. I did a really good job of things. My knee and my ankle are pretty banged up and my arm, too, I think. Still, I wasn't very graceful before, so it won't make too much difference," she lied, trying to make light of it, but I knew better.

"The Cullens must have a really big house to fit _you_ in as well, Bella. It's a shame you don't have any family who want you," Lauren said snidely. I was shocked by her thoughts _and_ her tone - the girl was vile. It was the first time in my existence that I had ever considered hitting a woman, well, apart from Rosalie that is, who'd evoked that emotion in me on more than one occasion over our many years together. Everyone at the table began shifting in their seats uncomfortably. Even Jessica was embarrassed by her lack of compassion, and that was really saying something.

Bella refused to engage her. "Yes," was all she said in response to both questions, turning away and effectively giving her back to Lauren.

Lauren's thoughts erupted furiously, but she kept that conceited smirk plastered on her face regardless. Bella hadn't taken the bait, and when no one else backed her up, she knew she was on her own and that she'd gone too far. I smirked as she sat silently squirming, wondering if she was going to be shunned by her posse. That would be a fate worse than death for the likes of her.

"And Bella _scores_," Emmett whispered. My brothers and sisters were following the conversation from their table, eager to see how Bella would cope with her first day back. Of course, they knew I could hear them from where I was sitting.

"She's doing very well, Edward. She's struggling, but she's not letting her emotions overtake her. I can't say the same for Lauren," Jasper snickered.

"That Lauren is a snake. If only she really knew what Bella had gone through. I could knock her big, ugly, over bleached teeth right out of that big mouth of hers for trying to upset our girl like that," Rosalie hissed.

"Easy, Rose. She's not intending to try anything else with Bella. Not for the time being anyway. She regrets what she said, or at least, she regrets saying it out loud," Alice reassured.

I nodded my thanks to them. Loving and protecting Bella was so much easier with my entire family's support. I hadn't realised how much Rosalie's initial disapproval had affected me until she'd done such a profound turnaround. Now she was Bella's fiercest advocate. They'd really bonded, and I think we were all grateful for that. Home life could have been very tense if Rose hadn't come around.

Mercifully, the bell sounded the end of lunch, and Bella actually sighed in relief, obviously grateful that her interrogation was over with for now. I helped her up and she grasped her crutch tightly, making her way towards the exit. We would only be doing half days for the time being. With gym now out of the question there was only Biology after lunch, and Esme had arranged with Mr Banner for our work to continue under her supervision. Strictly speaking, it was only Bella that was entitled to the concession. But, Esme was extremely persuasive, claiming my absence would be detrimental to Bella's fragile emotional state, which was essentially the truth. Bella did need me, although I was sure that I needed her more.

I knew she was exhausted, but she was determined to make it to the parking lot on her own. It broke my heart all over again seeing her struggle with her new physical limitations, but she was so brave and determined. I fell into step with her, finding it difficult to move that slowly, but ready to catch her if she stumbled. I heard him first, then I smelled him, and finally I saw him as he arrived in the school car park on a motorbike, revving it noisily and completely unnecessarily.

"Bella, stop. It's Jacob," I warned.

She looked up and gasped, losing her concentration and her balance as I grabbed her waist to steady her, pulling her closely into me. The parking lot was deserted, as faculty and students were occupied in their after lunch classes. He'd picked the perfect time with no witnesses and no backup from my siblings, and he knew I'd never leave Bella alone to go after him. But how he knew we'd be leaving school then, I wasn't sure.

"Hey, _Bella_," he said provocatively, leering at her. "Wanna come for a ride? I'll show you a good time," he chuckled. I wanted to rip his throat out for his thoughts alone, and scaring Bella like this was inexcusable. I could already feel her trembling against me.

"What do you want, mongrel?" I rumbled, barely keeping my anger in check.

"I wanted to talk to Bella. I was her friend long before you came into the picture, bloodsucker," he spat.

"I don't want to talk to you, Jacob," Bella said shakily.

He snarled at her dismissal. "Living with the leeches is having a bad influence on you, Bella. You used to be much sweeter than that. I think you should reconsider your living arrangements, for your own good," he threatened. It was my turn to snarl.

"It's none of your business where I live or what I do with my life, Jake. I'd really like you to leave now," she replied, trying to mask her fear.

"You know, you ought to be a whole lot nicer to me. After all, we are going to end up together, Bella. That's the way things were supposed to work out. We're practically family already. I know you love me, so don't try to deny it. That day you came to the beach you were flirting with me like crazy, even if it was just so you could use me to get information about your _parasite_! But, it wasn't all put on. I know it wasn't," he said quite sincerely. "But, I'm getting impatient, Bella. I'm finding it very hard to resist you, even if you are crippled now thanks to _him_. I can forgive you for your lapses in judgement though, just as long as you don't keep me waiting too long. This has got to stop, Bella. It's time you came to your senses," he sneered.

I could see that she was beginning to come undone. He'd used the same words James had used in the ballet studio, and I knew she remembered them just as clearly as I did. "I'm finding it very hard to resist you." I growled deeply, beginning to tremble myself as rage and hatred filled me.

"Careful, bloodsucker. Don't want to lose control when you're so close to Bella. She might see you for what you really are," he taunted.

"What's happened to you, Jake?" Bella whimpered.

"What's happened to _me_? What's happened to_ you_, Bella? Hanging around with these statues. Getting your parents killed because of _them_. I've grown up, Bella. My transformation has helped me to see the truth. You're meant to be with _me,_ Bella. Even our fathers thought so. I grew up knowing you would always be mine. But, I'm not that shy, needy kid you remember. I'm a man now. I take what I want, and I _will_ have you. This isn't right, Bella. You'll see," he promised, screaming with rage, spittle flying through the air as he shook his fists uncontrollably. Bella was terrified, cowering into me as I supported almost all of her weight.

Without pause or warning, Jacob's face softened, and his voice became calm and sweet. "You're just confused now. The leech is infecting you with his lies. It's not your fault. I don't blame you, Bella. I'll make you see, baby. It'll all be fine, soon." he comforted her.

If possible, that was even worse than his rage. I didn't know how it had happened, but there was no doubt that Jacob Black was deranged - dangerously so. His thoughts were a cacophony of conflicting voices and opinions. I didn't know how he could even function with the dissonance raging within his mind. He couldn't be reasoned with, and I knew for certain that he'd never stop. He'd be just like James, completely relentless in his pursuit of her. Only Jacob really believed his motives were pure, and in a way that made him even worse than James, because he felt justified. I couldn't believe this was happening again. I wanted to kill him right then and there. Nothing would have made me happier than to end his insanity and Bella's misery. But, I knew better than to leave Bella's side. I'd learned my lesson, and I wouldn't make it easy for him. And I wouldn't be responsible for scaring her any more than she already was.

"I don't love you, Jacob. I never have. I don't even like you anymore. You need to understand that," Bella pleaded, truly terrified now but trying to make him comprehend.

"There's a fine line between love and hate, Bella. You'll see. And when I kill the filthy bloodsuckers, you'll thank me for it," he said righteously, already back to the cruel, sinister Jacob. "I'll see you soon, Bella. You can count on it." Then he winked at her and sped off the way he'd come.

Bella collapsed into my chest sobbing the words, "Not again, Edward. Oh please, God. Not again," as Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett ran to us, struggling to keep to a believable pace.

"Edward, what happened? Everything went blank. All I could see was Bella crying and you. . . ." Alice stopped and sniffed the air, realising what must have happened. "It was him, wasn't it? Jacob Black! I can't see them. I don't know why, but I can't see anything when they're around. What did he do?" she asked urgently.

I was still struggling to get myself and Bella under control. Jasper came to our aid, calming us both down, although not completely - the emotions in that moment ran too deep for that.

"I need to get Bella home. Right now. We'll talk there," I ordered and no one argued. They knew I didn't want to discuss it in front of Bella, and they could all see that she needed to be home where she could feel safe again. I wondered briefly how they'd all managed to get out of their classes, but I disregarded it, assuming Alice had taken care of it as I scooped Bella into my arms and ran for the car. Ditching school was the least of my worries.

We drove home as fast as we dared, breaking multiple traffic laws on the way. I didn't even bother to park the car in the garage, leaving it in front of the house as I ran Bella inside and straight to her room, knowing it was where she felt the most secure. The others had arrived just before us, Alice and Rosalie already waiting in Bella's room with Esme. Carlisle had been called, and he was on his way home from the hospital.

Bella had stopped crying, but she was still trembling. She kept saying she felt cold, and I knew my presence wasn't helping. It infuriated me that when she needed me most, my proximity only made it worse for her.

"Edward, could you wait with your brothers downstairs please?" Esme asked. "I think we need to get Bella into a hot shower."

I hesitated, not wanting to let her out of my sight. Truthfully, I was afraid to let her out of my sight. I'd vowed to protect her before and I'd failed. What if I failed again? Jacob had deluded himself into believing that he loved Bella. But I knew that the threat he posed was just as great as it had been with James.

"Edward!" Esme shook me from my thoughts. "Rose and Alice are with me, and we will be with Bella the whole time. Emmett and Jasper are downstairs. She's safe now. Please, go and talk to your brothers. We will tend to Bella now. You can explain what happened to us later, although, if Jacob Black was involved, I think I can guess," she said sadly.

I did as I was told, but being apart from Bella put me on edge. Carlisle arrived a few minutes later, sensing the disappointing mood shift in the house the moment he walked through the door.

"What's happened?" he asked me fearfully.

I relayed the encounter, word for word to my anxious brothers and father. "He's insane. He won't stop. It's just like before," I explained, unable to hide the panic that was engulfing me. "He has to be destroyed," I declared, almost ranting.

"That can be arranged," said Emmett.

"Absolutely," Jasper agreed.

"Let's not be hasty," Carlisle reasoned. "We have a treaty with the Quileutes. Killing one of their own, especially Billy Black's son, is _not_ something we should consider lightly."

"I won't let him take her, Carlisle. I won't let this happen again," I argued.

"Edward, Bella is safe here with us. Except for the threats and insinuations from a clearly disturbed boy, nothing has happened yet."

"That _boy_ is huge, Carlisle. He's even bigger than Emmett. _And_ he can transform into a werewolf," I reminded him.

"I'm well aware of that, and believe me son, I am taking this very seriously. Bella's safety and well being is important to all of us. But, if there is a way to resolve this issue peacefully, then you know that is always what we must attempt first. I will speak with Billy myself and explain the situation. He knows that something is wrong with Jacob. That much was obvious at the meeting. And the pack has quite a defined hierarchical structure. Jacob is not yet in a position of authority. They may well be able to deal with the situation themselves," Carlisle tried to reassure me.

"Well, they obviously haven't dealt with the situation at all, so far," I seethed.

"They may not know the full extent of the problem. I will need to explain," he said calmly.

"Will Billy believe you? It is his son?" I asked doubtfully.

"I don't know. We can only try," Carlisle replied honestly.

Rosalie and Alice came down the stairs then, Esme following and carrying Bella. Her hair was wet and her cheeks had a flushed pink glow to them. She looked much calmer. Esme was right, a hot soothing shower was exactly what she needed.

"Bella wants to be involved in the discussion, and of course, she has every right to be. She has explained what happened with Jacob. What can we do?" Esme asked for Bella's benefit. I was sure she'd heard the entire discussion already.

I had wanted to spare Bella from this conversation, but I could tell by the set to her mouth and her furrowed brow that she'd made up her mind. So I went to her, lifting her from Esme's arms and settling her on the couch. To make her more comfortable, we all became seated as we resumed the discussion.

"I will speak to Billy Black. He is at least aware that there is a problem, so he will hopefully be receptive. All going well, this will be something the tribe can deal with themselves. Meanwhile, Bella, I suggest you stay home from school for the next couple of days, at least. Just until we know where we stand. Is that okay with you?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank you, Carlisle," she replied, a slight tremor to her voice betraying the fear she still felt. After today's confrontation, I knew she didn't want to risk a repeat performance.

"I think we should all stay home," Jasper added. "Safety in numbers."

"I'll second that," said Emmett with Alice and Rose adding their agreement.

"I'll call the school tomorrow. I'll tell them the entire family is suffering from a case of food poisoning and that none of you will be able to attend for a few days. That should keep them satisfied," Carlisle decided.

But, I was still apprehensive, and I just couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't over yet. Carlisle hadn't heard Jacob - he hadn't seen into his mind. Hierarchy or not, I wasn't sure the pack could control him. But there was nothing more we could do for now. There's no way he'd come anywhere near the house, especially with all of us here, so I'd let Carlisle try the diplomatic course first. But, if diplomacy failed, I was prepared to do anything to keep Bella safe. Anything at all!


	21. Chapter 21

Bella retreated to her bedroom once again, much to the despair of the family. But it was her safe place, and she needed to be away from their well intentioned but intense scrutiny. I sat on the bed, pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her. She nestled her face into the crook of my neck, and I gently rested my face on the top of her head, taking in her tantalising scent. We didn't speak - we didn't have to. She knew as well as I did that Jacob wasn't going to go away on his own, but I let her believe that Billy would do the right thing and that the pack would handle the situation. Still, I could feel her tension, and I suspected that she could see through my charade. She wasn't truly convinced it would be enough and neither was I, and I hated that Jacob could do this to her, undermining the progress she'd worked so hard to make.

I couldn't help but think about everything that had happened. I was trying to decide what I'd done wrong and what I should have done differently so that this threat from Jacob could have been avoided. I had considered not returning to Forks at all, taking Bella from the hospital in Phoenix and going somewhere completely new to make a fresh start, but that could never have worked. After what happened to Charlie and Renee, suddenly leaving town with Bella in tow would only have planted the seed of doubt in the minds of Charlie's law enforcement colleagues, and that was too risky. And even if that weren't the case, Billy Black would have raised all kinds of hell, and I dare say we'd have ended up being hunted by the FBI for kidnapping and God knows what else. We have the resources to elude the authorities, but it wasn't the way any of us wanted to live, and it certainly isn't the way Bella deserved to live. But, more than anything, Bella _needed_ to go home. Phoenix could never be that for her anymore, and I knew the house she shared with Charlie couldn't be either. But, Forks _was_ home, it was the only home she had now, and she had connections here. Her school mates and Charlie's friends were all she had left of her human world, and she needed to keep that link. And regardless, the townsfolk of Forks weren't going to surrender her easily.

Once the news of her accident and her parents' deaths spread, everyone in Forks was eager to have Bella back. She had unknowingly insinuated herself into all their lives from the moment she was born. She was part of Charlie, and Charlie was part of Forks - the very best part - and the town was reeling from his death. The fact that the Chief of Police could be murdered in his own home was something that they couldn't come to terms with. Crime of any sort was foreign to them, so the loss of someone so beloved was unimaginable. The scar to the community was deep, and in a way it mirrored Bella's scars. The loss of Charlie had bound the people of Forks to Bella in a way I wasn't even sure she fully acknowledged yet, but I knew she felt the pull. She belonged here, for now at least, and I'd be damned if I'd let Jacob Black drive her from the only home she had left. Anyway, I'd learned the hard way that running wasn't the answer. If he was as determined as he seemed, I had no doubt he'd follow us anywhere until he found a way to get to Bella. So, there'd be no divide and conquer this time. We would stand together, united, and we'd all protect Bella, without the disadvantage of being on the run.

Of course, none of these realisations helped me contain the anger I was feeling towards Jacob. It was a constant struggle now, the fury simmering just below the surface as I wondered how and when he would attempt to see Bella again, or worse. I thought I could hide it from her, but Bella knew me better than I knew myself. She sensed my tension and felt the infinitesimal vibration of my tremors as I fought to keep my rage under control. She began to rub my back soothingly, whispering that everything would be all right. I couldn't believe that she was comforting _me_, and it only strengthened my resolve to always love and protect her with all of my being. But I felt the familiar pang of guilt as my consciousness caught up to the reality of the situation, reminding me once again that I was her opposite - the selfish to her unselfish. She didn't belong in my dangerous world, yet here she was, not yet recovered from the last atrocity she had to endure, and now it was her childhood friend of whom she had to be afraid. If it weren't for me, Jacob wouldn't even be a danger. If it weren't for me, James would probably never have discovered her. And so I continued to shift uncomfortably between anger and remorse, as the all too familiar pattern of self condemnation returned. I had come so close to freedom from this endless torment, and that only fuelled my anger. But, as much as I wanted to blame it all on Jacob, I knew I couldn't ignore my share of the responsibility.

But it was impossible not to think back to the time_ before _Jacob - before he had severed our tenuous but precious grasp on our peaceful life. I had_ finally_ begun to learn to live with the guilt I felt about bringing Bella into my world. And Bella was trying so desperately to move beyond her pain. We weren't there yet, and I wasn't sure if I truly believed either of us could fully escape our personal suffering. But it had become tolerable, and it _was_ getting better, for all of us. But now, in spite of everything that had happened and all the ground we'd gained, she wasin danger _again_, and I couldn't tolerate that.

So the regret was weighing heavily on me, threatening to drown me in that quagmire of self loathing and doubt that was never far off. Everything I'd done since meeting Bella had brought us to this place. Everything I_ should_ have done was taunting me mercilessly. But even in the midst of my depressed musings, I knew there was no turning back now. Despite my supernatural abilities, I had yet to find a way to change the past, so I could only move forward now and try to do better, because she deserved nothing less. I could never leave her, because I was too selfish to ever let her go, and because of that same selfishness, she had no one else. And even though these were not good enough reasons to keep her bound to me, the threat of leaving her to the likes of Jacob, or another James, was too much to bear. And miraculously, she loved me, and I couldn't deny that anymore. She wanted to be with me, almost as much as I wanted to be with her. So as long as she felt that way, I couldn't allow myself to wallow like this in the world of what might have been. I had to look to the future with Bella, even if that meant I would always have to protect her from my world and. . . myself. But I'd had years to perfect my self-hatred, and I highly doubted I'd ever fully shed the venomous pessimism that coursed through my veins. Nevertheless, I would always strive to be better than I was. It was the very cornerstone upon which Carlisle created our family, and Bella's inclusion in my family gave me the best kind of incentive to keep fighting against my worst tendencies.

I kissed her tenderly on the top of her head, squeezing my eyes shut tightly to hide my inner conflict. I tried to force my way through the suffocating emotions that tied me to the darkness, struggling to reach the light my future with Bella would bring. But, of course, she sensed the battle within me, and she craned her neck to look me in the eyes. Though still closed, I could feel the intensity of her gaze, and so I surrendered, opening them, hoping that they wouldn't betray my shame. But she knew - she always knew.

"Edward, this isn't your fault. I just need you to believe me, because I don't think I have the strength to fight with you on this. I have to believe that if we've made it through everything else, that we'll make it through this, too. It's not your fault that Jacob is like this. I don't know what happened to him, but I know it has nothing to do with you," she argued.

She melted deeper into my embrace, wearied by grief and by pain and by fear. So I immediately felt guilty about adding to her burden with my own insecurities. I almost laughed aloud as I realised I was now dealing with layers of guilt. I felt guilty about feeling guilty, and the absurdity wasn't lost on me.

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to worry you. We _will_ find a way out of this," I said as confidently as I could manage. I didn't absolve myself of responsibility for Jacob though. And, of course, she noticed my omission, creasing her eyebrows at me disapprovingly.

But her assessment of Jacob's condition _wasn't_ entirely accurate. I may not have been the complete cause of his madness, but I couldn't deny that I was at least partly responsible. The Quileute tradition of shape shifting into werewolves was a direct result of the proximity of vampires. Our coven, our _family_, was indeed responsible for the sudden explosion of the Werewolf population in La Push. Since the time of our last settlement in this region, this magical phenomenon had been relegated to the stuff of legends, skipping over generations until our return, a fact that greatly dismayed us all but could not be reversed once the discovery had been made. But, why this burden had to be borne by the inexperienced and immature adolescents of the tribe, none of us could explain. Though their bodies, remodelled and reshaped, bringing forth a rapid physical maturity, emotionally, they weren't ready for the gravity of their new strength and abilities. They were often unable to control their feelings, transforming into these treacherous beasts at any time without warning, devastating everything in their proximity. And the more of _us_ there were, the more of _them_ were created, the available candidates becoming younger and younger as the resource pool dwindled.

It was a sad realisation that Jacob's current state was brought about by the collision of unforeseen and unavoidable circumstances. The premature transformation brought on by our presence, a long standing crush on Bella that was encouraged by their own fathers, a deep seated hatred of our kind, and all occurring amidst the hormonal turmoil of his own adolescent only were we his mortal enemies, but our very existence took away his chance at a normal life. We were the catalyst. So, for him to see the object of his affection since childhood survive a brutal attack and the murder of her parents at the hands of one of our kind was just too much. Add to that Bella choosing to live with and love us, to love _me_ instead of him, was the ultimate betrayal. It was a dizzying blend of passion and circumstance and emotional upheaval that ultimately brought about his condition, and I wasn't sure that it was something he could ever recover from. To a point, I could empathise with him. He was thrust into a world he knew nothing about, the control over his life removed from his grasp. In a way, he was just like me, but _I_ knew what I was -_ I_ could admit the danger I posed, but Jacob seemed oblivious. If I weren't so enraged by the danger he presented, I may have felt sorry for him. But, as it stood, I had no sympathy left for him. Every positive emotion I had was being channelled into Bella.

Carlisle shared my belief about Jacob's circumstances, and though we enjoyed this region of America greatly, his silent decision to never return to these parts once our time here was up was his way of atoning for his sins. He vowed to never again be responsible for inflicting this burden of shape shifting onto the tribe, and I agreed categorically. Though the exact circumstances of Jacob's decline were unlikely to ever be repeated, it was a risk neither of us was prepared to take.

I listened as he called Billy Black, urging him to meet again, this time to discuss his son. He carefully manoeuvred through Billy's obvious discomfort with the compassion and grace I had come to always expect from him. His words to Billy and his unspoken thoughts conveyed the plan that had been agreed, so I relayed the information to Bella.

"Bella, I'm going with Carlisle to meet with Billy and Sam, soon. It's just going to be the four of us. They know there's a problem with Jacob, and they're not happy about the stunt he pulled at school. It will be helpful if I'm there, because I can explain exactly what happened, and I can know what they're really thinking about it and what they intend to do. Everyone else will stay here with you, so you _will_ be safe, and I won't be gone for long," I explained.

"Should I come, too? Billy will listen to me. If I tell him I'm scared of Jake, he'll believe me. It's the truth." she admitted.

"I know, love, but it will be better with just the four of us. This is difficult for Billy. Having you there is just a reminder of what he's lost and what he's still losing. First Charlie, then you and now Jacob. But you will be safe here while I'm gone. I promise you that."

"I know, Edward. It's just that. . . . " she trailed off, unable to finish, so I finished for her.

"It's just that I've promised that you'd be safe before and you weren't. I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry," I apologised, though I knew it could never be enough.

"It's not your fault, Edward."

"But it is," I argued.

"I won't hear it! You saved me. I'm alive because of _you_. I don't blame you for _James_ - you_ know_ that. I'm just scared, Edward. I can't help it, and I don't know how much more I can take. I want to be strong for you, I really do. But I'm not sure I have any more strength left. I really am a danger magnet. It never ends," she sighed miserably.

I pulled her closer into me, taking my turn at rubbing comforting circles on her back as she continued.

"I feel so guilty. I didn't know Jake felt that way about me, and I feel like I should have realised that it was more than just a simple crush. I know Billy and Charlie were always trying to push us together, even when we were just kids, but I never took it seriously. Then, when I moved back here, I didn't even consider his feelings when I was flirting with him at the beach. I hadn't seen him in so long, it didn't occur to me that he might have real feelings for me. I think it's my fault he's like this, Edward, and I don't think that he's going to give up. He's not the same anymore. He's broken, and I did that to him," she finally sobbed, giving in to her feelings.

"Shush, Bella. No! It's _not_ your fault. It's so much bigger than that. It's everything, Bella. All of it, all of us. The transformation - it was too much for Jake. You didn't do this to him, honestly. But, Bella, you _are _the strongest person I know. You _will_ get through this. _We_ will, together," I reassured her, feeling a fresh determination to make this right for her, somehow.

She continued to weep into my chest. Not the deep, wracking sobs reserved for her memories and grief, but a steady stream of soundless tears born of endless pain and fear and fatigue. Eventually she fell into a fitful sleep, and I clung to her tightly as she thrashed and jerked. I hated to leave her, but I pried her loose, calling Esme to relieve me while I accompanied Carlisle. "Sleep now, my love. You _will_ be safe, I promise you," I whispered, hoping I could make good on that promise as I reluctantly left her room.

_______________

We met Billy and Sam at a diner in Port Angeles. It was an unusual location, but it was at Billy's request. He didn't want to risk Jacob or the other members of the pack finding out about the meeting just yet, fearing it would only make matters worse.

"Thank you both for agreeing to meet with us again," Carlisle began.

"It had to be done," Billy replied gruffly. His thoughts conveyed his deep concern for his son, though he was working very hard to block me now that he was aware of my gift. "Tell me exactly what happened at the school. You said Jake threatened Bella? I find that hard to believe." In fact, he didn't find it hard to believe at all.

I recounted the event, again using Jacob's exact wording in an effort to illustrate the gravity of the situation. Sam was outwardly annoyed and in total denial, refusing to believe, though his inner dialogue revealed his suspicions.

"Sam, I wouldn't lie about something so important. Bella_ is_ afraid of Jacob now. We're keeping her home from school, hoping to avoid another encounter. But she can't stay locked in the house indefinitely. You have to see how serious this really is," I urged him.

"You could be saying this to cause trouble. To divide our pack. _We _are the protectors. _We_ don't threaten or inflict harm. Jacob cares for Bella deeply. It makes no sense," he retorted angrily. His stubborn refusal to acknowledge the truth was causing my own anger to resurface, and Carlisle cautioned me silently.

Billy placed his hand over Sam's clenched fist, ordering his silence with just a look. Though old and disabled, he was still a commanding presence when he needed to be. He turned back to Carlisle, his eyes now downcast. "I know there is a problem. I thought he just needed time. That he would settle down. But he seems to be getting worse," Billy sighed, resigned. "The transformation did not go well for him. It's not the first time it's happened, according to our legends. But, it is rare."

That was clearly a painful revelation for him to make, and Sam couldn't hide his shock, frowning at his leader in disbelief. It wasn't just that Billy would admit that there was indeed a problem with Jacob, but that he would reveal it to _us_. As the pack alpha, Sam had an innate distrust of our kind. Yet, I could see that although he would never say it, he knew that we at least could be trusted. But even knowing I could read his thoughts, he wouldn't outwardly admit that Jacob was a problem, all the while thinking about Jacob's many infractions since he'd been transformed. He thought about Jacob taking unnecessary risks when he phased too close to other pack members, or where he may be seen by others. He'd been pushing his patrolling further and further over the border line into our territory, despite direct orders to never cross it. There were unprovoked attacks on his pack brothers that went beyond normal rough housing. But, in spite of it all, Sam was convinced that he could handle the situation, that with some time and maturity, Jacob would come to heed his authority.

I was amazed and angered by the arrogance of the pack mentality. I _knew _I was a monster, at least I could admit it. But Sam seemed completely unwilling to concede that the pack could possibly be a danger to others, being so caught up in his own sense of pride and self importance. Clearly a huge ego was a pack trait, not just isolated to Jacob. Sam knew that Jacob was dangerous, but he blindly refused to take it seriously, which outraged me. And then I saw Emily, his imprinted mate. Her face was ruined because of his own carelessness and lack of control, and she'd nearly died because of him. I glared at him, and as he realised what I'd seen, he looked away in shame, trying to guard his thoughts but unable to do so. The image of Emily only served to magnify my concern for Bella. The threat _was_ real and even worse than I'd feared.

Carlisle's slightly agitated voice caught my attention.

"I am sorry, Billy. I know he's your son, and this must be deeply worrying for you. But I know you care for Bella also, and I can assure you that Jacob's behaviour is not helping her recovery at all. Just the threat is bad enough. If he ever acts on his threats, I can't bring myself to even imagine the potential consequences," Carlisle explained.

"He won't hurt her. We will take care of the situation," Billy said gravely, effectively ending the discussion, but Carlisle wouldn't let it go.

"If you don't mind, Billy, I'd like to understand exactly _how_ you intend to take care of the situation. The last time we met, you assured me there would be no need for concern, but, clearly there is," Carlisle challenged.

"Why don't you ask your son?" Billy snorted. "That is why you brought him, isn't it? To steal our thoughts!" His words were bitter, but I could see the pain he struggled with. He was having a difficult time dealing with the fact that his own son was a danger to Bella, perhaps even to the pack and the tribe. He knew the truth, because he lived with it daily, and it was something that he had never anticipated. I understood how he felt.

"I don't want to hear it from my son, Billy. I _need_ to hear it from you. We are talking about Bella's safety here. She cannot be expected to live in constant fear, especially from someone she had considered a friend. You don't understand what this could do to her emotionally, Billy, let alone the physical ramifications if he were to lose control anywhere near her. She's been through so much. I can't allow this to continue. I'm deeply sorry about Jacob. I wish I could help him, but clearly that is not an option. But I _am_ Bella's guardian now, and I take that role very seriously. I know you expect nothing less. So I have to know, Billy. Is this really over?"

Billy resented the public rebuke, though he was impressed by Carlisle's obvious commitment to Bella's well being. But his face was a blank canvas, revealing nothing of the emotions he truly felt. He simply nodded his approval at Carlisle as he explained his decision. "Jacob will be forbidden to phase or to leave the reservation. He will be under guard by the pack until such a time as he can mature and prove his worthiness. I can only hope that time will come, and that this _damage_ is not permanent. But we will look after him. He is our responsibility," he finished sadly.

He didn't even bother trying to hide his thoughts now, remembering with full force the many examples of Jacob's reckless and worrying behaviour since the time of his transformation. Billy had been witness to many outbursts in the privacy of the home he shared with his son, at times fearing for his own safety as Jacob's temper got the better of him. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him - once strong and vibrant, he was now but a shadow of his former self. To have his only son, his _successor_, fall victim to his own people's proud heritage, was devastating for him. Maddeningly, Sam was still refusing to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation, but it was clear that Billy had made his decision and Sam would abide by it.

Carlisle and I stood to leave, satisfied with the outcome. Billy was about to take the most strident action he could, and given the circumstances, it was a credit to him that he was able to rise above his own emotional involvement to see the situation for what it was. Surprisingly, it was Billy who extended his hand in friendship this time, and Carlisle grasped it firmly, reassured and contented with the direction the relationship with the Quileutes was taking. As for Sam and I, we parted with a curt nod of farewell, each of us suspicious of the other and not completely content with the current situation, though for very different reasons.


	22. Chapter 22

Billy Black had made the best decision he could concerning Jacob, and I was grateful for that. But, enforcing the restrictions was what had me worried. The Quileutes had promised us before that they could control him, and that didn't turn out so well, so none of us were inclined to believe them this time around, at least, not until we could be really sure. But the big problem was that we couldn't ever be really sure. The success of Billy's plan couldn't be proven - only disproved with Jacob's reappearance in Bella's life. So him not coming for Bella didn't remove the threat - it just prolonged it, which was a dissatisfying reality that we knew we'd have to come to terms with eventually. Needless to say, it was an anxious time for us all, particularly during those first few days as we waited, unsure if we were hoping that Jacob wouldn't come, or that he would.

Of course, it was a particularly trying time for Bella, with every noise or sudden movement putting her even more on edge. Everything from the wind to the creaking of the floorboards affected her, so we were all glad to be staying home with her for the rest of the week. We were pleased to have the opportunity to reassure her and calm her down before the food poisoning excuse expired, and we'd be required to attend school again on the following Monday. Missing school wasn't a hardship; the tedium was intolerable much of the time. So even though the reason was dire, we were grateful to have a legitimate excuse to avoid it. I don't think any of us actually believed that Jacob would come. I thought he was crazy, but that didn't mean he was stupid. He would have to be a fool to come for her at the house. But, having us all at home was a comfort to Bella, and that's all that mattered.

The week passed uneventfully, and Monday finally arrived, bringing with it a fresh dose of anxiety as we wondered if this would be the day Jacob would choose to make another appearance. I didn't believe he could actually physically get to Bella, but it didn't mean he couldn't get _at_ her with his presence and his taunts. School was different than a house full of vampires, and this was where he'd made his last unwelcome approach.

The buzz of excitement surrounding Bella's return to school was like a rerun of the previous week. But fortunately, this time it was mostly contained to the students she knew well or at least had classes with, which was a little less overwhelming for her. Our classes went smoothly, but even something as basic as taking notes served as a painful reminder of what she'd been through. She screwed her mouth up in annoyance as her fingers struggled uncooperatively to secure her pen in her left hand, let alone write with it. I rescued the pen from her frustrated grasp and took over as scribe. It was the only thing I could think to do.

As lunch time approached, Bella became increasingly distracted, biting her bottom lip so fiercely I was afraid she might draw blood. That wasn't a cheerful thought, so I grabbed her hand under the desk, stroking it soothingly until she released her lip. But, she had reason to be concerned. It was at the end of lunch this time last week that Jacob had turned up in the parking lot. So she was counting down the minutes, anxiously looking up at the clock on the wall, as if willing its progress so she could get this unwelcome anniversary over with.

At lunch she was too nervous to eat, only forcing down a coke at my insistence. I feared the day she would ever get sick of coke. Some days, it was the only way I could get her to consume any calories at all, and it hadn't escaped any of our notice that she was still too thin and fragile for her own good. As I scanned the perimeter of the school for any signs of Jacob's thoughts, I let my attention be diverted from her momentarily, concentrating to hear as far afield as possible. It only took a moment for Mike Newton to approach Bella from behind, casually placing his arm on her shoulder in greeting. I knew it was an innocent gesture on his part, but Bella's piercing scream silenced the cafeteria. She blushed in embarrassment, apologising effusively to Mike. But she couldn't hide the fear in her eyes or the pounding of her heart as she tried desperately to regain her composure.

"Mike, Bella's been a bit of a nervous wreck since her accident. She doesn't like surprises. It's probably best if you could announce your presence first, or avoid approaching her from behind," I suggested loudly enough for everyone at the table to hear. I hoped that would prevent any further mishaps, but I cursed myself for my inattention.

"Wow! I'm so sorry, Bella. I guess I'd be nervous, too, if I'd, I mean. . . . Oh you know what I mean," he stammered, horrified that his touch could frighten Bella like that.

"It's okay, Mike. Really. Totally my fault. It's like Edward says, I'm a bit of a nervous wreck," she rambled, still trying to steady her breathing. Jasper sent her a focused burst of calm, and I could see the effects immediately as her shoulders dropped, and she casually sank back into her chair.

I wondered if it was even worthwhile staying at school for lunch anymore. With our new arrangement, we left right afterwards anyway. But it was Bella's only opportunity to be around other humans her own age, and it didn't seem right to take that away from her. Not that she'd mind, which was exactly why I knew it_ was _important. But today really didn't feel like the day I should have been pressing her to embrace her humanity. I regretted not having considered that, so I was relieved when the bell finally sounded. She grabbed the crutch begrudgingly and settled into a steady pace that she could maintain. She was learning to compensate for her injuries, and she was doing much better, but she hated relying on the crutch to walk, and her scowl of contempt was obvious to all. At least it seemed to distract her from her nerves and embarrassment.

We slowly made our way out of the cafeteria, leaving the hushed whispers and not so subtle gossiping about Bella's outburst behind us. To be fair, most people's thoughts weren't unkind. But some teenage girls had a way of making everything about themselves, Lauren and Jessica speculating that Bella was finding new ways to get attention now that most of the fuss surrounding her return to school had died down. Emmett had to physically restrain Rosalie after that comment. But Jasper saw to our revenge, directing an enormous burst of insecurity and paranoia at the shrewish pair. They suddenly ran to the bathroom in tears, certain that the entire school population was talking about them. I grinned at Jasper appreciatively. It would do them good to get a taste of their own medicine, though we all knew there'd be no permanent lessons learned.

Our siblings escorted us to the Volvo, Jasper doing his best to assuage Bella's fears as I confirmed that Jacob wasn't anywhere nearby. Emmett even followed us home in the Jeep, arguing that it didn't matter if he was late for English because he already knew how to speak it. It was classic Emmett logic! But I was grateful for the gesture, especially as Bella visibly relaxed the moment she realised he'd be accompanying us all the way home. I wasn't sure whether or not I should have been insulted. She must have thought I wasn't able to protect her myself. After what happened with James, I couldn't blame her, but it stung nonetheless.

"I know what you're thinking, Edward. And it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that two against one is better odds. I don't want you to _have_ to fight him," she explained, noticing my frustration.

"Bella, I can't get hurt. Don't you think I'm a match for Jacob?" I asked, a little wounded.

"It's not that, Edward. Of course_ I_ know you're a match. I know you could take him. It's just that Jake is stupid enough to think that _he_ can take _you_, if you're on your own. I'm sure of it - he's always been kind of conceited like that. But, if he knows he's always going to be outnumbered, he might stay away. I don't want there to be a fight at all. It's not that I have any warm, fuzzy feelings for Jacob anymore. But, I'm worried about Billy. I don't want to be responsible for his son getting hurt or worse. It's bad enough for him as it is," she clarified.

I should have known she'd be worried about Billy, so it suddenly made sense. I hadn't realised I'd been holding my breath until I sighed in relief, and I instantly regretted doubting her belief in me. It really wasn't surprising that in spite of her own fears, Bella would be concerned about Billy, too, and she had a point. This was hard on Billy, as well. He didn't deserve any of this either, but that wouldn't stop me from protecting her from Jacob. I'd always do whatever I had to do to keep Bella safe.

Thankfully, school became much more routine after that first day, and the thick tension surrounding Bella, started melting away again. There were no more embarrassing incidents for her, everyone keeping a very respectable distance as I paid much closer attention. And, most importantly, Jacob stayed away.

As the weeks progressed, we all became much more secure about Jacob's house arrest situation. Carlisle had been checking in with Billy regularly, and it was reassuring to know that Jacob was behaving himself. He'd made no moves to leave La Push or to contact Bella in any way. I wondered if perhaps he would recover after all, in time. Regardless, the Quileutes were doing their part, and Bella looked like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was so satisfying to see her finally get some peace. No one deserved it more than her.

Things continued looking up when Carlisle finally removed the last of Bella's casts, freeing her arm from its bulky confines. She still had to use support braces for her arm and leg and a walking cast for her ankle, but it was a huge improvement. She'd never be like new, but nothing could wipe the smile off her face the day she was free of the cumbersome chalky plaster that had been her constant companion for so long.

Fed up with the meagre selection locally, hunting trips in the mountains had finally resumed for the rest of the family. A steady presence remained in the house, however, never more than two at a time leaving for an extended period. I continued to hunt closer to home, unwilling to leave Bella overnight just yet - always vigilant. But, each day without Jacob, was a day closer to normality. Well, as normal as we could get.

So, slowly but surely, the light hearted mood we had enjoyed before Jacob's intrusion, began to descend on the house once more. Once Bella had returned to school, Emmett took over all of her physical therapy at the later after school time. But we often all got involved, taking each and every difficult step right along with her as she worked on her flexibility, endurance and most importantly, stability. She said we looked like a disabled chorus line, laughing at our exaggerated slow-motion movements. There were more of Emmett's now infamous "movie nights" and sitting outside enjoying the sunshine during those brief but treasured moments when the sun would dare to peek through the clouds. Though rare, the appearance of the sun always made Bella smile, and I realised I'd happily spend all my time hiding indoors if it would mean she could enjoy more sunshine. I would welcome anything that made her smile like that, and I wondered if she'd like to move to a sunnier climate in the years to come.

After many weeks of calm, it was with a sense of security that I decided to surprise Bella with a picnic at our meadow. It would be just the two of us, but I felt confident about her safety, because I didn't plan on leaving her side. It had been so long since we'd done anything like it, and I had to admit that the house was becoming a little claustrophobic. Alice predicted sunny weather, and she was never wrong about things like that, so with Esme's help, I made a selection of picnic friendly foods that I thought Bella would enjoy. It didn't take me long to realise I'd been a little overly enthusiastic. As I stared at the mountain of food on the bench, I realised there'd be no way that Bella could consume it all. But I packed it all into the picnic basket anyway, deciding to let Bella choose what she felt like eating when we got there. I added the various other necessities I imagined she'd need, then helped her into the car.

It didn't take her long to guess what I had in mind as I exited Highway 101, turning right on Route 110 and following it until the pavement ended. We got out of the car, and I lifted Bella onto my back, ready to make the run to the meadow. I couldn't help feeling excited that we could be alone in our special place again. But Bella's arms and legs weren't as co-operative as they'd once been, and she had difficulty finding a secure perch. She was obviously scared about falling off, especially as I also had to hold the sizeable picnic basket and blanket. I just turned my head back and smiled at her over my shoulder, arching my eyebrow in an exaggerated, "what do you take me for?" gesture. She blushed an irresistible shade of pink, a meek, "sorry" bubbling from her lips and tickling my neck.

The meadow was just as beautiful as always - a perfect blend of flora and lush greenery, the sunshine glistening off the dewy grass casting a magical glow. It was an ancient oasis, unspoiled and perfect. Judging by her gasp, Bella was equally impressed. It had been too long since we'd been here. I lowered her from my back, throwing out the blanket and setting down the basket, before helping her down to the blanket. Needing my help to get down to the ground by means other than falling frustrated her greatly, so I quickly kissed the wrinkle forming between her eyebrows. It smoothed out immediately, so I knew I'd had the desired effect.

"So, what did you make?" she asked, peering into the picnic basket. "Oh! Edward, there's enough food in here to feed a family of four for a week! Fried chicken, potato salad, corn bread, roast beef, green salad, fruit salad, sandwiches, cupcakes. . . And what made you think I'd need a full complement of cutlery? Soup spoon, dessert spoon, butter knife, steak knife, cocktail fork. . . Oh my God, you even have a wine glass for my coke and a checkered tablecloth! Is that a candle? I can't believe you did all this, but you can't really expect me to eat it all, can you?" she smiled.

"Well, I wasn't sure what you'd feel like, and preparing this was surprisingly therapeutic. I never realised just how relaxing cooking could be. But don't worry, I'm almost certain it's all edible. Esme helped, and she's been getting a lot of practice lately. Anyway, it _is_ my first picnic, and I wanted to make sure I didn't forget anything you might need. I'll admit, I _might_ have gotten a little carried away, but don't you like it? Have I displeased you, love?" I asked teasingly, feigning hurt.

"Edward, you could _never_ displease me! Of course, I love it. I won't be able to eat it all, but that doesn't mean I don't love it. You're like a gourmet chef. Isn't there anything you're terrible at?" she asked, teasing me back.

"Well, I can cook it, but I can't eat it. Or I should say, I can't digest it," I grinned.

"That doesn't count," she laughed, laying back on the blanket

I joined her, both of us laying flat on our backs and warming our faces in the sun. It still surprised me how comfortable I felt with her, no longer self conscious about the sun's effect on my skin, or lusting after her blood with every breath I took. It didn't stop me from lusting after other parts of her though, I thought wryly as I observed her from the corner of my eye. She looked so beautiful in the sunlight, and it felt so normal being here like this with her. It felt right, like I didn't have to hide anything from her anymore. I turned to stare at her, studying her profile as she lay back with her eyes closed, the sunshine dancing off her eyelashes, her lips pulled up ever so slightly at the corners. I could easily stare at her all day long.

She opened her eyes then and turned her head so that we were staring at each other. Her eyes looked so deep and warm. Still not back to their former glory, but for today at least, there were only faint traces of sadness. I could get lost in those eyes. She seemed to be looking into my darkest depths, and for once I wasn't afraid of what she might find there. I wanted to press myself to her then and kiss her with as much passion as I thought her human body could endure. But I was hesitant to do anything that might distress her. We'd been together every day since her attack. We'd spent countless hours in each other's arms and in her bed, and of course, we'd kissed. But, before James, we'd been getting much more passionate. I was petrified of hurting her or losing control then, so I was always the one to pull back, knowing full well that Bella wanted more. Obviously, I did too, but I felt the risk was too great, and in most ways, it still was. I could so easily crush her if I weren't careful. But I _was_ careful, and I was no longer concerned about giving in to the bloodlust that was always lurking. I was more concerned about giving in to my desire for her body and showing her just how deeply that desire ran. But, after what she'd been through, I wasn't sure she'd welcome anything more than our relatively chaste kisses and tender embraces of recent times.

I couldn't help remembering what Emmett had said about treating her the same as I did before. Granted, we'd never gone too far - I wouldn't allow it. But I knew she wanted to, and things were so different now. We were really together, and quite possibly forever. It seemed only natural that we would progress our relationship. And I didn't want her to think that I saw her differently because of _him_, or that I was too afraid to touch her, or worst of all, that I didn't desire her. So I slowly turned towards her, lying on my side and reaching up with my hands to delicately cup her face as I leaned in to kiss her. At first I was gentle, increasing the pressure bit by bit until I felt her respond, her lips suddenly crashing back into mine forcefully as she let out an erotic moan. I pulled away then, giving her a chance to inhale a much needed breath and to catch one of my own. That moan nearly did me in! I saw that her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were wild with lust, so I pulled her over to me, rolling onto my back as she lay atop me, our bodies flush. I knew I couldn't let this go too far. But, right at that moment, I wasn't prepared to stop unless she wanted me to, so our lips crashed together once more.

We remained like that for some time, feverishly kissing and probing each other's mouths with our tongues, eliciting more of the provocative moans from her and growls of sheer pleasure from me. She tasted divine, and I had never felt quite so intoxicated by her. Her blood had nothing on this, and holding back was certainly an exercise in control I had never before encountered. I believe Emmett would have called this a seriously hot make-out session! We only paused every so often for Bella to come up for air, giving her swollen lips a chance to recover. I couldn't hide my arousal under her, and I knew she felt it. But, if it bothered her, she didn't let on, except to purr as she brushed against me a little more forcefully, nearly sending me over the edge. But she also didn't allow our hands to venture below our waists, so I followed the pace she set, wishing we could take it further but also relieved that we wouldn't be, at least not yet. After what she'd been through, I was grateful that she felt comfortable enough to be this close to me at all, so I certainly didn't have any other expectations. Desires - yes. Expectations - no. It would _always_ be about Bella and what she needed, and by the feel of things, she needed me as much as I needed her, and that made me very happy and very hopeful.

I knew then that this was a situation that was going to escalate and probably soon. In truth, I wasn't the least bit prepared for anything more - not right then anyway. As prudish as I knew it to be in this day and age, I was from a time when chastity was something only marriage vows could break. And there was now the unexpected complication of a possible pregnancy to contend with. Bella might have thought that having a child with me would be a good thing, but there was _no_ way I was _ever_ going to let that happen. But, _if_ she did want to progress our relationship further at some point, and it certainly _felt_ like she did, I wasn't sure I would always have the physical or the emotional strength to stop her. I told myself it was because I didn't want to reject her when she was so vulnerable, and that _was_ true. But, it was also true that I was a man trapped in a seventeen year old boy's body, and I had needs that I wasn't sure I could deny for much longer, should the opportunity present itself. And it wasn't just the physical desires that were driving me, it was the emotional need to express my love for her fully and completely. She was my life now, and I wanted to show her in every way possible how much I truly cherished her. It was so foreign thinking of myself as a man and not just the monster confined within, but this was what she'd done for me by loving me. I made a note to discuss my options with Carlisle when we got home. That would be embarrassing! I grinned into her lips as I pondered the absurdity of "safe" human-vampire sex. It was an oxymoron if ever I'd heard one.

"What are you smiling at," Bella breathed, still sucking and nibbling at my mouth. She was driving me absolutely crazy, but I was thrilled that she'd come so far that we could be together like this.

"How much I love you, of course," I replied, trying to force the thoughts of that unavoidably awkward conversation with Carlisle out of my mind. I'd have to do it when there was no-one else in the house so no one could overhear us. If Emmett heard us, I'd never hear the end of it. I couldn't believe I was actually considering this. I'd spent so long denying myself. . .

I had been so thoroughly captivated by Bella and fantasising about where things might lead, that I didn't even notice him until he was almost upon us. I froze, sniffing the air, then quickly shifting Bella back to her side of the blanket. She looked hurt, and I regretted giving her even a moment's cause to doubt my genuine love and yearning for her. This was, after all, quite a significant step forward in her recovery process and in our relationship. But from my reaction, she soon realised that we weren't alone, the fear registering on her face as she scanned the trees around us to find him.

I jumped into a low crouch, staring intently at where I knew he would emerge, shielding Bella with my body as he walked out of the shadows and into the open. He tried to look casual, but his clenched fists and vulgar thoughts gave him away. I could feel Bella trembling behind me, so I reached my hand back to hers, absently tracing soothing patterns over it with my thumb to try and calm her.

"What are you doing here, Jacob?" I demanded, although _how_ he knew we were here was the bigger question.

His lips twitched into a wry smile as his escape played out in his mind. Sam had become complacent, Jacob giving him no cause to doubt his sincerity and regret. Though I wanted to, I couldn't fully fault Sam, because clearly I had become foolishly complacent, too. Jacob was usually assigned two companions at all times, the pack using a roster system to alternate what were essentially his guards. But today there was a meeting with the tribal elders, so Sam had slackened the rules, made overconfident by Jacob's continued good behaviour. He'd only assigned one of the younger, less experienced pack members to be with him, with another of the younger recruits patrolling the forest surrounding La Push in a token effort to keep Jacob in and any enemies out.

I reconsidered my position on Sam. It was beyond reckless to leave Jacob virtually unguarded. The arrogance! They simply couldn't be trusted. They were all as deluded as Jacob, believing themselves to be mystical protectors of all and beyond reproach.

He showed me that the boy, Collin, had been with Jacob in his garage, watching as he tinkered with his car. I couldn't believe that Sam would leave someone so young to guard, Jacob. It was clearly a perfunctory gesture at best. It wasn't difficult for Jacob to divert the boy's attention, clubbing him with a wrench, then leaving him unconscious and bleeding on the floor while he made his escape. He'd really thought it through, biding his time until the pack started trusting him and choosing a day when they would nearly all be occupied in a tribal meeting. He maintained his human form so as not to alert the shared pack mind to his plans, although at that point he believed that only the boy on patrol was in wolf form. But one would be all it would take to sound the alarm. And he chose his car instead of his motorbike as his means of escape so it would be easier to take Bella. It was unnerving seeing how calculating he'd been.

"Sorry, Bella. I'm being rude, letting Edward read my mind instead of speaking. I was just telling him how I managed to escape. It really wasn't very hard. The moment I acted the least bit contrite, they all jumped at the chance to believe I was already well on my way to being reformed. Still, I couldn't believe it when they left me with the newbie. Poor kid didn't know what hit him," he smirked.

"How did you know we were here?" I had to ask.

"Well that was easier than I thought it would be. I called your house, pretending to be one of Bella's school friends, just to find out if you were home. When one of your bloodsucker females told me you were on a picnic, I couldn't believe my luck. I fed her some "BS" about looking for new hiking and camping locations, so she gave me a vague description of where you'd be - somewhere off the one-ten - probably thinking I'd never find you. But I actually wasn't that far behind you, so it wasn't hard to get your scent when I finally found your car at the end of the road. Good choice, by the way. Very romantic," he sneered.

I couldn't mask the expression of confusion that had formed on my face. How could he follow us? Surely I would have heard his thoughts. I could hear him now.

He smiled again, tapping his forehead. "I've been practising. Ever since I found out about your special talent, I've been working hard on clearing my mind at will. I must say, it's very relaxing. Very zen! Let me show you."

He stared at me then but not really at me - through me, and his inner voice went quiet. I couldn't hear him at all.

He grinned widely, clearly proud that he'd managed to find a way to out manoeuvre me. "See? It's really not that difficult once you get the hang of it. And of course, I stayed far enough back with my car windows wound tightly up. I didn't want you getting a whiff of my scent or noticing my car. I thought you'd at least smell me in the forest though. I didn't expect to be able to get almost the whole way here without you noticing. But I guess you were kind of busy," he concluded bitterly.

"What do you want, Jacob?" I was startled by her voice.

"I want you, Bella. What else?" he said, surprised.

"Over my dead body, mutt," I seethed.

"I was hoping you'd say that," he snickered.

I heard another voice then, panting furiously but getting closer with each stride. It was another of the young pack members, the one that had been on patrol. He was in wolf form, and I could hear him frantically relaying the story of Jacob's escape and his location to the other wolves as he tracked Jacob's scent towards the meadow. He would be here any minute. He knew that Bella and me were here, too. He could smell us, but surprisingly, he wasn't alarmed. He wanted to protect us - _both _of us. But I was certain his courage was larger than his ability. He was young and inexperienced, and Jacob would clearly be the stronger of the two. All he'd have to do would be to phase in enough time to meet the boy's attack. He wouldn't have a chance, and I was torn. I didn't want this innocent to be harmed. But, leaving Bella's side seemed like a very bad idea. I wouldn't give Jacob any openings to get to her. So, I decided to try and distract him, hoping the rest of the pack would catch up soon. They wouldn't be happy with Jacob's escape either, and I knew that Sam was all about their honour and their reputation, so he'd want to get Jacob under control before he would have to admit to any failings on their part.

"I don't think fighting in front of Bella is a good idea. I'm sure you agree, it would be in her best interests if we got her a safe distance away, before we begin," I proposed.

"I've just seen her swapping spit with a filthy bloodsucker. I'm not sure that I'm particularly concerned about Bella's best interests right now. Besides, it's not like I can't tell you apart. It's not her I'm here to fight. Not yet, anyway," he taunted.

We both heard her sharp intake of breath in response to his barbs. "Oh, sorry Bella. Didn't mean to scare you. I just mean that if you decide to put up a fight after I've taken care of your leech here, then things might get a little rough until you come to your senses," he said flippantly. But I could see it was all bravado. He didn't want to physically hurt Bella. He wanted to take her, certain that he could make her love him. He was so sure that he was doing the right thing for her. But, in his state of mind, I knew where things could lead if he lost his temper, which he was very prone to do. He _was_ a great danger to her, even if he didn't believe it himself.

Bella did something neither of us expected then. She released my hand and pulled out the steak knife from the picnic basket. She shuffled herself from behind me, to my side and in full view of Jacob, holding the knife to her throat. "Jacob, I'd rather die than go anywhere with you. I don't want you to come anywhere near me. I don't want you to ever touch me. And I want you to leave Edward and me alone. I don't love you, Jake. You're sick, otherwise you'd understand that." Her voice was an icy calm, and it sent chills down my spine.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. You won't hurt yourself," he said, taking a step towards us.

Before his foot even hit the ground, Bella had pierced the skin of her neck with the knife, and a slow, steady trickle of blood sprang forth from the wound. The aroma was potent and invigorating, and I had to swallow hard and stop breathing to compose myself. She'd taken me completely by surprise, and I wasn't sure if I was more overcome by her scent or her actions.

"Don't try me, Jacob. I'll do it. I've been through too much to end up your victim. You have no idea. I won't hesitate. I don't care. If I can't be with Edward, then I'll be with no one," she threatened.

She didn't blink. She didn't flinch. She was serious, and my heart broke all over again seeing the depth of her despair. I kept fooling myself into believing that she was doing better - that she was getting past _it_. But, looking into her dead, steely gaze, I knew she'd never get past it. It would always be there, haunting her from just beneath the surface, waiting to envelop her with the slightest provocation. There was only a thin, fragile veneer separating her from the hope of a better life and the misery of her past life, and she was stuck in the limbo in between. I understood then why she was so desperate for me to change her, and in that moment, I never felt more certain that I would, and perhaps it would be sooner than I'd first considered. I would try to give her as many of the human experiences I thought she should have. I would take her as far as she could go with her recovery, mentally and physically. And I would try to make her whole again, as whole as she could be now, and then I _would_ change her. It was a startling revelation to have as she sat beside me, poised to take her own life at any moment. I wouldn't let her do it, of course - I _couldn't_ let her do it. But, knowing that she would, without hesitation, was simply agonising.

Jacob stepped back, utterly horrified. "Bella, please. I love you. I only want you to love me, too, like it was supposed to be. Can't you see that? You wouldn't be my victim. How can you even think that? You shouldn't be with him - with them. It's wrong, Bella," he pleaded.

"It's what I want, Jake. And if you really do love me, then you'll let me be, otherwise you'll have my death on your hands," she replied, void of emotion.

Before either of us could react to what she was saying, Jake's head whipped back as he caught the wolf's scent. "Seth," he thought, as a sandy brown wolf came into view, still too far away for Bella's human eyes to see. It only took a moment for the boy-wolf to decide he would fight Jacob to protect Bella and me, and the intensity of his thoughts shook me to my core. He had the purest, most honest mind I had ever encountered. Totally selfless and righteous in his role of protector. He was everything the rest of the pack _should_ be. He started running towards us at high speed, but Jacob reacted faster, instantly phasing into his wolf form, an explosion of limbs and fur and flesh and tearing clothes. I screamed in warning, but it was too late. Jacob had lunged full force at Seth before the boy could even understand what had happened, dropping to the ground with a piercing yelp as Jacob ripped and tore at his side.

Suddenly the rest of the wolves came into my range, and I captured their thoughts as they sped through the forest towards us. Sam was barking orders, torn between rage and remorse as he considered Jacob's betrayal and his own negligence. His underlings were sharing their combined confusion and anger at Jacob's disloyalty. They couldn't comprehend his behaviour and were anxious at what they may be compelled to do when they arrived at the meadow. Jacob's vicious attack and Seth's pitiful howls urged them on faster. They weren't far away now, but if I didn't do something, Seth would be dead before they arrived, so I needed to act fast! I snatched the knife from Bella's hand, laying it at her side in a gesture of faith, begging her, "_Trust_ me, Bella. Trust me to make this right." Then I turned to Jacob.

"MONGREL!" I roared. It was enough to break his concentration from his grizzly task, his wolf eyes widening as he understood my intentions. In that instant we both lunged at each other, colliding in mid air, his snout bloodied and teeth gnashing, my hand wrapped around his throat, keeping him at bay. Venom pooled in my mouth as we wrestled through the air, hitting the ground with a deafening thud, clumps of soil and grass flying around us from the impact. We tumbled through the meadow pulverising everything in our path, each of us vying for the higher ground in our close fought combat. His monstrous teeth snapped at me as I dodged and deflected, landing some crushing blows to his chest and head that made him howl with rage. I steered our battle away from Bella, noticing from the corner of my eye that she'd retrieved the knife and had made her way over to Seth. If it were any other wolf, I'd have been worried.

Jacob was rabid, a snarling and rumbling emanating from so deep within him it made the earth tremble, his massive jaws slamming together with a thundering crack as he tried to find purchase on my granite-like flesh, his gigantic paws mauling in a frenzied attempt to end me. In his mind, I was the cause of all his problems. I was his personal demon, and he needed to exorcise me, but I wouldn't make it easy for him. I was growling, too - deep, inhuman snarls that echoed across this once perfect meadow. I resented him even more for ruining this special place, now forever tainted.

He managed to pin me to the ground, clamping his jaws around my neck, jerking as he fought to dismember me. I could hear Bella screaming, begging Jacob to stop, but he ignored her pleas. I smashed up at him, feeling as his hind leg snapped under the weight of my hands. But he wouldn't concede, ferociously tearing shreds through my shirt and from my chest with his savage claws. I knew then that simply wounding him would not be enough. He wouldn't stop - I'd have to kill him. In the heat of the moment, I was definitely at peace with that, the monster desperate to be freed. But I couldn't ignore my part in the creation of this crazed beast before me, so it was with some small regret that I gave in to my baser instincts. I shoved him with all of my strength, hurling him across the meadow where he crashed into an ancient Sitka Spruce with a sickening crack. The majestic giant split at its core, peeling to the ground. I sprang to my feet, my predatory instincts taking over, eager to inflict the fatal punishment.

Jacob's mammoth form thumped to the ground, and he was momentarily dazed. He barely acknowledged that Sam Uley had arrived at the meadow, a statuesque black wolf that commanded respect, his pack now filing in behind him in a diamond attack formation. I didn't have to explain myself to Sam, the magic that is the shared pack mind conveying everything he needed to know directly from Seth and even Jacob.

Bella was still with Seth, pressing on his wound with the picnic blanket and the weight of her own body, trying to stem the bleeding from his massive furry chest. The knife was still firmly gripped in her hand - her insurance against Jacob, just in case. Seth was whimpering, his thoughts becoming weaker.

"I understand what has transpired. You are within your rights to finish him, but on behalf of his father, I ask that you leave him to us," Sam thought to me, somewhat formally.

I looked to Bella, her tortured expression imploring me to stop, if not for Jacob's sake, then for Billy's. The monster within begged for release, but Bella's eyes bored into mine, her goodness melting away all traces of the savagery threatening to consume me. After a tortured moment of hesitation, I relaxed my aggressive posture, nodding to Sam in agreement. But Jacob let out a thunderous howl, and even wounded as he was, he launched at me again, his useless leg dragging behind him, his lips curled into a menacing sneer, baring his teeth and drooling in anticipation. Sam propelled himself into the air, striking Jacob side on and ploughing him into the ground. Jacob yelped, but turned his attentions to Sam then, his thoughts murderous and poised to assume leadership of the pack, his delusions driving him on. Hearing his intentions, the pack broke formation, half joining Sam to fight against Jacob, the other half surrounding Bella and Seth to protect them from him.

Jacob had his answer - the pack had chosen Sam. He was astonished, never even considering that the pack would side against him knowing that he should be the true alpha. His only choices now were death, submission, or to run. He chose the latter, Sam discharging three of the pack to retrieve him. But, even wounded, I could see that he was fast and cunning, leading the wolves on a winding chase through the forest, adrenaline and rage pushing him through his pain. I considered chasing him myself. I knew I was faster, but my role was to protect Bella, and I wouldn't leave her.

I was with her in an instant, pulling her into me and not caring about the blood that was smearing onto what was left of my shirt and my ragged chest. "It's okay now, Bella. Everything is going to be all right," I comforted her. She fell into me, but I could still feel her tension as I gently pried her fingers loose from the knife, letting it drop to the ground.

"Edward, are you all right? I thought you said you couldn't get hurt," she gasped, pushing herself back to inspect my chest and neck.

"It's nothing, love. It will heal," I reassured her.

I turned to Sam, unable to conceal my fury. "Is _this_ how you handle things in La Push? I warned you but you _refused _to see. This _cannot_ continue," I spat.

He surprised me by dropping to the ground and lowering his head in a submissive pose, the remainder of the pack following his lead. It was an unexpected sight, and I felt somewhat humbled by it. "I take full responsibility. I didn't take the threat seriously enough. Even now, I am finding it difficult to understand how he could turn his back on our beliefs. How he could betray _us_, his _brothers_, attacking us and other innocents. I'm sorry, Edward. You have every right to feel as you do. I have failed you, Bella and my people," his thought confession dripping with sadness as one long mournful howl escaped from deep in his chest and reverberated through the forest.

I wanted to press the issue further, but my anger had already begun to subside. There was nothing else I could say to him to make him feel worse than he already did. I could see that he was genuinely remorseful, all traces of his arrogance gone, leaving only a raw hurt and shame that would linger indefinitely. He had truly believed that Jacob was improving. He _wanted_ to believe it. But now, two of the most vulnerable of his pack were wounded by their own brother - Jacob - so willing to kill anyone who got in his way. It was certainly unprecedented in their lifetimes, and for the first time, Sam began admitting the danger of what he was, what they all were. The realisation weighed heavily on him. He was the alpha, so he was responsible.

His sorrowful black eyes met mine, and we acknowledged our shared burdens. Each of us, monsters in our own way, and not by our choice. Understanding each other's desire to be the best we could be, in spite of our circumstances. It was a sobering realisation for both of us that we were more alike than we were different.

"We know what you did to save, Seth, and I thank you for that. He is very dear to us. He is our brother. This will not be forgotten," he thought gratefully.

"He has a good heart. He wanted to protect us. That won't be forgotten, either. But his injuries are serious. And the other boy in La Push is also wounded. They'll need a doctor. Carlisle will be happy to come to the reservation to treat them, with your permission, of course," I offered, the olive branch now fully extended.

"Thank you. Yes. That would be helpful." He was deeply troubled by Seth's condition, unsure how to get him the medical care he needed without raising suspicions. The thought of turning to the "Cold Ones" for help, an idea so recently repugnant yet now strangely welcome, was as comforting as it was surprising. And I was relieved to see that the other boy, Collin, was going to be all right. Sam thought he may have a concussion, so he was grateful that a real doctor could check him over, but the boy was already conscious and alert.

"Harry Clearwater, Billy Black and Collin are already on their way. They will take Seth back to the reservation," Sam continued. "When Collin alerted us, we phased immediately, and Seth was able to direct us here. Collin phased back so he could tell Harry and Billy where we are and has since phased again so he can monitor the situation. They are almost here," he explained.

It was difficult not to be awed by their mystical nature, even though I realised that our worlds collided, one of us only existing because of the other. I contemplated what an incredible ability their shared mind was. It was a gift that served them well, perhaps one of the only benefits to this burdensome lifestyle that our presence had thrust on them.

"Do you need any assistance getting Seth to their vehicle? I asked, bringing myself back to the urgent matter at hand. Seth was growing weaker by the minute, and Bella seemed to be in shock.

"I will carry him. He is my responsibility, and I let him down," he said miserably. He was filled with remorse at putting Seth and Collin in such danger. But, it simply never occurred to him that Jacob could attack any of his brothers so savagely.

"If it helps at all, I don't believe that we are seeing the _real _Jacob. I believe he was lost to you the moment he went through his transformation," I offered.

"Yes, I think that's true. I didn't want to see it, and it's still difficult to reconcile, but, thank you, anyway," he replied sombrely.

"I need to take Bella home now. Carlisle will meet you at the reservation, and some of my family will be back to join in the hunt for Jacob. Obviously, we want him found as much as you do," I said, wondering what could be done with him when he was found -_ if_ he was found.

I gathered Bella in my arms and made haste for the car, not even bothering to retrieve the picnic basket as we left the meadow behind us, never to return


	23. Chapter 23

We were home in a matter of minutes. The family was waiting for us, their minds a jumbled symphony of anxious questions, but the sight and scent of Bella covered in blood stilled their thoughts. Jasper took a long step backwards as the questions started up again. Bella made no effort to get out of the car.

"It's okay. It's not her blood. Well most of it," I sighed. But I knew they could smell wolf all over her and me, too, for that matter, and that's what worried them the most.

Carlisle had run back into the house and was already back at the car with his medical bag. "Bella, is it okay if Esme and I take you inside so we can clean you up?" he asked, tentatively. He thought she was in shock.

"I'm okay, Carlisle. I've only got a scratch on my neck. The rest of the blood isn't mine. Could you fix me up out here though, please? I don't want to bring the scent of fresh blood into the house," she answered, emotionless.

"Alice, could you get me some other clothes for Bella, some towels and a bowl with hot soapy water?" Esme ordered, falling right back into her motherly role. Alice was gone and back within a couple of minutes. She threw a damp towel and a fresh shirt at me, standing back until Carlisle had finished with Bella.

"Edward, what happened? Are you all right?" Carlisle urged, staring at the devastation of my neck and chest. I was already beginning to heal, so I brushed it off with a quick, Bella-like, "I'm fine." I couldn't help but wish that Bella could heal so easily, and I inwardly winced at the realisation that she could, as soon as I would allow it. But, it was no longer her physical injuries that worried me the most.

Carlisle began to wipe the blood away from Bella's neck to get a better look at the wound. His, and everyone else's impatience was getting the better of them, as I fought to quiet the now six screaming voices in my head.

I explained everything in a low, rapid voice, sparing Bella the pain of reliving it. The whole situation was distressing, but the part that everyone was stuck on was Bella's reaction to Jacob, and they weren't alone. I still couldn't believe how close she'd come to killing herself. I didn't need to read her thoughts to know that she was serious about going through with it. Jasper was overwhelmed with all the sorrow that was coming at him, including his own. He was unable to lift any of our moods as we contemplated just how much pain Bella must be in to consider taking such action.

"I couldn't see any of it," Alice said dismally, still too low for Bella to hear. "When the wolves are around, you all go blank. But I wasn't looking either. I wanted to give you some privacy. I didn't realise anything had happened until you were already on your way home. If I'd been paying closer attention, we could have come to help," she wailed. Jasper put a protective arm around her waist, drawing her in to comfort her.

"It wouldn't have mattered, Alice. You didn't do anything wrong," I assured her.

"No, you didn't, Alice. It was _my_ fault. I'm the one that answered the phone when the _dog_ called. I'm the one that told him you were having a picnic. I thought he was one of Bella's human friends. I thought my directions were so vague he'd just dismiss it all together and maybe ask her about it at school. But I sent him right to you," Rosalie admitted, horrified.

"Rose, it's not your fault either. I should have realised it was too good to be true. It was foolish of me to take Bella to the meadow. Too isolated. Anything could have happened," I confessed angrily.

"Well, what are we supposed to do, Edward? We can't lock Bella up forever. She's done nothing wrong, yet she's the one in prison. There's got to be more to her life than the house and school. How can we expect her to really get better if she's got to live in fear the whole time? She can't set a foot outside without a vampire guard to protect her. It's not right," Emmett said, just as angrily.

We were angry with the situation and not each other, both of us so frustrated at our inability to fix this. Emmett was right, this wasn't fair to Bella, but what could we do? We all felt so helpless.

I could see that Bella was aware that we were communicating, looking to each of us as we spoke. It shouldn't have surprised me that she noticed. She was always so perceptive. I slowed down and raised my voice so she wouldn't feel excluded, but I changed the subject. There was no clear resolution, so she didn't need to hear our doubts and concerns.

"They'll be expecting you at the reservation, Carlisle. Seth is the young wolf that was badly injured. There is another boy, Collin, and he may have a concussion or a fractured skull, but he's conscious and alert. I suggest taking Rosalie with you," I concluded. He understood my unspoken desire to remain with Bella. I couldn't leave her now, not after what had happened.

Rose was the obvious choice to accompany Carlisle. She'd studied medicine and would be able to provide practical assistance if he needed it, and she certainly wasn't tempted by the wolves' blood. She wrinkled her nose distastefully, the thought of entering werewolf territory not the least bit appealing to her. But, even she found herself considering the significance of the occasion. Never before had we been permitted to enter the reservation. I think we all knew that after today, things between us and the Quileutes would change significantly. For the better, I thought, and Carlisle shared my belief.

"Of course. We'll leave right away," Carlisle replied, looking to Rosalie for her agreement. He turned his attentions back to Bella. "It was a little more than a scratch, Bella, but you don't need any stitches. We'll just keep it covered with a small bandage for a few days until it fully heals," he said comfortingly.

Bella only nodded.

"Boys, could you give us some privacy for a moment while we change Bella's clothes before we bring her inside," Esme asked. I admired my mothers' stoicism. She and Alice in particular had developed a very high tolerance to Bella's humanity since she'd been living with us.

I ripped off what was left of my bloodied shirt and wiped all traces of Seth and Bella's blood from my chest, throwing the shirt and towel to the ground. I knew Esme would burn them, the stench of werewolf and the sweetness of Bella too powerful to ignore. Then Jasper, Emmett and I immediately retreated into the house as Carlisle and Rosalie sped away in the Mercedes. Our whole exchange had taken no more than a few minutes. It was likely they would still make it to the reservation before Sam and the others did.

"How is she feeling, Jasper?" I asked urgently, as I shrugged into a fresh shirt.

"Damn, bro! That looks painful," Emmett commented, poking at my chest.

"Well it didn't tickle, but it will be healed soon enough," I told him, turning my attention back to Jasper.

Jasper sucked in a ragged breath so he could speak. He'd stopped breathing the moment Bella and I had arrived. "It's hard to describe, actually. She's despondent and overwhelmed. Afraid, but defiant, too. She's kind of been all over the place, but right now she's mostly numb. She's definitely not suicidal, but I think she'd have gone through with it. I don't sense any doubt or regret," he said concerned.

"I _know_ she would have. You should have seen her. If he'd taken another step, or if the other wolves hadn't arrived when they did, she'd have done it. Well, she'd have _tried_. It was frightening," I admitted. "But, that doesn't really make sense. How can she not be suicidal but still want to kill herself?" I asked frantically as a gust of calm settled over me. I eased into it gratefully, feeling much more in control.

"It means that taking her own life would only be a last resort. She doesn't see it as suicide. She sees it as saving herself, if the worst came to the worst," Alice tried to explain as she joined us.

"We all have our limits, Edward. I think Bella has gone way past hers," Emmett added.

I wasn't sure if I should feel relieved or not. Whatever her reasons, it all ended the same way.

"Are you even sure that Jacob can be controlled? Ever? I mean, how do we know it's really over?" Jasper asked.

"I don't think it will ever be over, unless he's dead. Sam is finally taking it seriously now and that's something. If Jacob was willing to hurt his own pack, they know he's capable of just about anything. But I don't think they'll have another opportunity to even try to control him. I don't think they'll catch him. I did tell Sam that some of us would help join in the search though. I suspect he's already long gone, but it would be helpful if we participated anyway," I explained, hoping for volunteers. It would go a long way towards cementing the new allegiances that had begun to form today - allegiances that we may need to rely on in the future.

"Of course. Emmett, are you coming?" Jasper asked, instantly understanding the significance of working with the wolves, today of all days.

"What? Oh, right. Okay," Emmett mumbled, distracted by his concern for Bella's emotional state.

"Do we need to be prepared for any hostilities?" Jasper checked.

'No. They're expecting you. I believe the Quileutes have a new perspective on our relationship," I reassured him. Without further delay, Jasper and Emmett raced out of the rear of the house and into the forest.

Esme helped Bella into the house then. She had a small bandage on her neck, but it couldn't disguise the scent of her fresh blood that had begun to permeate the space. She must have realised, because she quickly asked if I could take her upstairs to her room. I complied immediately, shutting the door behind us. I heard as Esme followed, spraying air freshener and opening windows in our wake. It was a keen reminder of how precarious our living situation really could be. I was relieved that Jasper had already left before Bella had made it into the house, although he had demonstrated great restraint downstairs and all the time she'd been here. If he of all people could control himself, then perhaps it wasn't that precarious after all. I hoped so, but the thought was always present at the back of my mind.

Before I could even ask if Bella preferred the couch or the bed, Alice knocked on the door, entering with a tall glass of coke. Bella licked her lips in anticipation as I remembered that she'd missed out on lunch completely. "Are you hungry, love," I asked her.

She shook her head. "Just thirsty. Thanks, Alice, I'd only just decided that I needed a drink," she said quietly, but she was already sounding better.

Alice smiled at her affectionately and then left us alone. We settled onto the couch, sitting in an uncomfortable silence which was highly unusual for us. After a few torturous minutes, she spoke. "Maybe you should go out for a while if this is bothering you. I don't want you to sit here and suffer," she suggested, pointing to her neck.

"Bella, your neck wound is the least of my worries at the moment, but, thank you, I can manage," I answered.

A few more silent minutes passed, and I decided that delaying this difficult conversation wouldn't do either of us any good. "I think we need to talk about before," I began hesitantly. "About the knife. You were serious, weren't you?" It wasn't really a question, but I needed to hear her answer anyway.

"Yes."

"Bella, I need more than that. What were you _thinking_?" I pleaded, a little more forcefully than I had intended.

She sighed. "I was thinking that I'd rather die than become anyone's play toy ever again," she said plainly.

"I won't let it happen," I promised.

"You can't be certain of that, Edward. No one can. But don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything." She tried to sound light, but I wasn't having any of it.

"Bella, I'm not sure I believe you. You held a knife to your own throat today. You pierced the skin," I countered. Jasper had assured me she wasn't suicidal, but he hadn't seen her at the meadow. I was desperate for understanding and assurance.

"That's different. I don't feel like that all the time. I just know that if I ever end up in a situation like that again, if I can't protect myself, then I'd rather just end it. And when it comes to vampires and werewolves, I _can't_ protect myself," she argued.

"But I was there. I was with you. I would have protected you if he'd come anywhere near you," I pressed.

"I know. I just. . . . I wanted him to see - to _know_ that he'd never have me. That even if you weren't there to protect me, I'd never be his. And I wanted to rely on myself for once. You can't imagine what it's like being scared all the time and feeling so powerless about it. I've had enough, Edward. I wanted to be the one to stop him. I wanted to look after myself for a change."

"By killing yourself?" I asked, incredulous.

"Only if I _had_ to. Some things are worse than death, Edward," she said sadly.

Her words were like a blade through my heart. I knew what she meant, and hearing her say it like that, so resolute, I finally understood. Not what she'd been through but how it made her _feel._ What it must be like to always be the victim - so vulnerable and defenceless and afraid. She'd actually rather die than have to feel that way again. Emmett was right, the scars did run deep. Deeper than I'd let myself believe.

"I _will_ change you, Bella, in time. I promise." I sighed, defeated.

"When?" she beamed, finally coming alive again for the first time since the meadow.

"I don't know. When it's not because of fear or despair. When you no longer feel so hopeless that you would take your own life before you've exhausted all the other possibilities."

"What other possibilities?" she demanded.

"_Survival!_ At the ballet studio you fought, Bella. You did everything in your power to stay alive, and you did, despite the odds and despite what he did to you. And you've been doing that ever since, until now. Now you'd rather give up." It was harsh and not all together true, but I needed to push her on this.

"You're wrong, Edward. It's not the same, and you know it. I'm just . . . tired. I'm tired of being the victim. Tired of being at the mercy of stronger beings who think they can do whatever they want with me. I won't do it again. I just won't. I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again," she shouted, tears beginning to pool in the corners of her eyes.

"Bella, I'll always do everything in my power to protect you."

"I know that, but it's not always enough, Edward. You can't know what's going to happen. No one expected Jacob to turn up today. No one expected James to turn up at the baseball game and want to come after me. No one expected Tyler to lose control of his van. You said it yourself, Edward. I'm a danger magnet."

"You need to always give me the chance to save you, Bella. I need you to always try to live, whether you're in danger or not," I implored her.

We were talking in hypotheticals now. I had no intention of ever letting anything happen to her again, but in reality, she was right. I couldn't guarantee that she'd never be in danger again. In a very real way, she was in danger just by being in this house. Not that I truly doubted any of our family, but there was no denying what we were. And I remembered only too well how Tyler's van seemed to seek her out. Whether it be by human or supernatural means, Bella attracted trouble, but I had to make her see that she needed to fight. Not just for those extreme times, like with James or Jacob, but every day. She needed to live - to heal. I couldn't change her like this. She'd come so far, yet in many ways she was just as broken now as she had been when I'd found her in the ballet studio. So much had changed since then and yet so little.

We stared at each other silently for a long time, saying nothing but saying everything. Though I couldn't truly weep, she knew I shared in her own soundless tears that streamed down her face. When the tears finally stopped, acceptance dawned, for us both.

"I need you. Just stay with me, _please. _Fight for us," I begged her.

"I need you, too. I _will_ stay with you, for always, if you'll let me" she begged me back.

"I understand now. I _really_ understand, and I _will_ change you, when you're ready," I promised her.

"I understand, too, Edward. I'll always try. I'll always fight. You'll see," she promised me.

I pulled her into me and we clutched each other desperately, knowing that we had come to a deeper level of commitment and understanding. But, we both knew that if the worst ever happened, she wouldn't allow herself to be hurt like that again. And if I were being honest with myself, I couldn't blame her for that. Her mortality was the only power she had now, and if she felt she had no choice, she would use it. Of course, I could never accept anything that took Bella away from me, even if it were by her own hands and for reasons I could appreciate. So I would always do everything in my power to never let that happen, but I truly understood now, or at least, I was finally beginning to . Perhaps some things really were worse than death.

After all this time and everything she'd been through - everything we'd been through together - I had _still_ underestimated the depth of her grief over what happened with James. The emotional damage went so far beyond the physical, and I finally realised that no matter how much I wished otherwise, it was a trauma that would never completely heal. She was scarred in ways I couldn't even begin to comprehend. But this realisation only strengthened my determination to do right by her - to bring her as far out of the darkness as I was able, and then I would change her and spend eternity loving her and cherishing her and making her happier than she could ever imagine. And in the meantime, I had enough strength and belief to carry her until she could recognise her own strength and determination - qualities that I knew she possessed in abundance. She had always had them, and I would help her find them. I would help her find her true self again.

_______________

Carlisle and Rosalie finally arrived home, followed shortly thereafter by Emmett and Jasper. Alice, Esme, Bella and I met them downstairs, converging around the dining room table that until Bella's arrival had never been used for dining. I was relieved to know that Seth was going to be all right. In the short time I'd spent with him hearing his thoughts, I'd come to like him very much. There was something so pure and good about him, and he'd almost given his life in his attempt to protect Bella and me. Carlisle explained about the pack's amazing regenerative powers and how Seth had already begun to heal by the time Carlisle had finished treating him. The bleeding had stopped, and after a couple of weeks of bed rest he should be up and around again and completely well within a matter of days after that.

"It was serious. Touch and go for a while," Carlisle explained. "He'd lost a lot of blood, but ultimately, the internal damage wasn't as great as I feared. And with their healing ability, he'll be back to normal in no time."

"And, Collin?" I asked.

"No skull fracture but a mild concussion. He'll be fine," he concluded wearily.

"What about, Jacob?" Bella asked apprehensively.

"Nowhere to be found. His trail went dead at Lake Crescent. We couldn't pick it up again. It seemed to go in all directions and then stop. He's very skilled, for a _dog_," Jasper concluded.

"But he was hurt. How could he out run the other wolves? I saw three of them going after him right away," Bella asked, frustrated.

"He's very fast, Bella. And very smart. He was running on pure adrenaline by the time he took off. He probably wasn't even aware of his injuries when he left, and by now, he'd be well on his way to healing," I explained.

"It's even more than that," Carlisle added. "The moment he chose to abandon the pack in the meadow, his link to the pack mind was severed. They have incredible range, but their connection to him has been lost. They can no longer hear him, so they have no idea where he is."

Bella looked distraught. "So that's it? He's gone? But he can come back at any time, and we won't even have any warning?"

"I can still hear him, Bella. Whether he's in human or wolf form. And we can smell him," I tried to reassure her, though of course we both knew that Jacob had found a way around my ability.

"We can't rely on that anymore, Edward, and by the time anyone smells him, he'll be close," she said dismally. "I can't stand the not knowing - the waiting for something to happen. I can't live like this anymore!"

Everyone shared a moment of panic, afraid of what she really meant, but she continued on oblivious to their concerns. "Life just has to go back to some kind of normal. I can't live my life in constant fear. I won't," she proclaimed, an edge of bitterness to her voice. "I've had enough of being scared of Jacob Black. As far as I'm concerned, he's gone. He has no friends here now. No allies willing to protect him or help him. I have to believe he won't come back. I have to," she said desperately, trying to sound confident. But we could all see that she was ready to fall apart.

In an instant, Esme had embraced Bella, and Carlisle embraced them both. They were comforting her in a protective, parental way that she seemed to need. It was hard to not go to her, but I wanted them to have their moment. For Carlisle and Esme, she really was their daughter, and they wanted to show her that.

"I know it's been so hard for you, Bella. But you're safe here with us. And I'm sure you're right about Jacob. He's gone, and it would be very unwise for him to come back. We'll try to get life get back to normal now. We'll do everything we can to make things better for you, sweetheart," Esme soothed.

"We have a much more cordial relationship with the Quileutes now. The borders between us have been relaxed allowing greater access for all and unimpeded tracking and patrolling possibilities. It's going to make this whole region much safer, Bella. We have agreed to work together to keep you safe. I promised Charlie we would take good care of you, and I intend to keep that promise," Carlisle pledged.

The new agreement with the Quileutes was a pleasant turn of events. We had saved one of their own, and it wasn't something they could ignore. They took honour and loyalty very seriously. There was an unspoken understanding that we would still respect each other's territories as much as possible, but there would now be co-operation and collaboration between us which would ultimately mean a much safer environment for Bella. We were united in our efforts to protect her, but sadly, the fact remained that Jacob was still out there. Bella was never going to get any peace from that. She'd always be wondering when he might show up and so would the rest of us. It really wasn't fair - she deserved so much more - she deserved to feel safe. But there was nothing at all fair about anything that Bella had gone through in the last few months. This would be just one more weight to add to her burden, and I hated that I couldn't do anything about that.

Bella exhaled, visibly relaxing in Esme and Carlisle's arms. She welcomed their love and comfort - she needed it, but she knew as well as we all did that as long as Jacob was out there, this would never really be over. She didn't cry again as I thought she might, even though she had every reason to. Instead, I saw that familiar set to her jaw that meant she'd made up her mind about something. But her steely eyes seemed to be seeing something we couldn't, and it scared me.

"I'm not going to let him win. I'm not going to be scared of him anymore. I'm done with that. If he still wants me, then let him come. Even if he does get to me, he'll never really have me, no matter what he does," she said coldly.

She began to blush as she took in the distressed expressions that were staring back at her from around the table. She worked her bottom lip with her teeth nervously. "I'm going to be okay," she reassured us. "I'm going to get stronger, and I'm going to walk without that damn crutch, and I'm not going to worry about Jacob Black. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'm going to _live_!" She sounded more confident this time, and she gazed at me meaningfully. I knew it was her silent way of telling me that she hadn't changed her mind. She was going to keep her promise to me, and I did believe her. She was going to fight, but somehow, I couldn't help but feel a little unsettled. "Some things are worse than death, Edward," was what she'd said. And knowing that it had come to that changed everything. She wasn't the same Bella that she used to be, but I loved her - _every_ part of her. Even the darkness that now lurked in the shadows of her soul. It was a sad realisation that I was no longer the only one of us that was fighting a monster deep within.

"I won't let him get to you," I told her.

"I know," she replied.

But, the air was thick with words unspoken.


	24. Chapter 24

It had been weeks since the incident at the meadow, and there'd been no signs of Jacob at all. Working with the Quileutes, we had an extensive patrolling regimen in effect. If Jacob was around, he certainly wasn't close enough to leave his scent. But we were always vigilant, the patrolling becoming a regular part of all our routines. The townsfolk would never know it, but Forks had become one of the safest places in the United States. Even so, my anger with Jacob burned brightly, snuffing out whatever remorse or pity I may have once had for him. I couldn't stop myself from regretting not killing him in the meadow when I'd had the chance. It was Bella's pleading eyes and Sam's deep remorse that had convinced me otherwise. I knew that he was sick more so than evil, but the consequences were the same, and it didn't change anything. So I longed to put an end to whole sorry situation, ridding us all, Jacob included, of the endless torment of his existence. I wondered if I'd ever have another chance.

The good news was that Bella was doing much better. She'd kept true to her word both to me and to herself. She'd promised she'd keep trying and that she'd fight for us, and she vowed she wouldn't live in fear from Jacob Black. And outwardly at least, this certainly seemed to be the case. But I was no longer naive enough to believe that she could simply get over everything just because she'd made the decision to do so. Her incessant albeit thankfully less frequent nightmares were proof of that, and I'd finally realised that a smile or a laugh didn't suddenly mean that everything was okay - my days of denial were long past. Under normal circumstances she would get professional help to deal with the enormity of her grief, but these were far from normal circumstances. So instead, she started spending a lot of time with Rosalie and sometimes Esme. They would always go somewhere secluded where their discussions wouldn't be overheard by our sensitive ears, which I knew made it easier for Bella to be honest. Rose and Esme tried to shield their thoughts from me about those discussions, and I did my best to shut them out, but something would always slip out reminding me of how much she still had to work through, but also how far she'd come. I was grateful that my mother and sister were so giving of themselves. It brought up a lot of difficult memories for them, too, but it seemed to be helping, and I loved Bella so much for trying so hard. I guessed it was a therapy of sorts - the closest she could get, and ever since she'd started opening up to them, I'd noticed a lightness to her that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was encouraging.

As much as I wished we'd never gone to the meadow that day, I had to admit that it was an important turning point for us all. It helped me to understand what Bella was really going through, and I couldn't hide from that anymore. And I think it was something of a revelation for Bella, too, to see just how far she was willing to go to protect herself. But, in spite of the pain, she was confronting her demons and trying to move on. I was awed by her determination. I may be the one with the supernatural abilities, but Bella's inner strength left me feeling inadequate by comparison. She was the most courageous person I knew.

If anything, I was the one that was struggling with moving on. We never mentioned that day at the meadow anymore, making a concerted effort to leave it in the past. But the image of Bella holding that knife to her neck was seared into my mind, and it haunted me. Jasper and Alice kept assuring me that she wasn't harbouring any suicidal thoughts or feelings, which was a relief. And it wasn't that I really believed she would do anything so drastic now that our lives had settled into some version of normality. But just knowing that my sweet girl had felt forced into that kind of a reaction made my heart ache. I did my best to let it go for Bella's sake though, and I had to admit that things were starting to look up again.

School had once again become a routine part of our lives, and it wasn't long before posters started littering the notice boards advertising the upcoming prom. Bella was, of course, not interested, explaining that she could barely walk without falling down before her, "accident," so how was she meant to dance now! It was a good point, but she hadn't factored me into her decision. I intended to be the only one on her dance card all night, and I wouldn't let her fall.

It took a lot to convince her to go to prom, but I played dirty by enlisting Alice's help. I knew Bella couldn't refuse Alice's unrelenting whining, and when Alice threatened that Bella not going would ruin it for all of us, we knew that the battle had been won. Bella couldn't bear to let anyone down, and the whole family used that knowledge shamelessly whenever she was being stubborn about something. To be fair to Bella, I only let the others get away with that when it was something important. And to me, Bella going to prom _was_ important.

When the day of the prom finally arrived, Bella had been held captive in Alice's bathroom for hours. I'd warned Alice not to go too overboard, but that was like telling the sun not to rise - it just wasn't possible. The whole day had been a battle of wills. Bella was stubborn, but Alice was obsessively single-minded. Jasper and Emmett were taking bets on who could hold out the longest, but as much as I loved Bella, I knew that she would eventually give in just so she could put an end to the misery she liked to call, "The Guinea Pig Barbie Show." I actually think they both rather liked the banter. Bella would never admit it, but she was always happy with the end result of Alice's ministrations. And Alice loved having a sister she could boss around and play dress up with. Rose would only let her go so far! But it was like Alice lived her forgotten humanity vicariously through Bella. And Bella being Bella, she would never deny Alice her fun.

Emmett, Jasper and I were ordered to wait in the living room downstairs, the girls having decided to make a grand entrance. Carlisle was standing by ready with the camera, and Esme was practically bouncing with excitement and anticipation. It had been a long time since her children had the occasion to dress so formally, and she was loving it, anxious to see what the girls looked like.

It was hard to imagine what could take them so long to get ready. Our preparation was a lot simpler and faster. Alice had already decided which suits we should all wear, laying them out on our respective beds to make sure we didn't choose the wrong ones. I chuckled as I thought of her seriousness while pointing out the subtle differences between the suit she'd chosen for me and my nine other black suits, as if they were as obvious as the difference between red and green. After a punishingly lengthy lecture about the many different shades and textures of black, I had surrendered, agreeing to wear what I was told. Apparently, this particular black suit would shimmer just the right amount under the mood lighting in the school gymnasium, not to mention how it would enhance my wide shoulders and lean silhouette. I suddenly felt very sorry for Bella.

Rosalie was the first to appear, Jasper and I not even trying to hide our mirth as Emmett started panting. Carlisle took some photos as Rose slunk down the stairs looking every bit the diva she knew herself to be. She was wearing a scarlet, backless dress that hugged her in all the right places, if Emmett's thoughts were anything to go by. She did look stunning, and she knew it, the colour and cut of her dress screaming, "look at me," with each seductive step she took. Every hormonal teenage boy at the dance would be falling all over themselves to get a better look at her, and I pitied their dates. Rose's lips turned up in a smirk, and I heard her thinking the exact same thing. I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head knowingly, and she just smiled wider. She may have revealed her softer side with Bella, but Rose was still Rose!

Alice appeared next in a striking black satin dress with geometric cut outs that showed off large patches of her snowy white skin. Though pixie-like in comparison to Rosalie's statuesque form, she was every bit as beautiful. Jasper gulped loudly, and it was Emmett's turn to chuckle at seeing Jasper's reaction. Carlisle took some more photos as Alice started her descent down the stairs, then flung herself into Jasper's waiting arms.

It suddenly occurred to me that Bella was left on her own. I could hear her breathing, and her heart was fluttering as she stood on the next flight of stairs just out of my view. I was about to go to her when Alice said, "Don't move, Edward. Everything is under control." I frowned but did as I was told.

I heard the familiar shuffle of her walking cast and the clip clop of a solitary high heeled shoe as Bella appeared on the landing of the first flight of stairs. I thought Alice must be out of her mind putting her in a stiletto, but I lost all sense of reason as I took in all of her magnificence. She was wearing a vivid blue silk halter neck dress with chiffon ruffles that flowed from an empire waist reaching to just beneath her knees. The colour of her dress made her creamy skin glow most appealingly. Her hair was a series of lush, cascading curls that fell down her back and bounced around her bare shoulders. The one stiletto in question was tied onto her leg by delicate silk ribbon in the same colour as her dress, the angle of the heel positioning Bella's leg in a very desirable way, the brace obviously not part of tonight's ensemble. She was absolutely exquisite. The air involuntarily whooshed out of me - she had literally taken my breath away. Everyone started laughing then, though I'm not sure why my reaction deserved so much more attention than Jasper's and Emmett's. But I didn't really care, because I couldn't take my eyes off her.

"Did I just dazzle you, Edward?" she asked coyly.

"Yes, love, I think you did." I hadn't even blinked yet.

I started to move towards her to carry her down the stairs, but she held up her hand, palm out, gesturing for me to stop. So once again, I did what I was told. Then holding onto the banister for dear life, Bella started to make her way down the last of the stairs. I knew she wanted to do this herself, but I was thoroughly panicked that she might fall. Alice calmed me with her vision of Bella making it all the way to the bottom of the staircase without incident, so I relaxed and let Bella have her moment. Her smile got wider as she conquered each new step. Stairs had been her biggest issue since she'd started walking again. With her ankle so weak and her other knee so damaged, it was impossible for her to get any sort of safe hold - her leg simply wouldn't bend enough. I never gave it a thought, happily carrying her up and down the stairs whenever she wanted. Anything that put Bella in my arms was fine by me. Of course, she'd seen it as a sign of weakness, frustrated with her inability to do the simplest of things by herself. But here she was, slowly but surely taking each and every step on her own. It wasn't graceful, but it was all Bella.

The camera flashed every few seconds as Carlisle tried to capture each precious step. His and Esme's pride and happiness was almost overwhelming. Jasper couldn't help grinning as he shared their emotions with me, while I took in their loving thoughts.

Emmett was like a child on Christmas morning as he watched her descend. I knew that he and Bella had been working extra hard in recent weeks with her physical therapy, and I now knew why they had suddenly decided to exclude me from their sessions. His excuse was that Bella couldn't concentrate fully on her work while I was there. I shrugged it off, letting him have his time with her, and she did seem to enjoy it. And now I could see the wondrous results.

By the time Bella had reached the bottom of the staircase, the mood was positively euphoric. She took one step towards me, then tripped, plummeting head first towards the floor boards. I caught her inches from the floor and pulled her into my arms. Alice's vision had ended at the bottom of the staircase, but I should have known she wouldn't be able to remain upright indefinitely.

"Oops," she almost sang, and she then started laughing so infectiously we couldn't help but join her. Only Bella could make it down a staircase wearing a stiletto and a walking cast, then trip over on a flat surface. But she was so proud of herself for making it down those stairs, nothing was going to dampen her mood in that moment.

This day had been a long time coming, and we were all so happy for Bella. We knew what it meant to her to have that small amount of independence back, and the timing with the prom made it extra special, even though she didn't really understand why going to prom was so important to me. But I had my reasons - very good reasons. When she was changed, I wanted Bella to have more to look back on from her human life than the misery and pain of the last few months. Tonight, we would begin building new happy memories, the first of many I hoped.

After what seemed like thousands more photos of us all together, apart, coupled, girls only, boys only, then the same all over again but with Esme and Carlisle joining in, we were finally ready to leave. Alice gave me a knowing smile as she explained that Rosalie would be driving her, Jasper and Emmett in her convertible, so I helped Bella into the Volvo, and we finally left.

"Edward?" she questioned, as we were just turning out of the driveway.

"Yes, love."

"Can we stop by my, I mean, _the house_, before prom?" she asked me hesitantly.

"Are you sure?" Once again, she'd caught me completely by surprise. We hadn't gone anywhere near the house she shared with Charlie in the whole time we'd been back in Forks.

"Yeah. I think I need to see it," she said meekly.

"Well, of course, love."

I pulled into the driveway that was usually reserved for Chief Swan's patrol car. The garden looked a little overgrown, the house a little shabbier. It was as if the house had reacted to being left alone, all the love contained within seeping out the night Charlie died. It looked deserted and desolate, but Bella hadn't wanted to make any arrangements with it yet, and I wouldn't rush her on it.

"Bella, do you want to go in?" I asked her.

"No! I, I just want to sit on the steps for a minute, but I don't want to go in. I can't do that," she whispered.

I was at her door instantly, helping her out of the car and to the front steps of her house. It was a cool night, but thankfully it was clear. No rain until tomorrow, according to Alice.

"Do you mind giving me a minute? I just need to be alone for a little while. Is that okay" she asked.

"Absolutely. I'll wait in the car."

I watched her cautiously ease herself down on the top step, leaning onto the railing and staring up at the front door. Her face was a mask I couldn't read, which was quite tortuous. Tonight of all nights, I really wished I could hear her mind.

Finally she spoke, and she must have known that I'd be able to hear her, but it didn't seem to matter. She just wanted to have the moment to herself to say what she needed to say. I could have turned up the music in the car and tried to block out her voice, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Mom, Dad, I'm okay. I'm alive, and I'm going to prom. Can you believe it? Edward has promised me that he won't let me fall, so you don't have to worry about that anymore. Alice and Rosalie fixed me up, and I look kind of pretty. You'd love my dress, Mom. Dad, I'm not so sure about you. You'd probably think I'm showing too much skin," she smiled.

"Anyway, I'm feeling kind of crazy right now, talking to a house. But, just in case, if you're there, or anywhere, I just want you to know that I'm doing really great. I'm healing. Edward's helping me. All of the Cullens are, actually. You chose really well, dad. They take really good care of me. I'm so sorry for the way I left you, Dad. I didn't mean it. I really didn't. I have to believe that you know that. And Mom, I don't know how you knew, but Edward did save me. And I held on for him, just like you told me to. I'm glad you made me do that."

She paused then, and I could see the worry line crease between her eyebrows.

"I need to say good-bye to you now. I, I can't come to this house again. It's taken me a long time to feel strong enough to come now, but I had to see it one last time. I'm sorry I let you both down, but I'm trying to forgive myself because I know that's what you'd want. I'm trying to move past all of it. It's hard, but I'm really trying, and I'm doing much better. So, um, I love you. I love you both so much, and I miss you every day. I'm so sorry. Good-bye."

One silent tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and made its way down her cheek. I was out of the car and pulling her into my lap in seconds, kissing it away before it dripped onto her dress.

"You probably think I'm nuts. I'm sorry." She blushed that always delightful shade of pink, snuggling into me.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for. I understand. This is a special night. It's one of life's milestones, and you wanted to share it with your parents. I think they'd have liked that very much," I comforted her.

"I don't know where to go to feel close to them. The cemetery just doesn't feel right. That's not them. But this house. . . . They were both happy here once. And I figured with Phil turning out to be such a jerk, Renee would be here. Oh, it's so stupid. I don't believe in ghosts. It's just that. . ."

"What, Bella? Tell me, love," I implored.

"Well, I didn't used to believe in vampires or werewolves either. So I guess I've sort of been hoping . . . I know, it's stupid. I just wanted to feel close to them tonight, one more time. To say good-bye and tell them I'm sorry. I know they're not really here, but when I think of them, this is where I see them. Even though they split up, I just feel like they'd be together now. Ugh! I don't know what I'm talking about. It's silly. Nothing but a stupid fantasy," she sighed angrily.

"There is nothing wrong with fantasies, Bella. And you're right, you and I, we live in a supernatural world. Just because we can't see something or don't know about it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I'm not saying that I believe in ghosts either, but I do like to believe that your parents are with you. I think they'll always be with you. But, why did you feel like you had to say good-bye now?" I asked curiously.

"Because I'm trying to move on, Edward. I'm trying to fulfil my promise to you - to heal and to live, because I want to start our life together. Our forever life. And I finally understand that I can't do that until I get past what happened, as much as I can. I've felt so guilty about my parents. For so long now, it's been eating away at me. I just wanted to let go of some of the hurt, and it didn't feel right to do it anywhere but here. I can't really explain it very well. I guess it's kind of symbolic or something. I'm not even sure I can ever totally get rid of these feelings, but I felt like I had to do this. I had to try. I've been thinking about this house since the moment we got back to Forks. I can't ever go in there again, not after what happened, but I needed to see it again, just this once. And then I need to walk away and not look back," she tried to explain.

I always loved her for trying so hard but never more so than at that moment. She was so strong and always so surprising. I'd never tire of that.

"We had a lot of good times here, didn't we?" she asked a few moments later.

"Some of my happiest times were spent in this house, especially in that room," I pointed upwards towards her bedroom.

"It wasn't much, but it was my home. I really do miss them." She sounded so sad.

"I know, and I'm so proud of you, Bella. Renee and Charlie would be, too. It's not always going to be this hard, I promise it won't." I kissed her forehead and pulled her into me even tighter. We cuddled on the step for several minutes, staring into the peaceful night. I felt the goose bumps on her arms, and I rubbed them briskly hoping to create some warmth from the friction. But I didn't want to take her away from the house before she was ready, so I made no move to leave. Coming here had been a very big step for her.

"Well if we don't get out of here, I'm going to catch pneumonia, and then Alice is going to serve me up for breakfast," she sighed, finally deciding it was time to leave.

"Excuse me?" I grinned in mock horror. "What's this about breakfast?"

"Well, Alice spent a lot of time creating _this_." She swirled her hand around herself. "She's not going to be happy if I don't turn up."

"Alice had very little to do with _this_." I copied her gesture. "It's all _you_. And how dare you insult the woman I love. Honestly, Bella! You look, '_kind of pretty'_. Didn't you look in a mirror before we left the house? You are simply gorgeous, love."

"I think you're a little biased, Edward. Now come on, before Alice despatches the wolves to round us up," she joked. It didn't escape my notice that her casual reference to the wolves was yet another a promising sign.

We got back to the car, and I reversed out slowly giving her a chance to have her final look. As we drove off, she closed her eyes to blink back fresh tears, but she never looked back.

__________________

We reached the school car park, but Bella seemed a little uneasy. I could sense she had something else on her mind, so I sat with her, silently waiting for her to voice her thoughts.

"You don't care about my scars, do you?" she asked, looking down at herself discouragingly. It was more of a statement really, and yet again, she'd caught me completely off guard. We hadn't really talked about this.

I looked at her closely, trying to see how she saw herself. I saw the smattering of dulled scars over her arms, chest and legs, knowing there were many far worse hidden beneath her dress. I saw the fine line stretching across the top of her right eye that was barely visible now under Alice's expertly applied makeup. I saw her right arm, frozen at an unnatural angle laying across her waist and her left leg awkwardly stretched out before her, unable to fully bend. And I saw her right ankle, still encased in a bulky walking cast that reached to just below her knee. It was strange how I rarely noticed any of it anymore. To me, she was perfect but to Bella. . . . I wished she could see herself through my eyes.

"I care about how they came to be, but if you're asking do I care about their appearance, then no, I don't. You're absolutely beautiful, Bella. Nothing can detract from that." It wasn't a lie. When I looked at her, I only saw her beauty and her courage, the scars only strengthening my love and desire.

She frowned a little as she absorbed that before pressing further.

"Will they go away, when I'm changed? Or will I always have them?" she asked quietly.

She was breaking my heart. The sorrow in her eyes was so profound I wanted to weep. The scars were not only a reminder of all she'd endured, but they were a source of embarrassment to her. She was so unique, this girl with seemingly no vanity at all. She was completely unaware of how strikingly beautiful she was. Yet I had to remind myself that she was still a teenage girl, and the collection of dull pink and white scars that now littered her body was distressing for her. They singled her out, and tonight she would be on display for all to see. I hated how that made her feel.

"They'll all go, love, except this one," I said pointing to her hand. She was still wearing the cuff. I'd never seen it off her since the moment I'd given it to her.

She thought about that, and it seemed to lighten her mood somewhat, though I knew walking into the school gymnasium was going to take a huge effort. She turned to me, forcing a smile on her face, and I leaned down to kiss her until the smile was natural and full, and she was laughing into my lips. She was so good at compartmentalising, already pushing her insecurities down to be dealt with at another time. But even that was evidence of the progress she was making, and so I allowed myself to feel the pleasure that this occasion should inspire. Though I had tried to tell her, I knew she would never believe the pride I felt at escorting her to her first prom.

"Okay, time to go face the firing squad," she quipped.

"Bella, I promise you that tonight will be a night to remember for all the right reasons. We are going to have a wonderful time, and I am going to be the envy of every male in that room." I meant it.

"Okay, Edward. Whatever you say," she said sarcastically. But I had a plan. Bella simply wouldn't have any time to feel self conscious or sad. We would dance the night away, and she would forget her insecurities, if only for tonight. I was determined.

______________________

The scene in the gym made Bella giggle. There were balloon arches and streamers and crepe paper garlands everywhere. There was even a mirrored disco ball suspended from the ceiling. It was like a prom parody. I cringed, then reminded us both that it was the occasion that was important and not the location or the decor.

"Shall we dance, my love?" I asked her.

Her eyes became wide and frightened. She eyed the dance floor nervously, taking in Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, who were twirling and dipping like a pair of Fred Astaires and Ginger Rogers. It was an old fashioned style of dance born of a different time, but the other students and teachers ogled them, for once not just for their beauty but for their grace.

"Um, Edward, you know I can't dance, right? And you know that I'm even more disabled now than I was before, right?" She was adorable when she stressed about the little things.

"Bella, you have stared down vicious vampires, Indian chiefs and rabid werewolves, and you're telling me you're too scared to dance with me at your prom?" I asked her dubiously.

"It's _our_ prom, Edward, and yes, that's _exactly_ what I'm telling you," she replied defiantly.

"Bella, I won't let you fall. Trust me." I held out my hand and smiled at her expectantly. After making me suffer for a good two minutes, she acquiesced and placed her hand in mine.

"Just hold on tight," I told her, and then we were on the dance floor, Bella's feet on mine and sometimes dangling in the air as we twirled gracefully around the room, joining the others. Bella threw her head back and laughed joyfully, and I was elated to see her so happy. We danced half the night like that, holding each other tightly, laughing and playing. It was exhilarating, and as I expected, almost every male in the room envied my good fortune at having her in my arms. I really wished she could see herself the way the rest of us saw her. I picked out the gracious thoughts of Angela, who was radiating happiness at seeing Bella so obviously enjoying herself. I gave her a grateful smile in thanks, and she eyed me curiously, which just made me laugh. I heard Newton then, and he was still miserable at not securing Bella as his own. He was persistent if nothing else, and I couldn't help but feel smug because Bella was mine, as I was hers, and for that I would eternally be grateful.

As the night progressed, I suddenly had the pressing desire to be alone with her. We kept spinning, making our way to the back door of the gym. I was aware of the other students as I side stepped the crowd, but I only had eyes for Bella. Soon we were outside in the chill night air, still whirling until we reached a secluded spot behind a madrone tree. The music was a dull thump in the background, the air carrying the promise of a coming fresh rain. I set her down, removing my jacket to place around her shoulders. She leaned into me, pressing her face into my chest, and I pulled her even closer. We swayed gently in time to her lullaby as I hummed it softly in her ear, then she looked up at me eagerly, and I knew what she wanted. I was happy to oblige, pressing my lips to hers, gently parting them with my tongue as I revelled in the taste of her. She moaned into my mouth, and it felt like an electrical current had passed between us. She was intoxicating, and I'd never felt more in love with her.

I reluctantly broke apart from the kiss, giving her a chance for air. She inhaled deeply, still kissing my cheeks and my neck and pressing herself firmly into me. I was finding it very difficult to concentrate, delirious in her heady ambience.

"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me," she whispered.

"You've saved me, too, Bella. I love you so much," I gasped, almost overwhelmed with my desire.

"Forever and always," she breathed, as she tilted her head back, inviting me in.

"Forever and always," I repeated, leaning in and pressing my lips to the irresistibly warm, pulsing on her neck.

__________________

In an abandoned building on the outskirts of Seattle, enemies forge an unholy alliance. . .

"So we have a deal, right?"

"Yes, cur. We have a deal. Him dead for her alive. It will do."

"That's right. _Nothing_ happens to her. Are we clear?"

"Don't test me, or I may just decide to kill her after all. It was my original plan."

"Try it and I'll rip you apart, piece by piece."

"Tsk. Tsk. You do have a temper, don't you? I look forward to the end of our _collaboration_. I think I might like to have some fun with you."

"Bring it on. . . ."

**THE END.**


	25. Chapter 25

**UPDATE**

Chapter 1 of Transcendece has been posted. You can find it - (.)net/s/5241698/1/Transcendence OR on Twilighted.

Also, A Darker Shade of Twilight has made it through to the final round of voting in the Indies. Thanks so much for your support. Voting is now open and will end on July 29th, so please go vote again for your favourites. Hopefully ADSoT will be among them!

http://theindietwificawards(.)com/voteround2(.)aspx

VampGirl/Stoney Angel

**A/N**

Hi everyone - I thought it was well past time for an update.

The sequel is coming along. Trust me - it's definitely a work in progress.

I don't have a scheduled posting date, but I have a couple of chapters with my beta right now, and I'm working on the next chapter. It's slow going as RL has been extremely busy, and I'm also very occupied with Project Team Beta. Some of you might have heard of PTB around the fandom.

Anyway, the sequel is definitely coming. If you have me on author alert, you'll see when it gets posted. At this stage, I intend to call it "Transcendence".

Also, I'd like to thank the person/s who nominated A Darker Shade of Twilight for an Indie Award. It is nominated for Best AU - Complete.

Voting starts on July 8th, so I encourage you to go check out all the great nominees and cast your vote. Voting closes on July 12th.

http://theindietwificawards(.)com/default(.)aspx

So thanks for your support. I look forward to starting to post Transcendence soon.

Stoney Angel / VampGirl


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